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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get unreasonably jealous of mums that still have perfect figures after having DCs

89 replies

dirtyface · 28/08/2013 16:31

i was actually going to NC for this as i am so mortified and i know i will sound mad. but sod it

i saw this woman earlier at soft play.

she was sooooo perfect. tall ish but tiny and slender. she had golden, perfect skin, she was wearing skinny jeans and a tight cropped vest showing inches of tight, unstretchmarked tummy Envy i know she was a mum as there was a little boy with her and he called her mum. you could just tell it was natural, her body didn't look gym honed, just naturally skinny

when i saw her, i just felt so jealous. i felt sick to my stomach and felt tears come to my eyes. i feel mean as she was probably really nice but at that moment i felt real, proper hate for her Blush and i just felt so disgusting in comparison

i have had 2 dcs and am pg with no 3. am slim, 8 - 10, but wobbly and stretchmarked and i hate my stomach, i just can't get it flat, ever. i am short so really don't carry being pg well. my tummy has that very attractive crepey look and my boobs are on the decline southwards. i bounced back quick after my first but never quite recovered from DC2, even though she was small and i didnt even gain much weight that time.

i HATE my body and i HATE what pregnancies have done to it. and i DREAD what this pregnancies going to do to it as am 33 now and had my other dcs in my 20's. and i HATE that i am so obsessed and shallow about all this! i mean fgs am lucky that i have healthy dcs :(

am i the only one? please come and talk some sense into me

OP posts:
pianodoodle · 28/08/2013 16:36

I'm 33 and pregnant with DC2.

I did go back to my size 8 but my tummy is riddled with stretch marks everywhere! I show it off anyway so it doesn't matter.

If you're size 8-10 sounds like you're doing fine! There could well have been other mums there eyeing you up jealously!

I think whatever you look like you'll see something in someone else that seems "better!"

The way I look at it, if the little things I don't like are really that awful I wouldn't have found myself pregnant again and neither would you Wink

pianodoodle · 28/08/2013 16:38

Should have read "I don't show my tummy off"

50shadesofmeh · 28/08/2013 16:50

I went back to size 8-10 after my first baby and had no stretch marks but after number 3 and 9 years later I look fit for the knackers yard lol
Maybe the gorgeous girl at soft play will look equally wrecked after a few more kids lol

MoominMammasHandbag · 28/08/2013 16:56

She probably does go to the gym or take some form of exercise though. People ask my DD why on earth she goes to the gym when she has such a fantastic figure.... Confused

Sleepwhenidie · 28/08/2013 17:05

YABU, you have no idea how "naturally" that woman's figure and looks come to her, true, she may be blessed with rare genes that mean she doesn't have to make any effort to look her best, but most of us to some degree or other, do. No point feeling jealous and hating someone for it, this is all about you (but it sounds like you know that Smile). There is, as pianodoodle says, almost certainly other mums looking at you and wishing for a size 8 post DC body!

There is only so much we can do about the toll pregnancy takes on our bodies - and age does play a big part IMO, but 33 is hardly late in life to be having a baby - but do as much as you can, eat healthily, exercise and then afterwards, when you are ready and able, get as fit and fabulous looking as you can be and stop comparing yourself unfavourably to others, it can only make you miserable. There will always be someone prettier, thinner, richer, whatever it is you look for....

ViviDeBeauvoir · 28/08/2013 17:14

I sort of know what you mean. My issue is with my skin - it's much worse after DC. I do see women like the one you describe but doubt it is usually entirely down to nature - they might have a really good grooming regime.
(I've joined a grooming thread in Style & Beauty on here which is sorting me out bit by bit)
If it's any consolation though, my figure is better after DC3 than it was after DC2.
No rhyme or reason - still ate crap, baby was bigger and now I have 3 I have even less time to exercise ie I never do
Maybe that will happen with you :)

Fairy1303 · 28/08/2013 17:18

I feel quite sick that you are a size 8 after 2 dcs tbh... I'm fighting my size 18 16 post baby body to no avail.

But not unreasonable to be a bit Envy... You are pregnant and allowed to be irrational. And wonder how she finds time for gym and sun beds and hairdressers and salons bitter.

Hamwidgeandcheps · 28/08/2013 17:18

I soooo relate op. I saw the perfect mum in soft play a while back and it inspired a thread about style which actually really helped meGrin

Dd1 destroyed my body and I feel terrible saying that because she is the light of my life and everything I dreamed a daughter would be. Dd2 just added to the damage Hmm

I have spent hundreds on a pt and tbf he solved a few problems but they stretch marks are here for good. Every now and then someone says some bollards about them being abashed of honour. I would like to punch them!

LadyMilfordHaven · 28/08/2013 17:22

how do you know she wasnt all wobbly underneath? was she nekkid?

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 28/08/2013 17:23

I'm also a size 8-10, I have one DS. My body didn't bounce back after pregnancy as I have an under active thyroid so it took a year to get that diagnosed and for me to lose weight. I don't have stretch marks but I still have a wobbly tum and feel like I look awful in pictures.

It doesn't help that at the time of having DS we lived in a yummy mummy area where everyone is tall, blonde and loaded (and probably never see their husbands). I feel like the poor one (we aren't) out of my antenatal group, it's stupid. But you can't help how you feel!

forevergreek · 28/08/2013 17:26

I'm a size 8. X2 children.

However I run every morning with the children in pram ( so get muscle work out too!)

And swim x2 a week, as well as naturally walking miles a day

She probably does go to the gym

LadyMilfordHaven · 28/08/2013 17:27

you have to eat less to look thin
you are thin

she just has had time to do her hair and shit

LadyMilfordHaven · 28/08/2013 17:29

OR op she is a gym instructor?

i am a size 12 (with hidden blubber) but have no stretch marks at all or cellulite.

this is just nature - everyone has something nice that others would like to have.

i would trade in my tits i think for a couple of stretch marks

eurochick · 28/08/2013 17:30

I bet she is a complete gym bunny. The only people I know with great figures at 30+ work out a lot.

peteypiranha · 28/08/2013 17:34

I have the same but I live an extremely active lifestyle.

namechanger1979 · 28/08/2013 17:40

I know someone like this...
outwardly she looks perfect but unless you know her well you wouldnt know she has no stretch marks as her dd came very early and was v unwell... Plus she has struggled with an eating disorder for years and feels she is fat even as a size 8.

DiamondDoris · 28/08/2013 17:41

Please don't let it bother you, she may have awful bunions, fungal toenails, hairy nipples etc. If it's any consolation, after my second was born my boobs were like saggy flaps - 7 years later they have filled out and look good, unlike my spongy tummy with c-section flappy bit. I just don't let it worry me anymore.

50shadesofmeh · 28/08/2013 17:44

:-( I have a fungal toenail and hairy nipples as well as being fat and stretchmarked lol

shushpenfold · 28/08/2013 17:46

I was lucky in that I had no stretch marks after kids (3)....the rest of it though was and is down to sheer hard work and bloody mindedness. I lost the weight after each pg through diet and exercise and now that I'm hitting mid 40s I am hitting the gym even harder - 4/5 times a week of really hard cardio, intervals and free weights. I am 5 10 and just under 10 1/2 stone - size 8/10 on the bottom and 10/12....I have long arms so some 10's don't fit! I have a friend who is slimmer than I and after being with her for a few days I can honestly say that the reason she is slimmer is because she eats less calories than I do - that simple. I spent most of the time hungry!!

DiamondDoris · 28/08/2013 17:47

50shades Oops! Blush

muchadoaboutsomething · 28/08/2013 17:47

Hi. I know how you feel, sort of, and that you need a rant. I understand that. I just want to post a possible othe side of this coin. I have a ds.

He's 3'6. You might see me at soft play (but not often). The reason why you probably won't see me and people like me is that ds was born at 29+3. I was fit before he was born and was back to my pre pregnancy size in less than a week. I had a very quick natural birth. My ds was tiny 3lb. He also has cerebral palsy because he was so premature.

I am envious of those who have the scars of pregnancy. I hate seeing pregnancy bumps, and stretch marks, and post labour tums, because I was cheated of all that. And I will never have it now.

I am not posting this because I think you are unreasonable in your jealousy. I am posting this because I think I am. But the point I am trying to make is we all are, and although the woman you saw may be very fit, exercise a lot, or have slim genes, she may also have a whole other story.

peteypiranha · 28/08/2013 17:49

Stretchmarks are to do with how much weight you put on and genetics. I went 2 weeks over and didnt get any with either of mine or crepey stomach, but you have to be commited to exercise. You can tone up now but it depends how much effort you put in.

specialsubject · 28/08/2013 18:08

I don't feel sick when I see someone better looking or thinner (and plenty of people ARE better looking and thinner!) There isn't a limited supply of happiness or attractiveness in the world, there's plenty for all of us.

you have a functioning body, you're not overweight, you are healthy and so are your kids. You are not disgusting looking because no-one is.

excuse the brutality, but jealousy is a juvenile and pointless emotion that really does belong in the playground. And should be stopped there.

Please don't hate a healthy body. It is such a privilege to have health.

littlemog · 28/08/2013 18:11

Maybe the gorgeous girl at soft play will look equally wrecked after a few more kids lol

Please don't let it bother you, she may have awful bunions, fungal toenails, hairy nipples etc

Not sure how helpful comments like these are when the problem here is clearly the OP's very low self esteem. Bringing others down will never help that.

There is only so much we can do about the toll pregnancy takes on our bodies - and age does play a big part IMO, but 33 is hardly late in life to be having a baby - but do as much as you can, eat healthily, exercise and then afterwards, when you are ready and able, get as fit and fabulous looking as you can be and stop comparing yourself unfavourably to others, it can only make you miserable. There will always be someone prettier, thinner, richer, whatever it is you look for....

^^
This is wise advice OP. Smile

McNewPants2013 · 28/08/2013 18:17

Seen the pictures of Kate Middleton 5 weeks post birth and she is back to normal.

Op you are not alone, I am a 16 and my tummy is so saggy and I still have deep purple stretch marks from either DS or dd. I think the only way for me to have a nice flat tummy is to have a tummy tuck.