To wonder how having two kids is easier than one?

[superstarheartbreaker]

My friends tell me that two children is easier than one because they play together. I only have one and I find it really hard work. I do want another in the future but worry I won't cope.
It sounds a lot harder logistically and financially.I think it is lovely to have more than one but then I love the lifestyle I have with one. I am in no position to procreate anyway atm as am single and this is purely hypothetical. Thought I posted this thread earlier but I lost it!

Hmm. To be fair I haven't found it harder. I have DS 2.4 and DD 21 weeks.

I found it heinously hard with DS and find it heinously hard with the two of them. But not harder.

I have two and I think it is easier. HOWEVER my first was special needs so I think that is probably why. They are 2 1/2 and 4 1/2 and will play with each other for bits of the day, sometimes half an hour or so. Number 3 on the way so I am in for even more trouble. I am going with the removing the plaster theory that quick might be more painful but at least it is over sooner.

I don't know the answer to this, only having one child myself. What I do know is that all of my friends with more than one child are tearing their hair out waiting for school to go back next week, whereas those of us with an only have enjoyed the holidays and would happily have another week if we could.

2 is not easier, but having a second baby is easier (even a nightmare like ds)

Harder on the whole, but easier in some ways, have two boys, 2yr9month gap, now aged 3 and 6. Older boy has just been shut in the garden for wrecking the younger ones train set. They fight, the house is never as clean as I want, I am knackered and overwhelmed, but it is easier than the very early years. Think that a lot of the fighting comes from sibling rivalry, mainly the older one wanted to be top dog all the time, find that and the noise v stressful. However, there are times when they play and laugh together. In my darker moments wonder if I should have stopped at 1, cause I would at least be doing that child properly, I am definately more slap dash than I ever meant to be and would love to feel more in control. Also worry cause my older one (very proud of him for this btw) is very clever at school and brilliant at football, has just been selected to do advanced training etc), which is great but hope that the younger one has areas that he excels in too for the sake of his self-esteem. I say this cause I was the younger sister who was noticeably not as bright, to this day don't earn as much, not talented at anything really etc.

I only have one so you may wish to disregard my opinion!

However I have been pondering this a lot recently. I think whether you find it easier or harder probably depends on what you find good/hard/easy/boring etc as a parent. The thing I struggle with most having one is DS always seeking me out as his main playmate, entertainer, etc, and him always wanting me to be interested in the things that he likes such as Ben 10 or whatever - snore! So I think if i have more children I would find them playing together, sharing some interests etc, a relief. I also think it's easier to help teach problem solving, sharing chores etc, when there are more than one of them, and I know it's not the same, but I've found it fairly easy to do conflict management when we spend time with friends' DC.

I can see with two+ you would get more of the "mummy, watch me/look at this/ listen to my joke" (although holding out a vague hope that this would be balanced by them telling each other some of the time, and at least there would be a variety of personalities and stages rather than 10 million knock knock jokes all on the same theme). And oviobsly the housework would increase (but I barely do any housework anyway). I think the biggest one for me would be conflicting needs and also the practical considerations - having to buy 2 of everything, extra entry costs, less freedom to just go and do things on a whim due to extra transport costs etc and needing more space as a family.

But we will see! If we have any more DS will be at least 6 so quite a large age gap and I think I'd want more than one more in order to have the benefit of them being close in age and not being effectively stuck with a single child who needs a lot of entertainment when DS hits the teen years.

Our 2 are 6 & 8.

I have found these holidays a total breeze because they play from morning to night together, the eldest reads to his brother, they watch TV together and occasionally fight

If one of them goes to a friend's to play, the other is lost (and we don't know what to do with him!) - luckily they are close enough in age to play with each other's friends too.

I say 2 is definitely easier past age 6.

I have one child, I have never even considered having two. I think it's easier to give one child all the attention they need, things get trickier and more thinly spread when you have two. I don't think I'd cope well with sibling rivalry, because I had enough of that growing up. Hats off to anyone that manages to bring up two children or more and still manages to have a nice life.

I once read that if you have one child you still have a few bits of free time to yourself. When you have two, that is gone.

I think things are easier for me also because I don't have a manchild to look after.

DC#2 is considerably easier than DC#1 was (more experience, no time/energy/inclination for PFB): having just him is a holiday. An utter breeze. And when you only have one you actually can 'sleep when the baby sleeps': not remotely possible when you have two.

The issue is having both of them to look after together. And then it's constant. I don't sit down: one of them always needs something - a nappy change, the potty, a drink, a bath etc etc. And then there always seems to be laundry/grocery shopping/cleaning etc. And we don't have a car so I push a double stroller everywhere. I maybe get an hour to myself in the evening to sit and read if I can get both of them down. I feel woozy and light headed a lot of the time I'm so tired. One was ridiculously easy compared to the incessant, repetitive lifestyle of looking after two.

I found 1 to 2 really hard for the first few years. Definitely easier now as they have each other. I have 4.

I think it depends on the DCs personalities and how well they get on and if they have the same interests

Mine are just 5 and 3.5 and it is pretty easy and has been for ages but they're best friends, adore eachother so play for hours and rarely fight. They like the same things so its not hard to find activities for them.

On the other hand I have a friend with 2 same ages who are chalk and cheese and her life is infinitiely harder than mine as shes always pulled between them.

A lot of luck involved!

I think it's just different, not easier. And I think a lot depends on not just the children's personalities but also yours as a mum. I've just had no4, I love having a big family and all the noise and busy-ness it brings. I look at my friends with 1 or 2 and honestly think I'd be bored
However I accept that I'm no domestic goddess, my house is only occasionally tidy, I don't iron etc!
I think you lower your standards a bit with each child, but the advantage is the fun your kids have playing together, and how much they learn from each other eg sharing, entertaining themselves, looking after each other etc.
Hmm that sounds like I live in a hovel but its not that bad honestly

Mine are 7 and 5, both boys and I find it easier in the way that they play together, particularly on holiday or if I am trying to do stuff at home. They like similar things and are close enough in age to play with the same stuff. It has got easier as they have got older as the age gap seems smaller now.

My friends who have just one say they find it hard as they are the sole source of amusement for their DC which they find tiring at times, those friends say they would love another. I can't imagine having just one but I also know lots of people who would never want more either.

However obviously playing together also means fighting together . . .

I have two dds aged 7&5 and they are best friends. It is harder practically in terms of housework etc but its miles easier in terms of demands on my time so I have lots of spare time to catch up with the practical side. Holidays and days out are a breeze as they play so well. Though I think its harder with mixed sexes maybe? none of my friends kids (who have one of each) play together so I think 2 kids of the same sex are easier than mixed but that's just my observation.

Personally, I had dd2 purely for dd1 as I think its important to have that best friend and everyday I instill that into them. When I see how much each of them gains from having a sibling, I think its worth every bit of any extra effort.

Caitlin Moran wrote that having one child is like having a pet, having two is like running a zoo.

I have decided to stick with my one DD

She's right.

How the feck does that mum off the telly cope with 16? I marvel over that every say with my two. Every day I make it through without Valium is a day I am proud of myself.

As soon as a child is 8 it takes over the care of a younger one. .

Hell no! "They will play together" - NOT! My eldest was not at all interested in playing with my youngest until he could talk. Yes, now they play together but they also fight a lot. Most definitely hard work having two boys under five. I'm told it will get easier.... not convinced!

The shock of going from working full time to 6 months maternity leave with pfb massive shock to my system! Going from 1 to 2 I found easy, routine already in place, worked ; data a week by then, more work, much more tired but nothing like the culture shock as my first. Dc3 had been both hard and easy. Friends with I dc tell me about how I would k is hard work if I had a dc as 'demanding' as theur's I just ignore...I'm also s single parent and walking half hour each way school/preschool 6 times a day : days after emergency c section with dc3 I wouldn't know hard work

Well, my gran (just turned 100) spent a lifetime resenting the fact that she was expected to look after her 9 year younger brother when they were little I exaggerate; she did not like the expectation, but very much loved her brother.

I like the "1=pet, 2= zoo" theory. I wonder what 4 boys under 10 makes? A war zone? .

My son is much better when he's around other people. He always was, even as an infant.

I was petrified about having another because he was so much work. But actually it's even really ok. I don't know if it's because the second baby is an easy personality in comparison, or whether I am not much more experienced and that makes a lot of difference.

I was always told that it's easier to have 2 of your own because if you don't, you'll spend your time either being the playmate, or arranging a playmate to come over. And it can be much harder to enforce your home rules with other peoples children not always, but certainly sometimes

My family have had decent gaps between all their kids and the older children like to play 'Mum' with the younger ones. While they shouldn't be used as childminders, it does sometimes help a bit, and they are entertained while doing so as well!

Of course all kids are different and you never know what temperament and personality you'll get, but in really glad I went for two and its really not as bad as I'd feared.

Maybe it helps not having 2 in nappies and such like though?

I admit I haven't read the thread. I have three DC. DS1 is 16, DS2 is 12 & DD is 2.

I think my age gaps are actually too big for the whole "easier because they play together" lark.

I am hopeful of being able to get a babysitter for DD in a couple of years' time though .

I think a lot depends on what your second is like as a baby and the character of your eldest/how they cope with the new baby.

The ideal scenario is that your second is an "easy" baby, who really just needs feeding and cuddles and who is happy to sit around in a bouncy chair watching proceedings and playing with his feet. This means its not too much of an upheaval to your eldest, who you can still give plenty of attention too and who probably will therefore feel quite positive towards the baby. It helps too if your eldest is the kind of child who is inclined towards feeling motherly towards the younger one.

If though your second baby is high needs, won't be put down, and your toddler is also a high needs child, then your toddler is going to feel very displaced and is much more likely to have big jealously issues.

I was immensely lucky with mine. DS (no.2) was an easy going baby and DD (no.1) is a gentle, quite motherly kind of girl. They do have their spats from time to time but they adore each other. DD is genuinely proud of him and fascinated by watching her brother learn all his new tricks. She is going to school soon and not sure what DS is going to do all day without her!

I have 3, and I'd have kept going if it wasn't a problem financially. I think 1 was MUCH harder work than 3. We have a 3 yr and 14 month age gap and if I knew then what I know now I would have squished them up as close as possible!