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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be bloody pissed off that the CSA...

208 replies

fanjangolo · 28/08/2013 21:31

take child tax credits from one set of children living with the Non resident parent, to give to their other child regardless of the resident parents income.

Child Tax Credits are given to lift children out of poverty and then the CSA take them, shoving them back into poverty - even if the child they are giving this money to lives in a wealthy household.

OP posts:
HappyMummyOfOne · 28/08/2013 22:54

Then the pair of you are lucky it was only pregnancy and nothing else shared.

OP, if you truly begrudge sharing the tax credits (and like broken says given the low wage and ctc its likely to only be a few pounds) then work on either getting yourself back to work or get your OH to take on a second job. You sound very selfish and entitled. If your children and second family are in poverty then look at fixing that rather than deny a child a few pounds.

Original poster
fanjangolo · 28/08/2013 22:54

Anita -how can some other set of children make a claim on money that is paid and intended for the benefit of another?

Exactly. I do not understand it.

OP posts:
Original poster
fanjangolo · 28/08/2013 22:55

thanks Dandy

OP posts:
AnitaManeater · 28/08/2013 22:56

I don't envy your situation OP but she will probably have huge issues getting the adoption to go through if she is accepting maintenance and refusing contact from your OH.

BreakOutTheKaraoke · 28/08/2013 22:57

On the RPs side, the NRP gets a reduction for having other children living with them, whether they are financially responsible for them or not (the criteria is having child benefit paid into that home).

The NRPs partners wages are not taken into account. So, the NRP can live off a partners wage, be on the dole, or stay at home. and even if they are living the high life with holidays, flash lifestyle, etc, they won't have to pay. It's nowhere near rosy on the other side.

Anita it's done that way as the money is unreliable. It wasn't that way before, and if your household, and child's wellbeing, relied on receiving that money, and it didn't arrive for whatever reason, you're fucked. You're short on your rent, can't pay bills. Or the alternative is to not apply for CSA, and have yet another NRP getting away with not paying.

Caoilainn · 28/08/2013 22:58

they didn't use protection, she said she was on the pill, he chose to believe her instead of using a condom. During that exchange they chose together to share pregnancy and/or std's including HIV ect.

Pretty much he has to pay for it, if you choose to stay with him then you pay (financially) too. Could be worse, least he sees your kids and I'm assuming you didn't get an sti?

Original poster
fanjangolo · 28/08/2013 23:01

Happymummy, you sound deluded as many people who are not 'living in poverty are' when it comes to this. DH cannot take a second job he works 40 hours a week in split shifts. I AM working on getting myself back to work. Have you any knowledge of panic disorder. I am currently with my doctor trying to find a medication that works for me and am on the waiting list for cognitive behavioural therapy. I will reiterate that I do not begrudge the child a share of DH's income. But when I am in absolute panic and despair about where on earth I am to find the money for my daughter's school uniform which she needs in a few weeks among other things, yes I do begrudge money allocated for such things for my child being deducted.

OP posts:
Original poster
fanjangolo · 28/08/2013 23:03

And when we had our children, we COULD afford them. our current financial status has occurred since having them.

OP posts:
IneedAsockamnesty · 28/08/2013 23:04

Are they taking more from the tax credits than the discount he gets for the resident children?

Original poster
fanjangolo · 28/08/2013 23:05

No Cao both DH and I went and got tested and we don't have any STI's. DH and I are paying financially through his wage and working tax credits, thats fine. But when you are in a situation where literally a few pounds does make a huge difference, I get upset about my children paying financially.

OP posts:
Original poster
fanjangolo · 28/08/2013 23:05

Socket I need to sit down and work this out.

OP posts:
HappyMummyOfOne · 28/08/2013 23:07

Deluded Hmm im not the one practising unsafe sex or moaning about the cost of chidlren.

Your daughters CB is not part of the CSA payment so use that for the uniform.

I note you dont state the amount it actually is, i'd hesitate to guess thats its tiny and an embarrasing amount thats no where near half the cost of raising a child.

Original poster
fanjangolo · 28/08/2013 23:11

Ofcourse its not half the amount it costs to raise a child, but her mother wants us to have nothing to do with that child, we cannot have them here to take any part in raising her with us at all we would if we could. An embarrassing amount maybe to you, but to us it's a lot.

OP posts:
IneedAsockamnesty · 28/08/2013 23:11

Go on then how much does he have to pay?

AnitaManeater · 28/08/2013 23:17

I would be frustrated too. The OP has gained a step child during a period of separation due to two people's carelessness. The mother of the child is denying access but seems quite happy to take the cash from OPs OHs wages and a cut of the OPs children's benefit. She would have had to ask for the CTC to be taken into account as its not automatically picked up on assessment. Children aren't pay per view I know but what's suddenly become so dreadful about the OH that he's not allowed to see the child but his money is quite acceptable?

118sbigmoustache · 28/08/2013 23:20

Perhaps she doesn't want him to see the child since he has shown no interest until money was involved? That's very pay per view on the dads side of things.

AnitaManeater · 28/08/2013 23:25

That doesn't really fit with the adoption side of the story though does it? The other mother states she wants her new partner to adopt the child. To have a child adopted by a step parent you have to be able to prove that the natural parent has relinquished all ties. By paying maintenance the natural father is accepting financial responsibility for the child. She could cancel the CSA claim if she wanted to.

Original poster
fanjangolo · 28/08/2013 23:25

She saw him only as a fling and has never been interested in him as a father to her child as she did not intend to conceive with him, she has said she does not wish to share her child with someone she does not care for, and her child has a father in her current partner.

Okay I am going to have to eat my words everybody. I have somehow managed to just sit down and work it out where I have failed before and found it too confusing. I'm not sure whether i have used the right calculations and will have to double check it in the morning but it seems that she loses out by £1 a week more because of the deductions of his income due to him living with our children, than we do by losing a certain amount of CTC.

I am still a bit confused and need to look at it again:/

OP posts:
IneedAsockamnesty · 28/08/2013 23:28

I'm happy to work it out for you

StephenFrySaidSo · 28/08/2013 23:29

" The two men I had flings with didn't wish to use condoms when I informed them I was taking oral contraception either. No man ever has in my experience actually"

ewwwww!!

AnitaManeater · 28/08/2013 23:30

Why is sock returning pixie so interested in the amount OPs OH is paying?

BrokenSunglasses · 28/08/2013 23:33

Are you for real Anita?

Perhaps the mother has had such a poor relationship with the father of her baby, seeing as how he is back in a relationship she thought he'd left, that she hasn't wanted to hand her baby over to him and his other family. That doesn't mean her child won't have cost her money, some of which the father of her child owes her.

I can completely see what might have become so awful about the Dh that she would rather her baby had a chance of a father figure that loved both of them.

crazykat · 28/08/2013 23:33

I thought child tax credits were for the children living with you.

I don't think CTC should be counted as its for the children living in the NRPs household. The other parent gets CTC and CB for the non resident child. It's wrong to take money paid for one child and give it to another. Fair enough a percentage of the NRPs wage and WTC but not CTC.

Okay in an ideal world the NRP wouldn't have other DCs if they can't support them and the existing child/ren but its wrong to take money intended for the 'new' child/ren and give it to the child/ren from the first relationship. It's not the 'new child/rens fault they were born so they shouldn't suffer.

IneedAsockamnesty · 28/08/2013 23:36

Because it would be interesting to know if the amount the pwc gains from the tax credit inclusion has much relation with the discount he gets due to his resident children.

Csa assessments area subject that interest me. Is that ok with you?

AnitaManeater · 28/08/2013 23:36

I am for real I can assure you. Just because a relationship hasn't worked out doesn't give the mother the right to withhold access. it just doesn't work like that and rightly so. Not all women are saints and not all absent fathers are bastards