To NEVER EVER open my front door after dark again?

[HoneyDragon]

I just remembered to put the bottles out for the milk man. Open front door, step out. Next thing

FWAP

the biggest fucking toad ever has LANDED ON MY ACTUAL FOOT.

I screamed a bit. The toad went "bwurk" the dog barked and ran and hid, the toad slid off when I tried to run away.

Milk bottles are now out.

The dog and I are now sat at opposite ends of the sofa avoiding eye contact and feeling like twats.

So I shall simply cease forthwith utilising my front door after sunset and maintain my dignity. Ok?

- would some & make it all better?

I'd move. It's the only reasonable course of action.

Fook!!!

Stay in during the hours of darkness forever!

It could have been worse.

You could have stepped on him.

Squelch!!

That's frikin hilarious! Some guard dog you've got there...

YANBU

What's the difference between a toad and a frog?

Ugh, toads.
Years ago we were outside latish on. My DH said 'the bloody dog has left a present on the patio' and went to scoop it up with a shovel.

Said 'present' jumped up off the shovel down DH top. Was a toad!

Better or worse than stepping on a snail in bare feet?

I booted a hedgehog by accident once, nearly broke my toe. It was dark and I was stoned, very freaky.

Arf at this -

" The dog and I are now sat at opposite ends of the sofa avoiding eye contact and feeling like twats. "

Thank you for making me laugh :-) not at you, but at the wonderful way you recounted the story!

Maybe YABABU but I think with good cause and I'd do the same!

I don't mind toads but slugs

I used to live in a shared house with a loooooong path from gate to door - a loooong dark path - if it wasn't a crunchy snail it was a slippy slug - ever 3rd fucking step

Chuckle at "bwurk", not "ribbit"
Perhaps that's the difference between frogs and toads

Frogs go dwoing!

Toads go Fwap.

Yes, but I was barefoot so would only have trod on it very very briefly. Nearly treading on frogs is a standard back garden hazard.

Having your foot fwapped by a toad is AWFUL.

Oh God stepping on a snail full stop gives me the worst guilt.
What's the right thing to do?
His home/protection is gone and he's likely in pain - should I finish him off

Frogs - leaner and mostly on water
Toads - chunkier and mostly on land.

OP 0, toad 5

Sorry OP

I love that it said "bwurk". This is clearly toad for "my work here is done".

Yep. "Bwerk" means "mission accomplished - scaring the crap out of someone."

No toads here. Although I did step on a slug in bare feet when taking something out to the bin the other night. Blee!!

It's a crap toad if it said "bwurk".

It should have been "bwork"

Just sayin'...

Frogs are better anyway.

Less warty.

I just thought of something.

Imagine if it had been a bat.

It might have flown into your face!!

What were you weraing?

Also, this is not as gross as what happened to me earlier. Well, maybe not...

I came downstairs in the dark and then noticed a darkish shape on the cream carpet of the stairs. Hoping it wasn't a spider, I turned the light on....

Obviously it was the biggest spider EVER, although looking rather sorry for itself. Yes, reader, I had stepped on it whilst going down the stairs.

After screeching and jumping about a bit, I made DH take it outside and sat down in the living room.... Only to discover on the bottom of my foot, two of the monster's legs.

I actually have a bruise now from where I slapped them off.

Salmo

May I suggest you open my front door from now on and you can assess the crappness of my doorstep amphibians your self?