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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to just not want to go on drinky nights out anymore?

43 replies

LimitedEditionLady · 27/08/2013 13:11

There has been a night out arranged for a few weeks time but the thing is...I just dont want to go! I just dont look forward to nights sat in a bar drinking when im not thirsty....lol.Its not that I dont like my friends but I would so rather just go for meals but I know they want a drunken evening.I feel like Id upset them if i cancelled at we dont see each other much but i really am not looking forward to it.what should i do?I could go out and not drink but then theyd really think what is she doing?aaargh.i think im getting old...

OP posts:

LeaveTheBastid · 27/08/2013 13:13

You're a grown woman with her own mind. If you don't want to go, don't go, if you don't want to drink, don't drink.

If your friendship depends on you going and getting pissed in a bar, or your friends will judge you for not doing so, then I think you need to ask yourself if they're friendships worth continuing.

sweetfluffybunnies · 27/08/2013 13:13

I so understand how you feel. Could you maybe turn up a bit late and leave a bit early?

quesadilla · 27/08/2013 13:16

Would your friends understand if you made your excuses and left relatively early? or are they the kind of people who would bully you into staying?

Try it. If they respond insensitively or suggest you're a killjoy maybe its time to move on. Nothing wrong with being honest with yourself about what you enjoy.

soontobeburns · 27/08/2013 13:19

I think you should go for a couple knowing you can leave early.

Im the same and im only 23 been this way since I was 19. I prefer dinner and cinema to drinks. I have never enjoyed sitting in a loud bar with terrible music and drunk people.

Saying that usually when I do go out which is a couple times a year I do enjoy myself 80% of the time.

MrsMcEnroe · 27/08/2013 13:19

I feel your pain. I don't drink alcohol or fizzy drinks (apart from the occasional Fanta on holiday!) so I hate going to pubs - there are only so many glasses of water you can drink in an evening!

Why not have an evening at someone's house instead? With tea, coffee and boxes of chocolates on offer as well as booze, and comfy sofas to slump in??

MrsMcEnroe · 27/08/2013 13:20

Oh god, that post made me sound really old

LeaveTheBastid · 27/08/2013 13:21

Not at all MrsMcEnroe, mine is Lindor and Twinings 2 sugars, see you at 8

silverten · 27/08/2013 13:23

Depends whether you know you'll be able to have a good chat with your mates, I think.

I like going out to catch up but hate noisy bars where I can't hear people properly and the idea of going out just to get really drunk just bores me now, I've grown out of it.

Original poster

LimitedEditionLady · 27/08/2013 14:28

Thing is i cant really leave early as they want to go out near my home and i cant just leave them!
Im going to have to cancel.Id rather have a brew too.Im 27 but i just cant be bothered drinking,i never do and its not that theyre not nice girls I think we have different priorities as we are all very different.

OP posts:

quesadilla · 27/08/2013 14:33

I don't see why you can't just leave them, personally....

if you're upfront beforehand that you don't want to get absolutely mullered and will leave after 2/3 drinks I don't see the problem.

If they are coming out near you explicitly to make it easier for you then perhaps say you're grateful but they need to understand you're not making a big night of it.

If they take real umbrage at this then you have to question whether they are really friends...

Original poster

LimitedEditionLady · 27/08/2013 15:26

Ok thanks for responses

OP posts:

silverten · 27/08/2013 16:15

Why on earth can't you leave them?? I assume they are about the same age as you? They should be able to cope with that, if they are 27. It's not primary school!

Original poster

LimitedEditionLady · 27/08/2013 16:54

Thanks for your rudeness silverten.Its actually because they live around fifteen miles away so they dont kniw the area and itd be rude to have them come all that way and leave them.I was asking if other people felt that way about nights out too.

OP posts:

Titsalinabumsquash · 27/08/2013 17:15

I have no advice but I sympathise, give me a film at the cinema and some dinner out with dp any day over drunken get togethers. I'm 26, it's never been my scene.

Original poster

LimitedEditionLady · 27/08/2013 17:20

Its kind of like i love the girls but i just dont love the destination!i know that at least two of them just want to get blotto and fair dos to them,its just not my scene.( especially after looking after kids all day)

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 27/08/2013 17:27

I tend to leave early these day. I have some friends who will stay out till 3 am, so if I leave at 9.30, or 12.30, it doesn't really make any difference.

Original poster

LimitedEditionLady · 27/08/2013 17:45

I think what ill do is now i think after so many saying leave early is tell them that im going at whatever o clock and say to them so its up to you guys what you do and leave them a taxi number....

OP posts:

silverten · 27/08/2013 17:47

Sorry but I don't think that was rude.

You said your mates wanted to come to your area. They are grown women who can presumably cope with a night out on their own, so I don't see why your leaving when you've had enough should give them any problems.

If they are selfish enough to try and make you do something you don't really want to do just to 'keep the gang together' then that is the sort of thing that primary school children do. If they are trying to make you feel bad because you don't find getting wasted much fun then that is really rather immature of them.

You haven't actually said whether or not they are doing this, obviously. Have you told them that you don't really want to do the big partying thing?

Tee2072 · 27/08/2013 17:50

I agree with silverten. Be a grown up.

thebody · 27/08/2013 17:51

I think it's time to move on and make friends who are at your stage if life. have your friends got kids?

if you really like them then go but have soft drinks.

put it this way if they inky want you as a drunk mate then you may as well forget them as its not the real you they want is it?.

thebody · 27/08/2013 17:53

and op silver ten wasn't rude. you asked Aibu and she said you were. that's not rude.

Original poster

LimitedEditionLady · 27/08/2013 17:57

Sorry,i took the primary school comment harshly.ye s half have kids but they are oldr

OP posts:

Tee2072 · 27/08/2013 18:08

That wasn't harsh. She's right. It is like your in primary school.

silverten · 27/08/2013 18:18

Actually I don't think the OP is being unreasonable, thebody.

I think she might be worrying a bit too much about what her mates might think, and I'm trying to point out that she doesn't need to feel bad for not liking exactly the same things as other people.

BackforGood · 27/08/2013 18:29

I don't think Silverton was rude either. You'd not explained any reason why you couldn't leave early. I'd also got the impression there was a group of people meeting up - bit different now you've explained 2 people are coming out of their way to make it easier for you to meet them.
If it's just 3 of you then, why not get in touch and tell them you've been thinking about it and can't build up any enthusiasm for a drunken night anymore, and what would they think about meeting for a meal instead. Obviously they might not want to, and that's fine too - just accept you are now in 'different places' in your lives. It would seem polite to let them know that you don't want the same sort of night out that you used to though, so they can do that nearer where they live if they want to, and not travel to have you leave early.

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