To think some people are completely lacking in compassion?

[SirBoobAlot]

I was in London yesterday. Got to Victoria for the train home around 6.30pm. Heard the following announcement; "Southern are sorry to announce delays on service due to a person being hit by a train". This was repeated every minute with various destinations. Basically, no trains going South.

I finally got on a train about quarter to ten.

I was disgusted by what I heard, both waiting at the station, and then when on the train. People complaining about wanting to get home, about how 'inconvenient' it was. Several comments of "fucking jumpers" - one woman even said "Why can't they just go to Beachy Head if that's how they're feeling?".

It made me feel sick. Yes, everyone was tired. Yes, everyone wanted to get home. But someone had fucking DIED. And with it being announced every ten fucking seconds, there was no way you could not know what the delays were caused by.

I was disgusted with people. Either it was a horrific accident, and someone lost their life, or it wasn't an accident, and someone felt horrific enough to end their life. Either way, someone died. What is a few hours at a train station if you get home?

I don't get it.

Like I say it isn't the struggling to deal with it I am shocked about - it's the anger with the person.

If complex had said "I saw someone jump in front of a train at 12 and I still have nightmares about it, it was awful." I would totally understand that.

But "bastard" "I didn't give a toss about him" say to me that "I didn't give a shit about him but all I thought about was ME." I can understand that, in a way, at 12, but how can you say those things nearly 40 years later?

I am probably not explaining myself too well. I get being traumatised, shocked, upset, shaken, even suffering from PTSD but I CAN'T understand taking a tragedy and turning it and twisting it so it becomes all about you, I'm sorry, I just can't. That's probably 'cause it is too close to home for me though. Best hide the thread. All the best all.

Not all suicidal people 'choose' their method either. Last time I was actively planning as opposed to just having suicidal ideation, I was obsessed with drowning. I had to plan my route home from work just so I could stop at the place where I was going to die. All day at work I could tell myself that no matter how shit it was I could give in and drown myself that evening. I had lots of medication at home but I wasn't obsessed with overdosing, just drowning.

Spikey, I was a bit like that, I wanted to drown as well. I think it was the idea of floating/being taken away, I'm sorry you felt like this. Are you better now? tentatively, I am :)

I wanted to be cleansed as I went, I think, homebaked, although the desperation to do it is still etched in my mind, the reasoning behind the drowning is muddled to me. Glad you are 'tentatively' better. I just have the ideation pretty much all the time, only occasionally flares into something more serious.

I dont think you will ever see each others pov on this one, homebaked sadly because of ypur db (who you know well etc) and complex because of the horrif event you were made to witness due to soneone else who you didnt know.

anger like that doesnt just go. trauma doesnt just go. just like presumably the person who jumped pain didn't just go, hence them trying to find a very permanent solution.

sadly that will lead others to have witnessed some awful and permanent things

I can't believe you don't give a toss for a human being complex

I didn't realise I had stated that, ...and of course if I have stated that, then I am an ass. I like to think I do give a toss

It wouldn't be the first time!!

You can have sympathy with the person who has committed suicide and with the train driver who is traumatised by it whilst also feeling stressed because you're trying to get home, you're tired and so on. I can't imagine ever feeling anger towards the person who jumped. Your stress about getting home late is probably over once you've reached home or had some sleep or the weekend has come, but their family and friends and the train staff are still dealing with it.

This may be TMI so some people might not want to read this. In the 1980s I was on a mainline train which slowed down at a bend. The train in the opposite direction had stopped. There was something red on the line and train staff were standing there next to the train, showing no sign of noticing our train, which struck me as odd. As our train slowly went passed I saw a headless body wearing a business suit at the side of the line and realised that what I'd seen on the line was a bloodied head. It was around 8am on a weekday. Maybe someone had dressed for work but just couldn't take it any more. For a long time I couldn't stop thinking about that person, who he was and why he did it, and also the poor traumatised train staff. I still think of him now. I can't imagine ever getting to the point of thinking a person committing suicide was just an inconvenience to my journey.

But you said (something like) "I didn't know him, I didn't give a toss about him." I guess it is that I find hard? Sorry if I've misunderstood.

When I became suicidal, I was in my late teens. My mother had died in an accident when I was 14; it was "one of those things" - no one's fault, then 4 years later we lost our dad to cancer. I was doing my A levels and moved in with my Grandpa, but he was moved to hospital (he was very old) - at the time, I became really very unwell. I was convinced I could see and hear my parents, especially my mum, talking to me and this was strongest around water. I developed a weird phobia of rats, mice and pigeons and would have recurring nightmares about them being in my bedroom. I didn't sleep well as a result and so my thoughts became increasingly distorted.

I put on a veneer, my A level History teacher even wrote on my university applications how well I had coped, but in fact I wasn't. One particular day I was standing by a pond and I saw my dad on the other side telling me to come and join him. Of course I now realise that was my subconscious but all the same, I did see/hear him - I know he wasn't there but still. I did start to go in but my bizarre phobia saved me and I was too terrified to go in the water where rats would swim. I turned and got on my bike and flew home, sobbing.

I saw my GP the next day and at first they were quite poker faced but a counsellor at college helped me out and I saw a lovely GP who gave me a mood stabiliser which helped me rest and got rid of the visions. I found looking back through photos a huge help as a) I saw I had been greatly loved and b) I saw my parents as they had been, not the hazy distorted visions I had.

Things slowly got so much better for me, I'm not ashamed to say it happened because losing both parents is a big thing for a teenager and I think it's natural I struggled to cope. I'm so glad I didn't end my life there. But if I'd had, I'd hope people would have seen my emotions as they were. They were - terrified, lonely, frightened, unhappy, grieving, confused, desperate and scared, but not selfish.

Jan, that poor man, and poor you, and the train driver. Poor everybody. It's just so heartbreaking. I know there are many tales of bastard men on Mumsnet, but the pressure I think men feel can be huge in today's society and the recession has led to many thinking (I imagine) their wives and children would be better off without them. It just breaks my heart to think of it.

I don't think it's unreasonable at all to be irritated that you have been inconvenienced by a stranger. Your priorities are going to be with your DC, waiting at nursery or for you to come home and bath them; with the sick friend you are going to visit in hospital; with getting to your evening job on time so you don't get docked an hour's pay for lateness (when you're only doing the dodgy evening job because otherwise your house is going to be repossessed or whatever). Even if all you want to do is get home and put your feet up because you're knackered, why should you be all gloopy-eyed about someone you never met and never will meet, who has seriously inconvenienced you?

Even if all you want to do is get home and put your feet up because you're knackered, why should you be all gloopy-eyed about someone you never met and never will meet, who has seriously inconvenienced you?

Because you know that whilst you were "seriously inconvenienced", they were dying and their family is going to live with that forever and you're a human being and you should care and as a decent human being you can surely spare a thought for others' suffering.

I agree O.P how disgusting insensitive and imorale are some people. This was a human being who had lost their life whether by accident or intention it's an utter tragedy. His/Her poor family. xx

You can be sympathetic towards the person, the driver, their family as well as being concerned about the knock on effect to your own life. Many day cares charge fees for being late, and not getting home until midnight? Well, that's a week's pay gone in overtime fees for some people. Someone may lose their job if they are late again because of another train delay. Doctors and nurses may be trying to get to night shift, which then impacts other staff getting home to their own families. It is a level of selfishness in itself not to be able to see how the actions of one person can have very far reaching impacts on the lives of many people. The comments are unnecessary, but not everyone is in a position to just "get a cup of coffee".

"Because you know that whilst you were "seriously inconvenienced", they were dying"

In round numbers, 2000 people die per day in the UK, about one every forty-five seconds. Some will be old, some will be tragically young, some will be surrounded by their family, some will be alone and frightened. It's not possible to care about all, most or even some of them. No-one has sufficient compassion to go around all two thousand: we measure it out carefully, or else it doesn't mean anything. While I've been typing this, three or four people have died. What am I supposed to feel about that?

To kill yourself in such a public and violent way, is,IMO,selfish.

I say this as a former emergency services worker. I've sat with the family whilst they were informed. That was horrific. I've also been on my hands and knees with my maglight feeling under a train as the driver saw someone jump out.... We were feeling for human remains. Not a nice job at all. But many times officers have to undertake this task for real

The little brat on that occasion was playing 'chicken' but the driver was off work for a long long time with the shock of it

Friday, I know people die all the time, but most of us don't get annoyed with those people for "inconveniencing" us if their deaths happen in a way that affects our travelling home. And when you are directly aware of a particular death, of course you can feel sympathy. When you've just been told your train is delayed by a fatality, it's not 2000 people, it's mostly just one.

I commute in London and this kind of incident happens far too often.

It is a bloody inconvenience and I will admit to the odd selfish thought as I want to get home. But honestly, my overriding thought is usually that I am so glad I am not at home, getting a knock on the door from police to tell me a loved one has died in an unthinkable manner. It never escapes me that as we all race about and get highly frustrated, someone's family is falling apart.

Heysoulsister. People who commit suicide are not selfish, they're desparate. I also hope you take that back (calling a dead child a brat) Sorry but that was beyond uncalled for. x

I used to feel shocked, but I have indeed become hardened to it.

About 80 people a day kill themselves in Japan, and barely a day goes by without one or two Tokyo train lines being disrupted. At first I would always think "hell, poor guy", but thirteen years later after many hours of sitting on stuck trains, it's now "oh, fuck, what time will I get home now?".

Most of my anger is directed at the government for the appalling lack of support for people.

Here, your family can get sued to buggery if you commit suicide. Do it on the trains, and the train companies will demand compensation. Do it in your house, and it might well affect the neighbours' houses' values, especially if it is a flat, so they will demand compensation from the dead person's estate for the drop in the value of their property.

I think it's very hard not to become desensitised to it. Probably going to out myself here but on my line there have been 10 'one unders' in 11 weeks. That's ten of my colleagues lives changed forever. Why the sudden spate you may ask? Because there are websites out there recommending my line as the one to jump under because its fast and frequent. Everyone is on edge, waiting for the next one which is never a good way to spend 8 hours a day.
Thing is, out of the 10 only 2 died. That should really be publicised more, most people who jump under tube trains don't die, they often suffer horrendous burns and/or lose limbs which I don't imagine helps their desparate state of mind at all.
Wow that ended up being long, there's more I could add as its a very emotive subject for me, having sat with my best work friend sobbing his heart out after someone jumped under his train. That said, no matter how often it happens, we still have a little moment to think about the person for who things got so bad this seemed like the best option.

You can't judge someone who's pissed off at being delayed without knowing what's going on with them. Maybe they've got autism or a mental illness.

homebaked . I had a dear friend take his own life when he was told his Cancer had returned. Never once thought of him as selfish. Desperate. Yes ~

Some people are just so wrapped up in themselves and their own little world. It's horrid when you stop and think of the fall out that death will have caused such as the driver, the people who have to recover the body, the poor family receiving the shitty news etc.

I understand complexes pov. Complex I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's awful.

I was shocked do many trains were affected. I was near to where it happened and have never heard so many sirens etc

But yes People don't understand that suicide is not committed by those in their right mind. It may be selfish but imagine feeling like they were, so sa.d and desperate that killing yourself is the only way you can see out.

It brings a lump to my throat and I think people need to think about it.