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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was the worst children's party EVER?

999 replies

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 24/08/2013 16:15

This may be very long as I have a habit of rambling.

DD came home from school with an invitation last week for her classmate's (let's call her Annie) 6th birthday party. So off we trotted to the soft play today at 1pm.

The lady at the desk said it would be £4.50 to get in. I was a bit embarrassed and said I hadn't realised I would need to pay. The lady explained that Annie's mum had invited 20 children but only paid for 10. And had instructed staff to let the first ten in for free (first come first served) and then charge the rest.

I asked if dd would be included in the party games/food, and the lady said that I could pay for dd to have a meal and she could eat it with the paid children and wouldn't know the difference. And that there was no charge to join in the party games.

DD was getting a bit anxious/upset, so i paid her entry fee, prepaid her dinner and took her in.

Annie's mum never mentioned a thing. She just greeted us, told me where the cafe was and sent dd off to play. And I was too embarrassed to ask about the cost.

I didn't want to leave dd, so I just sat myself down on a wee bench next to the play area. After an hour, the children were called down from the soft play to go next door into the party room for games and food.

Again, Annie's mum didn't say anything re the people who hadn't paid. She just disappeared into the room with Annie before everyone had finished gathering at the door.

The 'paid' children all went inside, showing the lady at the door their little wrist bands. My dd's band was yellow (all the paid children's were red). I asked if it was okay for me to take dd in. The woman said that dd wasn't paid for. I explained that i'd spoken to a woman at the front desk and had paid for her dinner etc. The lady at the door told me to wait a minute, went away (presumably to the front desk), came back 5 minutes later and said me and dd could go in.

The other 'paying' parents (I could only count around 4 of them) said they weren't paying anything else and were just going to stay in the soft play.

So me and dd went into the party room. The children were already half way through a game of pass the parcel. Me and dd waited at the side for it to finish.

There was one more game (musical chairs) which dd got up to join in with. But the staff member (another different lady) said that she wasn't expecting another child and that she'd have to go next door for another chair. She left the room and i felt mortified. I felt like everyone was thinking I'd just sneaked into the room or something. The lady came back, along with the staff member from outside the door. Both gave me a big smile and then invited dd to sit down.

After that game, it was party food time.

Members of staff started bringing in buffet style food for the long table at the back of the room. I had paid for dd to have some chicken nugget meal bag, as I had assumed that was what the other children were having (because the lady at the desk had said that dd wouldn't notice the difference). I felt like a right numpty. All the other children went off to line up for the buffet. I told dd to stay beside me. She started whining so I went and asked the staff member when dd's meal would be brought in. She didn't know what I was on about so I explained. She said she wasn't sure if dd's meal would be allowed to be brought into the party room and she'd go and check.

Anyway, me and dd were sat there in a wee corner for about 15 minutes. No one said anything to us. A few people looked over and smiled. Again, I felt totally mortified. I tried to catch Annie's mum's eye, but she was forever talking to people. So i just said very loudly to a whining dd that her dinner will be brought in soon, hoping someone might say something to me (or perhaps invite dd to come and get a sandwich or something) but no one did.

By the time they were all getting jelly and ice cream, dd's chicken nuggets and chips arrived. So that preoccupied her from the fact she wasn't getting ice cream.

After eating, they all went out to the soft play again for ten minutes. Then it was time to go. The other children were all leaving with party bags. I tried to distract dd but she said very loudly (Annie's mum was standing next to us), "Can i have one too?"

Annie's mum was clearly ignoring her seemed not to hear her, so dd tapped her on the arm and said, "Excuse me, can I have one, too?"

I apologised and asked dd not to be rude, and to say thank you for the invitation etc. DD was getting upset and asked me "But whyyyyyy can't I have one?"

So Annie's Mum knelt down to her and said with a big smile, "See your lovely little bangle? It's yellow. Only the boys and girls with red ones get a party bag. Buuut, do you know what children with yellow bangles get? Something even better. They get a piece of cake. Isn't that wonderful?"

I was pretty much like Shock but dd thought that it was indeed wonderful. Annie's mum promised her a bit of cake 'in a wee minute'. So again, me and dd were standing there like numpties while Annie's mum continued dishing out bags to the other children and chatting to their parents. I kept saying to dd "Let's just go and I'll buy you a treat from the cake shop', but she was adamant she wanted a piece of Annie's birthday cake.

So we found a wee table and sat there. Once everyone had gone, Annie's mum disappeared into the party room again. Ten minutes later, she came out with all of Annie's presents etc, coat on clearly ready to go home. I smiled at her in a 'did you forget about us?' kind of way. She seemed surprised to see us. Apologised and said that the cake was all boxed up now but that she'd make sure Annie brought some in on Monday to school for dd.

DD was not pleased.

So... AIBU to think this was the worst party ever? I realise I should have left much earlier than I did, but dd had spent the whole morning getting ready, making Annie's card, wrapping her gift, drawing Annie a picture, talking about the party, that she would have been heartbroken if i brought her home early.

I just feel so embarrassed.

OP posts:
cantreachmytoes · 26/08/2013 17:32

Ha! I took too long to push send and crossed with Rex!

LookingThroughTheFog · 26/08/2013 17:36

Also, Ewe, I feel for you with the poor at confrontation thing; for me, any conversation where I don't end up crying is a good one. Yes I'll possibly think of the perfect come back, but not until about 7 hours after the conversation has ended and the other person is miles away drinking tea and laughing at the telly. Kudos for you going in a little early. I'm impressed.

ZenGardener · 26/08/2013 17:44

I think that Lucie meant that the OP and 9 others RSVPed but rather than do a name list, Annie's mum just gave the number 10 to the receptionist, so a child that didn't RSVP took the OPs daughter's spot.

Lweji · 26/08/2013 17:52

Wait a minute.
Doesn't the birthday girl count as one of the 10?
So that in effect, she had 9 girls at her party?

Lweji · 26/08/2013 17:53

And, there is no such thing as RSVP'd.

Lweji · 26/08/2013 17:53

So, I imagine she actually didn't. There!

sarahtigh · 26/08/2013 17:55

lookingthroughthe fog

today is not a bank holiday in scotland and in scotland the schools went back about 14th august

knickernicker · 26/08/2013 18:07

OP- please speak to the mum about how foul she's been. She doesn't deserve to get away with it.

LindyHemming · 26/08/2013 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

foreverondiet · 26/08/2013 18:15

This is the rudest thing I have ever heard, and if this happened to me, not only would I not ever speak to the person again but I would probably mention it to the school & the other mums at school. And never invite the child to my child's party. Although I would be tempted to confront I don't think there is much to be gained by doing so.

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 26/08/2013 18:19

foreverondiet what would be the point of mentioning it to the school? Confused other yellow band mums yes, but the school?

QuintessentialOldDear · 26/08/2013 18:20

Horrible horrible woman. Yes, it was the worst childrens party every.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 26/08/2013 18:20

But it's not Annie's fault why should she not be invited?

QuintessentialOldDear · 26/08/2013 18:24

Because Annie will turn into her mum, if nobody takes a stand against this sort of behaviour. It will make Annies mum think. And that will benefit Annie (and her classmates) more in the long term.

FrigginRexManningDay · 26/08/2013 18:27

Don't push me Fog I may just explode in a frenzy of ranting and foot stomping. Grin

FreeWee · 26/08/2013 18:31

Any post school update OP? Well done for chatting with Dickface this morning it must have taken quite a lot of courage. I can't see anything could be gained from confronting her again. She clearly has no idea how unacceptable her behaviour was and has no remorse about letting down your DD re the cake today. She is utterly oblivious and whilst you could set Quackster on her I don't think you with your confidence as it is could persuade her she'd done anything wrong. I'd find other yellow band mums to bitch with but give Dickface a wide berth.

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 26/08/2013 18:36

Hello again.

Thanks once again for all the posts. But I don't think i'll be returning to this thread. I've just sat down and clicked on another thread which is basically referring to this one as a lie, and mocking me for 'getting the dialect right'. I have lived in Scotland my whole life. Confused

I was posting this on Saturday to rant and try to get some clarity on what happened. Not to start a fight.

I think I'll take the above advice and just leave the situation as it is. I was running a few minutes late picking dd up today so didn't get the opportunity to speak to anyone else. I'll definitely make more of an effort to do so though. Although it's great having Mumsnet to rant to about school stuff (excluding the people who insist I'm a liar or a previous banned poster who mocks dead people Hmm), I reckon some RL school mum friends would be a great bonus.

This whole thing has caused me a bit of stress and made me feel ridiculous. I'd rather just forget about it now tbh. And i certainly don't want to be considered an attention seeker. Hmm

Anyway, thank you all once again for your replies. And for giving my confidence a bit of a boost. I am a bit of a doormat when it comes to things, so the main thing I'm taking from this thread is to be more assertive. Smile

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 26/08/2013 18:42

I'm very sorry to hear that anther thread has upset you, I haven't seen it but if it calls you a liar you should report it.

bolshieoldcow · 26/08/2013 18:43
Shock

So sorry to hear how you've been treated and made to feel bad. You shouldn't have been on the receiving end of a slagging here - the party situation was horrible enough. FWIW you sound like a lovely mum and a really nice person, and I'm sure the yellow band mums will welcome you to the fold.

Sparklingbrook · 26/08/2013 18:44

I think you are very wise Ewe. Maybe try and organise a get together/playdate with some of the saner parents.

Haven't seen the thread you are referring to but you should report if they are being out of order.

Good luck. x

Theimpossiblegirl · 26/08/2013 18:45

I haven't seen the other thread but it sounds out of order. I'm sorry someone is being so petty.

LtEveDallas · 26/08/2013 18:45

What makes you think that TSC was talking about you OP? There are a number of long running threads on here this weekend, not just yours.

Floggingmolly · 26/08/2013 18:47

The other thread didn't call you a liar, op.

everlong · 26/08/2013 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/08/2013 18:59

T looked to me as if TSC was talking about this thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread