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AIBU?

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Original poster

to get unreasonably jealous of mums that still have perfect figures after having DCs

89 replies

dirtyface · 28/08/2013 16:31

i was actually going to NC for this as i am so mortified and i know i will sound mad. but sod it

i saw this woman earlier at soft play.

she was sooooo perfect. tall ish but tiny and slender. she had golden, perfect skin, she was wearing skinny jeans and a tight cropped vest showing inches of tight, unstretchmarked tummy Envy i know she was a mum as there was a little boy with her and he called her mum. you could just tell it was natural, her body didn't look gym honed, just naturally skinny

when i saw her, i just felt so jealous. i felt sick to my stomach and felt tears come to my eyes. i feel mean as she was probably really nice but at that moment i felt real, proper hate for her Blush and i just felt so disgusting in comparison

i have had 2 dcs and am pg with no 3. am slim, 8 - 10, but wobbly and stretchmarked and i hate my stomach, i just can't get it flat, ever. i am short so really don't carry being pg well. my tummy has that very attractive crepey look and my boobs are on the decline southwards. i bounced back quick after my first but never quite recovered from DC2, even though she was small and i didnt even gain much weight that time.

i HATE my body and i HATE what pregnancies have done to it. and i DREAD what this pregnancies going to do to it as am 33 now and had my other dcs in my 20's. and i HATE that i am so obsessed and shallow about all this! i mean fgs am lucky that i have healthy dcs :(

am i the only one? please come and talk some sense into me

OP posts:
ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 28/08/2013 18:27

God some people are so smug.

dirtyface - we all have less than charitable thoughts and envious ones from time to time. It's normal - admitting it out loud is the only unusual bit Wink

I would probably see you and happily swap bodies - size 8, wobbly or not, is a long lost dream! :)

It's hard to make yourself feel or not feel a certain way, but do try to be grateful for having healthy kids and a body that works just fine. I am well overweight (losing it slowwwwwwwwwwly) but I don't hate my body, I am grateful for one that works.

MrsHoolie · 28/08/2013 18:34

A friend of mine was back in her size 8 pre pregnancy jeans two weeks after the birth,and I was amazed as well as jealous!
To be fair I ate like a pig when pregnant and she probably ate much more healthily and didn't put on any weight.

It's amazing how different we all are.

LadyMilfordHaven · 28/08/2013 18:35

Tbh research shows gym won't lose weight. It'll tone. Only diet works. And not for long.its crap

DaBump · 28/08/2013 18:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ceramicunicorn · 28/08/2013 18:43

My colleague was telling me yesterday how lucky I am to still have the figure I did before pregnancy. I decided against mentioning that on my week off next month I'm having my fanny stitched up to stop it falling out all the time. You never can tell.

Pinupgirl · 28/08/2013 18:43

Meh-I am a size 16,had a shitload of stretchmarks on my stomach and boobs and a huge overhang due to 2 c sections and a major operation. I don't compare myself to other women as I have plenty of self confidence and prefer to enjoy myself.

silverten · 28/08/2013 18:49

I know how you feel OP but some people are just lucky that way. Comparison is the thief of joy.

Mama1980 · 28/08/2013 18:50

I agree with muchs post above. Your allowed to be irrational and jealous for a moment.
But I have never been heavily pregnant I had ds1 at 26 weeks ds2 at 24 thankfully they are both healthy but my body is scarred heavily and badly from treatment and the car crash that led to ds 1s delivery. I am practically skeletal (just a size 8) after ds2 s and my subsequent emergency hysterectomy and hate it when people say wow you wouldn't believe you've had two children.
I'm proud of my body and what it's achieved.
But I would love stretch marks. Smile
The point being we are all irrational and all have our own stories.

lljkk · 28/08/2013 18:53

I think I used to get this (I was the skinny one others commented about), but now I am 45 & there is a chronic saggy ugly bit in my tummy no matter how slender I feel. Catches up with us all in the end.

Kaluki · 28/08/2013 18:55

I feel your pain OP. I hate my stomach, it's like a saggy old blamange.
In my 20s I was size 8 and had a tummy like an ironing board but I had small boobs.
Since having kids my boobs have gone up 2 sizes and are still fairly upright but the trade off is the pile of blubber that is beneath them.
Then again one of my best friends is having chemo and has no hair, eyelashes and has puffed up like a balloon so I know who I'd rather be Sad
Someone once said you should pick one thing about yourself you like and focus on that.

Flibbedyjibbet · 28/08/2013 18:58

I had my 2nd at 40, my body is fucked. My stomach is like a country all on its own. I'm probably back to a big size 12/small 14 but by Christ without the clothes it's not great.
Sounds like you look a million times better than me.

I'm working on it, half heartedly doing WW, 2 decent walks today.

I have accepted crop tops and I will never meet again.

needastrongone · 28/08/2013 19:01

Agree with above. I am a size 6 and always have been. Sadly a 40 year old size 6 really does not luck like a 20 year old size 6. And small boobs at 40 just look, well saggy.

The good thing about getting older is that you care less and less!

foreverondiet · 28/08/2013 19:02

Sorry but you are being v v unreasonable. I got to the gym and watch what I eat - probably a bit obsessed with it. I don't look "gym honed" but I do have a good figure now - due to the hard work and willpower I need to put in. You don't know how much effort she had to put in to look like that.

Happypiglet · 28/08/2013 19:08

I look good clothed- size 8/6, in proportion..... take off all the clothes and the smallish boobs look tiny without 'help', my bum is still cellulite city, my tummy whilst flat is still crepy and my legs are a disaster zone of varicose veins and thread veins... you can tell squat from a clothed person...
you sound fine to me... I just focus on looking as good as I can with clothes on and dim the lights at home and never ever go into harshly lit changing rooms

Flibbedyjibbet · 28/08/2013 19:08

I had my 2nd at 40, my body is fucked. My stomach is like a country all on its own. I'm probably back to a big size 12/small 14 but by Christ without the clothes it's not great.
Sounds like you look a million times better than me.

I'm working on it, half heartedly doing WW, 2 decent walks today.

I have accepted crop tops and I will never meet again.

needastrongone · 28/08/2013 19:13

Same here happypiglet.

I used to run competitively in my 30's. serious miles and pretty all consuming at times. Had a fab figure though.

Strangely, when I stopped, due to injury, I didn't put on weight but as I say, it's all flabby! I am actually happier now though tbh. Perspective and all that.

Longtalljosie · 28/08/2013 19:19

Well - I got away with having the children to a casual observer - no stretch marks, flat stomach etc. The damage has been done to my spine. I have spent two out of the past four years in horrible pain. I simply can't lug them around without paying the price. When I see advice to "just pop the baby in a sling" I feel sad, and I feel sad and cheated when I see women carrying their older children around. I wasn't able to pick DD up and cuddle her from 18 months onwards (when it first gave out) and as soon as DD2 can be coaxed into a toddler bed, climbing up into a booster seat with a step stool etc, I won't be carrying her either.

Original poster
dirtyface · 28/08/2013 19:25

see here's the thing: i don't get jealous of much really. ie gorgeous women / girls don't bother me, people with more money than me, more friends, a bigger house etc, does not bother me one bit

my one big thing is i get jealous of women who still have great figures after having kids. i even wish i had had all my DCs by my early 20's as i think that helps.

i just think its so cruel what nature does to (most of us) by getting pregnant and giving life, and the marks that gives us, society deems us unattractive

i think half of its all the shit thats always in the media obsessing over slebs pg bumps, who is big, who is small, who looks amazing in a bikini 2 mins after giving birth. its just so horrible i think. (although more fool me i guess for being taken in by it!)

OP posts:
Mendi · 28/08/2013 19:26

OP, I have a lot of sympathy with you as I also feel a bit "ravaged" despite being a size 10.

But goodness me, you are only a size 8-10! You may have wobbly bits and stretch marked bits but those can be dressed well and covered up and you will still look slim! Your OP reminded me of that bit out of the Baz Luhrmann Sunscreen track:

"Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked...
You're not as fat as you Imagine."

So true! I've just moved house and so found various photos from 10 years ago just after DS (DC1) was born - I can clearly remember feeling absolutely repulsive at the time but now I look at those photos and think "I looked so fresh! Slim!" And I know that 10 years from now I will probably look at photos from now and think the same.

So take it easy. There will always be better looking people, just like there will always be richer people. You're doing great! Walk tall. And good luck with DC3.

IsisOhIsis · 28/08/2013 19:34

The way someone looks says very little about their life. She might have had an eating disorder, cancer, depression or an incredibly stressful life. She might get up at 5am and spend 3 hours on the treadmill every day. She may be naturally thin and gorgeous but very unhappy. She may have looked at you and thought "i wish I had her hair/her eyes/her smile/her boobs".

Have you seen this: Body Beautiful

KateSpade · 28/08/2013 19:46

kaluki
Exact same position, my mum & my best friend both have/just had cancer & I think the same thing, but it's so hard to feel good about something that probably will never go away!

Capitola · 28/08/2013 19:46

I still have a good figure/no stretch marks/perky boobs after kids.

But my fanny took a beating

FoundAChopinLizt · 28/08/2013 19:54

I have a good figure after 4dcs, if I knew why I'd write a book and make £££. Feel free to hate me irrationally, rationally...I deserve it Grin

I do have plenty of random health problems though, which I'd happily swap for stretch marks and some cellulite- and you'd all love me then.

choccychoccylover · 28/08/2013 20:23

it's possible that she adopted the little boy and so has never had children,so no stretch marks etc.

SatisfiedOtter · 28/08/2013 20:28

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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