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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT go on the family holiday?

81 replies

Spidermama · 25/08/2013 18:33

Dh has been away working abroad for seven and a half weeks. We have four children who've been on school holidays for the last five of those and I work full time. 5am til 12.

(I'll just let you take that in.)

So ... DH is due back late tomorrow night and early on Tuesday morning we're due to go to France together. Only, I've had enough. I've held it together for the entire holiday. I've failed to manage to get them to significantly help. They've been rude and have argued all holiday. I've felt so alone but I've had to keep it together.

Anyway, I really need to be on my own. The looming 'holiday' involves going to a chalet in the Ardèche with DH and my four tormentors, self-catering. I really don't think it'll be much of a holiday even though DH says he'll do the lions share of the work.

AIBU to let them all go away together and bond while I stay at home and try to stabilise my mental health back?

OP posts:
YouStayClassySanDiego · 25/08/2013 19:00

I also blanched at hubbs.

Really?

YouStayClassySanDiego · 25/08/2013 19:04

I'd go and make sure I enjoyed the holiday.

How old are the dc's?

Original poster
Spidermama · 25/08/2013 19:05

Thanks for your support everyone. Foodie I had three days where they boys were all at camp and my dd was at Granny's. (She refused the full week's camping experience). It was absolute heaven but oh so short. I really remembered who I am. I had a glimpse of the person I once was.

It's been pretty bad today. I spent all yesterday cleaning the living daylights out of the house because it's hard to pack for five from chaos. Then DS8 broke my favourite antique dish which the remotes go in, by carrying out a banned activity (kicking a football in the house).

Later I discovered someone had let a glass fall off the table down the side of the sofa and had neither attempted to clean it up nor even mention it. The same sofa I had pulled out and cleaned behind 12 hours previously.

I spent 48 hours trying to get just some modicum of help from them but sadly they don't appear to give a flying fuck that I'm doing absolutely everything on my own. Not the most tempting of holiday companions at present.

One slight complication: I've told a friend, who's house hunting and sofa surfing at the moment, she can come and live in my house for a week and look after the dog. So I'd either have to spend the week with her (she's lovely but I crave my own company) or go to my mum's which is nice and pretty (Dorset) but a bit dull and not home.

I feel like I'm just moaning now. I'm so overwhelmed and I don't know what to do for the best. It's very hard to project ahead. The holiday involves lots of driving which means being trapped in a car with my tormentors just a meter or so away for many hours.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 25/08/2013 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Silverfoxballs · 25/08/2013 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 25/08/2013 19:09

Euphemia yes worse than hubby,,imo of course.Wink

Hassled · 25/08/2013 19:13

Don't go. You're a woman on the edge - I recognise the signs. You need the time/space/M&S ready meals/crap DVDs way way more than you need a drive to France and a panic-shop in Carrefour.

Tell couch-surfing friend you love her dearly but she needs to come up with a Plan B pronto. Or, if you can afford it, book her a Travelodge.

But when they get back - sort your kids out. Tough Love Rules - and I've found that sometimes crying a little bit helps. It sounds like they really have to sort themselves out - you could try something like withholding a proportion of pocket money for every example of crapness per week? But something needs to change.

Wolfcub · 25/08/2013 19:15

I would stay at home. tell the friend you've had a change of plans and she can't come or can only come for one night. it sounds like you need a break from other human beings for a while and it sounds like dh is being quite understanding about it.

FriskyHenderson · 25/08/2013 19:15

In that case, what about planning on coming home early?

TippiShagpile · 25/08/2013 19:17

Tell your friend you aren't going away now. Sorry.

Have some time to yourself and enjoy it.

There are times when you need to put yourself first and this is one of them.

BrokenSunglasses · 25/08/2013 19:17

Is a holiday in France a trip that would be special for you?

If its the only trip abroad you're going to get in a while, then go, and hold your DH to his promise. You could have a look for things to do locally that your DH and the dc wouldn't be interested in and do it.

If you get other holidays, then don't bother.

Original poster
Spidermama · 25/08/2013 19:18

Thanks Hassled. I've been crying for most of the day as it happens. Maybe because the end of this is in sight. I'm hoping to reap the benefits tomorrow.

They're only going for a week so I can't do part of the holiday. It's all or nothing and I reckon nothing.

Thanks all. Now to decide what to do about couch surfing friend.

OP posts:
YouStayClassySanDiego · 25/08/2013 19:19

How old are the dc's.?

facedontfit · 25/08/2013 19:20

Stay at home. I only have one tormentor and I'm on my last nerve!

TippiShagpile · 25/08/2013 19:21

Just tell you aren't going away now. You don't owe her anything.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but will you PLEASE put yourself first?

Original poster
Spidermama · 25/08/2013 19:23

YouStayClassy they're 15, 13, 11 and 8

OP posts:
Wolfcub · 25/08/2013 19:25

if you need to salvage your mh having a friend to stay is not going to help. Remember the innuit proverb about visitors and in the nicest possible way tell her you need to be alone

YouStayClassySanDiego · 25/08/2013 19:26

I have every sympathy .

Take the time for yourself and enjoy the chance to rejuvenate .

sparklingstars · 25/08/2013 19:27

Sorry but you should go, it's a family holiday. I know how you feel though, I felt the same way but I went and had a great time, I've have felt very mean if I didn't as well as missing out.

betterwhenthesunshines · 25/08/2013 19:28

Go.

The day after they leave you will regret it. Self catering doesn't have to be a big bother - you don't say how old they are, but presumably if they areold enough to have been expected to clear up a spill / dropped glass then they are old enough to put together salad lunch, chop tomatoes etc Give them some more chores.

A change of scene can do wondrous things.

RoastedCouchPotatoes · 25/08/2013 19:29

Stay behind, when you have a rest and they return, make sure you and DH tell them that they are older kids and it's absolutely against the rules, use tougher ways and take away privileges. It sounds really tough and exhausting.

expatinscotland · 25/08/2013 19:30

Why not take off somewhere on your own?

utreas · 25/08/2013 19:30

YABU its a family holiday there not optional if your husband has been away don't you want to spend some time together.

betterwhenthesunshines · 25/08/2013 19:32

OK, 15, 13, 11 and 8. The oldest three need to be read the riot act by your DH when he gets home. Forget putting together salad - they can shop and cook for at least 2 evening meals between them. DH does two other meals, out for two maybe.... all you need to do is open the beer or make the G&T at 6 o'clock!

secretscwirrels · 25/08/2013 19:32

Self catering is NOT a holiday. Ever.
Remember this next time you are booking a holiday.