Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I tell my parents that my husband doesn't want me to go to my sisters birthday party

109 replies

bengal38 · 29/08/2013 09:44

My husband and my family don't get on. Well, nothing has actually happened but my husband refuses to go round and my parents refuse to come round here. This has been an on-going problem for me and I feel stuck in the middle.

My husband doesn't like it when I go round to my parents house for dinner (I do go) but he doesn't actually say anything to me - I can tell as he gets all moody before I go with the children (12 and 9).

Its my sisters birthday coming up and me, my 2 sisters and my mum have booked to go to a restaurant to eat at 9pm. My husband said he doesn't want me to go as he doesn't want to be at home with the children on this night. He works shift work and he said that on this day he is going to go into work so that I can't go out. He also said that the children are not to go to his mums for the night on this particular night either.

Am I being unreasonable to just go and leave him with the children even though it will start a very big arguement and I wont obviously have a nice time or should or just not go?

Also should I tell my parents the truth or just say to them that I can't go. Obviously they will ask me why so do I say that my husband is going to work even though he isn't.

OP posts:
HazelnutinCaramel · 29/08/2013 10:20

Well, this is a problem that's not going to go away so you need to address it.

Why don't they get on? Why does he object to you seeing them? Will he discuss it instead of playing silly games?

You need a serious sit down together and agree how you are going to manage these relationships going forward. Agree some parameters.

GeneHuntsMistress · 29/08/2013 10:22

But he is the bad one.

YouTheCat · 29/08/2013 10:24

He is an idiot.

Tell your parents and get some support from them.

I'll bet my bottom dollar that he is terrified of your hotheaded mum. Bullies are always scared of people who stand up to them.

Montybojangles · 29/08/2013 10:25

Er, but he is being the "bad" one isn't he.

On a more serious note I think he might need some sort of professional help. He is being controlling and irrational. Does he even realise that?

HazelnutinCaramel · 29/08/2013 10:25

Cross-post.

As I said, agree some parameters. You accept that he doesn't want to spend time with them but he accepts that you do. Neither of you tries to force the other to go against that.

Try and find some 'rules' that will make it work.

Maryz · 29/08/2013 10:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrokenSunglasses · 29/08/2013 10:25

You should say to your Mum that you will see her at the restaurant!

Of course your DH doesn't want your family who genuinely care about you to know that he's trying to stop you. Of course it will make him look like the bad one, because he is! He doesn't want anyone other than you to low the truth about him, because you are the only one that will make excuses for him and everyone else will see him for what he is.

Binkyridesagain · 29/08/2013 10:26

If he doesn't want to look like the bad one then he shouldn't act like it.

He can not dictate to you about what you do with your life.

SkinnybitchWannabe · 29/08/2013 10:27

Your OH is an arsehole. tell him you are going to your DS meal and if he doesnt like he can jog on.
No way would I ever let my H tell me who I can and cant see..especially regarding my family.
You need to 'grow a pair' and tell him straight.
I'd happily babysit for you just so he cant be a wanker and stop you going Grin

Scrounger · 29/08/2013 10:27

But he is the bad one.

I was going to say this but GeneHuntsMistress got in first.

Maybe if he acted reasonably he wouldn't be the 'bad one'.

Seriously it started over an Arsenal vs Spurs themed christening. How old is he? I agree tell your parents and start to decide what you want to do. He is controlling your behaviour, who you see and how you see things and making you doubt yourself.

pictish · 29/08/2013 10:29

Well he is the bad one isn't he? Does he really expect to control you like this, and then have you hide his treatment of you from your family?? The arrogance is astounding!

As for the football thing at the christening...well...I think your dh has some serious problems upstairs to imagine they would engineer a family event surrounding a baby, with a theme to antagonise him! That's just fucking nuts!! Paranoid or what?? Confused

Are you scared of him OP? Scared of him kicking off...even verbally?

Original poster
bengal38 · 29/08/2013 10:30

Also he said why is the restaurant in High-Gate. I live in Enfield and it would take roughly 20mins to get there at the most.

He also said to me how are you going to get there and I told him that we are meeting at my mums house and going straight there. Then he told me that he wasn't going to give me any money to go and I told him that I have my own wages and I will take the money from there.

Normally by now we would have spoken to each other (he is at work) either he will phone me or I will phone him. Should I just try to talk to him or just ignore him for abit?

OP posts:
FunnyRunner · 29/08/2013 10:31

I'm not sure what you see in this prince of a man but I would go. But if I'm honest I wouldn't be married to an arsehole like your husband so it would never be an issue.

And just to be clear - the initial starting point of this madness was a row over a football themed christening?

FunnyRunner · 29/08/2013 10:32

X-posted times a million. He's a complete prick - but I think you know that - assuming this is all for real...

Binkyridesagain · 29/08/2013 10:33

Ignore him. I would use this time to look at your relationship without his influence.

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 29/08/2013 10:34

seriously... why are you with him? he sounds like a complete twat!

BrokenSunglasses · 29/08/2013 10:35

Thank God you do have your own wages!

Seriously, I would start saving some of those wages either with your Mum, or in an account that he doesn't know about.

Don't phone him, stand up to him!

This relationship is not healthy for your children.

PotteringAlong · 29/08/2013 10:35

Don't talk to him - pack a bag and leave while you still have the chance. He's dictating when you can and cannot go out, who you can and cannot see.

This will not end well.

NicknameIncomplete · 29/08/2013 10:35

I would be phoning him and telling him not to come home tonight or ever.

Falling out with someone over football. Really! How pathetic is he.

pictish · 29/08/2013 10:36

OP you have become entrenched into accepting this crazy shit as normal because you've been living it for so long now.
The rest of us are open mouthed at this.

Your husband has some very worrying behaviours hasn't he?

FannyMcNally · 29/08/2013 10:37

Sounds like a 5 year old who says if you go and play with her I won't be your friend. What a wanker. He doesn't like losing control does he? Seriously I wouldn't consider him someone I wanted to grow old with.

FrigginRexManningDay · 29/08/2013 10:38

Sweetheart you really need to start looking at your relationship,this man is bad news. I've never advised anyone to LTB but I am saying it to you. Leave. Tell your family what he's like,they will help you.
The spurs/arsenal thing was an excuse to start cutting you off from your family.

MrsMcGregor · 29/08/2013 10:38

He is the bad one - he is absolutely, utterly out of line.

pictish · 29/08/2013 10:39

The spurs/arsenal thing was an excuse to start cutting you off from your family.

Oh I concur!

thebody · 29/08/2013 10:39

yes I can understand your mom being 'hot headed' if you were my dd I am afraid I would be round your house tearing your tit of a dh a new one.

you need to tell your family and friends what is going in so its not hidden and toy are not colluding in defending his controlling behaviour.

you need to work out why you are withy his deeply unpleasant man and the negative affect on you and most importantly your children.