Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was the worst children's party EVER?

999 replies

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 24/08/2013 16:15

This may be very long as I have a habit of rambling.

DD came home from school with an invitation last week for her classmate's (let's call her Annie) 6th birthday party. So off we trotted to the soft play today at 1pm.

The lady at the desk said it would be £4.50 to get in. I was a bit embarrassed and said I hadn't realised I would need to pay. The lady explained that Annie's mum had invited 20 children but only paid for 10. And had instructed staff to let the first ten in for free (first come first served) and then charge the rest.

I asked if dd would be included in the party games/food, and the lady said that I could pay for dd to have a meal and she could eat it with the paid children and wouldn't know the difference. And that there was no charge to join in the party games.

DD was getting a bit anxious/upset, so i paid her entry fee, prepaid her dinner and took her in.

Annie's mum never mentioned a thing. She just greeted us, told me where the cafe was and sent dd off to play. And I was too embarrassed to ask about the cost.

I didn't want to leave dd, so I just sat myself down on a wee bench next to the play area. After an hour, the children were called down from the soft play to go next door into the party room for games and food.

Again, Annie's mum didn't say anything re the people who hadn't paid. She just disappeared into the room with Annie before everyone had finished gathering at the door.

The 'paid' children all went inside, showing the lady at the door their little wrist bands. My dd's band was yellow (all the paid children's were red). I asked if it was okay for me to take dd in. The woman said that dd wasn't paid for. I explained that i'd spoken to a woman at the front desk and had paid for her dinner etc. The lady at the door told me to wait a minute, went away (presumably to the front desk), came back 5 minutes later and said me and dd could go in.

The other 'paying' parents (I could only count around 4 of them) said they weren't paying anything else and were just going to stay in the soft play.

So me and dd went into the party room. The children were already half way through a game of pass the parcel. Me and dd waited at the side for it to finish.

There was one more game (musical chairs) which dd got up to join in with. But the staff member (another different lady) said that she wasn't expecting another child and that she'd have to go next door for another chair. She left the room and i felt mortified. I felt like everyone was thinking I'd just sneaked into the room or something. The lady came back, along with the staff member from outside the door. Both gave me a big smile and then invited dd to sit down.

After that game, it was party food time.

Members of staff started bringing in buffet style food for the long table at the back of the room. I had paid for dd to have some chicken nugget meal bag, as I had assumed that was what the other children were having (because the lady at the desk had said that dd wouldn't notice the difference). I felt like a right numpty. All the other children went off to line up for the buffet. I told dd to stay beside me. She started whining so I went and asked the staff member when dd's meal would be brought in. She didn't know what I was on about so I explained. She said she wasn't sure if dd's meal would be allowed to be brought into the party room and she'd go and check.

Anyway, me and dd were sat there in a wee corner for about 15 minutes. No one said anything to us. A few people looked over and smiled. Again, I felt totally mortified. I tried to catch Annie's mum's eye, but she was forever talking to people. So i just said very loudly to a whining dd that her dinner will be brought in soon, hoping someone might say something to me (or perhaps invite dd to come and get a sandwich or something) but no one did.

By the time they were all getting jelly and ice cream, dd's chicken nuggets and chips arrived. So that preoccupied her from the fact she wasn't getting ice cream.

After eating, they all went out to the soft play again for ten minutes. Then it was time to go. The other children were all leaving with party bags. I tried to distract dd but she said very loudly (Annie's mum was standing next to us), "Can i have one too?"

Annie's mum was clearly ignoring her seemed not to hear her, so dd tapped her on the arm and said, "Excuse me, can I have one, too?"

I apologised and asked dd not to be rude, and to say thank you for the invitation etc. DD was getting upset and asked me "But whyyyyyy can't I have one?"

So Annie's Mum knelt down to her and said with a big smile, "See your lovely little bangle? It's yellow. Only the boys and girls with red ones get a party bag. Buuut, do you know what children with yellow bangles get? Something even better. They get a piece of cake. Isn't that wonderful?"

I was pretty much like Shock but dd thought that it was indeed wonderful. Annie's mum promised her a bit of cake 'in a wee minute'. So again, me and dd were standing there like numpties while Annie's mum continued dishing out bags to the other children and chatting to their parents. I kept saying to dd "Let's just go and I'll buy you a treat from the cake shop', but she was adamant she wanted a piece of Annie's birthday cake.

So we found a wee table and sat there. Once everyone had gone, Annie's mum disappeared into the party room again. Ten minutes later, she came out with all of Annie's presents etc, coat on clearly ready to go home. I smiled at her in a 'did you forget about us?' kind of way. She seemed surprised to see us. Apologised and said that the cake was all boxed up now but that she'd make sure Annie brought some in on Monday to school for dd.

DD was not pleased.

So... AIBU to think this was the worst party ever? I realise I should have left much earlier than I did, but dd had spent the whole morning getting ready, making Annie's card, wrapping her gift, drawing Annie a picture, talking about the party, that she would have been heartbroken if i brought her home early.

I just feel so embarrassed.

OP posts:
MikeLitoris · 24/08/2013 16:56

In all the years i have been on here I have never wanted to track someone down and punch them in the throat so much.

OP send me her number I will give her some funny phone calls.

I am Angry on your behalf. Outrageous behaviour.

CaptainSweatPants · 24/08/2013 16:57

Sounds like Annie's mum was fed up of no show-era & took it out on you Sad

RoastedCouchPotatoes · 24/08/2013 16:57

Oh my actual God.

I would cut a slice of cake to give after school- just to be on the safe side, so it looks like she dropped in during the day and had just forgotten to give it to Annie.

trikken · 24/08/2013 16:57

omg. yes awful. poor dd. you sound lovely and very patient. she shouldn't have invited double the amount paid for.

monkeymax58 · 24/08/2013 16:57

Am speechless and furious!!! AngryAngryAngryAngryAngryAngry

LookingThroughTheFog · 24/08/2013 16:57

If it makes you feel any better, Ewe, I'd have paid for my daughter too. And I'd have paid for the meal. She's only a little younger than yours, but for days before the any party we have the party countdown, many, many discussions about what she'll wear to the party (to which my contribution is usually 'uh-hu, that sound nice...'), then on the day of the party there'll be a build up of excitement, lots of cards written (she'll supplement the shop bought one with 19 or 20 lovingly made ones), she'll help with present wrapping, she'll draw flowers to stick on it. She's party obsessed.

Even my son, who's much more laid back about these things would be upset to get to the door and be told 'no'. In fact this happened when I missed a text advising that birthday boy had been struck with something highly contagious and a worried parent intercepted me on the drive. The solution there was to explain that there would still be a party, and he lucked out in that he got the present (we replaced it for birthday boy). Even then, he was gutted.

It really does seem cruel. Knowing how children of that age can be about these things. Knowing that parents will be stuck. And somewhat gallingly, knowing that she'll have scooped up all the presents.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 24/08/2013 16:57

I mean sometimes kids are blind to the nuances like paying

saintlyjimjams · 24/08/2013 16:58

Oh I don't think the mother will care one bit about a PA text but it would make me feel better to send something Grin

I like the idea of sending her a bill for the present though.

Figgygal · 24/08/2013 16:58

That is appalling i would have been raging!! Angry

DumSpiroSpero · 24/08/2013 16:58

I was all prepared at the start of the OP to say you're being unreasonable to slate someone else's party, but YAsoooNBU!

I would be absolutely livid - how the hell can someone treat a child like that and presumably think their behaviour is acceptable?

Have to feel a bit sorry for 'Annie' too - she had no control over the situation and a mum who is probably going to lose her a lot of friends if she's usually this clueless/vile.

cory · 24/08/2013 16:59

Has sudden vision of OP's community in years to come, divided into Reds and Yellows, like some latter day Verona or medieval England. (and the duke plucked a red bracelet from the receptionist at the softplay desk and swore that This shall be my badge). And after many years a descendant of one of the original red bracelets will meet a descendant of the yellow bracelets at a softplay party and they will fall in love and it will all be terribly beautiful and tragic.

bunchoffives · 24/08/2013 16:59

Just awful. The world seems to be full of ignorant, rude and stupid people at the moment. Angry

Chalk it down to experience OP and give Annie and her mum a very wide berth. Do not get suckered into having Annie round or to a party - her mum is bound to find a way to royally take advantage.

catgirl1976 · 24/08/2013 17:00
Shock

That really is awful

If you can only afford to pay for ten you only invite 10.

ILetHimKeep20Quid · 24/08/2013 17:00

That's awful!

nauticant · 24/08/2013 17:00

Like everyone else OP, I'm gobsmacked.

On the positive side, your story nicely sets out what went on, and although you might feel you should have had words at many points, it's clear you were sucked in and got thoroughly boiled by degrees and couldn't quite process the whole thing till later on.

I'm not one for rehearsing long speeches but if you do end up discussing it with Annie's mum, stick to the simple fact of your DD asking you all weekend why she'd been lied to by an adult.

diddl · 24/08/2013 17:01

It is utterly bizarre, though.

I suppose she might have been pestered into it by her daughter-trying to find some sort of compromise rather than telling her she could only invite 10(?)

But it seems as if the "yellow banders" were somewhat excluded(?)

But then only pary bags for th ered banders-where they supplied by the place then?

No, she's a thoughtless bitch, isn't she?

She couldn't be bothered to make sure everyone had a party bag or cake, or fuck all, really.

Maryz · 24/08/2013 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BadPoet · 24/08/2013 17:02

I've just told my kids and they are like this Shock Shock. I've paid the non-invitee in happily before, and I've been to parties when parents were a bit skint and we all paid for ourselves but knew in advance - no prob. This is cruel though. Really feel for you OP, especially as I happen to be wearing a yellow wristband!

Sparklingbrook · 24/08/2013 17:02

I am sorry for forgetting that Scottish schools have gone back. Sad And I didn't know that Scotland doesn't get the BH.

diddl · 24/08/2013 17:04

I think Annie should be invited out at much as possible-so that she realises that her mum doesn't do parties properly!

and her mum excluded as much as possible, natch!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 24/08/2013 17:04

don't need to be sorry sparkling :) I was just telling you and forgot to include a :)

Sparklingbrook · 24/08/2013 17:06

Ok Fanjo. Grin There was a thread recently about people not realising MNetters are global too. Blush

WafflyVersatile · 24/08/2013 17:07

As I read that I thought, oh at least the mum has tried to put things right a bit by convincing your DD that she was getting cake which is better. But no. No.

Flabbergasted here.

Sparklingbrook · 24/08/2013 17:09

It's awful. The best bit of a party for a 6 year old is the bloody party bag. Which has cake in anyway. Angry

Armadale · 24/08/2013 17:09

YANBU, this definitely sounds like it was the worst children's party ever.

You definitely did the right thing paying- I can remember at age 6/7ish my primary school class was split between the class below and the one above to save a teachers wages iyswim, so there were only 9 girls my age in the class, the rest were the year below. One girl went to the circus for her birthday and invited seven plus her, leaving only me univinted, and hearing them all talk about it before/after at school, Sad so at least you spared you dd feeling totally left out on Monday.

The whole 'you see your yellow band' discussion by the mother to your daugher was really very chilling.

I feel sorry for the daughter as the mother obviously has no empathy for the feelings of a child.