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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD totally fucked up her GCSEs. AIBU to tell her 'I told you so'?

328 replies

TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras · 25/08/2013 21:01

Of course I won't but I am very, very cross about it. She got 2 Ds, 2 Es and 3 Fs FFS. All through secondary we have had problems with her being disruptive at school, getting detentions, calls about her not doing her homework or engaging with the lessons, getting into spats with other girls about stuff which did not involve her (sticking up for friends).

She was forecast for 3Cs, 2Ds and 3Es which was bad enough but we hoped she would get the extra C through the exams to get into the college course that she was so excited about doing and which we have supported her in doing even though I have my doubts (performing arts) but I wanted her to do something she enjoyed.

We have lectured her, given her 'pep talks', taken away privileges, shouted, screamed at her and now we have the end result - totally crap grades so she will not be able to do the college course she wanted to do and will have to spend the next year retaking as many as possible at a cost to us. I even frogmarched her to maths club one day as she was so behind but she refused to go again and I could'nt do that every bloody week. Ditto homework club/science club.

She has never been diagnosed with any SENs, her teachers have always stated that she is very bright and would do fine if she would just shut up and listen. She seems to have disengaged with reality and decided that she was going to become a singer/rapper so school was not important. She spends hours writing rap lyrics and listening to that bloody Iggy Azalea (most annoying songs ever). She has even insisted that she will be moving to LA as soon as she is 18 and do whatever it takes to become a 'sooperstarrr' Hmm and I fully support her in that 'dream' and hope she can achieve it (not by moving to LA and living in the bins waiting to be discovered though Grin) but she needs to at least get some qualifications first!

I could bloody shake her very hard. She thinks she knows everything. Aaaarrrrgggh. Any suggestions on what to do with her?

OP posts:
MyBreadIsEggy · 02/08/2016 07:49

I was your Dd at 16....I was the class clown, and didn't engage in any of the core subjects - just the ones I liked! If I remember rightly, I attended a grand total of two maths lessons in the whole of year 11 Blush I had no idea what I was going to do when school had finished, didn't apply for any college course or 6th forms. Left school in the June, got abysmal GCSE results in the August and started my first day of Army training in the December.
Now, the point of that story is this: between me getting my GCSE result and leaving home for the Army, my mum made me get a shit, minimum wage job washing pots in the kitchen of the place next door to her work. I hated it. And my mum kept saying over and over again that I was doomed to that kind of job forever because I had squandered my education and it served me right. Would a shit job over the summer maybe scare your Dd into actually engaging with her studies for GCSE re-sits??

MyBreadIsEggy · 02/08/2016 07:50

Ignore me.....only just saw the update Blush

RobinsAreTerritorialFuckers · 02/08/2016 07:52

Oh, how lovely to read this. Smile

Well done you and your DD.

Coconutty · 02/08/2016 07:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

megletthesecond · 02/08/2016 07:53

Star for your DD for pulling her socks up and a Star for dumpel for services to MN and updating after so many years.

QOD · 02/08/2016 07:54

Fab zombie update Star

Lilaclily · 02/08/2016 07:55

Oh my God tears in my eyes , also on original thread under another name ! Worth repeating update in case people miss it

*As an update DD ended up doing 3 years at college (Level 2 and 3 BTEC in Performing Arts which she aced) retook her Maths and English GCSE's and is now due to start University in September in an unrelated field which should give her quite a few career options.

She has also held down a part time job in a major retailer for the last 18 months.

She still dreams of being a singer but finally listened to me and got some qualifications instead!*

OreosAreTasty · 02/08/2016 08:01

Well tbh calm down. GCSEs, or lack of, army t

OreosAreTasty · 02/08/2016 08:03

Sorry I dropped my phone 😂😂 aren't the be all and end all.
Level 1 courses will take students without GCSEs, and she can still work. I wouldn't foot the bill for retakes tbh

OreosAreTasty · 02/08/2016 08:09

Should really rtft shouldn't I 😖
Congrats op you must be so proud

FruitCider · 02/08/2016 08:12

OP, don't panick. Your daughter sounds very much like me 15 years ago. I too was fidgety with a low concentration level, causing havoc at school. I left with no GCSEs. At that point I wasn't really interested in studying so I got a full time job as a waitress and continued to do that line of work for a year until I realised my friends were entering second year of college and talking about going to university. Being behind my peers really upset me so at that point that motivated me to sit some level 2 courses. I then did a level 3 vocational course, and did a CertHE at the OU. I've just finished university with a first class degree.

The reality is some children just aren't ready to take their GCSEs at 16. Have a chat with your daughter and ask her what her ambitions are. Then help a plan a future pathway to get her there. Put the responsibility on to her to plan her career. Just offer her a supporting hand on the way.

SoloD · 02/08/2016 08:13

There is a good book called Freaknomics with a chapter called "hy do Drug Dealers Still Live With Their Moms".

I know the chapters about drug dealers but the same holds true for Footballers, bankers and aspiring rappers. Basically of the thousands of wannbees you have one successful winner which everyone looks up to. It's the same with any organisation.

You can see the analysis here

articles.latimes.com/2005/apr/24/opinion/oe-dubner24

Get your daughter to read it and ask what she thinks.

AuldYow · 02/08/2016 08:20

Brilliant zombie thread update OP, I'm so pleased it's all working out for you all Star

Shinyshoes2 · 02/08/2016 08:22

I don't know what to say . I could have written your post OP
my son is now unemployed with a criminal record as he decided to go out one night , get pissed and get mouthy with a copper .
He was in court for drunk and disorderly and has fucked up his life.... He's 19 and a bright boy
I don't know what to say I really don't .

Finola1step · 02/08/2016 08:29

Great news. Will be reassuring for those who are going through tricky GCSE results this year.

JudyCoolibar · 02/08/2016 08:29

Nice update, even if I have just spent 10 minutes thinking "when did they start issuing GCSE results in July?" Well done to your dd. As a matter of interest, did the college allow her to start in September 2013 despite her results?

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 02/08/2016 08:29

None of mine did as well as they should have, one is a supermarket manager, one is a construction worker - doing very well, and my youngest is feeling her feet and trying to decide what she wants to do now (a year ahead of your DD)
GCSEs aren't the end of the world. She should be able to resit at school, at no extra cost to you, if that works. Don't rule out doing something over the Summer either. I've just found out about The Prince of Wales Trust and other charity based groups, that run courses that might be good for her.

TheDailyWail · 02/08/2016 08:30

Eggybread - I think she did the shitty job by working in retail! Grin

Well done OP & OP's DD. Lovely update and I wish her well for Uni.

(And LOL at 'have you cancelled the Cheque OP' Hesterton)

Rachel0Greep · 02/08/2016 08:32

Great update OP. Well done to your DD!

logosthecat · 02/08/2016 08:32

What a lovely thread. Your DD has done something amazing. And you've been incredible supporting her through.

FruitCider · 02/08/2016 08:33

Oh gosh wish I'd read the whole update!

Wallykazam · 02/08/2016 08:43

I haven't read the full thread but a lot of teens make it big on YouTube channels, maybe she can have a go, supervised by yourself of course, and let the reaction speak for itself...

Sorry I don't have teens yet so this might be a total no no..

Albadross · 02/08/2016 08:53

I taught performing arts at a 'second chance college' and the entire class were like this - one said she was planning to marry a footballer!

I did very well in GCSEs but crap in my A Levels and none of it made a blind bit of difference to my career, so there's hope, just maybe not in getting famous in LA (and I recorded an album over there).

Having tried for 15 years myself to make music my job, I had to get a job somewhere where I'm not very happy (financial services of all things).
Having said that, I didn't actually need the qualifications I had to get that job.

I find it very disturbing that being a celebrity is now made to look like a career path Hmm

Albadross · 02/08/2016 08:53

I taught performing arts at a 'second chance college' and the entire class were like this - one said she was planning to marry a footballer!

I did very well in GCSEs but crap in my A Levels and none of it made a blind bit of difference to my career, so there's hope, just maybe not in getting famous in LA (and I recorded an album over there).

Having tried for 15 years myself to make music my job, I had to get a job somewhere where I'm not very happy (financial services of all things).
Having said that, I didn't actually need the qualifications I had to get that job.

I find it very disturbing that being a celebrity is now made to look like a career path Hmm

Balletgirlmum · 02/08/2016 08:55

Fab update. So glad she took the advice.

I was on the earlier thread as pictures. My 11 year old is now 14 & about to go into year 10. I dropped her off yesterday for a summer school at one of the perf arts colleges she is interested in applying to when she's 18.

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