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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this tradition still about??

94 replies

OctopusPete8 · 25/08/2013 10:51

my dm rang before, becuase I said I haven't put much thought into getting my bridesmaids presents, and she rang up to say . well they need one really, so she said she'd get something.

And to talk to my florist mate as the Mothers b/g get a bouquet on the day???
I've never seen this???
Aibu to think this must not happen anymore much?

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 25/08/2013 13:32

To be fair, the OP asked if this tradition still happened and she's been told that on the whole, it does.

No-one has said that it's compulsory.

EstelleGetty · 25/08/2013 13:42

You should do exactly as you see fit, OP. I don't give a rat's ass about tradition when it comes to weddings. It's not traditional for the bride to give a speech at her own wedding, but I sure as hell wasn't standing for that!

Presents for bridesmaids seem excessive when you'll already be paying out so much for the wedding. My DSis was my sole bridesmaid and she was happy for me to pay for us both to have a sausage roll and Irn Bru the day before! And I can't picture my DM being thrilled about carrying around a big, fussy bouquet when she needed her hands free for dancing and holding her wine!

Seriously, OP, the only rules you should respect re: wedding are those which mean something important to you.

marriedinwhiteisback · 25/08/2013 14:14

Bridesmaids get a small gift and the mothers have corsages.

We got married 23 years ago. Flowers never occurred to me tbh. MIL Was 3000 miles from home and it wouldn't have been practical and the reception was at home and there flowers everywhere!! More would have made people laugh I think!

marriedinwhiteisback · 25/08/2013 14:15

300 (wishful thinking)

MNHQ

OliviaMMumsnet · 25/08/2013 14:22

I think my DM had a corsage (she org'ed herself)
but knew she and my MIL would be taking home the flower arrangements after the wedding so we bought the mums a scarf with flowers on it. (lasts longer innit)

Shenanagins · 25/08/2013 14:27

I gave my mum my wedding bouquet and my exmil my bridesmaids bouquet. I gave my bridesmaid a present as a thankyou more for pretending to listen to all the wedding woes! All the centre pieces to the aunts. Everyone was happy and no flowers went to waste.

Pumpkinnose · 25/08/2013 14:27

I gave my parents and bridesmaids gifts to say thank you for all their help and support but not during the speeches. In my experience this is how it is usually done at the weddings I have been to - i.e. no gifts during speeches.

Floggingmolly · 25/08/2013 14:40

the average wedding guest doesn't really get the obscene amount of money it costs. Really? Most of them do, you'll find. You're not the first one ever to get married.

Allalonenow · 25/08/2013 14:47

The groom traditionally buys the bridesmaid a keepsake, often a piece of jewelery, the mother of the bride gets a corsage.
A gift for your Mum is a lovely idea, but should be done privately, rather than during the speeches.

cranverry · 25/08/2013 14:55

We didn't give flowers but we did give our mothers a gift. And our dads too.
And I gave my bridesmaids some jewellery. It's not compulsory nor always expected though, I was bridesmaid for a friend and I knew she couldn't afford lots of extras on the day so no additional gifts other than my dress which I got to keep ( which my mum then gave away to someone needing a prom dress!)
Hope everything goes well at your wedding. Sorry your bridesmaids aren't being too helpful.

MrsCosmopilite · 25/08/2013 14:59

My wedding didn't cost an obscene amount of money, but we did pay for bridesmaid dresses; offered hair & make up for them (one wanted, the other did not), paid for their shoes to be dyed to match the dresses, paid for accessories for several of the wedding party, AND got flowers and gifts sorted. All in I think we spent about £4200.

(Although that was over 10 yrs ago, I know compared to most of my peers, it was a low cost even then).

MrsCosmopilite · 25/08/2013 14:59

Should add that I hope all goes well for the big day, and agree that the bm's should step up a bit.

Blueberryveryberry · 25/08/2013 15:08

izzy you did not offend me I also did the 'just registry office' and friends were invited to my DMIL's place for some food (lovely DMIL knew we were skint so she paid for the nibbles). That was all. I sent thank you cards to all who attended (some did not give me a gift -I wasn't expecting any ).

TarkaTheOtter · 25/08/2013 15:24

We gave bridesmaids a silver necklace each to wear for the wedding and keep. Anyone who'd made a large contribution (either time or money) got a rose plant and a letter of thanks at their place. That was my mum, mil, my aunt (bridesmaid's mum)and granny. I think dh give ushers and bmen something in the morning before the wedding.

I still have and treasure the jewellery box I was given as a child for being my aunt's bridesmaid.

Ginnytonic82 · 25/08/2013 15:30

We gave my mum a bottle of champagne, because she was going away so flowers would have been a waste. We also got my bridesmaids all a half bottle of pink champagne and a silver photo frame with a little message of thanks on the back. Mil got a bottle of Cava because she contributed siltch to the wedding apart from commenting that it was a good job my dress had good seams. But that's a whole other thread!

I'd say, it's still pretty common but you don't need to go over the top.

Fairydogmother · 25/08/2013 15:46

I'm getting my bridesmaid a present - probably jewellery. But not getting my mother anything! I started out with 2 bridesmaids - my sister and my friend. But vvvv close to ditching my sister for being a complete arse!

Weareboatsremember · 25/08/2013 16:59

Being young doesn't automatically mean that you aren't expected to do things op! I got married at just turned 21 and didn't have much money to spend. We gave the 3 top table vases with flowers in to my mom, mil and my nan, personalised bottles of wine to the ushers and best man, and a nice gift to my one and only bridesmaid. It doesn't need to cost a lot, the 3 flower arrangements cost about £10 each and would have been on the top table anyway, it was just nice for people to have a token of thanks for their love and support (although my mil hasn't spoken to us in the 7 years since, but that's a whole other story!). Do what you feel is right and nice, but a cheap bunch of flowers or a hand written card and trinket are often gratefully received by people.

Sparklymommy · 25/08/2013 18:03

I married on my 21st birthday, so therefore consider myself to have been young. I had 5 bridesmaids, 4 children and an adult. I think I bought, or paid half of each bridesmaids dress. I bought hair combs, shoes, socks, bags, the whole co boodle.

During speeches each bridesmaid was given a gift (I seem to remember mugs and fairy teddy things). Best man got a tankard, usher and usherette got glasses, both mothers got flowers (we didn't have flowers on the table. Only my bouquet and the bridesmaids arrangements). After the wedding I gave my bouquet to my step mother.

Dd1 has been a bridesmaid three times. My wedding, my mothers where she was given a silver locket and her aunts where I am sure she had something but for the life of me can't think what!

Ds1 was a pageboy for his godfather and was given a build a bear dressed in wedding get up. He was rubbish at it and didn't do the job properly! Lol.

I have been a bridesmaid four times and always had a gift, not that I expected one. I still have them all and the range from jewellery to a decorative teacup and saucer!

It's up to you. Our wedding was done on a budget. I think in total we spent about £3000. It was important to me that our day was special. This was 9 years ago. We are still happily married and that means more to me than anything else now. And I have my memories of the day which are priceless.

CalpolInMyEar · 25/08/2013 18:29

I went by my mother's example when she married my step-dad. No flowers for the mothers, but a special piece of jewellery instead (both ended up getting rings as it happened), we gave the bridesmaids necklaces and the groomsmen hip flasks.

But then where we grew up giving the mothers flowers doesn't seem very commonplace, I've only been to two weddings where this has happened come to think of it!

ChoudeBruxelles · 25/08/2013 18:31

I got the bridesmaids a necklace each. I bought my parents a present as they had been brilliant. Didn't get the ils anything as they were completely unhelpful

Justforlaughs · 25/08/2013 18:39

My DS paid for all the make up that was used on the day in our make overs and we got to keep it. Also flowers for Mums.
At my wedding, I bought personal gifts for bridemaids and Mums (not flowers)
My DSil, bought necklaces for bridesmaids to wear on the day and they got to keep them.
You don't HAVE to do it, it's up to you. Some brides still go with the "wear something old, new, borrowed, blue", I didn't - MY choice!

TheBookofRuth · 25/08/2013 18:40

I had pearl pendants and hair clips hand-made for my bridesmaids to wear on the day, which they kept afterwards as their gifts. They also kept the dresses.

My mum, MIL and step-MIL all got a bouquet of flowers.

Original poster

OctopusPete8 · 25/08/2013 20:45

Being young doesn't automatically mean that you aren't expected to do things op!- you've misunderstood me, I mean by being young I have not had the influx of friends getting married so both my guests and I are to the naiive end of how weddings work inside out, which also ties into my guest comment, I can guarantee most of mine won't get it. I'm 23 btw so still v. young.

OP posts:

Mumsyblouse · 25/08/2013 20:59

I think it all depends what type of wedding you are having, if it's a fairly traditional one then these type of things (gifts, favours, flowers for mums) might be expected. My wedding wasn't anything like that, very simple, few family and no bridesmaids, and it was the best day ever. If your mum is expecting the flowers, perhaps no big deal to get them, but this type of thing is exactly why I'm glad I did it the very casual way in which we departed from so many traditions, it didn't really matter.

mrspremise · 25/08/2013 21:04

I think sometimes more effort is put into the wedding than the marriage. Just saying... but today I found out that another couple I know (who had a huge blow out wedding) are splitting up. Maybe I am just feeling sad...

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