Friend just sent me this. I don't know how to reply

[IHateGardenCentres]

I'm pregnant with # 3 and just got this from friend (also pg) it's a picture of a baby scan with a poem written over it

In tears (of laughter!

Yes I'm a bitch

Admire me for my bloated, swollen cankled grace? Hahahaha. Oh

Mummy, can you feel me?
I'm wriggling just for you.
I can hear you say you love me,
Mum I love you too.

Very soon you'll meet me,
And kiss my tiny face.
And I will feel your warm skin,
And admire you for your grace.

Mummy are you ready?
My life is just about to start.
I will hold your little finger,
But you will hold my heart.

Nah. Fenella isn't for real.

Er ... sweet [she lies, in order not to cause anyone embarrassment]. Pity it doesn't scan [not scan on the scan, gettit?]

Loving the mumsnet response poems :)

Arf @ holland. Everyone who sends you that thinks they're the first to. And they're usually the ones who head-tilt and go 'well, we're ALL on the autistic spectrum somewhere in a way aren't we?' and I know they mean well but AAAAAARGH.

That poem's also fabulous. I was feeling all sad about Seamus Heaney but thank Christ we have poets of that calibre ready to fill the vacuum he's left behind.

There once was a mumsnet OP
Who hated twee poetry
Her mate's rhyme was sickly
And so she thought, thickly,
I'll post it on Mumsnet and see.

At first I'll get lots of folks laughing
The occasional one will then cry
All we need is someone to cite Greggs.
And it will be the full Mumsnet mince pie

But oh how much fun do you get though
When your arse has it's own postal code
Cos in late pregnancy, when your fanj you can't see
So you forward your odious ode.

Cos karma's a funny old woman
Who sees what you do and compiles
A list of your flaws, like all this and more
So you wake up tomorrow with piles.

I have a friend who sits on facebook all day on the 'remember the 70's/80's ' and liking every bloody picture on there, so on the bus on the way home I am treated to a news feed full of space hoppers and pictures of Tiny Tears doll. There were about a hundred a day; along with those nauseating pictures 'if your Mum/Dad/sister/kid/dog/budgie is your life forward this to everyone you know' . Needless to say I have hidden her posts, but do people seriously a) sit on facebook liking stuff for hours at a time b)really think other people want to see this repetitive shite

I like to go on FB once a day, to see if anyone is doing interesting stuff, but some days it is just not worth it to have to filter all the moronic junk.

Pawprint's poem

Oh dear. That's not gone well. Even if Fenella isn't friends with op,that's a bit uncomfortable.

One of my FB friends is constantly posting those 'Share this if you love your daughter/son/mum/dad/sibling/have ever known anyone die' scrolly-writing-on-an-inspirational-identikit-picture type of posts.

Like, if you don't share them then you hate your DD/DS/family/the world. Grrr?

MrsDeVere

The odd thing is that the people who have given me the Holland poem have kind of waited for me to thank them.
Shoving it up their arse would have felt much better.

Um, I real,y hope the OP is fenella's friend, that would be awful. It's unlikely though- I've been sent this from ELEVEN different people and all of them don't know each other, it's just another FB thing. Some verses are sweet and I am pregnant and can't wait to hold a little baby again, but I think some things in the poem over do it,

The poem is insufferably twee. I vote for responding with Tabularasa's version.

[applauds Fenella]

Well Fenella, you were a poet and you didn't know it...until now!

I hate this stuff. I've had to hide some really lovely friends from FB (don't want to totally delete them) as they post this kind of crap several times a day blocking up all my news feed. Wonder if they ever realise that sharing this stuff means some friends are hiding or deleting them.

I hate it too. Also hate all the 'repost this if you would die for your son' type shit.

pawprint

I am 34 weeks pregnant and that is the first time I have laughed all day

Mummy, can you feel me? Oh, i thought it was wind
I'm wriggling just for you. hmm that's what the threadworms said
I can hear you say you love me, as opposed to ranting at your dad
Mum I love you too. no you'll just love my boobs

Very soon you'll meet me, you were ten days late
And kiss my tiny face. okay i did do that once i'd finished throwing up
And I will feel your warm skin, but I'm always freezing
And admire you for your grace. It was a graceful poo as i gave birth yes

Mummy are you ready? nope i just woke up
My life is just about to start. sleep eat shit puke repeat
I will hold your little finger tweak your chapped nipples
But you will hold my heart. until i reach puberty and decide to hate you

i too must be a bitch OP
can't stand any chain bullshittery whether poetry, a guardian angel or just some sucky jokes

Fenellafudgetunnel now I love puns, i do, but comparing a lovely radio 2 newsreader with a crude term for your rectum??!!!
Cannot decide if I am in shock or awe. I used to love Fenella Fudge.
the only broadcaster for me with a better name was...Nina Nannar.

Pawprint!
Bloody brilliant thread!
Pawprint can you turn your verse into a FB inspirational poem and pass it around? I would love to post that!

God, these are hilarious. OP, YANBU. I loathe those round robins. They make me want to pluck my nasal hairs, just so I have something else to think about.

Wow, you should turn it into a fridge magnet. Gosh, it would make a great FB post.

Pawprint, you have a rare talent.

I almost wish I was pregnant so I could post your poem on Facebook.

:o

I am also curious about the Holland poem.

Hilarious and quite vomit inducing

Mummy, can you feel me?
If not, you will do soon.
It will feel like someone shot your minge
With a poker-hot harpoon

Mummy, are you ready?
No seriously, you?re not.
All the prep you think you?ve done
Will help you diddly squat.

e.g. if I have colic
It ain?t no bed of flowers
At five o?clock each evening
I?ll scream for 6 long hours

It won?t all be bad by any means
When I?ve finally arrived
You?ll blank out most of it anyway
Because you?re so fucking sleep deprived.