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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was the worst children's party EVER?

999 replies

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 24/08/2013 16:15

This may be very long as I have a habit of rambling.

DD came home from school with an invitation last week for her classmate's (let's call her Annie) 6th birthday party. So off we trotted to the soft play today at 1pm.

The lady at the desk said it would be £4.50 to get in. I was a bit embarrassed and said I hadn't realised I would need to pay. The lady explained that Annie's mum had invited 20 children but only paid for 10. And had instructed staff to let the first ten in for free (first come first served) and then charge the rest.

I asked if dd would be included in the party games/food, and the lady said that I could pay for dd to have a meal and she could eat it with the paid children and wouldn't know the difference. And that there was no charge to join in the party games.

DD was getting a bit anxious/upset, so i paid her entry fee, prepaid her dinner and took her in.

Annie's mum never mentioned a thing. She just greeted us, told me where the cafe was and sent dd off to play. And I was too embarrassed to ask about the cost.

I didn't want to leave dd, so I just sat myself down on a wee bench next to the play area. After an hour, the children were called down from the soft play to go next door into the party room for games and food.

Again, Annie's mum didn't say anything re the people who hadn't paid. She just disappeared into the room with Annie before everyone had finished gathering at the door.

The 'paid' children all went inside, showing the lady at the door their little wrist bands. My dd's band was yellow (all the paid children's were red). I asked if it was okay for me to take dd in. The woman said that dd wasn't paid for. I explained that i'd spoken to a woman at the front desk and had paid for her dinner etc. The lady at the door told me to wait a minute, went away (presumably to the front desk), came back 5 minutes later and said me and dd could go in.

The other 'paying' parents (I could only count around 4 of them) said they weren't paying anything else and were just going to stay in the soft play.

So me and dd went into the party room. The children were already half way through a game of pass the parcel. Me and dd waited at the side for it to finish.

There was one more game (musical chairs) which dd got up to join in with. But the staff member (another different lady) said that she wasn't expecting another child and that she'd have to go next door for another chair. She left the room and i felt mortified. I felt like everyone was thinking I'd just sneaked into the room or something. The lady came back, along with the staff member from outside the door. Both gave me a big smile and then invited dd to sit down.

After that game, it was party food time.

Members of staff started bringing in buffet style food for the long table at the back of the room. I had paid for dd to have some chicken nugget meal bag, as I had assumed that was what the other children were having (because the lady at the desk had said that dd wouldn't notice the difference). I felt like a right numpty. All the other children went off to line up for the buffet. I told dd to stay beside me. She started whining so I went and asked the staff member when dd's meal would be brought in. She didn't know what I was on about so I explained. She said she wasn't sure if dd's meal would be allowed to be brought into the party room and she'd go and check.

Anyway, me and dd were sat there in a wee corner for about 15 minutes. No one said anything to us. A few people looked over and smiled. Again, I felt totally mortified. I tried to catch Annie's mum's eye, but she was forever talking to people. So i just said very loudly to a whining dd that her dinner will be brought in soon, hoping someone might say something to me (or perhaps invite dd to come and get a sandwich or something) but no one did.

By the time they were all getting jelly and ice cream, dd's chicken nuggets and chips arrived. So that preoccupied her from the fact she wasn't getting ice cream.

After eating, they all went out to the soft play again for ten minutes. Then it was time to go. The other children were all leaving with party bags. I tried to distract dd but she said very loudly (Annie's mum was standing next to us), "Can i have one too?"

Annie's mum was clearly ignoring her seemed not to hear her, so dd tapped her on the arm and said, "Excuse me, can I have one, too?"

I apologised and asked dd not to be rude, and to say thank you for the invitation etc. DD was getting upset and asked me "But whyyyyyy can't I have one?"

So Annie's Mum knelt down to her and said with a big smile, "See your lovely little bangle? It's yellow. Only the boys and girls with red ones get a party bag. Buuut, do you know what children with yellow bangles get? Something even better. They get a piece of cake. Isn't that wonderful?"

I was pretty much like Shock but dd thought that it was indeed wonderful. Annie's mum promised her a bit of cake 'in a wee minute'. So again, me and dd were standing there like numpties while Annie's mum continued dishing out bags to the other children and chatting to their parents. I kept saying to dd "Let's just go and I'll buy you a treat from the cake shop', but she was adamant she wanted a piece of Annie's birthday cake.

So we found a wee table and sat there. Once everyone had gone, Annie's mum disappeared into the party room again. Ten minutes later, she came out with all of Annie's presents etc, coat on clearly ready to go home. I smiled at her in a 'did you forget about us?' kind of way. She seemed surprised to see us. Apologised and said that the cake was all boxed up now but that she'd make sure Annie brought some in on Monday to school for dd.

DD was not pleased.

So... AIBU to think this was the worst party ever? I realise I should have left much earlier than I did, but dd had spent the whole morning getting ready, making Annie's card, wrapping her gift, drawing Annie a picture, talking about the party, that she would have been heartbroken if i brought her home early.

I just feel so embarrassed.

OP posts:
bolshieoldcow · 26/08/2013 15:22

I have Cake, I'm in Scotland, where do I report?? Grin

This is such a mean thing to do to a wee one - if I think how my 6yo is about parties, the cake/party bag is a HUGE deal. It doesn't matter how crappy-plastic it is, it's important to them. How an adult could invite children to a party and then exclude them is beyond my understanding. Horrible woman. You are well clear of her, OP. Tales of this party will be all round the school - everyone will be as horrified as we are here. And yes, definietly get in with the other yellow-banders!

Seaweedy · 26/08/2013 15:24

Yes, the rewriting history thing maddens me too. It's as if this dreadful woman had a second chance to behave badly. I can't decide from the conversation as reported whether she's actively malicious or just stupid, though.

I think the OP found it difficult to even have the conversation, though, so she should be patted on the back for managing. Not everyone is good at calling people out on bad behaviour.

onedev · 26/08/2013 15:30

I think the Op did well given her lack of confidence generally, however can totally see what Floggingmolly is saying! Would have loved the Op to be much more forthright & straight talking to AM & tell her exactly how out of order she was!

Azultrailer · 26/08/2013 15:36

What time is pickup? I hope the OP will rub Cuntpuffin's face into a stale apple turnover.

lljkk · 26/08/2013 15:41

OP: you MUST canvas the other yellow band mums about what they think of what happened. P L E A S E ???

Azultrailer · 26/08/2013 15:43

A nation of gnashing women are depending on you OP!

MollyHooper · 26/08/2013 15:46

Some people are just not good at confrontation Flogging.

Faced with that situation I probably would have gotten flustered, thanked CuntPuffin and told her what a lovely time we had.

Though I doubt even the most confident of people would have gotten far with this one.

skyeskyeskye · 26/08/2013 16:01

The woman was totally ignorant. I had similar with DD once. Invited to soft play, only 18 months old. Party mum said, you need to pay for her to go in, we didn't want to pay £8 as she can't play on much. Bit miffed, didn't pay, just said, were with the party.

When food came out, party mum said, we have crisps for your DD. all the other kids had pizza and chips... DD cried and wanted their food. I could have cried myself. Another mum took pity on us and have us some of her D'S food.

I was really angry. Either you are invited fully or you don't go. Who pays for fist ten but invites 20,!

My friendship with party mum has never been the same since and we used to be very good friends.

Misspixietrix · 26/08/2013 16:03

I actually think the bit you said about the cake and Dd holding people to their word was rather good actually. Most people would have clicked on but I'm not holding out hope on Annies Mum thinking that hard. Well done OP Smile

DiaryOfAWimpyMum · 26/08/2013 16:12

Op don't worry about her seeing this. What a bitch

BlehPukeVomit · 26/08/2013 16:28

I still think it is best to either let Annie Mum know what you think or completely forget about it. Either you want her to know what you think or you don't!

You should choose to do nothing or do SOMETHING....

...and if you do want to tell her I suggest you don't do it in a passive aggressive way but in a polite but straightforward text.

If you know you don't deal well with people like her face to face then having chats with her want achieve anything (other than her being able to continue to piss you off) so I think a text would be best.

pigletmania · 26/08/2013 16:28

I am glad you had a chat to her, you had nithing to feel bad about, she had everthing to feel ashamed by' i think she was embarassed and tried to deflect it and dismiss it. Not that there will be a next time, she really is a royal bitch

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/08/2013 16:30

Confronting AnniesMum in person would be very difficult - I do appreciate this, but I am afraid that I do think Ewe has to communicate more directly with AnniesMum to tell her what she did was wrong and cruel as well as very mean.

Please send a direct and clear message, nothing passive-aggressive, she is too thick skinned for that, telling her what she did was wrong. I've written what I would send to,her, as have others - please send one of our messages. You have nothing to lose, and your dd deserves to have you stick up for her.

CorrineFoxworth · 26/08/2013 16:37

Grin at Quackster: "accio apology!"

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 26/08/2013 16:43

This is just appalling behaviour from Cuntpuffin Mum! I have been reading this thread over the last few days and it is just wrong, WRONG!! I think if you do not confront cuntpuffin then you are going to regret it, as SDT has said there are a lot of messages on here you could use. Your poor dd, poor Annie and poor you :(

This is really sad that someone could treat a child that way!

ZenGardener · 26/08/2013 16:46

I think the OP handled it really well and with dignity. I am curious as to whether the red band children were given an earlier start time. It seems unlikely that 5 minutes before the party start time that so many children would already be there.

I'd let it go, Annie's mum is no fool and knew exactly what she was doing.

joshandjamie · 26/08/2013 16:50

OP I think you should have a drinks party. Invite Annie's mum. Be sure that when she arrives, you say: I'm sorry, only those mums with yellow bands are entitled to free drinks (be sure to have some other friends already there wearing yellow bands proudly). Your drinks will cost £5.50 a glass (for some shit wine). Oh and sorry, the canapes are extra but if there are any leftover, I'll bring one to the school run tomorrow. Then don't. But do say: Gosh, parties really do tire people out. Hope you're not feeling too exhausted from it all.

pigletmania · 26/08/2013 16:53

I agree zen Annies mum knew exactky what op was talking about. Op handled it with dugnity now let it go or op will look bad. I would avoid AM and decline any invite from her for your dd sake

MissMarplesBloomers · 26/08/2013 17:23

Quakster are you married to Adam Hill......that style of rant is vair familiar!!!! Grin

OP you are a model of self restraint -I'd have slapped the bitch.

LucieLucie · 26/08/2013 17:23

This can't be real, surely no one would only include the first ten then charge the rest and I can't see any soft play agreeing to that either?

I'm just wondering if she got just 10 replies to the invites so therefor she paid and booked for 10? The extra people who turned up unexpectedly were possibly treated badly as she was irked.....????

Possibly clutching at straws here but it is a bizarre situation!

lifeissweet · 26/08/2013 17:24

I can fully understand OP's reaction. I would have been completely stumped by the bare faced cheek of the 'did she settle?' opening gambit from AM. It's one of those situations where my brain wouldn't have been quick enough to say what needed to be said, I would have just been stunned that out of everything that happened at the party, what she chose to draw attention to was that OP's daughter had been upset - so she had noticed, but had made absolutely no attempt to fix it.

After she had left I would have thought up all the things I should have said but didn't. I am impressed that OP managed to make the cake point under that sort of pressure.

She sounds utterly clueless. Really.

FrigginRexManningDay · 26/08/2013 17:25

For the last time,the OP RSVP'D.

R
S
v
P
'
D
!

LookingThroughTheFog · 26/08/2013 17:28

But did she RSVP, Rex? Well did she? And how are they possibly at school when school hasn't gone back yet? Also; today is a bank holiday.

[shitstirring] Grin

cantreachmytoes · 26/08/2013 17:31

LUCIE - READ THE THREAD!!

OP RSVP'D THE DAY SHE GOT THE INVITE.

Sorry for shouting but this point has been repeated throughout the thread.

miemohrs · 26/08/2013 17:31

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