Should I tell my parents that my husband doesn't want me to go to my sisters birthday party

[bengal38]

My husband and my family don't get on. Well, nothing has actually happened but my husband refuses to go round and my parents refuse to come round here. This has been an on-going problem for me and I feel stuck in the middle.

My husband doesn't like it when I go round to my parents house for dinner (I do go) but he doesn't actually say anything to me - I can tell as he gets all moody before I go with the children (12 and 9).

Its my sisters birthday coming up and me, my 2 sisters and my mum have booked to go to a restaurant to eat at 9pm. My husband said he doesn't want me to go as he doesn't want to be at home with the children on this night. He works shift work and he said that on this day he is going to go into work so that I can't go out. He also said that the children are not to go to his mums for the night on this particular night either.

Am I being unreasonable to just go and leave him with the children even though it will start a very big arguement and I wont obviously have a nice time or should or just not go?

Also should I tell my parents the truth or just say to them that I can't go. Obviously they will ask me why so do I say that my husband is going to work even though he isn't.

I think you should call womens aid for advice about keeping safe.

Why do you let him treat you like this, you must know its not normal or right?? A partner who truly loves you would NOT behave like that, he really wouldn't. Its very sad that you accept and allow this controlling crap, what lesson is that teaching your kids?

Don't let him know you plan to leave . He will just get worse. He pretends to have no idea of how he is behaving and this will continue.

Speak to women's aid and your mum and make a safe escape plan.
Do not tell him what you planning.

He clearly likes having you there controlled and won't let you go easily.
Yes it will look bad on him.

But you have to do something for your sake and ds.

Red flags. He's trying to isolate you from your family. He's making up reasons to suit this aim.

Does he do the same with your friends?

Can your kids go to your parents and get a babysitter there and you can get ready and go from there?

Tread carefully - he'll get angrier the less control over you he has. He'll be accusing if all sorts if he's like my ex

I agree speaking to Women's Aid is a good idea. His behaviour is completely unacceptable. I have friends my DH doesn't get on with, he encourages me to see them alone and makes sure he's busy if invited out.

OP, I'm sure it started subtly and by now, you don't think he's that bad. Like a frog who was put in a nice warm water and eventually boiled. But for anybody else, his behaviour really is totally unacceptable. He is controlling your every move making ridiculous demands and you have accepted that he has the right to do so - you will actually make excuses for his behaviour and lie to your family. That's not what healthy relationships are like.

Your husband is an abuser.
I bet some of it sounds familiar: www.drirene.com/verbal1.htm

I remember your previous thread about this too (assuming it's the same poster), your family were bullying your dh were they not?

He shouldn't be controlling you like this though, regardless of how your family treat him. Take the kids to his mums, go out and enjoy yourself and then afterwards you both need to have a serious talk about everything.

is what mrsk wrote true?

though he has no right to tell you who you can and cant see... if its true then it puts a different spin on things. if they did treat him like that then its understandable that he doesnt want to see them. they all sound a bit childish tbh

This thread made me really sad because I was in the same situation and know how difficult it is. I'm not going to tell you what you already know but I am going to say, I left my ex a year and a half ago and although we struggled at first and believe me he made things incredibly difficult.. I'm free now! And me and the kids are happier. Find the strength to do what's right for you and the children.