To wonder how having two kids is easier than one?

[superstarheartbreaker]

My friends tell me that two children is easier than one because they play together. I only have one and I find it really hard work. I do want another in the future but worry I won't cope.
It sounds a lot harder logistically and financially.I think it is lovely to have more than one but then I love the lifestyle I have with one. I am in no position to procreate anyway atm as am single and this is purely hypothetical. Thought I posted this thread earlier but I lost it!

[DeckSwabber]

Depends how old they are - different stages present different pros and cons.

Depends on the age gap.

Depends how much room you have.

Depends on the children's personalities.

Mine generally get on and always have but I was lucky. They have enough shared interests for us to do stuff together, not too many years between them.

I know lots of people with one who have a wonderful, close relationship with that one child.

I know people who have larger families where the children are like chalk and cheese and its really hard work, though in the long term I think they will have very rich family experience as a result.

[Junebugjr]

A big reason for having Dd2 was to have a pal for Dd1 to play with, making things easier for us when they were a bit older

Dd's are 5 and 2 an a half, so I'm hoping and praying in a few years this comes true. Atm they are in the playing for 5mins, then fighting stage.
It is harder, no doubt about that, i don't find the mess, household work much different than having 1, but mentally I find it more wearing.

Also, I really enjoy my older 1, but find going through the same old stages of toddlerhood/pottytraining/tantrums with dd2 extremely boring, as I've done it all with dd1, didnt enjoy it then and just can't wait until dd2 reaches 4/5 and its all over. That's a reflection on my hate for the baby/toddler years though. I think it would be quite enjoyable having 2, ages 5 and up, although I'm prepared to be told different!!

[lade]

I do think it is a lot harder when they're younger, but gets so much easier as they get older.

My DDs are almost 10 & 7 now. They're perfectly capable of getting up, getting their own breakfast, making me a cup of tea and so on. The actual care for them is very little now, as they are generally quite self sufficient. I would say DD2 adds to the washing, but most other things she doesn't particularly. She gets her own breakfast, dresses herself, washes herself (supervised ESP on hair wash days), yes we cook for her, but we'd be cooking anyway and her hobbies all fit inside the hours of DD1s hobbies. So there's very little 'cost' to her.

However, the benefit is that she entertains DD1. They go off to the park together, and won't come back until lunch. When they're together, they don't need me to entertain them. This school holiday, I've barely seen them as they've been off out and about together.

Yes, they argue from time to time, but they play together more.
I would say now that the benefits outweigh the costs ATM.

[Junebugjr]

That's EXACTLY what I wanted to hear lade! Only 5 more years to wait!

[kay1975]

We always wanted our two children close together and the boys are 6 and 7, 13months apart. They are very close and play together all the time, I've even managed to sleep in till 8am during the hols sometimes because they keep each other entertained in the morning! I'm not sure it would have been the same if I'd had 1 boy and 1 girl tho!!

[Guitargirl]

DD and DS are aged 6 and 4 and now it's great. The first year after DS's birth was like bootcamp and I approached it like that tbh. Now they are best pals. When DD started school 2 years ago DS found the adjustment very difficult, he used to cry every morning waving her off.

[margot1962]

My two are 22 months apart and they are the best of friends! It wasn't always the case during the teenage years, for about 3 years, but they love each other now and played well when they were little. I really can't understand anyone saying it's "not fair" to the older sibling to have a younger sibling! Remember, they will be adults long after you've gone and hopefully have a lifelong friend and shared memories!

[nooka]

I remember someone saying of having two children than having one was like having a pet, and having two was like having a zoo and I thought they weren't that far off

My two are 16mths apart and the first couple of years were for us pretty hellish. However I think that was partly because dd (no2) was a very demanding baby, and also because neither dh or I are really very keen on babies.

Once they got of an age to play I think generally it has been easier, not easier than having a singleton perhaps but definitely easier than friends of mine with bigger gaps.

Mainly because ds and dd have always been very close (they do fight, but not in a particularly bad or frequent way - or maybe I'm just good at screening that out!) It helps that they are really at a very similar developmental age (even now at 14 and nearly 13) and most of the time into similar stuff. Some logistical issues, but then can also be left alone together pretty happily. They give each other a lot of support, and I hope when they are older potential boyfriends/girlfriends will be easier to find among their friendship groups (that's why I wanted a not quite as older as he was big brother anyway!)

[SquidgyMummy]

I just have DS who is almost 3. Really would like a #2 but am almost 43 so probably not possible and DP not keen

Most telling was having friends with a 2 yo & 3yo to stay for a month over the summer. The noise was constant from about 7am till 10pm (friend liked her lo's to stay up late during the hols.)

I wasted spent most of my summer trying to seperate 3 toddlers.
We were just exhausted when they left and really appreciated our generally quiet, self entertaining DS...

But i do wish he had a playmate for those days out and holidays; but he knows no different as he has the full time attention of his Mum & Dad.

[GlobalWarning]

I think it's easier. But I only had one for 18 months so nothing to compare it too really. If we had one, we would have more money and our pfb would have been perfect.

But we chose to have another. She broke us all. Ds used to sleep, dd never so woke us all up every night for two years.

Finally now they are 4&6 it is utterly worth it. They are best friends. They tell on each other a lot, but as soon as we tell the guilty one off, the other one pipes up and gets upset as us for telling off their brother or sister. Which tells me they have a great bond. When we finally go, they will have each other. They help each other and tidy up, get breakfast, do homework, read stories etc. it's lovely.

The first 3 years were hard, the baby stage, toilet training etc. but once that was done, the last year my life has been so much easier. They play for hours together and I can do so much more. And we has all found a family balance. I wouldn't tip that with a third though

[Tubemole1]

I was considering adding another baby to counteract my nrly 7yr olds massive attention seeking. After taking charge one day of my niece and nephew one day on a day trip involving public transport, with my daughter as well, I am so glad we stuck to one.

I am worried about spoiling my daughter but she is high maintenence enough for me. After a day of constantly splitting up the siblings to prevent killing each other, I realised how peaceful our little household is. I have enough on my plate guiding one little soul to potential fabulousness, any more would turn me into a shell of my former self.

[paperlantern]

posted earlier but wanted to post in more detail.

The age gap between mine was a very planned 18 months. it was well thought out, play companions same development stages etc. It's utter tosh.

1. play companion you can just invite friends over more, take them out.
   
   
2. development stages. because of SN my two still ended up at different development stages but dd was less independent making it harder.
   
   
3. housing with one you can guarantee that you will only ever NEED a two bed place. mine (girl+boy) were lethal sharing a room from 2ish
   
   
4. after school activities are totally restricted because my two can't be at the same school therefore and have very different needs.
   
   love both heartily, but good god it would have been so much easier (and easier to maintain a career) with one. honestly I can't see there are any advantages of more that cant be covered someway with 1

[paperlantern]

oh and the physical (made worse having two close together) and emotional toll of a bad pregnancy when you have a very dependent 1 year old

[Parmarella]

For me having two was MUCH harder until they were 4 and 6 when it became MUCH easier, and still is ( 8 and 10 now)

That is having two boys with a 2.5 yr age gap.

They play lego together, computer games and play cricket/football/random games outside.

This summer has been a doddle as a result, saying that, 5/. Of the time they fight and argue, but are getting better at solving conflicts themselves

[Parmarella]

I see I say the same as Global, almost :)

[Dancergirl]

I have 3 and I love it.

Of course or depends on the child but the amount of 'work' really depends on your attitude. Now my oldest is 12, I can really see how fast it goes (sorry about the cliche!), and that when your dc are v small is really such a short period of time.

My older 2 are only 21 months apart and for me the hardest bit was from 1-2. Two babies effectively. I just muddled through that first year. But I look at them now aged 12 and 10.5 and in spite of a bit of bickering, they really have a lot of sisterly fun together.

Dd3 is 4 years younger than dd2 and she's a bit on her own really. I do try and encourage the older 2 to include her but tbh a 6 year old is really quite different from a 10 year old plus dd3 is quite naughty and lashes out in frustration. My parenting has been challenged with dd3! But in spite of all that, I absolutely love her to bits and know that in only a few years, she won't be little any more. Really trying to make the most of everything. I get less annoyed about toys and clutter around as I know on a few years time we won't have many toys at home!

This summer I have realised that IMO the primary school age years are the best. You're past nappies/toddlers/buggies etc, you can go out and about and really enjoy your dc. Dd1 is 12 and still enjoys family outings with us, I know that won't last either so I'm making the most of that too.

[Iggity]

Two definitely seem like much more work.

I speak as a mother of one and say this as an observer of others with 2+ and having 4 siblings. Despite wanting to have more, I couldn't for medical reasons but I sometimes wonder if it was a blessing in disguise as I don't think I would have the patience or energy. We have a pretty easy DS but he's enough on his own. I bow down to those with more than one.

[TheNewson]

Never known any different, having twins; though everyone tells me it's easy that i had two at same time ho ho........
When I just have one the noise levels go right down and their behaviour is always betterwhen not in a collective; but then I love hearing them laugh together. When you have two and are trying to juggle one sick child at home and one in school that's really hard.

[Takver]

I can't comment on having two from experience, but I can tell you that having an only child is really not that much work! Especially when they are 11

[StitchingMoss]

I agree with those who say it's hard to generalise - I have two, same gender and only 16 months apart and they really are the best of friends. They play for hours without needing my intervention (small squabbles are left for them to sort out and they rarely resort to anything worse).

They have actually asked if I can "make them be twins" because they want to share everything !

I'm dreading the end of the school holidays because DS2 is going to be bereft when DS1 goes back to school .

Reading this thread makes me realise how incredibly lucky we are that they get on so well!

[TorchesTorches]

I have an 18 month gap and DD is just over 2, DS is 8 months. He isn't sleeping well and that determines how easy i find the day. If he wakes only once, the day mightbe ok, if he wakes multiple times it can be hellish. They rarely nap simultaneously, and i find i am willing DH home every day. Having said that practise is making things easier and i am clinging to the generally agreed wisdom it gets easier when the youngest is 3.

[Spongingbobsunderpants]

I think it's a different version of hard having two. When I had just ds, I thought it was the hardest thing in the world - I constantly worried he was getting enough stimulation, eating enough healthy food etc, all that pfb stuff. When dd came al

[Thefallentowerofpisa]

I have one (not especially by choice) and confess it is easy but that's because my one is pretty happy entertaining himself for quite a lot of the time and was from an early age. I do still get asked to play footie or a board game but he hangs out playing Lego or the like for hours or reading.

I definitely have a much easier life than friends with two or three as there's no squabbling. Equally I honestly don't think mine is a classic only now and is pretty sociable (slightly quiet sometimes but thats personality not family structure) and really happy.
Possibly a bit of a kidult but knows how to have fun and giggle a lot too.

There's no right answer to all this surely. One can be very easy but not if they are demanding and always want a playmate.

I do feel sad for when I'm old and will only have the one with fewer or maybe no gc and if dc is lonely one day once we are gone.

[Spongingbobsunderpants]

I think it's a different version of hard having two. When I had just ds, I thought it was the hardest thing in the world - I constantly worried he was getting enough stimulation, eating enough healthy food etc, all that pfb stuff. When dd came along, the type of worry was pushed aside. The first few months were horrendous as dd2 was ill and ds basically ran feral round the house as it was virtually impossible to go out much or for very long. My main focus was just getting through the day. When dd was better, it was still hard but more because of trying to cope with the competing demands, not for the type of worry I'd had with ds1 about his development, his stimulation etc. When ds was on his own, we travelled the length and breadth of the country visiting family and friends, had loads of days out and did the rounds of all the play groups and soft play - dd2 has not had even half the number of these experiences but ironically she gets as much, if not more stimulation from ds's friends hanging around, taking him to school and the day to day busyness of just living, which we didn't have when ds was an only child. Now the challenges I find are mostly ensuring they don't fight and behave better when we are out! When I have just one out with me, it is infinitely easier but it's taken me to have two to realise that fact. All my friends with one young child always say " how do you cope with two when I can barely cope with one?" Which is exactly what I would have said before I had my new reality with two.