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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not like seeing toddlers on iPads/iphones in restaurants?

256 replies

BlackberriesAhoy · 02/09/2013 08:51

My first Aibu so I'm wearing flame retardant pants.

My dc are now past the needing entertaining at the table stage (thank jeff for that) but when they were younger (they are both still at primary school now so not ancient) we made the decision to not have electronic devices in restaurants. We took crayons, paper, a small box of Lego, games etc with us.

Please don't think I'm a pious non-electrical device using git. Dc would spend all day if possible on minecraft. They have DSs which they use on long journeys but a restaurant IMO is not the place for electronic stuff.

A few weeks ago we were at pizza express and a couple and their toddler were there. The parents alternately (and at one time both) sat using their phones at the table (texting etc) while their bored toddler roamed about the restaurant. Are we going to be raising children who cannot just sit around a table a eat/talk/entertain themselves without being plugged into something if we let them use iPads etc when out eating?

I remember the hell of taking toddlers out, I do understand but still...

OP posts:
forthill · 02/09/2013 15:07

Exactly Sirzy, and the judgmental miseries are so wrapped up in their own superior parenting skills and their utterly amazing and perfectly-parented progeny that they can't imagine that other diners in restaurants might be irritated by their brats.

forthill · 02/09/2013 15:09

In fact they probably imagine everyone in the restaurant is looking at them admiringly and saying "Not an iPad in sight; such an examplar of perfect parenting."
No - they just want to eat in peace.

ToysRLuv · 02/09/2013 15:17

I think sometimes you can't win if you've got a highly strung small child (they do exist - it's not a synonym for "naughty" or "spoiled").

I've done the thing, if I've been meeting up with friends (happened a couple of days a week at most), where I have given DS more snacks and toys or even my phone to distract him for a short time, so I can exchange a few words with a friend without having to shout over the child's screams/crying. Had I not done it, then I would likely have gotten the friend complaining about me only concentrating on entertaining DS and not engaging with her at all, or only over DS's screaming.

So - if you think a person is always doing something like handing a child a phone if they will refuse to sit in the pushchair otherwise - then please consider a) how often do you actually see these people and does that qualify as always b) would you like the possible alternative (screaming child and preoccupied mum/dad leaving you to not have any opportunity for chatting)? In all likelihood the parent would love it if DC was sufficiently appeased/entertained for hours merely through charming conversation, people watching and an educational (wooden) puzzle, but reality is a bit different for most..

JenaiMorris · 02/09/2013 15:18

Ah, but if a child is engaged in conversation, at a civilised volume, with their companions then they won't be bothering other diners.

Mine was always very, very well behaved in restaurants but I was fortunate in that he was visiting restaurants almost daily from a few days old. There was a fair bit of luck there but I do think I managed to do a good job.

There are plenty of other things I've been utterly rubbish at though, parenting-wise.

Sirzy · 02/09/2013 15:20

but thats not always possible. some children don't want to engage in conversation all the time. Its great to say they should and I agree with principle but sometimes that simply does not work no matter how hard you try

JenaiMorris · 02/09/2013 15:22

I'm not suggesting that people should take their babies to restaurants every day to train them btw Grin

I worked in a restaurant and had friends in most of the other places in town, so it became part of the routine to stop for coffee/lunch whatever. They all loved him of course Wink

MOTU · 02/09/2013 15:30

When they're old enough to hold/follow dinner conversation then fine but my daughter is 2 and the drawing app on my ipad is a noise and mess free way of her entertaining herself while she waits for her food and means I don't have to ignore the rest of the table answering endless "what's this?" And "why?" Questions! I do however agree about adults who sit in a restaurant ignoring people/children at the table to play on their phones-height of rudeness!!

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 02/09/2013 15:31

I don't actually give a flying fuck what you or anyone else thinks on the matter and will parent my children as I see fit.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 02/09/2013 15:31

That was to the OP BTW.

MaMattoo · 02/09/2013 15:47

Are you judging the parents for being device obsessed or the child?
My parents were not allowed to talk at the dinner table, I was not allowed to read on the dinner table..my toddler is allowed apple devices on the table and now you say no...

Move along with change, or move aside and let the others do so. Don't judge please...

Technology is a part of our lives more so than ever before...deal with it! iPads are creative, engaging and well designed learning devices...

beepoff · 02/09/2013 15:47

I know quite a few parents who let/encourage their children to play with the iPad while they're eating at home. Is that better or worse? Better because it's not necessarily during quality family time, or worse because the parents are not doing it to keep the kids quiet for other diners?

Personally OP I think YANBU - we as a society spend way too much time in front of a screen and IME toddlers are rarely satisfied with just one simple silent app for long. I'm guilty of covertly MNing while feeding my baby. But I reserve the right to change my tune when my baby is a toddler!

Sirzy · 02/09/2013 15:51

Beep - I bet when the baby is a toddler you will change your tune, I certainly did!

Personally I don't think (other than for children with SN or food issues) ipads should be used whilst eating at home or when out. The issue is that when out and about most places you have to wait at least 20 minutes for the food to arrive and that is a long time for young children

MrsOakenshield · 02/09/2013 15:53

Actually, I've noticed that my successful, high-flying friends tend to be very laid-back about their kids (people with Oxbridge firsts and doctorates who let their kids play with iPads

Not sure what your point is - after all, the question is (if you think this matters), will their DC be successful high-flyers with Oxbridge firsts and doctorates? Because those successful high-flyers won't have spent their meals out playing on stuff like this.

yoniwherethesundontshine · 02/09/2013 15:55

The only set of pushy parents I know both have unimpressive careers. Not sure whether there's any kind of link....

who knows I imagine your oxbridge friends however didnt have access to i phones etc so we would need to see whose DC do the best in terms of accademic success.

Pinkpinot · 02/09/2013 16:05

I don't like seeing it
I don't think a drawing app is the same as colouring, fine motor skills??
But understand you can't get a 2 year old to draw
Recently I watched a couple on holiday completely ignore their 8 year old, who played on something for entire meal. My 6 year old was running me ragged, and I thought, yes I could give him my phone, but couldn't give in.
I can't stand the zoned out look, and it just generally feels like they aren't part of the family

Faithless12 · 02/09/2013 16:11

So you can't colour on a drawing app? Using a stylus?

Sirzy · 02/09/2013 16:16

My 6 year old was running me ragged, and I thought, yes I could give him my phone, but couldn't give in.

So you let your stubbornness ruin a meal for you and quite possibly for others around you?

cubedmelon · 02/09/2013 16:21

YABU, our phones come to the rescue a lot in restaurants and saved my life on a coach transfer from airport to hotel recently. (DC are 2 and 3.5) They wouldnt be allowed to use it all the time but we do also let them play on them on sunday mornings in our bed so we can doze for half an hour!!!! I know, I am an appalling parent. Summon social services immediately!! Wink

Its all in moderation though because other than that, they wouldnt go on ipad or phones.

cubedmelon · 02/09/2013 16:27

Just to be clear...as soon as the food arrives the devices go away but until then I'm all for it. There are some really good apps...the cbeebies one in particular is popular with my dc.

LittleBearPad · 02/09/2013 16:32

There's a time and a place for them but your OP is flawed because the parents were on their phones and the child was running about.

Pinkpinot · 02/09/2013 16:39

Sirzy, he was running me ragged, wasn't bothering anyone else. Not literally running! But yes, I know life would be easier for me if I gave him the phone. But I don't want a child who needs that instant gratification, so I resist.
Faithless, I don't know anything about stylus' , i was just thinking finger swipes, but its somehow not the same as real colouring. Just my opinion

ToysRLuv · 02/09/2013 16:42

How does it differ with regards to "instant gratification" whether dc is getting "gratification" from running you ragged or playing on an ipad?

Sirzy · 02/09/2013 16:44

So he was running you raged but was quiet and not disturbing anyone else? Somehow I find that rather hard to believe.

Sounds like cutting off your nose to spite your face personally. 6 year olds can't be expected to just sit and enjoy waiting for a meal in the same way as an adult can. Some form of entertainment for them just makes sense

Turniptwirl · 02/09/2013 16:45

I would rather have a child quietly occupied than being naughty and disturbing everyone else

I agree it's lazy parenting if its used all the time and in place other any other distraction or way to amuse your child, but to shut them up and keep them in their seat while you wait for food they are absolutely fine.

Pinkpinot · 02/09/2013 16:47

Toys, you mean I'm gratifying him?
I was trying to teach and control his behaviour, but it was exhausting. I'm trying to teach him manners and conversation. It's not that relevant here, he is a whole other subject, I just posted to say I could make my life easier by giving him a phone when we go out to dinner, but I don't want a child that expects to be given something to entertain him all the time.