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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how having two kids is easier than one?

228 replies

superstarheartbreaker · 29/08/2013 19:31

My friends tell me that two children is easier than one because they play together. I only have one and I find it really hard work. I do want another in the future but worry I won't cope.
It sounds a lot harder logistically and financially.I think it is lovely to have more than one but then I love the lifestyle I have with one. I am in no position to procreate anyway atm as am single and this is purely hypothetical. Thought I posted this thread earlier but I lost it!

OP posts:
PorridgeBrain · 01/09/2013 07:25

It's swings and roundabouts. When they are playing nicely together, it's easier than 1 because they are not demanding time from me and I get a break. However at all other times when they are either fighting with each other or individually being demanding of my time for one reason or another, then its harder as there are double the demands + the fights to sort. For me, overall its harder :)

Rewindtimeplease · 01/09/2013 07:26

3 and 6 months. Much easier and much more enjoyable than one. As a SAHM I found one quite intense. With two, I am on the go almost constantly 7 to 7, but life feels very fulfilling and, well, lovely. Generally speaking.

Getting into a decent routine from early on is the key I would say. I have a come of hours to myself over the lunchtime nap, and the evenings to my husband and I, as both are down at 7.

filee777 · 01/09/2013 07:28

I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. 2 are much easier, play together and chat to each other in the night, big one seems to have regulated the little ones sleeping pattern.

Ghanagirl · 01/09/2013 07:32

I've only ever had two as I have twins
But I find it really hard work, although getting easier as they are now six, lots of fighting always speaking to me at the same time, financially very expensiveConfused
Love them to pieces but one has to be easier

PrincessScrumpy · 01/09/2013 07:33

I have dd1 5yo and dtds 2yo and a friend told me she thought twins was easier than one baby... It's not! But it's so much more fun which balances out the hard work. Also I'm much more laid back as a parent (I probably came under the helicopter parent title with dd1)

Ghanagirl · 01/09/2013 07:53

Princessscrumpy
I used to get really upset when they were babies and would go to Gymboree and the like, there was mostly first time mums with one baby who would say either I feel sorry for you it must be awful having 2 babies or those who would say I'm sure it's easier having 2 as they play together er not so much at 6monthsConfused

Bumpsadaisie · 01/09/2013 08:17

I do agree with people that its less intense with two. I remember my first mat leave, me and 10 mth old dd at home all the time together. There was a real intensity in the non-verbal relationship and I spent every minute of my day imagining what life must be like for her and what she was wanting/feeling.

With two it was much more of a noisy jumble and my relationship with DS is much less full on and more relaxed. His experience of childhood is v different to DDs, he's had DD around him all the time playing with him etc with me in the background. With Dd I'm sure I was much more in her face all the time.

Flibbedyjibbet · 01/09/2013 08:32

I have 2, DD1 is 3.2, DD2 is 9 months. I am exhausted. As mentioned above as soon as DD2 got mobile squabbling began. DD2 is bf, still not accepting a bottle, DD1 always needs a poo/drink/some other bloody thing when I sit down to eat or feed her sister.

I feel guilty all the time. If I spontaneously kiss one I feel like I have to kiss the other. I probably over compensate, I'm an only child so have no experience of how a parent distributes time and affection.

And my poor house, it will never recover. Packing for a day out and unloading the car at other side...urgh.

I do sometimes think what on earth were we thinking of.

And then the sun comes out from behind the clouds and they giggle together or DD1 will just randomly kiss DD2... nice moments, far between ha ha

Zoe900 · 01/09/2013 09:06

it's so tough that first year with a dc2. the moment I took dc2 home from hospital dc1 turned from my sweet little angel into a petulant fight-my-corner-cos-I-have-to angry girl.

jemmacutts25 · 01/09/2013 10:15

Hi :) well i have four boys! and i think it's easier than having one because they can all play together....well most of the time anyway! i think when i had just the one, he wanted all of my attention all of the time, also made it easier to spoil just one too, having multiple has helped them with things like sharing also.

Willemdefoeismine · 01/09/2013 12:18

I'm not sure and as the parent of children with a five year age gap I would say it's not ideal if they're not the same gender. I have found the last couple of years particularly difficult, trying to marry the needs of a younger DD and older DS - it has not been easy by any stretch of the imagination.

I also think that with a larger age gap, yes it is easier once the older one has started school but there again it's effectively like having two only children.

Just my opinion though......

Only children get lots of attention and tend to grow up and be mature quite young. I also feel that they tend to be brighter because they get that undivided attention from their parent(s). On the other hand the only children I know tend to be rather precious (or spoiled or both) and they do get lonely.....

Rattle · 01/09/2013 12:32

I have two with 5 years apart. My holiday will start when the oldest will go back to school. I enjoy having the second, but sometimes forget that the first needs equal attention, as he can manages many things by himself but still a little child.

GwennieF · 01/09/2013 15:09

Having just one is a hell of a lot easier! You don't appreciate it, though, until number 2 arrives! By that stage it's too late!

Saying that, I don't think it's double the work... but my 2 have only 18 months between them and play relatively well together.

According to my brother the trouble only really starts when you have 3 and the kids outnumber the adults...

Charlottehere · 01/09/2013 17:56

My first two are girls, just under three years apart and fight like cat and dog. I think two sibs getting on is more luck and personality.

PacificDogwood · 01/09/2013 18:19

Having any one of my 4 on their own is a rare and enjoyable pleasure.

Any combination of 2 or more, requires more nervous energy.

I did often wonder when I was in the neverending fog that was the first year or 2 after having had DS2 exactly 12 months after having had DS1 whether twins would've been easier or harder Grin.
And was then terrified I might be expecting twins when I was pregnant with DS3 (who was a single baby)...

Re fighting: yes, FAR more to do with personalities than age gap/gender IMO and IME

PavlovtheCat · 01/09/2013 20:50

hahahahahaahahaha!

She is telling you lies.

It is fabulous, enjoyable, brilliant. They play together, they love each other, they both have fab personalities and I would not be without either of them. It is the best decision ever and the rewards are immense.

But, easier? Not a fucking chance. It's the hardest job I have ever ever done, raising two.

sandiy · 01/09/2013 21:30

I've got twins and a spare 13 months younger.Ive never had just one child so could nt tell you if it's easier or harder but what I can say is at the age they are now it's bliss.Old enough to be independant young enough to still need lots of love.Ive had the most amazing summer sat on the beach reading and watching them swim body board build sand castles even at home they knock about together really nicely It was tough for the first few years but not that bad I still work and am a lone paren and have just finished post grad study so I would say while it may not be easier it feels very rewarding.I am so proud of my children and frequently complimented on what nice considerate balanced children they are I'm sure that's because they've never been pfb always taking turns and sharing.Of course I may just have got lucky and I'm sure they will be hellish as teens.

Bunnyjo · 01/09/2013 23:07

I have a 3.9yr gap between DD and DS. Having two children is NOT easier, but I can see why people would allude to it being so.

When my first child was born she literally turned my life upside down - days became nights, nights became days and I was completely responsible for ensuring the comfort and safety of this tiny little being. Everything was/is new with my first DC; from the newborn stage, to school and beyond - and that, in itself, can be scary.

When my second was born he had to, somehow, fit into the family routine we had. The difference was I had experience and knowledge I could fall back on. Not everything was new anymore, and I was more confident in my abilities and opinions, as a parent.

So, whilst it is not easier having 2 children by any stretch of the imagination, in my opinion having a second child does not completely upturn your life in the way that having a first child does.

ThreeTomatoes · 02/09/2013 07:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ladymontdore · 02/09/2013 08:54

Haven't read the whole thread - but it must be scary for people expecting number 2.
I love having two. A 22 mnth gap. The first year was hard but now they are 5 1/2 & 3 1/2 and the best of companions. They are in the next room right now in their own little world of imagination, a queen & a pirate I think. If they are feeling a bit shy their little hands unconsciously reach out for each other - always gives me a tear. They fight like anything at times and know exactly how to most provoke each other. I guess it is more work, more shouting anyway, and I don't enjoy the school run! But very worth it, I have siblings but a big age gap and spent lots of time entertaining myself - I feel almost envious when I see my two playing together.

Bumpsadaisie · 02/09/2013 10:23

I agree Lady - I love my sister but with 7 years between us we were never a little gang like my two are.

jenny77 · 02/09/2013 10:50

I have two who are 3 and 5. They used to have really horrible fights, but now play together and it's lovely. Much easier than having to entertain one!

MCos · 02/09/2013 11:28

I have 2 DDs, 22 month gap. 2 definitely easier than one for me.

They have been the best of pals since the youngest was about 2 or 2 1/2. If one is at a birthday party or other event, the child left at home doesn't know what to do with herself. (But, there are several arguments/hurt feelings each day - but usually very short lived).

If they were different sex, or larger age gap, I'm not sure it would work like this. I see cousins with 6 year gap, where the children have nothing in common and much more sibling rivalry.

MCos · 02/09/2013 11:32

ThreeTomatoes - like your mom - I too give my girls more freedom when they are together than I would give to a child on their own. I feel there is safety in numbers, and if a tricky situation occurs they have backup from their sister. (I hope there is better chance of at least one of them remembering 'what Mom said'...)

BreakfastEpiphany · 02/09/2013 15:32

Not harder, just more frenetic (have 2 and 6 months). Baby incredibly easy, no learning, no anxiety. Toddler will always be 'first time' but already they are entertaining each other. I am currently at home but get some help from family my mum is great, also I get out of the house and into the buggy for a walk most mornings to entertain them. hard to stay anywhere near on top of housework though

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