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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To think there was something disturbing about this boy?

252 replies

MadameOvary · 25/08/2013 19:28

Posting here so you can all give me a good slap and tell me not to be such an arse if I am BU.
DD, DP and I were at barbie at weekend with his two DD's. Lots of other parents with their DC. First I saw this boy is when DD was playing with a toy house. He kept running his car all over it. DD asked him to stop but he just ignored her and carried on. It wasn't her toy and I took the view that she should really share it as there was lots of kids there, but she wasn't having any of it.

I asked the boy, who was about 6 or 7, if he would play round the house instead of all over it but he just looked right through me. DD was getting really upset and trying to physically move his hand away but he was just carrying on. DD can be a bit funny about sharing so I didn't want to make a scene but had no clue what to do beyond taking the toy away. Fortunately at that point the boy's father came over and called him away, saying that he shouldn't be playing with doll's houses Hmm

Later DP's DD came over and told me about this rude boy who had pushed her off a swing and said "Are you blind"? when walking behind her. I asked what he looked like and she described someone similar to this boy but as there were others who fitted the description I didn't want to jump to conclusions.

Next incident I witnessed was the boy trying to get under the table where some of the girls had made a den. He ignored their requests to go away until they were literally screaming at him, and still seemed unfazed. He seemed to have no concept of personal space and it appeared their distress left him completely unmoved. Again some parents had to intervene.

Final thing I witnessed was outside. He was trying to grab a bag of sweets from this girl who was carrying it. Again he ignored her telling him to leave her alone. He grabbed at the bag and she tried to push him away. He then hit her on the cheek. I shouted at him to stop. He just stood there with a faint smirk on his face. Completely unmoved. At that point his Dad came out and I told him what happened. The Dad was suprised and shocked. The boy only said, quite calmly "It wasn't on the face" Hmm The Dad then asked the girls what happened and they told him the same. At that point the Dad took the boy to his car to give him (I presume) a good talking to.

While they were there I asked the girl was ok. She was fine - I was more upset than her I think!

They got out of the car at the same time we were leaving, and DP's DD said "That's the boy that was horrible to us"

So what I want to know is, am I BU/small-minded/naive in being freaked out by his behaviour? I'm around kids a lot and nothing much fazes me. Quite a few kids I know have SEN or ASD traits and I never automatically assume a kid is being "naughty", esp if they're distressed. But the way this child just stood calmly in the midst of all the chaos he was creating was quite unnerving.

OP posts:
Spottypurse · 25/08/2013 19:42

I don't see anything much to be concerned about.

Your DD and the girls should have shared and not excluded him. They were a bit mean.

He shouldn't have hit. Or pushed.

I would call it 6 and half a dozen to be honest

MissBetseyTrotwood · 25/08/2013 19:42

Well it's not pleasant or nice behaviour but it's certainly not disturbing. Nor does it make him sound disturbed. You make it sound as though as he were some kind of psychopath!

Some children behave in ways that make them particularly hard to like; I love my DS1 dearly but I know the way he can behave sometimes makes it hard for people who don't know him to like him.

SirChenjin · 25/08/2013 19:43

There doesn't appear (to me) to be anything other than one bored little boy who was at a barbecue with some rather over-dramatic little girls who seemed intent on excluding him.

StayAwayFromTheEdge · 25/08/2013 19:43

Was he the only boy there? It sounds like he didn't take well to being excluded by the girls.

CatsWearingTutus · 25/08/2013 19:43

Have you read The Fifth Child by Doris Lessing? Regardless it doesn't really matter whether the boy was misbehaving or whether something more troubling is wrong because you're not in any kind of position to intervene. Your job is just to protect your DCs. And hopefully you won't see this boy again. He does sound pretty awful but that may not be his fault and is probably just a phase he's going through anyway.

catinabox · 25/08/2013 19:43

No Ha ha! This lad was probably playing with the car going over the toy house - which in his head was probably a mountain or some other imaginary thing. He then got disrupted, (disrupting a child in the midst of imaginary play, then embarrassing them turns them into huge grumps) told by his Dad that he shouldn't be playing with a toy house Confused felt embarrassed and then spent the rest of the evening attention seeking and being a naughty boy.

Don't worry about it.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 25/08/2013 19:44

Yes..my DD would be unfazed by chaos around her and if she wants something she will have to be dragged away from it.

She isn't disturbing or a little shit.

DanicaJones · 25/08/2013 19:44

He sounds like a child who wants to join in with the other kids but hasn't yet learned how to do so without winding them up. An adult needs to step in and help him and the other kids interact with each other better.

MadameOvary · 25/08/2013 19:44

Oh I DID intervene - it's not on for DD to behave like that and she knows it. I mean I didn't speak harshly to the boy.

OP posts:
Gunznroses · 25/08/2013 19:45

"Something disturbing about this boy", really? just sounds like a regular naughty boy who doesn't understand boundaries yet to me.

"the way this child just stood calmly in the midst of all the chaos he was creating was quite unerving"

Hmm.. Well he's either an extra from the set of a horror film aka The Omen OR he just wanted the girl's bag of sweets Hmm

HmmAnOxfordComma · 25/08/2013 19:45

No, not disturbed.

He sounds a bit naughty on some of the occasions, but on some of the others (especially being 'screamed at' by the girls when he was trying to join in), it sounds like the other children were in the wrong to me?

StayAwayFromTheEdge · 25/08/2013 19:45

". It was more a case of getting a "feeling" about him and wanting DD to avoid him. "

Nice - I hope nobody ever feels the same way about your Daughter.

Spottypurse · 25/08/2013 19:45

This reply has been deleted

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hettienne · 25/08/2013 19:46

So your DD was making a scene about not wanting to share the house and trying to move the boy away, and you waited for his dad to come and take him away rather than just removing your DD?

Sparklymommy · 25/08/2013 19:46

I know a boy similar to this. At a recent BBQ he was reprimanded for thumping my son (two years younger than him) in the stomach. His answer? "Sparklys son should have gone home hours ago. I'm not saying sorry. He was in my way!". It's that obnoxious attitude, rather than the naughty behaviour itself that raises eyebrows.

MrsCakesPremonition · 25/08/2013 19:47

I don't think it is that unusual to come across children who can't or won't play nicely (who knows why - tired; hungry; sickening for something; doesn't like groups?). It doesn't do the other children any harm to learn how to cope with tricky social situations - so long as adults give their own DCs alternatives for coping and step in before it turns physical.

Pinkpinot · 25/08/2013 19:47

Sounds to me like the boy had no-one to play with- more girls maybe? And was trying and failing to join in, very excluded
Apart from the smacking thing, that's not on obviously

Purple2012 · 25/08/2013 19:48

Yabu for the dolls house bit, your dd should learn to share. And the den thing. Its not nice for a child to be left out. Hes a child FGS.

hettienne · 25/08/2013 19:48

Sounds like there were rather a lot of kids at this bbq who wouldn't play nicely!

SirChenjin · 25/08/2013 19:48

Yes, but the boy in the OP didn't behave in any way, shape or form like that Sparkly.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 25/08/2013 19:48

He didn't do enough to freak you out, I don't think. He does sound like a brat though and will end up Billy No Mates. I give him a year until he as to a friend in his school.

MadameOvary · 25/08/2013 19:49

Danica that's a useful perspective.
This really isn't about their behaviour, they are kids. It's about my response to it. If I find something odd or disturbing, I prefer to ask about it and educate myself.
Sorry if I offended anyone in the process.

OP posts:
MissBetseyTrotwood · 25/08/2013 19:49

Some DCs just learn the social stuff more quickly than others. They're the lucky ones. The others need more time and help and sometimes they have to learn the hard way, which for a parent is horrible to see. Seeing the 'naice' kids exclude the child who's finding the social situation harder to manage is excruciating (and I speak as the parent of that child and as a teacher).

PurplePidjin · 25/08/2013 19:49

Your dd wouldn't share a communal toy. Not very friendly.

What led up to the swing thing?

The girls wouldn't let him join in the game. That's again not very friendly.

Another girl wouldn't share sweets.

The dad came over and tried to deal with the behaviour.

What exactly do you want? Sounds like one of those situations where the adults want to get pissed chat and the kids are too excited to behave.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 25/08/2013 19:50

Wait till the parties at school begin OP....you're going to be a wibbling mess in the corner...oooh and wait till your DD makes a "best friend" whose behaviour isn't what you'd call ideal...playdates are also going to be fun when you find out that some kids don't have perfect manners!