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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not an aibu, please calm me down

115 replies

squiberoo27 · 31/08/2013 22:48

Brief background:

Mother is a functioning alcoholic but refuses to see any problem. Father has suffered ill health for many years, is treated like shit by my mother but remains completely loyal to her.

Mother phones me drunk today telling me what a wonderful day she's had with an old friend basically drinking. I enquire where my father was and she says last night they had an argument, he took an overdose, left the house and hasn't seen him since. I have phoned everywhere, everyone I can think of, hospitals, police, nothing.

I have never met anyone as selfish and self absorbed as my mother. I hate her. I am worried sick for my father.

OP posts:
ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 31/08/2013 23:17

You need to call the police again and tell them about the overdose and the arguement and get them to start looking for him,

Hopefully he's just gone to a friends/family/refuge/hotel and is fine and didn't want to worry you.
x

TiredDog · 31/08/2013 23:17

Does he have a facebook account, e-mail...what are his hobbies, friends. Close to neighbours?

HexBramble · 31/08/2013 23:17

I know you've said youve called, but also leave a text ("love you Dad whatever has happened - come to me and we'll talk. Im worried". Something along the lines of this.

Hope he's ok.

Original poster
squiberoo27 · 31/08/2013 23:18

I called the police at tea time and told them basically what I knew so far. They took a description, details of his car, his medical history (he is on medication). I can'tget hold of my brother. My mum picks fights with my dad cconstantly and physically attacks him. He often spends days sleeping in his car. He is too proud to ask us for help. We all went on holiday in July, I had to drive the kids home on the first night as she got drunk on vodka, picked a fight with him and punched him in the face in front of me and my children. I just want him to come and live here, the kids adore him, they are his life. I am honestly at the stage where I am going to make him choose between us but I would hate to do that to him. I can't put up with this any longer. My earliest memory is of my mother charging at him with a knife. She just thinks its all funny. She's tore my family apart.

OP posts:
TiredDog · 31/08/2013 23:21

Alcoholism is so destructive :(

He is a vulnerable adult and as such the police should act sooner I'd have thought

TSSDNCOP · 31/08/2013 23:21

OP this must be horrific for you.

I hate to ask, does DF have a shed/garage/allotment/special place he likes to drive to that the Police should know about and check?

I'm Xing everything that DF turns up and can't understand what all the fuss is about xx

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 31/08/2013 23:21

Is there a possibility he's with your brother?

I would seriously get back in touch with the police.

Original poster
squiberoo27 · 31/08/2013 23:21

I phoned all the hospitals before I phoned the police.
He doesn't have any friends. I just wish it was Monday, my husbands home then.

OP posts:
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 31/08/2013 23:22

Squib I'm sorry to hear this. Your mother sounds like a piece of work, to say the least. I'm glad you have the police on the case.

ballstoit · 31/08/2013 23:23

I think you need to get back in touch with the police and ask them to file a missing persons report.

Do you live in the same area as your parents? Is it worth posting his vehicle details on Facebook? A teenager went missing near me recently, and was found very quickly through being shared on Facebook. If nothing else, at least you'll know you're doing something Sad

Original poster
squiberoo27 · 31/08/2013 23:24

To be fair she never touched alcohol until she was diagnosed with a liver condition Hmm

She has always been self absorbed and selfish.

OP posts:
Original poster
squiberoo27 · 31/08/2013 23:25

Ballstoit I might just do that, thank you

OP posts:
Icantstopeatinglol · 31/08/2013 23:30

Op I hope you find your dad soon, I can't imagine how you're feeling.
I too would chase the police up to see what's happening.

BrokenSunglasses · 31/08/2013 23:30

I'm so sorry for you. Sad I agree with getting in touch with the police again. Ask if they can send someone round to the house to check, and if they see your Mum after she's been drinking they might take it seriously, and be able to get her to suggest where your Dad might be.

BrianTheMole · 31/08/2013 23:31

Good ideas from Ballstoit, keep posting op if you need to, you will get support here.

ouryve · 31/08/2013 23:34

I hope you find him soon, squib in a safe place. Poor guy really needs to LTB, doesn't he :(

Bunnygotwhacked · 31/08/2013 23:35

Aye fb a good idea try searching for "your area" buy and sell get an open group they are usually quite busy with lots of local people most of whom will repost so it gets shared further. Is it worth phoning round hospitals again perhaps seeing if they have had any men in that haven't been identified for whatever reason

maddening · 31/08/2013 23:36

So sorry op - hope the police find something - can you go to the police station in the morning - make sure this is being taken seriously.

Hope that your dad is ok and this is the push that makes him realise that moving in with you is the best thing.

Original poster
squiberoo27 · 31/08/2013 23:36

I just feel I need to vent ATM. I cannot put up with her bullshit any longer. I never want to see her or speak to her again but if that happens then I won't see my dad as he is as loyal as the day is long to her. It was the way she told me earlier that's got to me, just an after thought, she's so cold and callous. That's my fucking dad she's talking about. I only started talking to her again last week after the holiday carry on because I missed my dad so much.

OP posts:
Hopasholic · 31/08/2013 23:38

Am I right to presume that if he turns up back at home your mother probably wouldn't let you know?
Do you think there's a remote chance she's fully aware of his whereabouts but is being deliberately spiteful to worry you?

Flowers
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 31/08/2013 23:41

Oh Christ Hopasholic, I hadn't even considered that. What kind of a woman would do that? Alcoholism is such a BITCH.

OP keep us updated will you?

Original poster
squiberoo27 · 31/08/2013 23:43

No, she honestly doesn't give a shit about anyone else apart from herself. I don't think she will know, she won't care. He had cancer a few years back, if I had a pound for every time she has told him she wishes it had killed him I would be loaded.

OP posts:
Original poster
squiberoo27 · 31/08/2013 23:45

Hearts of course I will, I read mumsnet a lot and know that members appreciate updates

OP posts:
ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 31/08/2013 23:45

How far away does your brother live?

Original poster
squiberoo27 · 31/08/2013 23:46

Less than a mile away.

OP posts:
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