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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was the worst children's party EVER?

999 replies

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 24/08/2013 16:15

This may be very long as I have a habit of rambling.

DD came home from school with an invitation last week for her classmate's (let's call her Annie) 6th birthday party. So off we trotted to the soft play today at 1pm.

The lady at the desk said it would be £4.50 to get in. I was a bit embarrassed and said I hadn't realised I would need to pay. The lady explained that Annie's mum had invited 20 children but only paid for 10. And had instructed staff to let the first ten in for free (first come first served) and then charge the rest.

I asked if dd would be included in the party games/food, and the lady said that I could pay for dd to have a meal and she could eat it with the paid children and wouldn't know the difference. And that there was no charge to join in the party games.

DD was getting a bit anxious/upset, so i paid her entry fee, prepaid her dinner and took her in.

Annie's mum never mentioned a thing. She just greeted us, told me where the cafe was and sent dd off to play. And I was too embarrassed to ask about the cost.

I didn't want to leave dd, so I just sat myself down on a wee bench next to the play area. After an hour, the children were called down from the soft play to go next door into the party room for games and food.

Again, Annie's mum didn't say anything re the people who hadn't paid. She just disappeared into the room with Annie before everyone had finished gathering at the door.

The 'paid' children all went inside, showing the lady at the door their little wrist bands. My dd's band was yellow (all the paid children's were red). I asked if it was okay for me to take dd in. The woman said that dd wasn't paid for. I explained that i'd spoken to a woman at the front desk and had paid for her dinner etc. The lady at the door told me to wait a minute, went away (presumably to the front desk), came back 5 minutes later and said me and dd could go in.

The other 'paying' parents (I could only count around 4 of them) said they weren't paying anything else and were just going to stay in the soft play.

So me and dd went into the party room. The children were already half way through a game of pass the parcel. Me and dd waited at the side for it to finish.

There was one more game (musical chairs) which dd got up to join in with. But the staff member (another different lady) said that she wasn't expecting another child and that she'd have to go next door for another chair. She left the room and i felt mortified. I felt like everyone was thinking I'd just sneaked into the room or something. The lady came back, along with the staff member from outside the door. Both gave me a big smile and then invited dd to sit down.

After that game, it was party food time.

Members of staff started bringing in buffet style food for the long table at the back of the room. I had paid for dd to have some chicken nugget meal bag, as I had assumed that was what the other children were having (because the lady at the desk had said that dd wouldn't notice the difference). I felt like a right numpty. All the other children went off to line up for the buffet. I told dd to stay beside me. She started whining so I went and asked the staff member when dd's meal would be brought in. She didn't know what I was on about so I explained. She said she wasn't sure if dd's meal would be allowed to be brought into the party room and she'd go and check.

Anyway, me and dd were sat there in a wee corner for about 15 minutes. No one said anything to us. A few people looked over and smiled. Again, I felt totally mortified. I tried to catch Annie's mum's eye, but she was forever talking to people. So i just said very loudly to a whining dd that her dinner will be brought in soon, hoping someone might say something to me (or perhaps invite dd to come and get a sandwich or something) but no one did.

By the time they were all getting jelly and ice cream, dd's chicken nuggets and chips arrived. So that preoccupied her from the fact she wasn't getting ice cream.

After eating, they all went out to the soft play again for ten minutes. Then it was time to go. The other children were all leaving with party bags. I tried to distract dd but she said very loudly (Annie's mum was standing next to us), "Can i have one too?"

Annie's mum was clearly ignoring her seemed not to hear her, so dd tapped her on the arm and said, "Excuse me, can I have one, too?"

I apologised and asked dd not to be rude, and to say thank you for the invitation etc. DD was getting upset and asked me "But whyyyyyy can't I have one?"

So Annie's Mum knelt down to her and said with a big smile, "See your lovely little bangle? It's yellow. Only the boys and girls with red ones get a party bag. Buuut, do you know what children with yellow bangles get? Something even better. They get a piece of cake. Isn't that wonderful?"

I was pretty much like Shock but dd thought that it was indeed wonderful. Annie's mum promised her a bit of cake 'in a wee minute'. So again, me and dd were standing there like numpties while Annie's mum continued dishing out bags to the other children and chatting to their parents. I kept saying to dd "Let's just go and I'll buy you a treat from the cake shop', but she was adamant she wanted a piece of Annie's birthday cake.

So we found a wee table and sat there. Once everyone had gone, Annie's mum disappeared into the party room again. Ten minutes later, she came out with all of Annie's presents etc, coat on clearly ready to go home. I smiled at her in a 'did you forget about us?' kind of way. She seemed surprised to see us. Apologised and said that the cake was all boxed up now but that she'd make sure Annie brought some in on Monday to school for dd.

DD was not pleased.

So... AIBU to think this was the worst party ever? I realise I should have left much earlier than I did, but dd had spent the whole morning getting ready, making Annie's card, wrapping her gift, drawing Annie a picture, talking about the party, that she would have been heartbroken if i brought her home early.

I just feel so embarrassed.

OP posts:
RooRooTaToot · 24/08/2013 17:30

Shock Shock

That has got to be the worst party!

Annie's mum is a total twat, but I also think that the soft play place should have handled it better. Could they not have brought out more buffet food? (Added some portions of chips etc.) If the venue provided the party bags, couldn't they have added more once they knew extras were there?

I'd be slightly wary about lying about the cake. I've got visions of your dd mentioning it to Annie and being told that it wasn't her cake Sad then she'd be asking you why you lied to her.

Your poor dd and other yellow-banders. I agree with the others who said use this opportunity to bond with the other yellow mums.

Please say something to Annie's mum, either one of the PA texts, or face to face on Monday morning.

loopyluna · 24/08/2013 17:31

How about if all mumsnetters tweet/ status update:

"who the hell invites 20 kids to a party but only pays for the first 10 to arrive?"

There's a chance it could get back to her...?!

cushtie335 · 24/08/2013 17:32

"How about if all mumsnetters tweet/ status update:

"who the hell invites 20 kids to a party but only pays for the first 10 to arrive?"

There's a chance it could get back to her...?!"

If the OP is quite shy, I think this would be her worst nightmare.

GlaikitFizzog · 24/08/2013 17:33

But if the mum instructed to let the first 10 in only, it wouldn't matter of the op had rsvpd or not.

I would make your dd the biggest cake and make a huge fuss of her tomorrow.

Party mum is a loon.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 24/08/2013 17:33

sheridand

I had 2 parties as a child - age 5 at home with about 10 kids and a magician. Age 9 at McDonalds (newly opened in the UK!!)

But mainly I didn't have parties and there wasn't a big fuss about birthdays and I still have a slightly puritanical view about the whole thing. Plus the social side. I never wanted to go to them as a child - I'd go and it would be OK...

I think it's horses for courses. The ones I know who invite the whole class are just more sociable.

MissStrawberry · 24/08/2013 17:33

I don't get why the difference in wrist bands. Both had been paid for. One by Annie's mother and other by their own mother. Then it is terrible customer service when the staff don't know what is going on so you had to keep asking. I can understand why you didn't say anything but someone really needs to tell this woman what she did was disgraceful. If there were 10 others who weren't paid for why does it seem like you were on the only one, OP?

lottieandmia · 24/08/2013 17:33

Yes, it so needs to be tweeted. But once it gets out........if the OP wouldn't like it we should do it.

lottieandmia · 24/08/2013 17:34

shouldn't do it I meant!!*

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 24/08/2013 17:34

PLEASE don't tweet this. It's not fair without her permission

loopyluna · 24/08/2013 17:34

Fair enough, though it wouldn't necessarily point to OP... Could have been any yellow banders or even random observers?

Ok, better not, but I am enraged!!

Floggingmolly · 24/08/2013 17:35

But there were more than one yellow bander, why would it be traced back to op?

Crumbledwalnuts · 24/08/2013 17:36

The party mum is mad as anything. And not very nice either.

LeGavrOrf · 24/08/2013 17:36

Haha at sparkling's sad face at complicated scotland Grin

gertrudetrain · 24/08/2013 17:38

Annie's mum is despicable, goescwithoutcsaying. But I am utterly confused why 10 sets of red banded children and their parents didn't point out that it was blatantly unfair on the 5 yellow banded children? My ds' s would defo have said 'why is x standing there without food/not joining in etc'.

If I was overseeing them having their red banded food and a little girl and her shy mum was standing there obviously hungry and upset I would say 'Come here yellow, scoot up next to my dc and share thier buffet food.' I am Shock at the lack of kindness from any of the red banders, both children & parents, and Annie & her mum.

LittleBearPad · 24/08/2013 17:39

What an utter cow she is. Poor DD.

Crumbledwalnuts · 24/08/2013 17:39

Yes gertrude. Are half the population badly brought up nowadays?

LeGavrOrf · 24/08/2013 17:40

That's really interesting about why bank hols are different in scoland, good old mumsnet, you learn random new facts every day.

I really don't think this should be tweeted.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 24/08/2013 17:41

Outrageous! I'd ask for my gift back as nothing was actually provided for your daughter! What a horrible rude cow!

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou · 24/08/2013 17:42

OP was the only yellow bander to attempt to join in the games and meal

nickelbabe · 24/08/2013 17:42

true gertrude - they could have been embarrassed, they might not have noticed, they could have been steadfastly refusing to acknowledge, as such is the human condition of knobheads

it's the same mentality that walks past injustice every day.
it's the same mentality that doesn't help someone in need
it's the same mentality that wouldn't call an ambulance.

not impressed that so many in one party though.

LindyHemming · 24/08/2013 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 24/08/2013 17:45

Thank you for the replies. They've really cheered me up and calmed me down.

Monkey, my heart was in my mouth just then. I thought you were Annie's mum! Blush What a lovely, generous offer, but dd and i have just made a nice chocolate sponge while i explained that Annie's mum has just phoned to say they cake was snatched by sea gulls on the way home (a blatant lie, but dd believed it and thought it was funny - but is now asking me a billion questions about sea gulls) and so we shall make our own cake instead. She seems happy enough with this, despite it being a tad crispy... Smile

DD does seem to be in a bit of a down mood, but that might just be because she's tired. I'm not sure if she's old enough to have picked up on my embarrassment and her exclusion (she's 5).

The invite was just a normal invite.

Dear 'DD' please come to 'Annie's' party Saturday the 24th at 1pm at 'Soft Play'.

Rsvp (mobile number).

I RSVP'd that same day, and got there today at 12.55.

I really think i should send some sort of text. I like the idea of a passive aggressive one rather than a confrontational one asking outright what she was playing at. So then if she confronts me on Monday, I can just pretend my text was meant nicely... I'm such a coward. Blush

I never got talking to the other yellow band mums today but I think I'll try talking to them on Monday to get their take on it, as none of them looked happy today at their table. But i don't want to get a rep for being a gossip. Maybe I'll just say hello to them and hope they bring up the subject of the party.

It's all just a bit mad on reflection. I wish I'd said something to Annie's mum in person.

OP posts:
loopyluna · 24/08/2013 17:46

Agree Gertrude, unless they thought OP had sneaked her DD in uninvited... But, still Sad

sheridand · 24/08/2013 17:46

I agree Jamieand the magic torch. Arrgh, impossible not to put the spaces in!

I always hated them as a kid, terrible affairs. A lot of it now, i find, is down to conspicuous consumption, I love my kid because I do THIS! Whereas dd's last home party I painted the shed with Alice in Wonderland figures, made momeraths for the garden, and stuck up a whole load of fake paper roses for them to paint. It was free, we played Stick the Grin on the Cheshire Cat and so on, and I made a den for them to have their tea party in. But quite a lot of the girls were initially "when's the party starting?" "Um, now?"

The playbarn or hall hire and entertainment has become the norm, I think. Both my kids HATE parties in halls, too noisy, too chaotic, too much weird puppetry and crap magic!

DanicaJones · 24/08/2013 17:48

It's really bizarre that someone would invite 20 people but only provide 10 party bags.