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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not an aibu, please calm me down

115 replies

squiberoo27 · 31/08/2013 22:48

Brief background:

Mother is a functioning alcoholic but refuses to see any problem. Father has suffered ill health for many years, is treated like shit by my mother but remains completely loyal to her.

Mother phones me drunk today telling me what a wonderful day she's had with an old friend basically drinking. I enquire where my father was and she says last night they had an argument, he took an overdose, left the house and hasn't seen him since. I have phoned everywhere, everyone I can think of, hospitals, police, nothing.

I have never met anyone as selfish and self absorbed as my mother. I hate her. I am worried sick for my father.

OP posts:
ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 31/08/2013 23:47

Jesus Squib - she needs help or - something...

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 31/08/2013 23:47

From you or from them?

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 31/08/2013 23:48

Do you have a friend or neighbour that would come and sit with the kids?

Original poster
squiberoo27 · 31/08/2013 23:49

Sorry he's a mile away from me. I have a good friend over the road but she's out tonight. I don't really know my other neighbours

OP posts:
kali110 · 31/08/2013 23:51

Op i hope you find him soon, x

marriedinwhiteisback · 31/08/2013 23:52

Holds hand.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 31/08/2013 23:55

Will your friend across the road be home later on? Could you pop a note on her door asking her to knock at yours when she gets back?

If you can, I'd go and look for him and knock at my brothers.

I would also start ringing around the hospital and police stations again. Any hostels, hotels, anything. The in the morning I'd call all the B&B's etc

MrsBonkers · 31/08/2013 23:56

I know people hate FaceBook, but out local police site posts photos when people are missing (usually older people with dementia etc..) and they get lots of response and often post happy endings a few hours later.

Can't imagine how you must be feeling.

Sending good vibes.

Devora · 31/08/2013 23:56

Thinking of you, squib.

givemestrengthorlove · 01/09/2013 00:02

Start at your mothers maybe...he may have come back

pigletmania · 01/09/2013 00:03

oh my goodness squib i really hope that you find her soon, she does sound horrific and so toxic. Thinking of you Flowers Wine

Beastofburden · 01/09/2013 00:36

Perhaps the OD is a sign that your dad has finally had enough of her, and will come and live with you now. You must be worried sick that he is safe, but probably he is, and he will be found tomorrow, having slept in his car again. Police and hospitals will be on the lookout for him. Once you have got him safely with you, he may be prepared to move away from her, and you can protect him for the future.

Good luck. Flowers

timidviper · 01/09/2013 00:42

Where are you Squib? Are there any Mnetters locally who can help? Even if just by spreading the word.

WeAreSix · 01/09/2013 00:46

Hope you and your dad are ok. What a nightmare.

SouthernComforts · 01/09/2013 00:47

Yy to facebook and/or Twitter police pages.

Fingers crossed.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 01/09/2013 01:00

So sorry, how shit. Hope you find your dad and that he's ok.

And that he comes to his senses and comes to live with you and you can cut this vile excuse for a mother out of your life.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/09/2013 01:05

I know this is an emergency right now. One which I really hope resolves itself quickly.

But, just for the future... he is a victim of DV and anyone can report that as a crime. You saw a punch, you can tell the Police about it. Possibly her having a conviction might help (or not, or make it worse, I'm sorry it's the nature of this crime). She might seek help and so might he if the Police step in.

MrsHelsBels74 · 01/09/2013 01:34

Thinking of you Squib, hope your dad turns up safe & sound.

MoominsYonisAreScary · 01/09/2013 02:18

How awful for you and your poor dad, I hope you find him soon

bragmatic · 01/09/2013 02:29

I hope he is ok.

RoastedCouchPotatoes · 01/09/2013 02:34

I hope you find him soon.

AgentZigzag · 01/09/2013 03:29

Sending good vibes for him to turn up quickly.

What MrsT said, it's not loyalty, he's been abused for so long he can't see straight. My dad was the same (different circumstances) and it took a while for me to cotton on to why he was like that.

LilBlondePessimist · 01/09/2013 03:46

Call the police again and tell them you wish to officially report him as a vulnerable missing person. They will visit your house, if you can provide them with a clear recent photo, that will be great, and take a full missing persons report from you. They will make a full search of his property first (which will hopefully put a rocket up your mothers arse to admit to knowing where he's gone, if she does), and will give it a very high priority. I'm sorry this is happening op, hope he turns up safe and well soon. What part of the country are you in?

saffronwblue · 01/09/2013 03:54

What an awful situation for you OP. You clearly love him very much.

Bearandcub · 01/09/2013 04:10

Hope he's found safe and well soon OP. Is there a possibility your mother has made up any of it? For the sake of drama, attention, being a poisonous bitch, etc?

Truly wish he comes and lives with you in the future.

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