Friend just sent me this. I don't know how to reply

[IHateGardenCentres]

I'm pregnant with # 3 and just got this from friend (also pg) it's a picture of a baby scan with a poem written over it

In tears (of laughter!

Yes I'm a bitch

Admire me for my bloated, swollen cankled grace? Hahahaha. Oh

Mummy, can you feel me?
I'm wriggling just for you.
I can hear you say you love me,
Mum I love you too.

Very soon you'll meet me,
And kiss my tiny face.
And I will feel your warm skin,
And admire you for your grace.

Mummy are you ready?
My life is just about to start.
I will hold your little finger,
But you will hold my heart.

iwasyoungonce I think I love you!

Iwasyoung bloody true i tell you

iwasyoungonce that is bloody brilliant!

When you go into labour
I'll make you scream and shout.
The kidney stone you passed last year
Will really seem like nowt.

I'm going to be admired for my grace? Ooh! When??

Mummy can you hear me?
From inside this human balloon?
You'll wish you fucking couldn't
When I arrive quite soon

Mummy are you ready?
For the happy times to begin?
That's not what you'll be thinking
As I smash your front door in

Iwasyoung Brilliant!

Mummy are you ready
To wake up in the night
And when I'm settled, wake again
To clean my monster shite.

op you're being very unfair just because your friend is over sentimental

I don't think you're bitchy or mean, OP.

If anyone tagged me in something like this, I would immediately untag myself. I'd be tempted to defriend, or at least hide everything from someone who did this on a regular basis.

I think it's lovely. If its not y our cup of tea far enough but I think it's a bit nasty to post on here when she's trying to do a nice thing

That is a very gifted embryo.......!

I find these things a bit cringey to be honest. Scraping the literary barrel, attributing an unborn child with having a voice.... bleugh....

But then i'm judgey and horrible..

though my cat did just right this poem...

Owner yes you love me
I'm sitting next to you
when you feed me catfood
It comes back out as poo

I'm still giving the OP's friend the benefit of the doubt. It is JUST possible she passed on this horror in a spirit if eye-rolling irony, right? Because no one with two functioning braincells and half a sense of humour could think this drivel was genuinely touching. Though it's unintentionally pretty hilarious, especially the way it makes a newborn sound like some kind of deportment teacher.

The responses on this thread, however, are masterpieces. Particularly iwasyoungonce's first stanza.

Op? Where did u go?

Please come back and tell us of Fenella really was the one who sent u this?!

I'm still here!
No it wasn't Fenella. That was a bit, er, weird... bit worried she's had it out with some poor innocent soul

Don't worry, I'm fairly certain that Fenella was just trying to be funny!

There really ought to be a place on here for MN Poetry to be kept for posterity.

Some of these are inspired.

I think that you have to put it down to her meaning well, but that sort if twee stuff makes my toes curl.

I always are sure that cards have a very plain message such as Happy Birthday for that very reason - I would reject any with a verse.

Sorry make sure.

Imagine if Fenella WAS for real and she had sent this to a friend, who just didn't happen to be OP! I'm imagining that epic bun fight now!