To think some people are completely lacking in compassion?

[SirBoobAlot]

I was in London yesterday. Got to Victoria for the train home around 6.30pm. Heard the following announcement; "Southern are sorry to announce delays on service due to a person being hit by a train". This was repeated every minute with various destinations. Basically, no trains going South.

I finally got on a train about quarter to ten.

I was disgusted by what I heard, both waiting at the station, and then when on the train. People complaining about wanting to get home, about how 'inconvenient' it was. Several comments of "fucking jumpers" - one woman even said "Why can't they just go to Beachy Head if that's how they're feeling?".

It made me feel sick. Yes, everyone was tired. Yes, everyone wanted to get home. But someone had fucking DIED. And with it being announced every ten fucking seconds, there was no way you could not know what the delays were caused by.

I was disgusted with people. Either it was a horrific accident, and someone lost their life, or it wasn't an accident, and someone felt horrific enough to end their life. Either way, someone died. What is a few hours at a train station if you get home?

I don't get it.

I think it is terribly sad someone has died. But if it was suicide, I have to admit that my sympathy is dulled. They will have profoundly and negatively affected the train driver and those who witnessed, and those who saw the aftermath. And yes, they have inconvenienced thousands of people. So yes, although I feel sad for the loss of life, I do not regard the pissed off muttering of people delayed by hours before getting home as indicative of a cold soulless society.

They were in London on 7/11. Hundreds of thousands couldn't get home and were prisoned in offices by firms unwilling to allow employees out.

The bombers were, weren't they? Not all dead were innocent.

as their parent I would expect that.

nearly 40 years later, to still be referring to the person who jumped repeatedly as a "bastard" is awful. I'm sorry - I can completely understand "I saw this, and it really distressed me and I still get upset now." It was the way it was phrased - "the bastard, how DARE he make me see it" - like I say, he will have felt worse.

do people really believe people who kill themselves do so because they want to annoy people, or anger them? Don't people realise that they are DEAD - they don't get to "enjoy" their revenge much, do they?

My lovely brother tried to kill himself; thankfully, the branch he tried to hang himself on snapped and so he wasn't successful. It was in the woods - I wonder if he'd succeeded, would people who found him have called him a "bastard" without having a CLUE of the torment he experienced?

A very dear friend of mine has recently lost her brother - he jumped in front of a train when suffering a psychotic episode. He was much loved. She and her parents are devastated. Comnents like the ones overheard would only add to my friend's distress should she ever hear them in any context.

YANBU

Hopeforthebest that was exactly my feeling when people said some of the grammar school DCs had seen the suicide at our local station.

It's relatively quiet at that time in the morning, no way the person wouldn't have seen the pupils hanging about waiting for friends on a later train.

Yup, as I said earlier, glad I don't live in London ..

LadyMacbeth, well posted. Sorry to hear of your friend's brother.

I apologise actually complex - as you can gather, I have issues myself around this subject. I do understand, genuinely, that must have been awful for you and I am sorry you went through it

But, please, can people understand (I suppose it is hard to) - but that people who take their lives are not selfish. They really, truly aren't. They've reached a point where they feel exiting the world is the best thing not even necessarily for them but for others. My brother was like that, his self-esteem was shot to pieces after redundancy and debt and relationship breakdown. It upsets me to think anyone might think he's selfish when he isn't and works voluntarily for a cancer charity, spends hours with an autistic child on his street letting the child look at his tropical fish, is so caring and sensitive. I just can't stand the idea someone might find him lying there and just think "bastard".

I always feel horrible that someone has taken their own life. I feel even worse for their families, because I have seen what suicides can do to families, including those very close to me.

But at the same time, yes, I do feel stressed about the inconvenience to me. I'm balanced enough to know that it's nowhere near what is about to happen to the family of the person who's died, but it doesn't mean I sit there calmly and serenely not worrying about how my afternoon and evening is going to unfold. I do feel upset for myself, for my son at nursery with no family nearby to pick him up for me at the drop of a hat, and considering which of my complex network of friends who owe each other numerous favours for this sort of thing aren't similarly caught in the transport problems. For most Londoners, public transport isn't an optional extra. It's not like you get to avoid the risk.

It's human nature to, while thinking about the horror in the abstract and potentially being reminded of similar situations that you have experienced, to deal with the immediate practicalities and the consider the impact on your own life. You're more likely to do that if the incident, whatever it is, is going to have practical implications for your own life.

I don't agree with the comments you heard, but like Faithless I can understand how people become hardened to it, particularly if they've not experienced the suicide of someone close to them. It's such a regular feature of commuting, and a particularly regular event at some stations.

And actually, homebaked, I'd say the psychological impact at 12 or 13 of seeing a person under a train entitles complex to be angry about being placed in that situation. That could be a reasonably scarring experience.

There's the element of distancing to take account of too, though, isn't there. How much mental anguish would you be in if you let every sad story 'in', especially if you encounter these sorts of things so often. I reckon a large proportion of such comments is from people trying very hard not to think too hard about the person because it would just get too much.

I know I make inappropriate and black jokes and comments when I'm trying to put up a screen to protect myself and, let's face it, who wants to be emotionally open to a bunch of strangers in the middle of London?

I'm not saying it's right, but it is understandable. To me, anyway.

Homebaked, sorry, massive crosspost. Apologies.

One need only turn on the news to confirm the OPs statement sadly.

I try to be compassionate towards those who feel so shit they chose that as a way out BUT as one who struggled with London trains and tubes for 10 years, you do get hardened to such suicides, you do get tired and fed up of getting home late, sitting around for hours, desperately cramming onto a bus, standing all the way for an hour to south London etc, etc.

Go and find somewhere to sit and have a coffee? Hollow laugh. I couldnt do that as a single parent with a really pissed off nursery to deal with.

I also feel more compassion for who ever is driving the train.

Try commuting for at least a year and then see how you react.

Yes! Nearly 40 years later and I am still referring to the bloke I saw jump in front of a train at Acton Town in 1975 as a bastard.

I know nothing about him, I couldn't give a toss about him.

I was 12 and he jumped in front of me. I still have the images

I hate him.

Is that so irrational homebakedflapjack

Jassy, to be honest, I can understand that annoyance. I can see how there's a level of detachment: people are held up, obviously, it is annoying, of course people want to get home and have a drink of tea and get changed. I get that and can understand the moaning.

I do find it a bit harder to understand someone who SEES someone do something so awful and yet their thoughts are not with the person, or his (they usually are male) family, his children, his parents - but with them. I'm sorry complex, I'm not trying to give you a hard time, but I can't understand that very well.

May I also make the point that mental illness - I am thinking schizophrenia in particular - distorts images and just as people see and hear things that are not there, they also do not see or hear things that ARE there. Someone who kills themselves in front of schoolchildren may well not actually see them.

Either way believe me saying "you are selfish" will not make a suicidal person think twice. Saying, "please, don't, people love you" just might. Might.

I can't believe you don't give a toss for a human being complex. I don't think it's irrational to be upset about it but I think your attitude is horrible.

I wouldn't give Complex such a hard time. She was 12. She's dealing with the emotions of a 12 year old. Probably not v mature at that time

I once worked with the wife of a fireman. Of course I feel compassion for the person who died, but most of my sympathy goes for the poor people who have to clear up after them and the thoroughly traumatised train driver. Some drivers never work again. Can you imagine what their working day must be like, not knowing when the next incident will be? Terrible!

homebaked...

she was like 12, at twelve you dont think about the persons mental health, their motivations, their families trauma

you think 'omfg!' you wouldnt believe the effect of witnessing someone die in the most horriffic of ways will have on a mere child! it would be hugely traumatic to witness that at any age but at 12 could affect your entire life!

I suffer from extreme anxiety and panic and if I saw this as an adult it would scar me in many ways that I could not help, I would most likely need medical help and therapy

I am not surprised at complex reaction to that. if your child saw such a bloody death and struggled to deal with it would you lecture them for daring to feel upset and angry about the position they were put in?

I'm not trying to justmyview, but how, 40 years later, with the understanding of an adult can you say "I didn't give a toss about him?"

I saw someone killed in a RTA and it WAS terrible, it DID affect me but - I gave a toss. My distress was caused by seeing another human being die in front of me and knowing he must have felt fear and pain and knowing his family will have sobbed and missed him and knowing that their lives will have been hugely impacted.

How can you not give a toss?

YNBU. I think some people were born without an empathy gene! ~

I can understand Complex's POV.

People are different. Some 12yos will deal with an experience like that relatively easily, whereas others will be truly traumatised. One persons death doesn't make someone else's trauma any less difficult.