To not like seeing toddlers on iPads/iphones in restaurants?

[BlackberriesAhoy]

My first Aibu so I'm wearing flame retardant pants.

My dc are now past the needing entertaining at the table stage (thank jeff for that) but when they were younger (they are both still at primary school now so not ancient) we made the decision to not have electronic devices in restaurants. We took crayons, paper, a small box of Lego, games etc with us.

Please don't think I'm a pious non-electrical device using git. Dc would spend all day if possible on minecraft. They have DSs which they use on long journeys but a restaurant IMO is not the place for electronic stuff.

A few weeks ago we were at pizza express and a couple and their toddler were there. The parents alternately (and at one time both) sat using their phones at the table (texting etc) while their bored toddler roamed about the restaurant. Are we going to be raising children who cannot just sit around a table a eat/talk/entertain themselves without being plugged into something if we let them use iPads etc when out eating?

I remember the hell of taking toddlers out, I do understand but still...

I don't think she has read the last bit of the thread...

People really carry crayons, Lego and mini puzzles around?

I call bullshit

I do. That's no bullshit. (Well, ok maybe not the Lego, or mini puzzles, basically because they'd go everywhere!)
We go out for tea fairly regularly, and they're complete pains if they don't have something to do so we take some sheets of paper, pens (to play hangman and 'squares' on or whatever!) or if they don't want to play games with us then they can draw their own pictures or write their own lists. They like creating lists of favourite things
Completely can't understand the obsession for phones when out. You see people texting/ringing/fiddling/farting about with them constantly. What's so important that it can't wait until you get home?

I always have paper and pen in my handbag and often a couple of crayons, but strangely some days DS doesn't fancy doing that!

I agree with OP but go further and generally banned my DCs from crayons too! (European relatives would have had a fit at crayons!).
When DD1 little we started with one course meals out over lunch only, then 2 and we will always remember our first meal when we got to (2 courses plus) coffee!!! Older 2 DDs now very good company over dinner, DD3 almost there. Hard work and lots of short meals but worth it in the long run and we did spend on babysitters for adult meals on the very odd occasion to keep us going over the years.

But each to their own.

I spend all day every day interacting with and paying my children a lot of attention. Occasionally at the end of the day it is nice not to cook/wash up but for us all as a family, go out for dinner. By this time kids are often tired, hungry and fractious, and I see no problem in having a drink and chat with DH whilst they play (often educational) games on our phones or on the iPad. They still are taught to put it down and thank the waiter or waitress when they bring over drinks, or ask a question, and as soon as the food arrives everything goes away and we eat and chat together.

They colour, draw, play Lego or do puzzles at home where they have my full attention, so it makes no sense to me to be multitasking and making life more stressful for everyone.

I don't have kids, but I know my repeated use of my iPhone and tablet has reduced my attention span drastically. I'm waiting in the dentists' now and MN'ing, I can't just sit and watch the world go by. To go through childhood were every minute you are constantly being "entertained" must really compound that for kids.

You know what? That's a really good and interesting point. For the past few weeks, we've had no consoles for them to play on, and recently they've got them back. (They haven't got phones or anything.)
The attention span has drastically gone downhill the past few days, and they've forgotten how to entertain themselves if not plugged into something.

I probably would have agreed with your before I had children. Now, however, I have a 2.9-year-old and in the last 12 months have acquired my first smartphone and iPad. And they (mostly the phone - I don't normally take the iPad out and about with me) can be a godsend! DS will do crayoning for about five minutes, then drops the crayons on the floor. And sometimes he will just sit and chat with us, but we can't rely on this. So they can be a real help when waiting for food. We don't eat out often as it's not much fun with small children.

I wonder if the use of electronic devices to help keep children settled when out and about is seen in the same way as children being left in front of the tv?

I ask because I can remember there being huge debates only a few years ago on the tv,in newspapers and on sites like this stating that parents were using the television as a baby sittter(not my words)and how bad it was for the child and Mum's were being slated everywhere(because it's never the Fathers choice apparently) Yet using ipads and phones to help keep children occupied doesn't seem to have been frowned on in the same way.

Totally agree with the OP.

I get cross with DH if he gets his blackberry out at the table so would be hypocritical of me to let DCs sitting there doing just that. When we are on holiday I always pack a little 'out to dinner' bag which has evolved from having crayons and colouring to word searches and puzzles as the kids have got older. We are often complimented on how nicely our children have sat during a meal but it does take a little forethought!

Is there a difference between completing a puzzle with a pencil and completing one on an ipad though?

I think there is,I think with an ipad or similar the person gets more pulled into that and is far less aware of they're surroundings and the people around them than if they're using a piece of paper and a pencil.

So I guess you would be against children reading books then sodit? I doubt anything pulls children more!

So, doing a wordsearch on a piece of paper with a pencil is better than doing a wordsearch on an ipad with a finger or stylus

I really don't get it. I do think that, in some cases, people thing "electronic gadget! Bad!" without considering what the child might be doing on it.
They could be reading.
They could be doing maths puzzles.
they could be learning phonics
They could be doing logic problems.
They could, of course, be playing sodding Minecraft.

I don't think the problem is what they are being entertained by but that they are being specifically entertained at all. I know my children are incapable of doing nothing but this is not just related to ipads etc. It is also caused by them not being made to learn the art of sitting letting their minds wander or simply talking whilst waiting for something and this is caused by the never ending crayons and toys etc produced whenever we had to wait for something. They were incapable of waiting long before ipads came along.

The problem is made worse by the intolerance by others of normal child behaviour. Certainly I was made to feel I had to take stuff for them to do in case they annoyed someone.

Good point soup. I think a lot of that comes from parents feeling the need to entertain their children from such a young age and not allowing them time to be bored. I am constantly shocked at threads on here whereby people are worried that their 6 week old baby isn't being stimulated enough by the 20 baby groups they are going to each week.

DS is very good at entertaining himself, and will sit and be 'bored' for a while - perhaps me being a slack mother has helped that!

We went to Pizza Hut last week and the little girl on the next table was watching a Peppa Pig DVD!
The volume was up full and the little girl (about 4yrs old) wasn't the slightest bit interested in the bowl of salad she'd been given for lunch.
Mum, however, was stuffing her face (and feeding her t-shirt by amount of it down the front!) and ignoring the little girl. Not once did she speak to the girl, despite the girl talking to her Mum! I was and !

Yabu. And a judgy snob.
I want to enjoy my lunch out.
If I only teach my girls one thing woulda choose not judging others over whether they use a device or not.

tbh, arethere, if I really want to enjoy my lunch, I won't take DD at all ! contemplates the dim and distant past of boozy lunches, without a small child, without a shred of bitterness, oh no

one place that I never entertain DD on is trains. I love gazing out of the window on trains, thinking my own shallow thoughts, and I'm damned if they're going to be interrupted by anyone!

I think that's it though Mrs oak. Everyone has different places they want to interact with kids and different places they don't. For me, at a restaurant I would give them an iPad. But we've all been role Playing with Dollies a all morning in my house this morning for the last 3 hours.
My point is you have no idea of e strangers life outside of the restaurant.

SoupDragon - excellent post.

For US there's a clear line - ok to play with device before food arrives. As soon as food on the table, ALL devices go away (and that includes the adults too) and we enjoy the meal as a family.

But I certainly don't judge anyone allowing their child access to a device during a meal - would far rather that than their child cause disruption to my meal!

I never said I was against anything.

I just find it strange I suppose when I was younger(only 38 so not a million years ago)we would be taken out for meals and restaurants weren't really geered towards children then,there was no coloring pages and crayons given out by the restaurant staff lots of the restaurants didn't even have a specific children's menu but we managed we were fine,we'd sit and have a conversation.

The same as we do now and for the record I'm disabled now and we have two children that are disabled and asd and we have five children in total so were not some stepford familiy!

I made the decision very early on with my first son to take them out to restaurants with us and I think it's served us well they've all gone out with us to restaurants from a few weeks old and we carried on through the terrible two's so they didn't get out of the habit of what they're behaviour should be like whilst there.

We still go out regularly to eat together and we always get great comments about how well behaved all the children are from other diners and the staff.

SoupDragon that was exactly what I was getting at.

There's a different report every few weeks about how it's not good to over stimulate children and how they need to be allowed to be bored as it helps the imagination to grow and helps older children to learn to be independent.

I can rememeber being bored beyond belief as a child and it never did me any harm quite the opposite I think it did me good.

I'm not especially bothered by DC on iPads or whatever during "waiting time" in restaurants.

I really object to toddlers in buggies with a dummy in their mouth and an iPad on their laps.

We get comments how well the children are behaved to, and shock horror they sometimes play on a phone for a little while. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

YABU. I have a fingerpainting app on my phone for when the children are waiting and bored. It frees up space in my handbag which I can fill with sticking plasters and nettle sting cream. I also carry a couple of small transformer car/robots, 2 fingerpuppets and a couple of teeny books. Crayons and Lego take up far too much space when there is such a good alternative.