DD totally fucked up her GCSEs. AIBU to tell her 'I told you so'?

[TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras]

Of course I won't but I am very, very cross about it. She got 2 Ds, 2 Es and 3 Fs FFS. All through secondary we have had problems with her being disruptive at school, getting detentions, calls about her not doing her homework or engaging with the lessons, getting into spats with other girls about stuff which did not involve her (sticking up for friends).

She was forecast for 3Cs, 2Ds and 3Es which was bad enough but we hoped she would get the extra C through the exams to get into the college course that she was so excited about doing and which we have supported her in doing even though I have my doubts (performing arts) but I wanted her to do something she enjoyed.

We have lectured her, given her 'pep talks', taken away privileges, shouted, screamed at her and now we have the end result - totally crap grades so she will not be able to do the college course she wanted to do and will have to spend the next year retaking as many as possible at a cost to us. I even frogmarched her to maths club one day as she was so behind but she refused to go again and I could'nt do that every bloody week. Ditto homework club/science club.

She has never been diagnosed with any SENs, her teachers have always stated that she is very bright and would do fine if she would just shut up and listen. She seems to have disengaged with reality and decided that she was going to become a singer/rapper so school was not important. She spends hours writing rap lyrics and listening to that bloody Iggy Azalea (most annoying songs ever). She has even insisted that she will be moving to LA as soon as she is 18 and do whatever it takes to become a 'sooperstarrr' and I fully support her in that 'dream' and hope she can achieve it (not by moving to LA and living in the bins waiting to be discovered though ) but she needs to at least get some qualifications first!

I could bloody shake her very hard. She thinks she knows everything. Aaaarrrrgggh. Any suggestions on what to do with her?

It's unlikely she's going to turn around in such a short time - although you might know better.

I think some kids just don't cut it at school. The important thing is they get into the world of work, and not be allowed to bum around and become unemployable.

My very bright DD2 was fast tracked in 3rd year (Scotland) and achieved 2 standard grades at A. I went to parents' night in 4th year to be told by one teacher that they had assumed she had left because she hadn't been in class for months! These two standard grades are the sum total of her educational qualifications. Bloody heartbreaking. She's now 24, working in a bank, been promoted once and is studying OU credits to get into Uni to do law. She is very motivated and focused. It's by far the harder way to do it

One of the students there has just been on The Voice

I get the point but is this really a measure of success? A 2 minute TV appearance? It's not going to pay the bills or fund a decent lifestyle.

She has turned around, Olly. RTFT.

Congrats to your DD, OP.

Good update OP.

My dd also fucked up her GCSE's - 2B's (English and drama) and either just failed the rest (maths by one mark) or bombed/didn't turn up to the exam with all the rest. She was hospitalised with depression just before the exams started and was pretty ill, so I had to bite my tongue but it wasn't the depression that did the most damage, it was the 4 years of arguing with teachers, refusing to do homework, and bunking off that preceded it. Her secondary school education was a write off. This was devastating for me - I'm a graduate with two degrees and two DIPHEs, and a qualified teacher myself and never imagined my clever daughter would do so very badly.

Roll on a year and she's half way through a level 3 Health and Social Care BTEC with a view to applying for a degree in adult nursing.

Fingers crossed she carries on working towards her goals.

To those of you whose children massively fuck up their secondary schooling - have hope, things can be salvaged if you advocate for your child and keep a cool head.

We need to revive this thread again on the 25th of August when the GCSE results come out!

YANBU.

Good grief! Everyone wants to be famous/a celebrity for doing practically nothing, these days. I blame XFactor, TOWIE, Made in Chelsea et al.

Thing is, when you look at our young actresses, "stars of the future" many of them have been to university. They're bright, clever people. Not usually the Big Brother mentality and level.

OP, I've no idea what you will do. Ideally, your dd should wake up and see that if she doesn't resist, knuckle down and achieve some qualifications it could potentially mean a lifetime in low paid, menial and boring jobs. No glamour there, none at all.

Good luck to you and to your dd.

Well done to you and your dd

Yay! Well done OP's daughter for turning things around. It must have been tough work for all concerned but she's done it.

What a lovely update! Who would have thought three years ago that the thread would end with DD heading for university?! Well done to the both of you, you should both be extremely proud.

The irony of course if that university (regardless of what she's studying) will be a great place for her to pursue her hobby of performing - so many societies, similarly-minded people and student bars for her to get plenty of experience and exposure! Good luck to her!

That's fantastic!

I was just like your daughter, mouthy and disruptive and ended up with no GCSE's.

I too came out the other side and about to embark on my second degree which will take me directly into a career at the end.

Bloody good for your daughter.

Lovely update.

But I suspect its fairly common.

Believe me, it is. Our household is firmly academic/ arty but my two DSDs decided that they were going to be the next Nikki Minaj/ Cara D and that was that - a lot of their friends were the same. They were all either going to be a model or a singer. Or just vaguely and easily rich.

There was nothing that we could do and like you, we tried everything. It's impossible to explain how competitive the uni/ job market is when they think that none of that will apply to them. The job market, now they are in it, has been a wake up call for both of them. Youngest DSD ended up in a massive strop with me one night because we were trying to help her fill in an application form and she didn't have a lot to put in some of the boxes (somehow, not her fault but mine?) Unfortunately, it sometimes takes the cold, hard shock of the real world to jolt them into taking a bit of responsibility for themselves.

The good news is that they are young enough to turn it around OP

Fantastic update Dumpelstiltskin though I'd still like to know how she moved from the original post to deciding to take the level 2 course - did you sit on your hands and say nothing, make it happen for her, or what....? Congratulations to her and hope things continue to go well.

OP what happened to make your DD knuckle down? was it just she grew up and matured??

So glad for the update at the end.

Was reading the thread thinking "she's only a kid, don't write her off."

Not you, OP, but some of the replies.

Delighted she has done so well.

It shows a lot of character to fail so spectacularly at 16 and pull it all back together and get on eith things.

Good for her. I wish her every success. :)

But I suspect its fairly common.

It is indeed. With the connivance/encouragement of their teachers, my nephew was conned into thinking he was going to be a top class cricketer and my niece was going to be a top dancer. The teachers encouraged them to spend all their spare time practising to the detriment of their education. Both started secondary school near the top of their class, both ended up with only 1 or 2 C grades at GCSE mostly due to not doing any homework, bunking off lessons and not revising. They both went into the sixth form to do retakes but the same happened and their sports took over again, so another year wasted. Both went to college, but both got chucked out after the first year! Both now in dead end minimum wage jobs!

Lovely update! glad that she sorted her head out and decided to get her qualifications, while still holding her dream in the back of her head.

Thing about big dreams is that they're fine to fly with, but you need to have something to catch you when you stop flying. And that's where the qualifications come in - they're the safety net. So I'm glad she's, if not necessarily realised that, at least done the quals. anyway. :)

eggy - your post was actually useful anyway - good for your mum!

Thanks for the update OP. I'd also like to know how she came to the decision to knuckle down?

im have just 'funded' my daughters first year at college during which she had to retake maths.....its been hard for her and for me....shes had big dreams too....big dreams fade when they suddenly grow up...shes now more interested in clubbing !

Lovely update. Well done OP and daughter .

Honestly she reminds me of my 16 year old boyfriend. A few years of having no money and the crappy jobs, made him do a qualification, and improve his life. I suspect this is about maturity rather than anything else. Although stop telling her she can be anything she wants to be. That is simply not true.

Great update OP!

Glad your DD is doing well and has matured and going to uni. Well done to you both

I think some of the advice on here, although well meaning, is awful - posters suggesting things like getting a decent microphone etc are missing the point.

This girl has her head in the clouds. She won't ever make it as a superstar. She's like every other silly teen with similar ambition but no real talent and certainly no intention of doing any actual work to achieve her "dream".

I think it's cruel to indulge kids like this. Cruel to be kind - "You won't be going to LA because you won't get a visa. You're not going to be discovered. I won't be carrying you any more. You will get a job. Any job. It will help pay for evening classes/tutoring for your resits. Stop being ridiculous and grow up".

Stop pussy footing around. They ALL think they're undiscovered talent and the sooner someone is honest with them the better.

Oh ffs I hate zombie threads!!! 😏

calm have you read the op's update?

Brilliant update OP! I'd thought this was just someone commenting on a zombie thread but great to see how it all turned out!

So pleased to read the update, I am facing a similar situation with my DS - due to take his GCSEs next year and has zero interest in academic work - this thread has made me realise there is hope. Thank you.

OP you should put up a new thread on GCSE results day and link to this thread! Failing your GCSE's isnt the end of the world nowadays.

I would say that there are some kids who are bookish at 14, and do want to work hard and pass their GCSE's. They can have an incredibly hard time in school when their classes are being disrupted by kids having arguments with the teachers, disrupting the class and messing around.