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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT go on the family holiday?

81 replies

Spidermama · 25/08/2013 18:33

Dh has been away working abroad for seven and a half weeks. We have four children who've been on school holidays for the last five of those and I work full time. 5am til 12.

(I'll just let you take that in.)

So ... DH is due back late tomorrow night and early on Tuesday morning we're due to go to France together. Only, I've had enough. I've held it together for the entire holiday. I've failed to manage to get them to significantly help. They've been rude and have argued all holiday. I've felt so alone but I've had to keep it together.

Anyway, I really need to be on my own. The looming 'holiday' involves going to a chalet in the Ardèche with DH and my four tormentors, self-catering. I really don't think it'll be much of a holiday even though DH says he'll do the lions share of the work.

AIBU to let them all go away together and bond while I stay at home and try to stabilise my mental health back?

OP posts:
LifeofPo · 25/08/2013 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RandomMess · 25/08/2013 18:35

I think I'd be staying at home too, do you reckon dh will go for it?

Ragwort · 25/08/2013 18:36

No, don't go, let your DH take charge and you have a proper rest at home.

guiltyconscience · 25/08/2013 18:39

Come on now you and hubbs will enjoy it when you get there, see how you feel when hubbs comes home yes? You will be so pleased to see him it will give you all a huge lift . Have a lovely time if you do go and be kind to yourselves let the kids argue amongst themselves and you and your dh hit the vino !

shootfromthehip · 25/08/2013 18:39

Stay at home for a week on your own and then go out for the second half of the holiday!

Original poster
Spidermama · 25/08/2013 18:40

DH says he'd love me to go but will fully understand if I don't.

OP posts:
BabyMamaDrama · 25/08/2013 18:40

I'd go as I wouldn't want to miss out on a holiday Grin
Nothing to stop you getting away by yourself for a bit on holiday when you need it!
But if you really don't want to go, then don't. You might not enjoy it if you don't want to be there.

BIWI · 25/08/2013 18:41

Blimey - don't go!

Ragwort · 25/08/2013 18:41

It would probably be good for your children to spend time without you, perhaps they will learn to appreciate what you do for them Grin.

Would it be an option to join them later as shoot suggests?

LindyHemming · 25/08/2013 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crowler · 25/08/2013 18:43

I honestly would rather stay home as well in your circumstances.

If my kids really wanted me to go (I think they probably would) - I would go. If my kids were happy with me staying home, I would jump at the chance.

Justforlaughs · 25/08/2013 18:44

I'd be more tempted to go and see if DH lives up to his promise. If he doesn't I'd ship out to a secluded hotel somewhere and leave them to it. I think you might have a better time than you think you will. Whatever you decide, I hope you have a real break and feel refreshed by the time it's "back to normal" Wine

Lilyloo · 25/08/2013 18:45

I would go and make sure I put my feet up when I arrive.
If dh is happy to take over even better.
Lots of lovely bread, wine and sunshine it will be just what you need.

Mumsyblouse · 25/08/2013 18:49

Depends how old kids and when last had family holiday. I've just got back off holiday and feel utterly exhausted, it was not relaxing, though it was enjoyable. I might skip the holiday if the children are quite old/been away relatively recently, a week at home might be a good recharge.

worsestershiresauce · 25/08/2013 18:51

Go - you've not seen your DH for seven and a half weeks. That's reason enough. He's going to feel a bit unwanted if you can't be arsed to go on holiday with him after such a long time apart. I'd be really hurt in his position.

MarianForrester · 25/08/2013 18:51

YABU though I can see why. Go, you'll enjoy it when you get there. Be sure to put your feet up, ignore demands and ensure a ready supply of cheese, bread and wine.

They can clean and sort meals and entertainment. Books (kindle?) for you...

It would just end up being rubbish at home, go and abdicate responsibility

FoodieToo · 25/08/2013 18:52

Lol at 'my four tormentors'...

Your Dh sounds fab . I think I would stay at home.

I have 5 young kids and we 'holiday ' quite a lot . But the best break I have had was this summer when the kids were all away for 5 days .
I was even working that week and it was still bliss!

Stay home, do your food shop in Marks or have take away. Drink wine,sleep in and enjoy.

Your kids need to learn to appreciate you.

Trills · 25/08/2013 18:53

Get Reality to teach you how to do "ding ding".

You might enjoy their company more if you are not working.

Mumsyblouse · 25/08/2013 18:54

I wouldn't be hurt if I was used to being apart for significant periods, plus it sounds like they are together now for a few days anyway. Sometimes giving the other person time off is a very kind thing to do- especially as the OP has been bearing the brunt of all the childcare on her own for nearly two months and is just exhausted.

Original poster
Spidermama · 25/08/2013 18:55

Worecestershire it's not really about him at this stage. He's alright, trust me. And I gather the catering on this tour was second to none.

Besides I reckon he'd rather have a sane wife upon his return than a glazed and broken holiday companion forcing a grin to disguise her torment. At a guess.

OP posts:
BIWI · 25/08/2013 18:55

"Hubbs"?!

Trills · 25/08/2013 18:57

It sounds like you have bigger issues than a holiday.

If your DH has a job that takes him away for months at a time, and you can't cope with your job and being a semi-single-parent, then you need to figure out what's going to happen AFTER the holiday.

Lweji · 25/08/2013 18:58

I would go and not lift a finger.

Go out to the restaurant if they don't cook.
Get a flight/drive back home earlier/check into a hotel if it becomes too much.

expatinscotland · 25/08/2013 19:00

I'd stay home and leave him to it.

RubySparks · 25/08/2013 19:00

Could you have a couple of days by yourself and join them a little later?