To wonder how having two kids is easier than one?

[superstarheartbreaker]

My friends tell me that two children is easier than one because they play together. I only have one and I find it really hard work. I do want another in the future but worry I won't cope.
It sounds a lot harder logistically and financially.I think it is lovely to have more than one but then I love the lifestyle I have with one. I am in no position to procreate anyway atm as am single and this is purely hypothetical. Thought I posted this thread earlier but I lost it!

[becscertainstar]

What do you mean by 'bratty' ringaringarosy? I understand you were trying to think of a nicer word, but what exactly were you trying to describe?

[secretscwirrels]

Many of those saying it's harder have very small children. That is a really short phase.

The first year is harder but then it gets easier and easier for every year they get older. I say this based on a two year age gap and same sex siblings who have always played together.
Even now they are teenagers it is easier. During these holidays they have been doing stuff together, cinema, swimming etc.
People I know with one child seem eternally required to be the companion, and holidays with one are trickier as they get older.

[Mamatomanymunchkins]

I now have 5 DC age between 6mths and 11 yrs.

When I had first child couldn't believe how life changed and all the work involved, then when had second couldn't believe how easy I had it with just one, and so it goes on.......

[Crowler]

My kids are almost 8, almost 11.

I now find that when one is on a sleepover, my life becomes pretty hard. That's when I realize how much they entertain each other.

When they were little, I often found it so hard I just wanted to die.

[ringaringarosy]

well they dont want to share,dont want to take it in turns,tell tales on things that can be easily sorted amongst themselves,want all the attention,obviously not all of them are like this as like i said it depends on the situation,but my children who are at school,the older 2,their friends are like it.

You expect that kind of behaviour from kids when they are little,like 2 or 3,but not at 5 or 6!

[forevergreek]

I find it easier. We have a small gap ( 15 months), and tegu have always played together.
From the beginning they went into same feeding/ sleeping/ playing etc schedule.
And being close in age means they can go to same classes and groups.
They play together at home and when out meaning I don't have to always be the playmate or find another child

[SmiteYouWithThunderbolts]

Two children can be easier than one. Two babies or toddlers, definitely not.

It also depends on the age gap. I have four children (and lots of grey hair). My 8 year old is amazingly helpful with my 4 year old and 15 month old. However, pair him up with my 7 year old and they just fight non-stop. When they were both tiny, it was often hell on earth. They have been known (when they were younger) to run off in opposite directions in the supermarket, leaving me in the middle deciding which was my favourite and should be chased after.

[RememberYoureAWomble]

Two is definitely more work than one, but once they are both eating the same food as the grown ups and can walk places by themselves, it gets easier I think. You do have some sibling rivalry to deal with, but every fight they have helps to teach them how to deal with a conflict (which is not to say I don't sometimes lose the plot after hearing the same argument for what feels like the zillionth time). My DS (6) has quite a temper at times, but is already learning how to control it as a result of frequent disputes with his 3 year old sister. If he could only learn this at school and on playdates I imagine it would take him a lot longer and we might have to see his teacher quite a lot.

Also on the plus side you don't have to teach a second child nearly as many things - they just pick it up off their older sibling as they are desperate to be just like them.

Overall, more work in terms of more washing, more complicated bedtimes, etc as there is an extra person and definitely more arbitration skills required, but interactions between the kids are very funny at times and I think it teaches them an awful lot to have a sibling. They also clearly adore each other (between the arguments) and it gives them someone later in life who will hopefully always be there for them. Totally worth it in my opinion.

PS To someone further up the thread who said there's lots of competition for who gets first turn at everything, I picked up a tip off the internet that has saved my sanity in this regard - we write the initial of each child alternately on all the days on our calendar - whoever's initial is on today, it's their turn to go first. No more arguments! (about this anyway)

[trickydickie]

One is as good as none. (Another mn saying and very true!).

[doublemuvver]

No idea, I got twins so I know no different!

[BooCanary]

Two are definitely harder work. There are occasional glorious moments when they play nicely together and I start to think that two can be easier than one, but then they start kicking the shit out of each other and I remember the reality!

Age 2 and 5 were the best years and DC2 did whatever DC1 told him to do. Now DC2 has opinions of his own (4yo) and DC1 wants to read quietly/build intricate lego/play on ipad. Plus everytime I try to spend some 1on1 time with one of the them, unless the other one is with DH, it always ends in strops.

Saying that, nothing is harder work than a newborn baby and a toddler

What gets me is people with just one baby who can't seem to understand why people who have a toddler and a baby can't go shopping for hours/have a leisurely meal in a restaurant/sleep when the baby is sleeping.

[smoothieooo]

IME it is harder with 2. Emphasised by the fact that I didn't appreciate just how easy DS1 was (slept through the night, napped for at least 2 hours during the day and although he had a lot of attention was also happy to just sit and watch the world). DS2 made things 10 x harder. There are 18 months between them and I naively assumed that a smaller age gap meant they'd get on really well.... but they are so different (we're talking polar opposites) it is rare that they actually want to spend time together (and they are now 15 and 13)!

[DalmationDots]

I found two easier in that the spolit child tendancies of number 1, stuff like demanding attention, getting what they want at meal times as there is no other child to say I want X when child1 wants Y, not learning sharing particularly well.. etc.. all went rather quickly after a few tantrums and a bit of discipline.

That was probably me being a bit rubbish at parenting just one, with one it is easy to slip into habits and be relatively unaware that your little angel may not be such an angel in a group situation. Once you have two, you become less my DC are perfect, you see them argue and have to deal with it and stop the behaviour.
It is lovely when they play together and I found bringing up DD easier as I had done it before with DS. I can't imagine how either of them would be without a sibling.

Not sure it made life easier, but made life better for us. (But everyone is different)

[blueshoes]

Superstar, maybe because you have an easy baby/child that can entertain him/herself?

Both my dcs needed a lot of parental attention particularly as babies and could not entertain themselves. So when they started to play with each other (when ds was about 18 months) my life changed. The juggling and everything else paled on comparison with the extra time and freedom I discovered because they would increasingly leave me alone.

2 is definitely easier than one, in my case. Of course, I am very lucky in that dd and ds play so well together. It may not have worked out that way. But I figure there is a god and it is payback well deserved for dh and I enduring their horrendous baby days.

[hullmum31]

Personally I have found having 2 children to be sheer hell! Obviously I love them dearly and have no regrets but I do think about how much easier life was when I only had one. I have 2 boys, one is 5 and one is 2. I really love spending time with them individually which I do occasionally get to do, but when they are together my life is just one bloody hard slog and some days they drive me to tears (actually most days!). No pleasure without pain though and my boys are my everything.

[Want2bSupermum]

For me going from one to two has seen the amount of work increase. I don't know if it doubled or what but it got to the point where we needed to change the way we were functioning as a family. There is a 19 month age gap between DD and DS. DD is going through the terrible 2's and we pulled her out of daycare. She is now home with our neighbour who has raised 3 kids (2 with ADD) and ran a daycare back in the day. Her behaviour is improving now she has firmer boundaries.

While cleaning is the same there are more dishes and laundry. DS has reflux and the laundry was so volumous I got a 2nd washing machine. Sounds silly but doing two loads at once saves me so much time. I did 4 loads of laundry last night in two hours.

With a toddler and baby I plan out days down to the half hour. Everyone including the dog is on a schedule and there is a routine. It is the only way I can make sure everyone's needs are met.

[GetYourSocksOff]

This thread is great, I've read some and will go back and read properly in a sec but won't have time to post if it do that first!

I feel such relief though just from the replies I've already read. Mine are still under 5 and I am absolutely definitely not finding it easier with 2. I feel outnumbered most of the time. They don't play nicely together, DS is too rough and DD messes up his stuff (she's only 15 months so just barges her way in) and chaos ensues. They both want what the other has, regardless of whether it interests them at that moment, and that includes me. I find it very difficult to find indoor activities which will accommodate both as they are at completely different stages.

There are fantastic moments but generally my internal dialogue is simply going aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrggggggggh hhhhhh is it bedtime yet

(I am only able to post because they both fell asleep in the car which is bad because it's too late and I'll have to wake them in a minute and they'll both be grumpy as hell and dinner will be a nightmare.... but sod it - I can actually feel the quiet)

[Taffeta]

My DS is very high maintenance. If I hadn't had DD, his attention needs would have expanded to fill the gap.

[GetYourSocksOff]

want2be yy the only way I can keep some sort of order is using a 30min block timetable! But we've moved on since I did the last one and I'm waiting until DS goes to school next week to 'reset'.

[mummysboys1980]

I'm massively relieved reading this thread. I actually thought I was pretty lame struggling with 2 kids at times ( aged 4.5 and 9months).

[Snatchoo]

I have four and a half year old twins and a nearly two year old.

I agree with Rhino ^ up there, when I take just one twin out it is a walk in the park! The almost two year old used to be easy too but he's turned into a right little bugger lately

Mine are all boys, and although they do play together, it's more a case of barely contained wrestling that has me fraught that someone is going to get hurt.

Which they usually do.

[Manoodledo]

Ha ha, I was just about to post that I was enjoying fabulous peace with my 7 and almost 4 yr old out playing in the garden when a fight broke out and I had to go and referee. In general though I'm so glad we have 2. I think there are a lot of factors involved though. The age gap is important and temperament of the children and whether they get on. Mine have been great friends recently (although DS1 has just told DS2 he's the worst brother ever, 2 mins later though and they are laughing together). Even in the early days it wasn't too bad as DS1 was reasonably independent and also he completely ignored DS2 so there was no fighting. Or maybe I've blocked it out.
I am currently days away from having DC3. I have no idea how that will affect things. I am worried about the age gap that it will be hard to find things to do all together. But I will effectively have only one child at home most of the time, which will probably help. I'm also looking forward (naively perhaps) to seeing what kind of big brothers they will be, especially DS1 who is really looking forward to the baby coming.

[Wuldric]

Here's another thread about how having two is quite hard ...

[peanutbutterandbanana]

What an interesting question! I speak as one who has 3 and the youngest is 10 so I have got through the tough time of very littlies, but have 2 teenagers in the house . DC2 was born when DC1 was 3.5 and I definitely found life much easier once DC2 hit 7 months and started sitting up and the two began responding to each other. DC1 needed company and friendship when on her own and I've noticed that friends who have one child tend to a) get their own lives back much quicker (as child has to fit in with them rather than the other way round so holidays get back to being more adult focused fairly quickly for example) and b) the child gets or needs attention so parent can sometimes be tearing their hair out as they rarely get away from demands of child for more years than those who have a second - so swings and roundabouts.

I agree with Ghoul that two children are probs 1.5 times the work of one but 3 children seems to be double the work of 2. But just wonderful watching the dynamics between them change and develop as they get older.

[PacificDogwood]

Ah well, all your stories just prove that it is more difficult and less difficult having more than one child - I knew that already

The most stupid untrue pearl of wisdom I was given when expecting DS4 was: "Every child more than three, looks after themselves" .
Em, my DS4 certainly didn't. And still doesn't... he is only 3, so fair enough