To expect DS's dad (exp) to stay in paid work and not go to college because his girlfriend will support him ?

[prettywhiteguitar]

He has been paying £120 a month for 5 years now he has decided to go to college, his girlfriend is a primary school teacher so obviously can afford to run their house together and a brand new mini.

He is ok (not brilliant at keeping in touch with ds) generally a but shit about stuff like taking ds on holiday ie will go with girlfriend but not take ds.

Argggggh just wasnt expecting this !!

I want to rant to him about responsibility but it will fall on deaf ears, he is the most selfish adult I have ever met. I retrained when I was at work at evening classes why can he do the same ????

Dahlen,

I too have supported another woman's child, but I made that choice & chose where and how to contribute - for example, I really pushed step-son to go to Uni, so I paid his fees. However, I would have been livid if the ex-wife had presumed I would pay her maintenance if DH was unable to. Not my job!

Likewise, my disappointment with the OP is the assumption that the new GF has to contribute - no she doesn't. And what the hell does having a new Mini have to do with it? Presumably it's the GF's car, that she pays for. Are we suggesting the GF sells her car to meet the OP's child support???

Very true wink. Either the GF offers and the ex owes her his undying gratitude, or the ex grows a pair of balls and sorts it out as a proper grown up himself. Rather than assuming the women in (out) of his life will pick up the pieces.

bottom line is... the moment you become a parent you put that childs needs first.
So priority should be to ensure that the child is provided for, IMHO parent can go & study tightrope walking for the next 5 yrs if that's what floats his boat... AS LONG AS HE PAYS FOR HIS CHILD FIRST!

sorry you dont get tax credits because someone doesnt pay maintenance ! I wish I got tax credits,I don't I work 4 days a week and my dp is a teacher, as far as I'm concerned when I didnt work because my dp and I moved in together and had a baby my dp paid for my son to live whilst I didnt work, I dont see whats different, exp has given up work and his gf is paying for him to live

Exp and girlf have been together for 3 years and have lived together for two and only then when he moved in with gf did he provide a separate bedroom for ds, the gf is a good thing dont get me wrong, I think she is the key to getting him to pay and man up

he will give me every excuse under the sun why he can't pay but I will find out if hes working and I will call the CSA

A little taste of him - he worked whilst claiming JSA down the road from the job centre in a very popular bar, he wondered when he was called in for making a false claim, he thought it was me, it wasnt, he is just too stupid to work some stuff out

his baby

his responsibility

but at the end of the day if I cant get him to pay I'm going to go to the most responsible person in the relationship to sort it out.....the gf