DD totally fucked up her GCSEs. AIBU to tell her 'I told you so'?

[TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras]

Of course I won't but I am very, very cross about it. She got 2 Ds, 2 Es and 3 Fs FFS. All through secondary we have had problems with her being disruptive at school, getting detentions, calls about her not doing her homework or engaging with the lessons, getting into spats with other girls about stuff which did not involve her (sticking up for friends).

She was forecast for 3Cs, 2Ds and 3Es which was bad enough but we hoped she would get the extra C through the exams to get into the college course that she was so excited about doing and which we have supported her in doing even though I have my doubts (performing arts) but I wanted her to do something she enjoyed.

We have lectured her, given her 'pep talks', taken away privileges, shouted, screamed at her and now we have the end result - totally crap grades so she will not be able to do the college course she wanted to do and will have to spend the next year retaking as many as possible at a cost to us. I even frogmarched her to maths club one day as she was so behind but she refused to go again and I could'nt do that every bloody week. Ditto homework club/science club.

She has never been diagnosed with any SENs, her teachers have always stated that she is very bright and would do fine if she would just shut up and listen. She seems to have disengaged with reality and decided that she was going to become a singer/rapper so school was not important. She spends hours writing rap lyrics and listening to that bloody Iggy Azalea (most annoying songs ever). She has even insisted that she will be moving to LA as soon as she is 18 and do whatever it takes to become a 'sooperstarrr' and I fully support her in that 'dream' and hope she can achieve it (not by moving to LA and living in the bins waiting to be discovered though ) but she needs to at least get some qualifications first!

I could bloody shake her very hard. She thinks she knows everything. Aaaarrrrgggh. Any suggestions on what to do with her?

I thought 'they can't have their results yet surely??' Then though, 'hmmm, this sounds familiar!'

I was on the thread earlier 😁 (Different posting name)

Well done BOTH of you 💐💐

I hope she loves uni, enjoys getting her degree and does fab things with her singing too!

Why let her go to 'college'? Insist she goes back to school to repeat a year.

Wow, you get my poster of the day award 🏆 for coming back and updating

I'm so pleased that your DD has done so well. She must have worked hard.

Why let her go to 'college'? Insist she goes back to school to repeat a year

1. schools do not generally let you 'repeat a year'. You can often do English/Maths retakes, but usually alongside your A-levels BTEC courses.
2. She can't be compelled to do it and her parents can't make her.
3. Most pertinently, the original post is nearlyr two years old. In the intervening two years the op's daughter has completed two college courses and is heading off to university.

Bit apart from that: flawless plan!

That's really nice to read. Good luck to your DD!

She could take the lower level one year course but says she won't

if she's not willing to do the lower level at college to get onto the course she wants that way she's not going to suddenly work hard at re-sits either.

IMO the only way now is to step WAAAYYY back. She needs to self motivate, and it'll be hard OP because she might get worse before she gets better, but she's never going to improve while she's busy resisting your help.

argh missed the update! great news OP

How nice to hear a happy ending, well done to your dd and you for supporting her, OP.

Hope the next batch of teenage years work out well too!

My brother decided he would be a pop star and bought his first guitar at age 11, stopped going to school at 14 when school leaving age was 16 (his friends forged absence letters for him). He was a very charming chap, and actually a very talented musician. He became a minor pop star for a short time, though before that happened he did go to FE college for a bit and got some A levels. He made most of his money after he'd taught himself to read music properly, and could play on sessions; he also has a recording studio which is where he makes most money now, I think.

Some talented kids do make it in one way or another.

Anyway, do you think your dd has learnt anything from her epic fail?

She was shocked at the grades but just said she will retake them while getting a job so she can save up to hire a recording studio hmm. I have impressed on her that with those grades getting even a part time job will be very difficult!...

...I am just totally pissed off that she seems to think it's fine that she can just waste another year redoing them when she could have had them done and dusted. Also worried about her getting sucked into a low paying job and still doing it when she's 30 while waiting to become 'famous'.

I don't think you should second guess her ambition as much as you do, from getting a job to pay for a recording studio while doing retakes to the whole superstardom thing. Her suggestion of retakes plus a job and recording studio rental might be exactly what she needs to do in the circumstances. Don't be such a pooh-pooh-er. Give her credit for at least having a plan, and let her see where she can go with it.

Motivation to work towards a goal has to come from inside your DD. You can't put it there. So while you can be totally pissed off with her, I think you need to start examining your level of anxiety here because nothing is as guaranteed to backfire as parental engagement that has anxiety behind it. So stop thinking about where she will be when she's 30. Another thing that will backfire is telling a child they can be anything they want to be, because that is how five year olds see things anyway. The next 15 years are all about becoming realistic.

Being totally pissed off that she could have had GCSEs over and done with at this point is a waste of everyone's time and energy. The one thing she does have now is time. It is actually a great thing that she was shocked at her poor results, and it is also good that she recognises that retakes must be done. So build on that instead of indulging in the temptation to knock her down or cry over spilt milk..

She sounds immature, unrealistic and lacking in resilience. The only way to get over all of that might be producing a demo and getting turned down and getting up again, dusting herself off and trying again. She really has to get out of her room and into the real world with her music.

Whoops!

Well done your DD

Nice update OP.

I know at least three teenagers who are going to make it big in the showbiz world....not one of them has the slightest idea of what it entails, how hard and unforgiving it is, and none of them thinks they have to get off their lazy a*s to make it happen!!!
All I can think is....they all have a very rude awakening coming to them! And if their parents are facilitating this stupid dream life more fool them!

Well done to you both!!! Nice to have an update.

Well done OP's DD

That is a great update, and well done to your daughter.you must be very proud of her. Thanks for coming back and updating us after all this time.

Well done OP's DD.

Nice to hear a good outcome.

Although I was mightily confusedand wondered if I'd missed DS's results day ;) -

to you for updating
for your DD, and I wish her the very best of luck in her life

Great update :)

It's a hard balance to make - supporting their dreams but at the same time preparing them for cold hard reality.