To ask what are you supposed to do when a 5 year old hits your 2 year old?

[Arnie123]

A tough one for me as I was raised by a dad who would have literally kicked the shit out of the 5 year old if that had been done to me (and he never got charged by the police but they knocked on our door a lot when I was a kid). However I don't want to ever hit a child so what should I do? We were at the children's play area at our local park and my son had managed to climb up the steps to the top of the slide. This girl who I am guessing was about 5 climbed up the slide itself, meaning my son could not slide down it and then when she got to the top punched my son and shouted "move out the way" as he was obstructing the top entrance to the slide. I shouted at her "do not punch my son or you are going to be in a lot of trouble" half expecting a set of thuggish parents to come over and start a row but parents were nowhere to be seen. She said "he has the top of the slide and is not sharing" to which I replied "you climbed up the slide and blocked it so you are te selfish one and you have now punched a little baby making you a nasty girl" she shut up then. As I was not exactly set a good example growing up I have no idea of how to handle a situation like this. What re you supposed to do?

Hand on heart, if my DC treated another child like that, esp such a smaller one, I'd add to the woes the other parent gave him.

This is my recent experience. I was at a beach where there is a paddling pool built into the rocks. A child of about 7 was throwing stones of about fist size in towards the children in the pool, including my 3 year old. I went over to him and said "hey, don't throw stones into the pool, you could hit someone". I spoke firmly butnnot shouting. He said "you can't tell me what to do"and picked up another stone. I said I would tell his parents if he didn't stop and he said "you don't know who they are". I then yelled "who is with this child please? He is throwing stones". An embarrassed mother came over and had a word with him, he then apologised.

It is hard to know what to do - if the mother had reactednnegatively I would have had to decide whether to argue or take DD away. I think the basic principles though are 1.make the parent or carer be responsible 2.criticise the behaviour not the child and 3.choose your battles. Punching and stone throwing has to be challenged, minor issues DCs should learn to resolve for themselves without resorting to violence.

Can I just make something clear here. I was not upset angry flustered or exasperated by the girl loitering on the slide. I only bit my lip as I was really worried my son was going to get bored and come accidentally crashing down on her.
What I was angry with was two things. One was the punch which was not a girly slap this was a hard punch on the side of his neck. Worse in my book is when I sternly said do not punch my son she proceeded to tell me it was his fault as he was not sharing. So it is a two year olds fault if a five year old twats him?

But there were no parents anywhere to be seen. She was from an ethnic minority and all parents were Caucasian. I did look around but they were nowhere to be seen nor was an older sibling. Why the hell anyone would let someone of this age play out alone is beyond me

When did this happen op?

At weekend

I really do thank people here. I am a first time mum so have very little understanding of how much a 5 year old understands about sharing and in future will tell children they are behaving nasty rather than they are nasty.

'She was from an ethnic minority and all parents were Caucasian.'

Doesn't mean she was playing out alone. Plenty of children get cared for by people from different ethnic groups to them - she could have been there with an aunt/uncle, childminder or family friend who was white. My DD spends all day with her non-white childminder - I assume she doesn't disclaim all responsibility for her when she takes her to the park, though that is actually a very good idea!

But that is why you ask the child where her parents are. And if she won't say, as others have said you ask loudly 'who is responsible for this child?'

I don't think you handled the situation badly btw, just on the whole it is worth getting the parents involved. If the child is a systematic pusher and hitter and no one ever tells the parents then it will not get addressed consistently at home. And you should assume that, despite the occasional MN horror story, most other parents are sensible people who want their children to behave well.