to not want to go to an Indian resteraunt while suffering horrendous 'morning' (haha) sickness

[Makqueen]

Dh parents arrived today. They love an Indian resteraunt near us and want to eat there everytime they visit. I usually love it too (I am half Indian but a crap cook so it's like a taste of childhood going there).

However, I am 9 weeks pregnant and puking round the clock. The only things I can eat (this week) are soggy cornflakes and for the past two days I am having trouble keeping anything down, sometimes even fluids.

I can't open my own fridge without gagging so the thought of sitting there smelling all those spices is filling me with dread.

I've told dh to go on his own with them tonight, but he won't as the evenings is when my sickness spikes (I passed out on the bathroom floor thur night), but I am gettin guilt tripped by all of them. They say they will miss out if we don't all go and won't get a takeaway as its not the same.

I don't want to ruin thier trip, but I can't go. They are saying I can just nibble on some rice. It's the smell, and the fact that I am exhausted and can't keep anything down.

The resteraunt only has one loo and I don't want to be hogging it.

God, I feel like shit and just want to sleep!

[Curleyhazel]

You are definitely not bu! Your dh's parents are behaving inconsideratly.
Even if you just ate something small/light, it's the food smell or, even worse, the smell of the restaurant bathroom that could easily trigger nausea. Stay at home, put your feet up and take it easy.

[GlaikitFizzog]

Tell them to fuck the fuck off! And tell them to take ere no good son with them.

[Coffeenowplease]

Jesus. Ive just read your last post.

If my own mother came to my house while I was pregnant and unwell and behaved like this I would honestly tell her not to be such a selfish fuck and throw her out until she was going to behave better. ( History there btw)

I can only imagine if my inlaws tried it.

As for your DH well. He needs to grow a pair. Or i would do it for him. Although i appreciate you are not well enough to atm. Would you like us Mners to come round and explain to your inlaws ?

[Lovecat]

Do they know that your miscarriage happened because/after you were schlepping round all day after then? If they do, then they are selfish, wicked arseholes and I would have no compunction in throwing them out of my house (having lavishly puked on them first).

If they don't, perhaps it's time your 'd'h told them. It might (although if they're being this childish and ridiculous over going out for a curry I doubt it) make them stop and think.

Your DH needs to tell them they are being utterly shite and make it clear that you are in no fit state to do anything or go anywhere and his place is with you.

So angry on your behalf!!!

[WhereYouLeftIt]

"After the mmc I told him I wanted a divorce. He said things would change and he'd put me first. Tbf, he's not guilt tripped me at all about today, so he has changed, and he cant do enough for me in this pregnancy, he's taken over everything so I can rest.

But he'd never tell them to stop going on and he still wants them to be happy."


"Dh doesn't see them as much as her like - they visit every 5/6 weeks for a weekend. So when they are here he wants to spend as muh time with them as possible and I feel he resents me for getting in the way of that."

I am so sorry, but your husband needs to grow a pair, a spine, whatever it is that makes a person old enough to be an adult into an actual adult. Bottom line, you can say he resents you . And as Glaikit says, by not standing up for you he is guilt tripping you .

I do think that shock tactics might be called for here. Remind him of his promise to change and to put you first, and yes, remind him of what prompted him to make that promise - that he and his behaviour re his parents had DRIVEN you to want a divorce, and here it is happening again. I'd even push for them NEVER staying with you again but going into a hotel should they visit again. So sorry .

[Coffeenowplease]

(It may just be possible I am a right bitch)

[hermioneweasley]

What LoveCat said.

They can fuck right off.

[NoMaybeAboutIt]

OP, I really think you should get to the hospital today. You really don't need that UTI getting worse.

I just can't believe your in laws can be such utter dicks

[LadyClariceCannockMonty]

Sorry, but have things with your DH really changed that much since the last time? If you're expecting him to say 'but my parents are here' about you going to hospital then he's still being selfish and inconsiderate towards you.

Even if he isn't guilt-tripping you, he needs to tell his parents in no uncertain terms to back off and leave you alone while you're ill. Tell him that if he doesn't say that to them, you will.

[IJustNeedANap]

YANBU if your DH knows your to ill in the evening to be left alone then why on earth can he not see you'll be to ill to go sit in a Resturant with loads of smells and people?

[WhereYouLeftIt]

Don't wait until tomorrow to go to the hospital, go now. Your health is the true priority, fuck your unsupportive H and his scuzzy parents, get yourself to the hospital.

[Mumsyblouse]

I'm sorry but all the resentment that you had that drove you to want a divorce is about to resurface big time. They are utterly utterly unreasonable and personally I would want them out of my house, let alone give a shit about their night out having a curry.

Your husband has gone back on his promise to put you first. Get him upstairs, lock the door and have a frank chat of a very blunt variety. Explain it is happening again, you are ill, you need peace and quiet, you are already going to have to go to hospital tomorrow, and that his parents simply have to come last in your priorities otherwise you are at risk again- an uncontrolled infection, exhaustion, constant sickness that could lead to dehydration- all of these could compromise you and your baby. Tell him that if something bad happens again you will never ever forgive him for not having protected you and put you first when you were ill (even if this is not the cause of it, his failure to protect you, his pregnant wife is really appalling).

These people don't care about you and your baby, they care about their curry night. A similar thing happened to me, being pushed to exhaustion in pregnancy with my in-laws and I have never ever forgiven them, although I've made my peace with them because it showed me they don't really care about me deep down or have my best interests at heart, so I have to put my own first.

As for what your husband said about caring more about his parents over his unborn child, he may have promised things were different this time, but they are not. I am shocked by this statement and think the time for pandering to them all is over.

I wouldn't allow them to stay in your house again, make them go to a hotel. And tell your husband your marriage is on the line if he can't look after you in pregnancy or stop his parents from actively putting you at risk and not respecting your needs.

I feel angry on your behalf (projecting perhaps!)

[CaptainCapybara]

Go to the hospital about the UTI, if your H says one word about his parents not being happy chuck the whole lot of them out on their ear.

[CookieLady]

FFS. What utter fucking selfish wankers. I'm livid on your behalf. I've suffered from HG in both of my pregnancies and absolutely hate women who state that they "just got on with it".

Stand firm and. Tell them to fuck off. I seriously would.

[Mumsyblouse]

In fact, I agree with everyone, go to hospital today and get checked out for the UTI, it will be making you feel terrible exhausted, and coupled with the sickness could be really bad. Just get in the car/taxi, take your other child and go. These people cannot be trusted with your health, take action yourself and if they mention the curry night again, tell them to fuck off (really).

[MidniteScribbler]

Do you have a mother/sister/aunt/friend that would come and get you and take you to the hospital and/or would let you stay at their place? Quite honestly, I'd be leaving this manchild and his fuckwit parents to their own little bubble of arseholeness.

[CookieLady]

Try drinking cold lemonade or coke. I couldn't drink water and those were the only two liquids that stayed down.

[Iamsparklyknickers]

I think you should contact the EPU and go today - if you need to you need to, logically things aren't going to clear up by themselves so there's no point in waiting another 24 hours feeling any worse than you have to. You have to be your own priority. Personally I would call a friend or family if you have some nearby and tell DH to keep the hell away from me and entertain his precious parents.

I would also want to know exactly why dragging my puking, exhausted arse out was so essential to going out - do they enjoy your company so much the day just isn't complete? No, because that would mean they would be concerned about your welfare, they want you to go because they feel guilty because they know you're unwell and going off on jollies and leaving someone whose poorly is a shitty thing to do.

Bollocks should you have to play act feeling up to it just so they can have a guilt free day without having to face the fact they're absolute knob-jockeys.

[thebody]

call your midwife for advice or go to the hospital.

sorry op I can't say anything printable about your dh or your inlaws.

today is the first day of putting you and your baby first.

[thebody]

and yes agree can you call your own mum, auntie, sister or any if your relations or friends to come around and stand up to them all in your behalf? you arnt well enough for this shite.

[goonyagoodthing]

he was mailing me feel guilty and saying his parents meant more to him than a baby which wasn't born yet.

I don't want to add to your troubles but your DH needs a flogging. Shame on him. Have you anyone who can come and fight your corner? Mother / sister / friend who can just tell it how it is. Take care of yourself and your precious little baby and let them piss off to the indian and I really hope they get food poisoning and are made drag themselves for a day out in London while both ends are exploding at regular intervals.

[Makqueen]

I don't have any family if my own, part from my father who is elderly and has dementia, but if my mother were still alive, she'd have kicked thier arses into next week.

I have rung the hospital, no one on EPU unless emergency, so they said to to A&E and they will do a urine test and can give me anti biotics. I thought there was nothing worse than sickness, but sickness with the discomfort of a UTI is hell.

Dh just waving them off for thier day out, I'm going to talk to him and then call a taxi to the hospital to get this sorted (it's only three stops on tube, but I am not up to it), I think I am getting a temp, so I will get myself checked out today incase it gets worse.

God, will probably be accused by mIL of making stuff up to go to the hospital now.

And under no circumstances am I going to the Indian.

[Makqueen]

Oh and luckily my older son is on holiday with his father for a couple of weeks, so I don't have to worry about him.

[Iamsparklyknickers]

I would understand why you wouldn't want to, but I think if it was me I'd be making DP read this thread while I was gone.

I get that your family are your biggest influence, but the man needs to see exactly how UR they are.

[GlaikitFizzog]

Ok, hospital, NOW, temp and uti are bad enough, but combined with the sickness you are probably dehydrated. Call taxi now and then tell dh what's happening, do not get into the ins and ts of it now.health first, tear dh a new one, later.