Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not an aibu, please calm me down

115 replies

squiberoo27 · 31/08/2013 22:48

Brief background:

Mother is a functioning alcoholic but refuses to see any problem. Father has suffered ill health for many years, is treated like shit by my mother but remains completely loyal to her.

Mother phones me drunk today telling me what a wonderful day she's had with an old friend basically drinking. I enquire where my father was and she says last night they had an argument, he took an overdose, left the house and hasn't seen him since. I have phoned everywhere, everyone I can think of, hospitals, police, nothing.

I have never met anyone as selfish and self absorbed as my mother. I hate her. I am worried sick for my father.

OP posts:
2blessed · 01/09/2013 04:24

Hope he's found soon OP x

missingmumxox · 01/09/2013 04:47

Xxx me too, hope he is found soon , on a positive note the 2 nights my dad went missing from his care home for way after his normal time (he was only 65,) he was found by police who stopped him on a "feeling something was wrong" both times and brought him home, we had reported after a few hours, he always did it late at night, both time as the info went in to the computer a radio report came back "we have found a man wandering is it him?"

it hard to explain but my Dad was independant took himself off on holiday to spain, italy, cruises, long day trips on the buses, but was certified blind and had had a right sided stroke so could not speak well, but no weakness of limbs, and yet he could organise all these things, with sign langauge and his piss poor speach. he only went into care because he was unsafe to cook, we went through meals on wheels and he still tried to cook them!!!
the home I found was a free place, that was important to me and him he could come and go, but very so often he would become depressed and wander.

littlewhitebag · 01/09/2013 07:45

I hope today brings better news. You must be frantic with worry. X

MissMalonex2 · 01/09/2013 07:57

I hope this morning has brought you news that he has been found Op, and that if not it will be easier to organise a search. When my friend went missing, we did posters locally and used Facebook, and people did come forward.

BatwingsAndButterflies · 01/09/2013 08:08

Hope things are ok this morning.

MammaTJ · 01/09/2013 08:20

I hope he has been in touch!

TiredDog · 01/09/2013 08:23

OP I hope you managed some sleep. Wake your bloody mother up with constant phone calls until you get some answers

GrumpyKat · 01/09/2013 08:26

Good grief op, I hope the morning has brought you some good news.
Thinking of you Sad

Titsalinabumsquash · 01/09/2013 08:31

Thinking of you OP, I hope your Dad is found safe and well. Thanks

BearsInMotion · 01/09/2013 08:36

Hope you've had some good news Flowers

Lora1982 · 01/09/2013 08:37

Good luck squib I hope hes ok.

pumpkinsweetie · 01/09/2013 08:44

Hope your father is found soonThanks

missalien · 01/09/2013 08:55

I hope all is well . Whereabouts in the country are you, can we help ?

mummydarkling · 01/09/2013 09:30

Hopefully he'll be with you soon. Agree with others who say the DV mudt be reported to the police. Thinking of you snd the family.

LilBlondePessimist · 01/09/2013 10:36

Any news this morning op? Thinking about you.

iwantanafternoonnap · 01/09/2013 10:42

How awful for you and your dad. I hope you find him and I hope you can persuade him to stay with you and put him in touch with a domestic violence worker in your area. xxxx

Original poster
squiberoo27 · 01/09/2013 13:47

Thank you for all your kind messages.

My brother has spoken to the police, he was in contact with my dad and hes OK. I don't know much more than that at the moment but will update later.

OP posts:
Bearandcub · 01/09/2013 13:48

I'm so glad op

AgentZigzag · 01/09/2013 14:16

Nice one Smile

So long as he's safe.

marriedinwhiteisback · 01/09/2013 14:54

Pleased for you. Have a good sleep tonight :)

ILiveInAPineappleCoveredInSnow · 01/09/2013 15:11

Glad you know your dad is safe, hope you are ok and you can talk to your dad.

Original poster
squiberoo27 · 01/09/2013 15:17

Spoke to my brother again. Dad was admitted to hospital in Friday with chest pains but was released yesterday. I can only assume he told staff not to tell anyone hence why they said he wasn't there. He is with my brother who is trying to persuade him to a least stay with him for a few days to recover and have a think about things. Mother of course is unrepentant, 'I couldn't give a fuck', more interested in the comments from Facebook friends on her pictures if her boozy day out yesterday.

OP posts:
oldgrandmama · 01/09/2013 15:23

Oh, this is just heartbreaking. Your poor father. But I know from previous experience (father an alcoholic) how difficult these things are. At least in my case, my mother finished with him when she knew things would never get better. Obviously your dad is not at that stage yet, poor man. How good that you and your brother are so much there for him, I really hope he sees sense and gets away from her.

Original poster
squiberoo27 · 01/09/2013 15:27

My husband is going to try and talk to him this week and tell him to move in here for now. I am not exaggerating when I say I am waiting for the day the police knock my door to tell me my mother has killed him.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 01/09/2013 16:10

Has anyone called the police on your mum before now?

She's assaulting your dad in front of your children...

Your Dad's obviously not going to go along with that, but he's under extreme pressure/distressed/vulnerable.