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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was the worst children's party EVER?

999 replies

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 24/08/2013 16:15

This may be very long as I have a habit of rambling.

DD came home from school with an invitation last week for her classmate's (let's call her Annie) 6th birthday party. So off we trotted to the soft play today at 1pm.

The lady at the desk said it would be £4.50 to get in. I was a bit embarrassed and said I hadn't realised I would need to pay. The lady explained that Annie's mum had invited 20 children but only paid for 10. And had instructed staff to let the first ten in for free (first come first served) and then charge the rest.

I asked if dd would be included in the party games/food, and the lady said that I could pay for dd to have a meal and she could eat it with the paid children and wouldn't know the difference. And that there was no charge to join in the party games.

DD was getting a bit anxious/upset, so i paid her entry fee, prepaid her dinner and took her in.

Annie's mum never mentioned a thing. She just greeted us, told me where the cafe was and sent dd off to play. And I was too embarrassed to ask about the cost.

I didn't want to leave dd, so I just sat myself down on a wee bench next to the play area. After an hour, the children were called down from the soft play to go next door into the party room for games and food.

Again, Annie's mum didn't say anything re the people who hadn't paid. She just disappeared into the room with Annie before everyone had finished gathering at the door.

The 'paid' children all went inside, showing the lady at the door their little wrist bands. My dd's band was yellow (all the paid children's were red). I asked if it was okay for me to take dd in. The woman said that dd wasn't paid for. I explained that i'd spoken to a woman at the front desk and had paid for her dinner etc. The lady at the door told me to wait a minute, went away (presumably to the front desk), came back 5 minutes later and said me and dd could go in.

The other 'paying' parents (I could only count around 4 of them) said they weren't paying anything else and were just going to stay in the soft play.

So me and dd went into the party room. The children were already half way through a game of pass the parcel. Me and dd waited at the side for it to finish.

There was one more game (musical chairs) which dd got up to join in with. But the staff member (another different lady) said that she wasn't expecting another child and that she'd have to go next door for another chair. She left the room and i felt mortified. I felt like everyone was thinking I'd just sneaked into the room or something. The lady came back, along with the staff member from outside the door. Both gave me a big smile and then invited dd to sit down.

After that game, it was party food time.

Members of staff started bringing in buffet style food for the long table at the back of the room. I had paid for dd to have some chicken nugget meal bag, as I had assumed that was what the other children were having (because the lady at the desk had said that dd wouldn't notice the difference). I felt like a right numpty. All the other children went off to line up for the buffet. I told dd to stay beside me. She started whining so I went and asked the staff member when dd's meal would be brought in. She didn't know what I was on about so I explained. She said she wasn't sure if dd's meal would be allowed to be brought into the party room and she'd go and check.

Anyway, me and dd were sat there in a wee corner for about 15 minutes. No one said anything to us. A few people looked over and smiled. Again, I felt totally mortified. I tried to catch Annie's mum's eye, but she was forever talking to people. So i just said very loudly to a whining dd that her dinner will be brought in soon, hoping someone might say something to me (or perhaps invite dd to come and get a sandwich or something) but no one did.

By the time they were all getting jelly and ice cream, dd's chicken nuggets and chips arrived. So that preoccupied her from the fact she wasn't getting ice cream.

After eating, they all went out to the soft play again for ten minutes. Then it was time to go. The other children were all leaving with party bags. I tried to distract dd but she said very loudly (Annie's mum was standing next to us), "Can i have one too?"

Annie's mum was clearly ignoring her seemed not to hear her, so dd tapped her on the arm and said, "Excuse me, can I have one, too?"

I apologised and asked dd not to be rude, and to say thank you for the invitation etc. DD was getting upset and asked me "But whyyyyyy can't I have one?"

So Annie's Mum knelt down to her and said with a big smile, "See your lovely little bangle? It's yellow. Only the boys and girls with red ones get a party bag. Buuut, do you know what children with yellow bangles get? Something even better. They get a piece of cake. Isn't that wonderful?"

I was pretty much like Shock but dd thought that it was indeed wonderful. Annie's mum promised her a bit of cake 'in a wee minute'. So again, me and dd were standing there like numpties while Annie's mum continued dishing out bags to the other children and chatting to their parents. I kept saying to dd "Let's just go and I'll buy you a treat from the cake shop', but she was adamant she wanted a piece of Annie's birthday cake.

So we found a wee table and sat there. Once everyone had gone, Annie's mum disappeared into the party room again. Ten minutes later, she came out with all of Annie's presents etc, coat on clearly ready to go home. I smiled at her in a 'did you forget about us?' kind of way. She seemed surprised to see us. Apologised and said that the cake was all boxed up now but that she'd make sure Annie brought some in on Monday to school for dd.

DD was not pleased.

So... AIBU to think this was the worst party ever? I realise I should have left much earlier than I did, but dd had spent the whole morning getting ready, making Annie's card, wrapping her gift, drawing Annie a picture, talking about the party, that she would have been heartbroken if i brought her home early.

I just feel so embarrassed.

OP posts:
Leopoldina · 24/08/2013 17:18

"I didn't want to embarrass you in front of everyone at the party, but you really ought to know that the venue actually charged some of your guests at the party, not only to get in, but for the food as well! You mustn't let them get away with that, and I do hope none of the others were charged, you might need to ask around to clear up any misunderstanding"

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 24/08/2013 17:18

feel not fell

nickelbabe · 24/08/2013 17:18

i'd agree with the rsvp if it weren't for the fact that the desk knew about other people arriving.

cushtie335 · 24/08/2013 17:19

It's not complicated Sparklingbrook. The idea behind it was that if your home town was on holiday and all the shops were closed, you went to another town for the day for a day out/picnic. It was the same with early closing days when I was a child. In Edinburgh it was Wednesdays when all the shops had a half day, in other places it was Thursdays so there wasn't a national shutdown like in England.

sheridand · 24/08/2013 17:19

Oh God, I hate kids parties. I hate them at my house, I hate them at soft play, I hate them. DS was invited to a play barn party, as I have a DD in tow, I paid for her, and a meal, and she was able to join in with the others. And she got a party bag too!( Made up of leftover bits, but still a bag) Quite right too.

Party etiquette is a minefield. My two don't get invited to many parties because we are "incomers" and work, and can't do the school gate thing, and are not friends with all the mums since primary school. Likewise, playdates. When dd had her party at home, I invited 15 kids, 10 promised to come, 6 turned up, the remainder never replied at all. One mum said, when I passed her over the party bag i'd prepared, and may as well hand out anyway ( plus, I wanted to actually see them, even though dd had a lovely time anyway, I wanted to see why they'd not bothered to contact me) "Oh, yeah, sorry, we went out instead". I put three no shows down to not being able to read the invite ( Lithuainian and Albanian kids). We had enough mini sausages left over for lunchboxes for the whole week.

I will never get this sort of thing. I will never enjoy childrens parties. I am with Scott Fitzgerald on them. He has the best short story ever written about kids parties. It all ends in 1920's fisticuffs.

OP: hand Annies mum a slice of cake at pick up time, say it's because she was evidently short. Poor Annie though, she's going to miss out on invites for a long time, because of her arse mum!

thecatfromjapan · 24/08/2013 17:20

All those wondering if it's an RSVP thing - OP says that she asked on the door and they told her Annie's Mum had agreed to pay for the first ten.

So, it was immaterial as to whether people RSVPd or not - it was first ten - free, then pay.

Also, the person on the door's reply indicates they (soft play and Annies' Mum) were aware that more than ten were going to come.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 24/08/2013 17:21

sheridand

Me too. It' such a relief when they get older and you don't have to hold them, or often go to them

hettienne · 24/08/2013 17:21

Yes, the only way Annie's mum could not be a complete bitch is if only 10 RSVP'd, so she thought anyone who didn't RSVP could pay themselves in. That would be kind of reasonable imo.

hashtagwhatever · 24/08/2013 17:21

worlds shittest party.

why didn't Annies mum just invite 10 children.

ProphetOfDoom · 24/08/2013 17:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrianTheMole · 24/08/2013 17:21

Wow, if she knew you were coming then she is a rude bitch.

Sparklingbrook · 24/08/2013 17:21

If It was my 6 year old self, I wouldn't have been a red band child.

That said, it it was first come first served, they weren't the chosen few.

blueemerald · 24/08/2013 17:22

I feel very sorry for you and your daughter but also that poor birthday girl. As ChocHobNob says there won't be much uptake at her next party and she may get left out of other children's parties.

I wonder what a playdate at Annie's is like.....

PoppyAmex · 24/08/2013 17:23

OP I'm heartbroken for your DD.

This woman can't get away with this horrid behaviour; can we not make this go viral?

ihearsounds · 24/08/2013 17:24

I have heard of some disasters, but this one is just nasty. What a vile woman. I really feel sorry for Annie, and of course the op's dd. She will be excluded from lots of things now, all because of the horrible thing her mum did.

RustyBear · 24/08/2013 17:24

I think Scotland still has the August Bank holiday at the beginning of the month, like we used to in England.

cushtie335 · 24/08/2013 17:25

"I have a pretty long story about a badly run children's party.
But OP wins. That is speechless horrid." Oh, go on tell us ffsx2

unobtanium · 24/08/2013 17:25

Yes, definitely, worst party ever. That woman is seriously unpleasant.

thecatfromjapan · 24/08/2013 17:25

Poppy - I don't know that that would be fair on the OP, who says she is shy at the best of times.

Or Annie, really, who has the disadvantage of a really peculiar parent.

Leopoldina · 24/08/2013 17:26

Can I confess to being one of those mothers who have accepted invitations and failed to show up? Once it was immediately before Christmas and I clean forgot, another time the nanny accepted and put it in the diary and I didn't notice and went on holiday instead, and another time I had a brain melt and despite the fact I knew about it, had diarised it etc, went out for some family member's birthday. which meant I should never have accepted in the first place. Come to think of it, i think they were all during school holidays. Not that it's an excuse.... I have always apologised fulsomely, sent a gift and had the child over for a playdate. And been absolutely, desperately apologetic to my own party loving offspring :-(
It's a dreadful thing, and I am quite probably the reason behind people like Annie's mother :-(

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 24/08/2013 17:27

What an unbelievably unpleasant woman 'Annie's' mum is. That was a rotten thing to do, and I would be tempted to tell her so in the playground on Monday. At the top of my voice, in front of all the other parents.

sheridand · 24/08/2013 17:27

Jamieand themagic torch ( impossible for me not to go "Wordsworth! Wordsworth! Following...") , I can't effing wait. Next year, DS is having a sleepover party, 3 close friends, popcorn, midnight feast at 9.30. That I can handle. And I might just emigrate for DD's, rather than have the pain of organising a bunch of girls into a party again.

I don't think I had a party, really, when I was a kid. We had family do's, and so on, but not real parties. I can remember one, when I was 7, and my mum was half cut and dropped the cake, resulting in us having a pineapple with candles stuck in instead, which went down well. But then, entertainment was simple back then, we were all dressed in so much floor length nylon that the main fun was running across the carpet tiles and seeing if you could get enough static up to actually spark and shock the person at the other end of the room. Simpler times.....

I only invite a few kids each party. I am a demon for doing so. The Cool Mums ivite the whole class.

DanicaJones · 24/08/2013 17:28

Good point. Did you reply OP? It would explain why there was no party bag for your dd if you didn't.

lottieandmia · 24/08/2013 17:28

The thing is though, poor Annie is going to learn from her mother that this is an ok way to treat people....

MakeGlutenFreeHay · 24/08/2013 17:29

Oh my goodness - how horrible, OP. It's like some sort of nasty segregated mess, your poor dd. If I lived near you I'd bake a cake specially for your dd (and you, of course!). Speechless at Annie's mother's behaviour.....