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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what are you supposed to do when a 5 year old hits your 2 year old?

133 replies

Arnie123 · 04/09/2013 09:38

A tough one for me as I was raised by a dad who would have literally kicked the shit out of the 5 year old if that had been done to me (and he never got charged by the police but they knocked on our door a lot when I was a kid). However I don't want to ever hit a child so what should I do? We were at the children's play area at our local park and my son had managed to climb up the steps to the top of the slide. This girl who I am guessing was about 5 climbed up the slide itself, meaning my son could not slide down it and then when she got to the top punched my son and shouted "move out the way" as he was obstructing the top entrance to the slide. I shouted at her "do not punch my son or you are going to be in a lot of trouble" half expecting a set of thuggish parents to come over and start a row but parents were nowhere to be seen. She said "he has the top of the slide and is not sharing" to which I replied "you climbed up the slide and blocked it so you are te selfish one and you have now punched a little baby making you a nasty girl" she shut up then. As I was not exactly set a good example growing up I have no idea of how to handle a situation like this. What re you supposed to do?

OP posts:
Goldenbear · 04/09/2013 14:20

Yes, it is 10.

OneStepCloser · 04/09/2013 14:20

Arnie, the best thing to teach is to tell an adult nearby if he gets hit at school, if he hits back then he runs the risk of also being in trouble especially if he hits harder, and sometimes that can feel unfair.

Seeing your own child hit is horrible though, I think we`ve all been witness to that and feel your pain Smile

Original poster
Arnie123 · 04/09/2013 14:23

I had to bite my lip when she was scaling the slide as she did not quickly clamber up it she was messing about on it for a good few minutes while my son was patiently waiting at the top to slide down. I felt like politely telling her to stop blocking it but don't want to be a busy body

OP posts:
Goldenbear · 04/09/2013 14:24

It is not ok and they should be told that is not but you shouldn't use confrontational language with a five year old, it is completely inappropriate.

Original poster
Arnie123 · 04/09/2013 14:24

Absolutely if she had sorry I would not have called her selfish or nasty

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 04/09/2013 14:26

"I had to bite my lip when she was scaling the slide as she did not quickly clamber up it she was messing about on it for a good few minutes while my son was patiently waiting at the top to slide down. I felt like politely telling her to stop blocking it but don't want to be a busy body"

I feel the same but as time has gone on I have seen other people in the park tell kids (Who are not their own) to use the stairs so I think I may start doing the same. It's a basic safety rule that if others are using the slide you should go up the ladder.

Goldenbear · 04/09/2013 14:29

I don't think you should be getting 'angry' about a child climbing up a slide. Do you want your child to get 'het up' about every single thing- it's nothing to do him any favours in life.

Original poster
Arnie123 · 04/09/2013 14:30

Actually on Saturday my son tried to scale a slide and I instantly lifted him off and told him it was dangerous

OP posts:
Snatchoo · 04/09/2013 14:30

I genuinely don't understand how it is is worse to tell a child they are nasty when they've done a pretty horrible thing, than to stand by and simper 'that wasn't nice'.

Children should remember when they got a dressing down about something they did that was naughty or cruel or whatever - surely that's how they learn not to do it again?

I don't think a four or five year old can differentiate between 'your behaviour is mean' and 'you are mean'. Particularly as I struggle!

FWIW I wouldn't have said what you said either though.

Original poster
Arnie123 · 04/09/2013 14:31

I was not in the slightest bit angry about the climbing part I was more concerned that my son may have got inpatient and just gone down bumping into her

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 04/09/2013 14:32

no one is really 'Angry' about slide etiquette are they? I know that I would definitely stop my almost three year old from climbing up a slide if other kids were waiting to come down. Not least so he didn't get kicked in the face.

But let's all just let our children slide down them one after the other and kick each-other in the back and faces shall we?

DuelingFanjo · 04/09/2013 14:33

or perhaps the OP could have just let her DS slide down the slide while the little girl was climbing up so that he kicked his feet into her shins and sent her flying from the slide onto the floor and then the OP could have told the parents 'oh well, no point getting worked up about it, eh'?

Beeyump · 04/09/2013 14:34
Hmm
DuelingFanjo · 04/09/2013 14:36
Angry Wink
WilsonFrickett · 04/09/2013 14:40

I posted right at the top of the thread OP, that I think you should have told her very firmly NO! We do not hit!
If she had persisted, I would have looked round for a parent, and removed my child, of course.

At school my DS has a sliding scale of responses:

Shout NO!
Go and find a teacher
Go and find a playground buddy
Run away
If you are absolutely cornered and there is more than one child you may push another child away. But you must not hit.

All that said, I'm not afraid to get a bit ...directive... around slide ettiquette. It is OK to say 'please can you give DS a turn now?' If you do it with a smile it is pretty rare to find a small child who will say no.

Beeyump · 04/09/2013 14:41
Grin
Goldenbear · 04/09/2013 14:45

Well ok 'flustered' and 'exasperated' by some kid climbing a slide. Worst case scenario a child goes down the slide due to impatience then they get slightly booted. You must have some very slippy slides where you are as I've never seen these 'nasty' accidents with the misuse of a slide. In fact the children at the park my DS goes to were enjoying going down a curvy slide in succession rather than waiting for each individual to get off. It is called 'fun' and it's what children like to have in parks. You wouldn't understand because you're an adult.

Equally, they could just ignore the attention seeker and go and play on different equipment. Teaching your child to rise above things and ignore confrontation is an important skill. It is seriously going to hamper a child to make them sensitive to every slight against them.

DuelingFanjo · 04/09/2013 14:47

punching a two year old is not a slight!

and, yes, there are some fast slides where I live.
Maybe on the very young kiddy slides (that a five year old should surely be bored of) then maybe a bit of climbing and waiting is fine.

Retroformica · 04/09/2013 14:51

You should have said ghat her behaviour was nasty, not that she was nasty. Don't make it personal, make it about the behaviour.

DuelingFanjo · 04/09/2013 14:51

oh blergh - I apologise for using the word 'kiddy' it makes me feel ill!

Retroformica · 04/09/2013 14:52

What the girl did wrong was to hit your son and say he want sharing.

Retroformica · 04/09/2013 14:55

My 5 year old knows not to hit and knows how to share. Most of the 5 year olds I know share and don't hit. It's only the some SEN 5 year olds and also some boundary less 5 year olds who hit here.

Goldenbear · 04/09/2013 14:57

Not the 'punch' - that was aggressive and obviously wrong but climbing slides is no big deal. It is when you only have a toddler and have to watch them all the time.

Beeyump · 04/09/2013 15:06

My nephew is five, does not have SEN and can still hit, his mum usually, when he gets really het up. He is told very firmly no, made to leave the room etc. He is not bad or nasty.

kali110 · 04/09/2013 15:06

Op i dont think yabu. Hope your little one is ok