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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get unreasonably jealous of mums that still have perfect figures after having DCs

89 replies

dirtyface · 28/08/2013 16:31

i was actually going to NC for this as i am so mortified and i know i will sound mad. but sod it

i saw this woman earlier at soft play.

she was sooooo perfect. tall ish but tiny and slender. she had golden, perfect skin, she was wearing skinny jeans and a tight cropped vest showing inches of tight, unstretchmarked tummy i know she was a mum as there was a little boy with her and he called her mum. you could just tell it was natural, her body didn't look gym honed, just naturally skinny

when i saw her, i just felt so jealous. i felt sick to my stomach and felt tears come to my eyes. i feel mean as she was probably really nice but at that moment i felt real, proper hate for her and i just felt so disgusting in comparison

i have had 2 dcs and am pg with no 3. am slim, 8 - 10, but wobbly and stretchmarked and i hate my stomach, i just can't get it flat, ever. i am short so really don't carry being pg well. my tummy has that very attractive crepey look and my boobs are on the decline southwards. i bounced back quick after my first but never quite recovered from DC2, even though she was small and i didnt even gain much weight that time.

i HATE my body and i HATE what pregnancies have done to it. and i DREAD what this pregnancies going to do to it as am 33 now and had my other dcs in my 20's. and i HATE that i am so obsessed and shallow about all this! i mean fgs am lucky that i have healthy dcs :(

am i the only one? please come and talk some sense into me

OP posts:

Caff2 · 28/08/2013 21:15

I met this guy when I was 24 ish, and I was very slim after a first baby. The relationship didn't work out, mostly because we were very mismatched. He married the girl he'd loved throughout our relationship in the end.

I am now much fatter but much more content, and have children with the right guy :) first baby is now thirteen and vey happy and secure.

Caff2 · 28/08/2013 21:17

I so want to type his actual name!

Sleepwhenidie · 28/08/2013 21:19

I think you are right Dirtyface, the media - yes, especially the vile DM has a lot to answer for. We are bombarded by thousands of images of 'perfect' (which 99% of the time means photoshopped far from reality) bodies and it has most of us totally convinced that that is how we should look.

I have been on holiday the last fortnight in the mountains in France and at lakes and pools I have seen hundreds of women in bikinis - most of them were slim and clearly fit but noneof them looked "bikini perfect" except for the odd coltish 17 year old . There was always a bit of cellulite or sagginess or bulgy tummy and that is normal, especially after having babies or even being post 30.

To look like a supermodel you have to start with the incredible genes and then work damn hard at it and although personally I work out like a demon most days and try and eat carefully 80% of the time, a life permanently on a macrobiotic diet and 6 training sessions a week in order to have a perfect looking body seems pretty joyless to me.

A perfect body is a healthy, properly functioning one and we should appreciate that. I am as guilty of it as the next woman, i now try and focus on the positive bits instead of a few unwanted bulges, but its such a hard habit to break and I find it so sad that we are so critical of our bodies. This reminds me of the "I think I'm fat but I'm not" thread a few weeks ago. I feel like something has to be done to change our (largely) collective mindset but have no idea what. Any suggestions?

NightScentedStock · 28/08/2013 21:23

Comparison is the thief of joy OP. Just sayin

SeaSickSal · 28/08/2013 21:28

I had polyhydramnios (excess fluid) and measured about 52 weeks before I popped. My stomach looks like ground zero.

On the plus side Liz Jones is always banging on about 'porridge tummied' mothers and having a personal attribute which annoys Liz Jones can only be positive.

Wishfulmakeupping · 28/08/2013 21:30

So true nightscented

BaconAndAvocado · 28/08/2013 21:34

Agree with littlemog

I've had similar thoughts when I was younger, but now, at the ripe old age of 44, am very grateful to have a body which although has saggy bits, is generally healthy and, most importantly, all the bits work.

DontmindifIdo · 28/08/2013 21:34

You know she might be the nanny...

Anyway, there are very very few people who have a 'perfect' body post 30 (including those who've never had DCs, although there's less damage to address) without putting effort in - effort to exercise and effort to watch their diet (before you even start on effort to do beauty treatments).

BaconAndAvocado · 28/08/2013 21:36

Just read your post nightscented

Very very true.

MyBaby1day · 28/08/2013 22:02

Maybe she'd adopted him?, I am doing this to keep my figure and have my baby

NutellaStraightFromTheJar · 28/08/2013 22:17

I could have written your OP, but the thing is, it's not really about that one woman at soft play. For me, it's much more about the body I used to have, but never bothered to appreciate. I spent years pre baby hating my smooth, unstretchmarked, stomach. I'd kill for it now! Post 10lb1oz baby I have deep deep stretch marks, split stomach muscles, a c section bulge and a porridge tummy, despite being back at my pre-preg weight. I am only 26, but I feel like a big part of my body is wrecked and I really don't know if I'll get it back.

But I also have my incredible DS, who is silky smooth and chubby and perfect. So I spend a lot of time looking at him and a lot less time looking in mirrors

CaramelisedOnion · 28/08/2013 22:23

I have a completely flat stomach. I track everything I eat on myfitnesspal and I train 4-5 times per week at the gym plus home work outs after my son has gone to sleep.

I would put money on that woman doing something similar

PrincessYoni · 28/08/2013 22:30

Well, her son could have been adopted or fostered...

She probably has all manner of hang ups too. Perhaps she's suffered deep PND, you never know. Her boobs could be shadows of their former selves or, like me, all the stretch marks are on the side of her hips which, when naked make her look like she's been tackled by a tiger and can place a finger width in each mark.
Lots of invisible possibilities too like piles or prolapse. None are fun.

toodles · 28/08/2013 22:37

Have you heard of the MutuSystem?
www.mutusystem.com
I have bought it but not started yet. I must do it soon. It is a fitness programme especially designed for Mums.

NorfolkIngWay · 28/08/2013 22:39

Think of how your children view you.
You are their Mother - giver of life, love, nutrition.
Whatever size you are, shape you are you are theirs .. their Mother.
Don't ever under estimate your influence, how much you are loved and needed.

WorraLiberty · 28/08/2013 22:43

i think half of its all the shit thats always in the media obsessing over slebs pg bumps, who is big, who is small, who looks amazing in a bikini 2 mins after giving birth. its just so horrible i think. (although more fool me i guess for being taken in by it!)

Yes, why are you reading it?

Don't blame the media, blame the people who pay them

In other words the readers!

Snailonthewhale · 28/08/2013 22:43

Lol I just saw this thread having just been on fb having a stalk nose through the pics of a friend's wife who had a baby last year and now looks like she has the body of an 18 year old dancer.

I have had 2dc and the first one didn't do my body much harm, I piled on a shit load of weight but it all came off eventually and I was pretty much good as new. The second one did me in though. I have a spare tyre that just won't go. I'm a size 10-12 but it takes me ages to find something I look alright in as I look permanently about 5 months preggers.

As a general rule of thumb, IMO I think most people bounce back quite well after one dc but two or more and it's a different story. I know there are exceptions to this though.

thebody · 28/08/2013 22:47

still waiting for my stomach to snap back!!
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

my 4 are 23 to 12 and would rather have then alive and happy and here messing up my house/ life than a flat tummy.

ok would like the flag tummy too but fuck it ain't never going to happen cos I am a lazy bitch and like wine!!😃

op bet u are gorgeous.

4posterbed · 28/08/2013 22:50

I have had 5 dc, am size 8-10 but have a mummy tummy no exercise or diet shifts, I was so obsessed about my 5 month pg look I stopped eating and then developed a severely under active thyroid for which I am taking medication for daily and will forever.

Yet others look at me and say 'skinny minny' but at 5'4'' and 8.5st I do not feel skinny with the protruding tummy which seems to bloat even after 1 small piece of toast. I have tried eliminating wheat, dairy or to no avail.

My dc are happy and healthy, I have a lot to be thankful for. But I deplore the amount of time I have stressed and obsessed about my tummy. My dh doesn't even care about it. It is my obsession. Many of my friends envy my figure. I find if I stand tall it doesn't look so bad as sucking my tummy in constantly is too much like hard work. Spandex helps!

NorfolkIngWay · 28/08/2013 22:53

I didn't have the body of an 18 year old dancer.
when I was 18 let alone after 3 Dcs.
Why are women judged on what they look like when men are judged on who they are or what they achieve.
Bollocks to it !

Alisvolatpropiis · 28/08/2013 22:54

I know a woman who you would probably think the same of. She is ridiculously gorgeous. Perfect looking. However her daughter was v prem and I'm sure she'd swap her perfect figure (it really is, I've seen her in a bikini) for her daughter to have been born full term and have a less perfect looking body.

Want2bSupermum · 28/08/2013 22:56

I bounced back after having DD. 19 months later when DS arrived it was a different story. I lost 10lbs in the two weeks after having him and I have had a terrible time losing the remaining 15lbs.

I had a moment like you OP and asked the lady what she did to get her figure back. She told me she had her baby by surrogate but she also did yoga and pilates every other day plus ran 5 days a week. I have managed to stretch to doing pilates twice a week and I run on the treadmill every night. The weight only started to come off properly two weeks ago when I started the Eat to Live diet. So far I am down 3lbs which is major progress as far as I am concerned. My stomach area is much better after pilates. I strongly recommend anyone with jelly belly try it.

MikeOxard · 28/08/2013 23:01

She looked perfect to you - but she might feel pregnancy ruined her body too, compared to how it was before. As for smooth skin I'm totally jealous too maybe she spent ages doing her make up before she left the house, because she can't bring herself to go out in public not looking perfect. Maybe it's better to look a bit less perfect but to be a bit more confident in yourself.

You probably look perfect to a lot of people anyway, especially at a size 8-10. They won't think you're wobbly, they're too busy thinking 'bloody hell, she's peeeerrrfect, it's sooo unfair'!

thebody · 28/08/2013 23:29

bet the bitch is a nanny??😄😄 op

disclaimer.. A never call skinny girls bitches
b never call other women bitches
c liar liar pants on fire!!

mollycuddles · 28/08/2013 23:44

There will always be younger and slimmer and more beautiful women than you/me. Even if there aren't right now then give it time. Everyone gets older and just as the wicked queen discovered in Snow White - nobody is the fairest one forever.
So lets all stop focussing on how we look and instead on what we can do. I'm chubby with porridge for a tummy and an overhang and a few stone more than I want but I can get stronger and fitter. I have run a marathon. I will run another one and next time it will be faster
I can be the best I can be and there's so much more I can and will do.

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