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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's disgraceful to pierce little boys' ears?

83 replies

butterybiscuitbass · 28/08/2013 22:59

I bumped into a really nice neighbour recently and to my surprise she'd had her sweet, placid, slightly chubby 5 year old son's ear pierced. I thought 'shame', then 'why?' then 'how cruel, I bet that really hurt'. Usually boys with pierced ears look like a proper handful and it's all too easy to adopt a prejudice about ear piercing and behavioural problems going hand in hand, thus marking that child out to be a wrong 'un. I actually think some parents want this image for their child for whatever reason. I could go on. This is surely a controversial one so come on sock it to me, are there any mums out there who have maimed their son in this way, and for what reason?

OP posts:

Bowlersarm · 28/08/2013 23:01

I would say the same for girls as well. Until they are old enough to have an informed opinion on it.

Fairy1303 · 28/08/2013 23:02

I think it is disgraceful for both genders. I can't understand why any parent would want to inflict pain on their child. they clearly can't consent.

SomeTeaPlease · 28/08/2013 23:05

I wanted pierced ears when I was four! My mum made me a few years, though.

If he wanted it, then I see no problem. If his mum just pierced his ears because she wanted it that's weird. I also think piercing baby girl's ears is weird as well, though.

FreudiansSlipper · 28/08/2013 23:06

no i would not have my ds ears pierced or allow him to as i not like it

but i would if i had a dd

ChocsAwayInMyGob · 28/08/2013 23:09

If he wanted it, then I see no problem.

He is 5. That is the problem. He is not old enough to decide whether he wants a piercing so the mother should just say a firm no.

YANBU.

chesterberry · 28/08/2013 23:10

YABU if your only reason for thinking the ear piercing was 'disgraceful' and accusing the parent of 'maiming' her child is because he is a boy (would you feel the same if a girl of the same age had her ears pierced?) but in terms of age I agree 5 is too young. I don't think it's any more disgraceful to pierce a little boy's ears than a little girl's. I wouldn't let my child get their ears pierced until they were much, much older and think it is unfair for any young child to have their ears pierced before they can give consent, although recognise there are a number of cultural and religious reasons why parents might want an infants ears pierced.

That said I think that, if they really want it done, any future son of mine would have to be allowed to have his ears pierced at the same age I deemed his sister was allowed regardless of my opinions on how it looks (personally I don't like piercings full stop and never got my own ears done).

YoToast · 28/08/2013 23:12

What the fuck does his chubbiness have to do with it?

justanuthermanicmumsday · 28/08/2013 23:16

i guess western governments are now sanctioning maiming in accordance with eastern and african norms? Lets march to the UN!

dandydorset · 28/08/2013 23:18

hate hate hate it

i even hate seeing guys in their late 30's with them

basically only males aged between 16 and 36 in my book

only suited George Michael imo

Alisvolatpropiis · 28/08/2013 23:20

It's no worse for boys than it is for girls.

Disagree equally or not at all.

123caughtaflea · 28/08/2013 23:23

Someone commented, not terribly gently, on the hole in my son's ear today (no earring, but in some lights you can see the hole).

Thing is, my son is 10, adopted at 6, but the piercing was done as a small child by his birth mother. Her choice, but we (son and I) carry the can for it.

Son does have behavioural issues too, as a result of early childhood trauma. And a commonly held to be 'chavvy' name.

Naice MC parents at son's school don't know what to make of me/us, but tend to come down in favour of 'crap parent'. Mostly I don't let it bother me . . . Sometimes I can't help it. A bit actually.

MrsApplepants · 28/08/2013 23:23

I think pierced anything looks awful on all men. Don't get me started on boys...

Seriously though, she should have waited until he was older and could chose for himself.

MoominMammasHandbag · 28/08/2013 23:23

Yes my DS requested to be "maimed" when he was about 13, just when his 11 year old sister was having her ears pierced prior to going to High School. Since I am an equal opportunities maimer, I was happy to let them both have it done.
He has never been a handful or had any behavioural problems and at 19 is at a top University. Who would have thought.
I really don't think a boy with his ears pierced will ring any alarm bells to anyone with even a modicum of common sense. I have many male friends in professional jobs who have pierced ears.
I think 5 is a bit young for anyone though.

justanuthermanicmumsday · 28/08/2013 23:26

123 you should be proud of your child chin up. they sound like nasty judgemental people. they dont know you or child fancy judging a child based on a piercing and their name who wants to know has beens like that?

id put in a huge hoop earing just to get a reaction what idiots!

no such thing as a chav name its that fool horrid hopkins who started that nonsense. kat hopkins right

ShadowSummer · 28/08/2013 23:27

I think that 5 yrs old is too young for a child to have their ears pierced regardless of their gender.

I don't think children are really old enough to make an informed decision on pierced ears for themselves at 5.

woodlandwanderwoman · 28/08/2013 23:27

YANBU I don't find the piercing disgraceful but the actions of the mother are because by doing it, more importantly I think than the pain, she has set her little boy up to be judged by almost the entirety of the rest of society. And we all know how society can be cruel to children and people who are different.

She may be able to brush judgements off but he will find it harder, that's why it's so important to wait until kids are old enough to make informed decisions, IMHO.

MoominMammasHandbag · 28/08/2013 23:31

For goodness sake, do people really judge a child because their ears are pierced? I really don't know anyone like that. And their opinion would be worthless to me anyway.

Wonderstuff · 28/08/2013 23:39

YANBU
DH thinks he must have had ears pierced as a baby, he gets awful infections in his ear lobe when he's run down or ill. Really annoying, upsets him.

Devora · 28/08/2013 23:43

I can't get excited about this.

My own girls will have to wait till they are teenagers, but I don't think it's the crime of the century if other parents choose differently.

Original poster

butterybiscuitbass · 28/08/2013 23:45

YoToast, chubbiness may have nothing at all to do with it! I popped it in to see if anyone would hypothesise that maybe the mum did it to protect her son, to deliberately make him look tougher so no one would make him a target because of his weight (which has happened as I remember).

123icaughtaflea I'm sorry to hear you and your son are on the receiving end of people's thoughtless and hurtful generalisations. I don't share those opinions, but I am aware they broadly exist.

Some great replies to what is basically insomniac nonsense, everyone, thanks!

OP posts:

PaperSeagull · 28/08/2013 23:47

Really, OP? You really believe that "boys with pierced ears look like a proper handful" and that it's perfectly fine to expect them to have behavioral problems? Really? How very sad to have and admit to such an uninformed prejudice.

FWIW, I don't happen to care for pierced ears at all. I don't like the way it looks, so I have never had my ears pierced. But I wouldn't dream of drawing any sort of conclusions about anyone else based solely on whether they had holes in their ears.

123caughtaflea, I am so sorry that other people have treated you and your son badly. Your son has probably been through much more in his little life than the parents at his school could ever imagine. I am in awe of children like that, who survive trauma in early life and yet have the resilience to keep moving forward. It also sounds as though he is very lucky to have you in his corner.

Eanair · 28/08/2013 23:51

OP, how can you dislike people's 'thoughtless and hurtful generalisations' and say that you believe that 'boys with pierced ears look like a proper handful'?

StuntGirl · 28/08/2013 23:55

1/10, poor effort.

Original poster

butterybiscuitbass · 28/08/2013 23:59

An Opening post under this thread is to invite controversy and discussion, have you heard of the phrase 'devil's advocate'? My opinion is actually that you would be right to disagree with a child being judged in that way.

OP posts:

123caughtaflea · 29/08/2013 00:06

Thank you people. I am heartened - bit of a 'woe is me' moment there!

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