Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some people are completely lacking in compassion?

151 replies

SirBoobAlot · 29/08/2013 19:53

I was in London yesterday. Got to Victoria for the train home around 6.30pm. Heard the following announcement; "Southern are sorry to announce delays on service due to a person being hit by a train". This was repeated every minute with various destinations. Basically, no trains going South.

I finally got on a train about quarter to ten.

I was disgusted by what I heard, both waiting at the station, and then when on the train. People complaining about wanting to get home, about how 'inconvenient' it was. Several comments of "fucking jumpers" - one woman even said "Why can't they just go to Beachy Head if that's how they're feeling?".

It made me feel sick. Yes, everyone was tired. Yes, everyone wanted to get home. But someone had fucking DIED. And with it being announced every ten fucking seconds, there was no way you could not know what the delays were caused by.

I was disgusted with people. Either it was a horrific accident, and someone lost their life, or it wasn't an accident, and someone felt horrific enough to end their life. Either way, someone died. What is a few hours at a train station if you get home?

I don't get it.

OP posts:
DanicaJones · 29/08/2013 20:25

I don't really understand why people choose to commit suicide in this way at rush hour. Anyone know? There must be a reason people choose this way to go and I think people would probably be less likely to be unsympathetic if they understood why people feel they have to commit suicide in this way.

bebopanddoowop · 29/08/2013 20:26

Don't you people understand they probably didn't "decide" to do it on a rush hour train - it was more likely to be a panicked last resort that has built up and unless you have been in that position you can't know what a persons brain is like at that time, there isn't space to think rationally otherwise they wouldn't be committing suicide in the first place

Original poster
SirBoobAlot · 29/08/2013 20:27

"How self obsessed do you have to be to choose suicide by train? Why not take an overdose in the privacy of your own place?"

Oh yes, because suicidal people are certainly in a well enough frame of mind to think rationally like that.

And overdosing doesn't tend to kill you. It causes stomach problems, liver damage, and the like.

You choose rush hour, not because you want to inconvenience people, but because you want to guarantee there is a train. Again, look outside of yourself, and try and look from the mindset of someone who sees no hope, no future, and wants to be sure their life will be over with.

OP posts:
AnaisB · 29/08/2013 20:29

Yanbu (and is used to live in london). Its horrific for the driver, but these are people who are serioussly mentally unwell and not thinking rationally. Loads of people are drunk when they kill themselvs too. I think people just don't connect with the situation. I've seen someone about to jump off a multi-storey with passers -by telling him to get on with it. So sad.

RoastedCouchPotatoes · 29/08/2013 20:32

YANBU. It makes me so sad. My friend jumped in front do the train and it must be horrific for the driver, but he timed it to be at the least busy time possible so as little people would see it Hmm He wanted to be sure to die (you don't have that with an overdose) and he didn't want his little brother to be the one to find him dead, he thought professionals would be better. It sounds selfish but he was so depressed and was in a living hell, he stayed as long as he could. Every time I hear that announcement I think of him. A person was in so much pain to feel dying was the only way out, compared to a few hours inconvenience. I once missed a whole wedding after a suicide, of my sister, which was annoying, but a person had just died and I think that's a whole lot worse.

RoastedCouchPotatoes · 29/08/2013 20:34

The wedding was my sister's, not the suicide!

Tabby1963 · 29/08/2013 20:34

I concede that the person choosing suicide by train will have mental health issues, that does not give them immunity from being called selfish, just because they can't think of anything else except their own condition.

It could be argued that the majority of people who commit suicide have mental health issues at the time. Most will not choose a method to die which causes inconvenience to other people.

Some would say that to commit suicide is a selfish act in itself (particularly if leaving children behind, who never really get over losing their parent like that, and carry it with them all their lives).

Is committing suicide the ultimate selfish act? Discuss.

bebopanddoowop · 29/08/2013 20:37

Don't discuss that - it's insensitive

NoComet · 29/08/2013 20:38

Of course sitting on my sofa, just having had dinner, with the DDs playing upstairs YANBU.

But in my long ago commuting in and out of a big city, with a spectacularly shit train service days, I might have had a few choice swear words. Suicides were mercifully rare, but we had every other possible excuse for appalling service day in day out. Patience did wear very thin.

Also the one suicide we did have was said to have happened when their were school children on the platform. If that's not selfish, I don't know what is?

Faithless12 · 29/08/2013 20:40

I didn't say people lack compassion because they wanted to get home to their children. I said we would be fucked if it happened at 4pm as it would be impossible for either of us to pick up our son and we have no one else to pick DS up. I then said I can understand peoples frustrations as 50% (made up figure) of the time there is a delay of some sort or another. The trains were cancelled once because of rain (true) I had to drive and pick up DH from central London (pre DS). I complained about that because it was ridiculous but don't as a rule complain about person on the track mainly because I feel more sorry for the driver than about my travel being disrupted.

roughtyping · 29/08/2013 20:40

I cannot believe the posters saying it's a selfish way to kill yourself, inconveniencing thousands of people. Do you think if these people were thinking clearly, they'd throw themselves in front of a train?

OP, YANBU. A friend of the family died this way last year, and she was one of the least selfish, attention seeking people I've ever met; she just had a very hard life.

Littleen · 29/08/2013 20:43

OD doesn't normally kill you unless you have access to very strong prescription medication, which most suicidal people do not.
I reckon that it is impossible for us to judge whether a person under a train was intentional or not - also, for those who kill themselves during rush hour, perhaps it just happened to be that moment they freaked and couldn't cope another minute. A lot of the time, suicides are not planned, they are a momentary "weakness" which results in death.

complexnumber · 29/08/2013 20:45

I'm not sure what you would want a commuter who's journey home had been delayed by 'jumper' to say.

What do you do/say when confronted with horrible acts of death and destruction?

RoastedCouchPotatoes · 29/08/2013 20:48

I think a lot of suicides are done because they truly believe people will be better of without them. They stay as long as they can. Surely it's more selfish to basically force them to live but in a life of agony? I have depression and even with treatment, it's shit, but to have it in a more severe form- or to not have a diagnosis- must make life a living hell. I think it's incredibly selfish to say suicide in itself is selfish, and in a clear mind, then of course you shouldn't throw yourself under a train etc:- but if you had a clear mind, would you commit suicide?

Original poster
SirBoobAlot · 29/08/2013 20:58

Complex do what I and a lot of the other people were doing; accept that you won't be getting home for a while (which is always a risk when travelling by public transport, for various reasons), find somewhere to sit, and get a coffee. Then send up a brief prayer when passing through the station involved.

OP posts:
complexnumber · 29/08/2013 21:04

That's all very true, roastedspud, but my impression was that the OP was expecting more compassion and possibly grief from those passengers who were effected by someone jumping.

Dackyduddles · 29/08/2013 21:10

Look put it another way maybe one more palatable.

Dara obrien the comedian did a skit soon after 7/11 about Londoners ability to overcome. He praised the stoic attitude of wartime. It went something like... Please YouTube for accuracy....

There's a bomb at x station. Shit. How the hell do I get home? Er..... Piccadilly? To holborn? Then change..... Phew....

I totally get that. I laughed my socks off. His actual skit perfectly captures the juxtaposition of shit circs and pain and carry on regardless attitude.

Attitude we as Brits often pride ourselves on. No one action stops the flow and we reserve the right to laugh or frankly die trying.

Please. Google it. Then take a minute. Why is that funny but similar here is apparently beyond the pale?

BrokenSunglasses · 29/08/2013 21:20

As much as we do need to have compassion for people who feel that their lives are so bad that they want to die, I think it's incredibly presumptuous for so so many posters to be determined that victims of suicide automatically weren't thinking straight, weren't able to be rational, could not possibly be selfish.

Suicide happens for many reasons, not just mental illness. And sometimes, people who want to kill themselves can be very selfish. Understandably so when you have heard their story, but selfish none the less. If you feel the world has treated you like shit, and you are probably right in believing that it has, then doing one last thing to get back at the world (ie rail companies and their passengers) might seem like quite an attractive prospect.

Some people are thinking perfectly clearly when they choose to end their lives, for some people life really is that awful, and they won't be leaving anyone behind who wished they knew and could have helped. Ending your life when its full of pain (mental or physical pain, and with or without any medical issues present) is not always the illogical conclusion to come to.

complexnumber · 29/08/2013 21:20

OK, picture 1975, Acton Town station. Me and my mates were coming home from school.

We were at the front of platform hoping to get on the train first (as you do when you are 12/13)

Someone jumped.

The train managed to stop in front of us, so that we could see his legs still sticking out of the front of the train.

Bastard. Bastard. Bastard.

complexnumber · 29/08/2013 21:25

Sorry SirBoobalot, there weren't many places to 'get a coffee' at that time for a 12 y/o

MurderOfGoths · 29/08/2013 21:25

dacky Difference in that is that in O'Briain's analogy no one was talking about how disgusting/selfish/awful/inconvenient the dead people were

PoppadomPreach · 29/08/2013 21:33

In Japan, if you commit suicide on a railway, the rail company charges the family an amount proportional to the disruption.

homebakedflapjack · 29/08/2013 21:37

how self obsessed do you have to be to witness a suicide like thatcomplex and say "bastard" repeatedly? Did you have no thought for him, even at that young age? All I get from your post is "it is all about ME and how this act impacted on ME and how it made ME feel." not as terrible as him, I bet.

HopeForTheBest · 29/08/2013 21:51

homebaked I'm fairly sure if my 12yo witnessed something like that I'd be mostly concerned about them and how they were feeling and how the fuck we were going to get them through it and not, I suspect, feeling particularly compassionate about the person who'd jumped. I don't think complex's post was self obsessed at all.

MrsOakenshield · 29/08/2013 21:52

the thing is, this happened to you once. For some people commuting in London, it can be a twice-weekly occurance. And you start to get a bit fed up that yet again you don't get to see the kids or do whatever it is you want to do with your evening. And probably these people are, generally speaking, kind and sympathetic people. But when your journey is fucked up yet again, and you have just found out that you're being subjected to yet another above inflation rise in fares for what can be, rather too often, a shite service, you may start to lose perspective.

My sympathies would lie totally with the driver, not the jumper.