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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was the worst children's party EVER?

999 replies

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 24/08/2013 16:15

This may be very long as I have a habit of rambling.

DD came home from school with an invitation last week for her classmate's (let's call her Annie) 6th birthday party. So off we trotted to the soft play today at 1pm.

The lady at the desk said it would be £4.50 to get in. I was a bit embarrassed and said I hadn't realised I would need to pay. The lady explained that Annie's mum had invited 20 children but only paid for 10. And had instructed staff to let the first ten in for free (first come first served) and then charge the rest.

I asked if dd would be included in the party games/food, and the lady said that I could pay for dd to have a meal and she could eat it with the paid children and wouldn't know the difference. And that there was no charge to join in the party games.

DD was getting a bit anxious/upset, so i paid her entry fee, prepaid her dinner and took her in.

Annie's mum never mentioned a thing. She just greeted us, told me where the cafe was and sent dd off to play. And I was too embarrassed to ask about the cost.

I didn't want to leave dd, so I just sat myself down on a wee bench next to the play area. After an hour, the children were called down from the soft play to go next door into the party room for games and food.

Again, Annie's mum didn't say anything re the people who hadn't paid. She just disappeared into the room with Annie before everyone had finished gathering at the door.

The 'paid' children all went inside, showing the lady at the door their little wrist bands. My dd's band was yellow (all the paid children's were red). I asked if it was okay for me to take dd in. The woman said that dd wasn't paid for. I explained that i'd spoken to a woman at the front desk and had paid for her dinner etc. The lady at the door told me to wait a minute, went away (presumably to the front desk), came back 5 minutes later and said me and dd could go in.

The other 'paying' parents (I could only count around 4 of them) said they weren't paying anything else and were just going to stay in the soft play.

So me and dd went into the party room. The children were already half way through a game of pass the parcel. Me and dd waited at the side for it to finish.

There was one more game (musical chairs) which dd got up to join in with. But the staff member (another different lady) said that she wasn't expecting another child and that she'd have to go next door for another chair. She left the room and i felt mortified. I felt like everyone was thinking I'd just sneaked into the room or something. The lady came back, along with the staff member from outside the door. Both gave me a big smile and then invited dd to sit down.

After that game, it was party food time.

Members of staff started bringing in buffet style food for the long table at the back of the room. I had paid for dd to have some chicken nugget meal bag, as I had assumed that was what the other children were having (because the lady at the desk had said that dd wouldn't notice the difference). I felt like a right numpty. All the other children went off to line up for the buffet. I told dd to stay beside me. She started whining so I went and asked the staff member when dd's meal would be brought in. She didn't know what I was on about so I explained. She said she wasn't sure if dd's meal would be allowed to be brought into the party room and she'd go and check.

Anyway, me and dd were sat there in a wee corner for about 15 minutes. No one said anything to us. A few people looked over and smiled. Again, I felt totally mortified. I tried to catch Annie's mum's eye, but she was forever talking to people. So i just said very loudly to a whining dd that her dinner will be brought in soon, hoping someone might say something to me (or perhaps invite dd to come and get a sandwich or something) but no one did.

By the time they were all getting jelly and ice cream, dd's chicken nuggets and chips arrived. So that preoccupied her from the fact she wasn't getting ice cream.

After eating, they all went out to the soft play again for ten minutes. Then it was time to go. The other children were all leaving with party bags. I tried to distract dd but she said very loudly (Annie's mum was standing next to us), "Can i have one too?"

Annie's mum was clearly ignoring her seemed not to hear her, so dd tapped her on the arm and said, "Excuse me, can I have one, too?"

I apologised and asked dd not to be rude, and to say thank you for the invitation etc. DD was getting upset and asked me "But whyyyyyy can't I have one?"

So Annie's Mum knelt down to her and said with a big smile, "See your lovely little bangle? It's yellow. Only the boys and girls with red ones get a party bag. Buuut, do you know what children with yellow bangles get? Something even better. They get a piece of cake. Isn't that wonderful?"

I was pretty much like Shock but dd thought that it was indeed wonderful. Annie's mum promised her a bit of cake 'in a wee minute'. So again, me and dd were standing there like numpties while Annie's mum continued dishing out bags to the other children and chatting to their parents. I kept saying to dd "Let's just go and I'll buy you a treat from the cake shop', but she was adamant she wanted a piece of Annie's birthday cake.

So we found a wee table and sat there. Once everyone had gone, Annie's mum disappeared into the party room again. Ten minutes later, she came out with all of Annie's presents etc, coat on clearly ready to go home. I smiled at her in a 'did you forget about us?' kind of way. She seemed surprised to see us. Apologised and said that the cake was all boxed up now but that she'd make sure Annie brought some in on Monday to school for dd.

DD was not pleased.

So... AIBU to think this was the worst party ever? I realise I should have left much earlier than I did, but dd had spent the whole morning getting ready, making Annie's card, wrapping her gift, drawing Annie a picture, talking about the party, that she would have been heartbroken if i brought her home early.

I just feel so embarrassed.

OP posts:
Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 26/08/2013 13:07

If it had been that "pay on day" misunderstAnding then why would AM be aware of the bands and who gets what. I've bed. To several soft play parties. You have to give final numbers no later than 24 hours before the party and any siblings that turn up (as happens if someone doesn't get child care) get paid for by parents.

Yes there might be one or two extra which you can pay for in the day as let's face it we don't always get it 100% when adding things up. But the mum had invited an extra 10. It has to have been intentional surely?!

MissStrawberry · 26/08/2013 13:09

I wasn't Drop, I was merely responding to someone's question with my take on it.

edam · 26/08/2013 13:14

OP, I think Impossible is right, if you can work up the courage this would be an opportunity to get chatting to the other mothers of yellowbanders. Just 'that party was odd, wasn't it? Not like any other kid's party I've been to' and let the conversation go from there .

Also, I think everyone who has pointed out that you handled it really well is right. Esp. given you are very shy. You behaved with dignity and did everything you could to make it up to dd and lessen the effect of bizarre party mum's appalling behaviour. Give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back and apply blame where it belongs, on the shoulders of this harridan.

Fillyjonk75 · 26/08/2013 13:16

I think an appropriate punishment for Annie's Mum would be to dress her as a fish, roll her in some stale herring and give her to some emperor penguins.

AWK.

TotallyEggFlipped · 26/08/2013 13:18

Annie's mum is a rude, patronising twunt. This thread has made me feel really angry for Ewe and her DD. poor Annie too - I hope she doesn't miss out on future parties because her mum is so awful.

FrigginRexManningDay · 26/08/2013 13:19

Puffins are awfully cute. Maybe AM is a manky old crow or filthy pigeon.

sameoldIggi · 26/08/2013 13:25

This really isn't aimed at Ewe or her dd, after all if they'd been there five minutes earlier they'd have had a red band - Annie's mum was not selective in who she treated like shit, could have been any of them.
If have felt awful if I'd had a red band as well, would be interesting to know their take on it.
School run shortly, will be glaring round me to see if anyone is there with cake

miemohrs · 26/08/2013 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

everlong · 26/08/2013 13:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

miemohrs · 26/08/2013 13:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DropYourSword · 26/08/2013 13:42

Sorry strawberry I didn't mean that to come across as rude or aggressive in that message. I just meant that Annie's mums behavior was indiscriminately appalling to all the party guests after arrival 10, rather than it being specifically directed toward her in particular.

MissStrawberry · 26/08/2013 13:46

I had forgotten the OP wasn't the only one left out because the other mum's didn't pay the extra, but didn't want to be accused of trying to make something out of something that wasn't there. Flowers Drop.

DropYourSword · 26/08/2013 13:49
Wine

Awesome, a civilized thread!

Annie's mum had united MN!!

edam · 26/08/2013 13:50

Btw, some people have suggested printing out the thread and giving it to Annie's mum (poor Annie, having a loon like that for a mother...). I think that would be a bad idea as it would out the OP.

ExitPursuedByABear · 26/08/2013 13:54

Don't you just hate it when you have a conversation with someone and none of it makes sense. Or at least not the sort of sense you wanted it to make.

I feel you need to take her task.

LookingThroughTheFog · 26/08/2013 13:55

Even if the whole 'I'm inviting 20 but paying for 10' thing was acceptable (which is isn't), the 'I'm inviting 20, but only providing birthday cake for 10' is nuts beyond nuts.

As to 'what if best friend was number 11' issue - I'm willing to bet she told certain people to get there 15 minutes early.

But the thing that's really riled me this morning is the audacity to suggest that it was your daughter who was the one with the problem.

chocoluvva · 26/08/2013 14:32

Exactly. "Did she settle?" indeed.

SuperiorCat · 26/08/2013 14:45

I'm torn between whether Annies Mum is rude, stupid or both. I think the latter.

Well handled OP

MollyHooper · 26/08/2013 14:54

Well done for speaking to her about it, as a fellow super shy person I know I would have found that difficult but you did great.

Unfortunately it seems you have wasted your breath. CuntPuffin clearly has zero self awareness and sounds pretty vacant.

I would just avoid her from now on and save yourself the unpleasantness.

InTheRedCorner · 26/08/2013 14:56

Horrible women. Avoid her from now on!

FrigginRexManningDay · 26/08/2013 14:58

This thread has to go into classics,its created a whole new bunch of MN phrases.

CuntPuffin = a really nasty cunt
AnniesMum/AM = a rude school gate parent
Red/Yellow Band = you were either in the in-crowd or not.

Floggingmolly · 26/08/2013 15:03

I'll probably be roasted for pissing on op's parade; but what's with all the well done op, you handled that brilliantly posts?
Op allowed Annie's mum to rewrite the entire episode and didn't challenge it!
Why, op? Really, why did you allow her to crap all over you twice?

chocoluvva · 26/08/2013 15:07

I think the OP did well: she reminded AM about her promise of cake, and mentioned that her DD had been upset by a couple of other things, without having a tantrum about it or being aggressive.

Sizzlesthedog · 26/08/2013 15:19

Speechless at the whole thing.

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