A friend wrote the following and it's helped me deal with a suicide and several attempted ones family members have made....
Dealing with Suicidal People
Many years ago I worked as a volunteer for the Samaritans answering the phone at one of their call centers as well as via the internet on their website.
Before I was ever allowed to pick up the phone; I was given over a year of extensive training in supporting people
I worked three days a week for 6 months in one of their call centres
During that time I personally spoke to and dealt with the following number of calls
. 1000+ suicidal people
. 576 rape victims
. 325 kids who were bullied by their peers
Recent events have clarified something to me: People have absolutely no clue about suicide and depression; and their sheer ignorance of this complex phenomenon is a seriously dangerous thing to possess.
I am therefore writing this to educate and hopefully try to make some small difference
Why do People commit Suicide?
?Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.?
Like a set of scales when one side of the equation reaches a certain point; it will tip over
When you encounter a suicidal person be careful how you behave around them.
Your interaction will either add to their pain (and you risk tipping them over) or increasing their resources for coping (and help them get through the phase of ?acute suicidal thoughts? and live beyond the 24 hours)
Basic Suicide Statistics:
? 1 million people across the globe die by suicide each year. That?s one suicide every 40 seconds.
? More people die by suicide each year than by murder and war combined.
? It?s estimated that approximately 5% of people attempt suicide at least once in their life.
? Between 10% and 14% of the general population have suicidal thinking throughout their lifetime.
? Suicide is the second biggest cause of death worldwide among 15-19 year olds.
? 100,000 adolescents die by suicide every year.
? Suicide is estimated to be under-reported for reasons of stigma, religion and social attitudes. Many suicides are hidden among other causes of death, such as road traffic accidents and drowning.
(Source: International Association for Suicide Prevention)
The link between Bullying and Suicide
In recent years, a series of bullying-related suicides in the US and across the globe have drawn attention to the connection between bullying and suicide. Though too many adults still see bullying as "just part of being a kid," it is a serious problem that leads to many negative effects for victims, including suicide. Many people may not realize that there is also a link between being a bully and committing suicide.
The statistics on bullying and suicide are alarming:
? Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year, according to the CDC. For every suicide among young people, there are at least 100 suicide attempts. Over 14 percent of high school students have considered suicide, and almost 7 percent have attempted it.
? Bully victims are between 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies by Yale University
? A study in Britain found that at least half of suicides among young people are related to bullying
? 10 to 14 year old girls may be at even higher risk for suicide, according to the study above
? According to statistics reported by ABC News, nearly 30 percent of students are either bullies or victims of bullying, and 160,000 kids stay home from school every day because of fear of bullying
(Source: www.bullyingstatistics.org/content/bullying-?
Common myths about Suicide
Myth: You have to be mentally ill to even think about suicide.
Fact: Most people have thought of suicide from time to time and not all people who die by suicide have mental health problems at the time of death. However, many people who kill themselves do suffer with their mental health, typically to a serious degree. Sometimes it?s known about before the person?s death and sometimes not.
Myth: People who talk about suicide aren?t serious and won?t go through with it.
Fact: People who kill themselves have often told someone that they do not feel life is worth living or that they have no future. Some may have actually said they want to die. While it?s possible that someone might talk about suicide as a way of getting the attention they need, it?s vitally important to take anybody who talks about feeling suicidal seriously.
Myth: Once a person has made a serious suicide attempt, that person is unlikely to make another.
Fact: People who have tried to end their lives before are significantly more likely to eventually die by suicide than the rest of the population.
Myth: If a person is serious about killing themselves then there is nothing you can do.
Fact: Often, feeling actively suicidal is temporary, even if someone have been feeling low, anxious or struggling to cope for a long period of time. This is why getting the right kind of support at the right time is so important.
Myth: Talking about suicide is a bad idea as it may give someone the idea to try it.
Fact: Suicide can be a taboo topic in society. Often, people feeling suicidal don?t want to worry or burden anyone with how they feel and so they don?t discuss it. By asking directly about suicide you give them permission to tell you how they feel. People who have felt suicidal will often say what a huge relief it is to be able to talk about what their experiencing. Once someone starts talking they?ve got a better chance of discovering other options to suicide.
Myth: Most suicides happen in the winter months.
Fact: Suicide is more common in the spring and summer months.
Myth: People who threaten suicide are just attention seeking and shouldn?t be taken seriously.
Fact: People who threaten suicide should always be taken seriously. It may well be that they want attention in the sense of calling out for help, and giving them this attention may save their life.
Myth: People who are suicidal want to die.
Fact: The majority of people who feel suicidal do not actually want to die; they do not want to live the life they have. The distinction may seem small but is in fact very important and is why talking through other options at the right time is so vital.
(Source: www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/myths?
WARNING SIGNS
Conditions associated with increased risk of suicide
? Death or terminal illness of relative or friend.
? Divorce, separation, broken relationship, stress on family.
? Loss of health (real or imaginary).
? Loss of job, home, money, status, self-esteem, personal security.
? Alcohol or drug abuse.
? Depression. In the young depression may be masked by hyperactivity or acting out behavior. In the elderly it may be incorrectly attributed to the natural effects of aging. Depression that seems to quickly disappear for no apparent reason is cause for concern. The early stages of recovery from depression can be a high risk period. Recent studies have associated anxiety disorders with increased risk for attempted suicide.
Emotional and behavioral changes associated with suicide
? Overwhelming Pain: pain that threatens to exceed the person's pain coping capacities. Suicidal feelings are often the result of longstanding problems that have been exacerbated by recent precipitating events. The precipitating factors may be new pain or the loss of pain coping resources.
? Hopelessness: the feeling that the pain will continue or get worse; things will never get better.
? Powerlessness: the feeling that one's resources for reducing pain are exhausted.
? Feelings of worthlessness, shame, guilt, self-hatred, no one cares. Fears of losing control, harming self or others.
? Personality becomes sad, withdrawn, tired, apathetic, anxious, irritable, or prone to angry outbursts.
? Declining performance in school, work, or other activities. (Occasionally the reverse: someone who volunteers for extra duties because they need to fill up their time.)
? Social isolation; or association with a group that has different moral standards than those of the family.
? Declining interest in sex, friends, or activities previously enjoyed.
? Neglect of personal welfare, deteriorating physical appearance.
? Alterations in either direction in sleeping or eating habits.
? (Particularly in the elderly) Self-starvation, dietary mismanagement, disobeying medical instructions.
? Difficult times: holidays, anniversaries, and the first week after discharge from a hospital; just before and after diagnosis of a major illness; just before and during disciplinary proceedings. Undocumented status adds to the stress of a crisis.
Suicidal Behavior
? Previous suicide attempts, mini-attempts.
? Explicit statements of suicidal ideation or feelings.
? Development of suicidal plan, acquiring the means, rehearsal behavior, setting a time for the attempt.
? Self-inflicted injuries, such as cuts, burns, or head banging.
? Reckless behavior. (Besides suicide, other leading causes of death among young people in New York City are homicide, accidents, drug overdose, and AIDS.) Unexplained accidents among children and the elderly.
? Making out a will or giving away favorite possessions.
? Inappropriately saying goodbye.
? Verbal behavior that is ambiguous or indirect: I'm going away on a real long trip., You won't have to worry about me anymore., I want to go to sleep and never wake up., I'm so depressed, I just can't go on., Does God punish suicides?, Voices are telling me to do bad things., requests for euthanasia information, inappropriate joking, stories or essays on morbid themes.
(Source: www.metanoia.org/suicide/whattodo.htm)
What to do if you encounter or think somebody you know is suicidal
- Take it seriously. (I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH)
- Remember: suicidal behavior is a cry for help.
- Be willing to give and get help sooner rather than later.
- Listen
- ASK: Are you having thoughts of suicide?
- If the person is acutely suicidal, do not leave him alone.
- Urge professional help.
(Source: www.metanoia.org/suicide/whattodo.htm)
Suicide prevention is not a last minute activity. All textbooks on depression say it should be reached as soon as possible.
Unfortunately, suicidal people are afraid that trying to get help may bring them more pain: being told they are stupid, foolish, sinful, or manipulative; rejection; punishment; suspension from school or job; written records of their condition; or involuntary commitment.
You need to do everything you can to reduce pain, rather than increase or prolong it. Constructively involving yourself on the side of life as early as possible will reduce the risk of suicide.
What not to do
?Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.?
If you ridicule, mock; attack denigrate somebody you will add to their pain and by adding to their pain you will most likely tip them over the edge from contemplation to attempt and you will become a contributing factor in their attempt and nobody wants to be responsible for the death of another living being. No amount of denial; self-justification or avoidance will change that fact.
Here is some of the things to avoid saying and why
My life sucks too, but you don?t see me killing myself.
Yeah, and I?m sure you?re also suffering from a mental illness?
A lot of people think about suicide at one point or another, but if someone is actually, seriously planning on killing himself then he likely is suffering from extreme depression. If you?re not experiencing the same illness, comparing your situation to his is pointless. If you had a sore throat and somebody else was telling you to speak louder, you?d probably be understandably annoyed if he started comparing his voice to yours.
In fact, cut out the comparisons in general. I?ve learned through experience that comparing yourself to others is a dangerously unhealthy practice. Life isn?t about being better than everyone else. Life is about bettering yourself and doing what works for you.
Suicide is selfish because you?re leaving a mess for your family and friends.
It is true that suicide causes complications for those close to the victim. Serious complications, in fact. But however true that may be, saying that suicide is selfish belittles the struggle that comes with depression, and it?s outright insulting to people who are considering doing it.
People who are considering suicide wouldn?t do so for personal gain. You know that. They generally feel like their lives are too much for them to handle, and giving them a guilt trip is not going to help lessen the burden. If anything, you?re just going to make them feel worse about themselves. They already feel bad enough as is, wouldn?t you agree?
I don?t think you?re actually going to do it. You?re too smart to commit suicide.
?Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain."
That?s all it?s about.
You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn?t even mean that you really want to die ? it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now.
If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights? no matter how much you want to remain standing.
Willpower has nothing to do with it.
"Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.?
This is something more people really need to know. Those who consider suicide aren?t stupid for doing so. It?s a natural response to being overburdened.
As such, trying to tell them that it?s illogical is not going to help. Logic has nothing to do with this.
Worse yet, when you say ?You?re too smart to commit suicide,? when the person inevitably continues to contemplate suicide afterward, he?s going to think he?s stupid because of it. That will only lower his opinion of himself even further.
Samaritans Website:
www.samaritans.org/
Phone
08457 90 90 90 * (UK)
1850 60 90 90 * (ROI)
e-mail
[email protected]