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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was the worst children's party EVER?

999 replies

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 24/08/2013 16:15

This may be very long as I have a habit of rambling.

DD came home from school with an invitation last week for her classmate's (let's call her Annie) 6th birthday party. So off we trotted to the soft play today at 1pm.

The lady at the desk said it would be £4.50 to get in. I was a bit embarrassed and said I hadn't realised I would need to pay. The lady explained that Annie's mum had invited 20 children but only paid for 10. And had instructed staff to let the first ten in for free (first come first served) and then charge the rest.

I asked if dd would be included in the party games/food, and the lady said that I could pay for dd to have a meal and she could eat it with the paid children and wouldn't know the difference. And that there was no charge to join in the party games.

DD was getting a bit anxious/upset, so i paid her entry fee, prepaid her dinner and took her in.

Annie's mum never mentioned a thing. She just greeted us, told me where the cafe was and sent dd off to play. And I was too embarrassed to ask about the cost.

I didn't want to leave dd, so I just sat myself down on a wee bench next to the play area. After an hour, the children were called down from the soft play to go next door into the party room for games and food.

Again, Annie's mum didn't say anything re the people who hadn't paid. She just disappeared into the room with Annie before everyone had finished gathering at the door.

The 'paid' children all went inside, showing the lady at the door their little wrist bands. My dd's band was yellow (all the paid children's were red). I asked if it was okay for me to take dd in. The woman said that dd wasn't paid for. I explained that i'd spoken to a woman at the front desk and had paid for her dinner etc. The lady at the door told me to wait a minute, went away (presumably to the front desk), came back 5 minutes later and said me and dd could go in.

The other 'paying' parents (I could only count around 4 of them) said they weren't paying anything else and were just going to stay in the soft play.

So me and dd went into the party room. The children were already half way through a game of pass the parcel. Me and dd waited at the side for it to finish.

There was one more game (musical chairs) which dd got up to join in with. But the staff member (another different lady) said that she wasn't expecting another child and that she'd have to go next door for another chair. She left the room and i felt mortified. I felt like everyone was thinking I'd just sneaked into the room or something. The lady came back, along with the staff member from outside the door. Both gave me a big smile and then invited dd to sit down.

After that game, it was party food time.

Members of staff started bringing in buffet style food for the long table at the back of the room. I had paid for dd to have some chicken nugget meal bag, as I had assumed that was what the other children were having (because the lady at the desk had said that dd wouldn't notice the difference). I felt like a right numpty. All the other children went off to line up for the buffet. I told dd to stay beside me. She started whining so I went and asked the staff member when dd's meal would be brought in. She didn't know what I was on about so I explained. She said she wasn't sure if dd's meal would be allowed to be brought into the party room and she'd go and check.

Anyway, me and dd were sat there in a wee corner for about 15 minutes. No one said anything to us. A few people looked over and smiled. Again, I felt totally mortified. I tried to catch Annie's mum's eye, but she was forever talking to people. So i just said very loudly to a whining dd that her dinner will be brought in soon, hoping someone might say something to me (or perhaps invite dd to come and get a sandwich or something) but no one did.

By the time they were all getting jelly and ice cream, dd's chicken nuggets and chips arrived. So that preoccupied her from the fact she wasn't getting ice cream.

After eating, they all went out to the soft play again for ten minutes. Then it was time to go. The other children were all leaving with party bags. I tried to distract dd but she said very loudly (Annie's mum was standing next to us), "Can i have one too?"

Annie's mum was clearly ignoring her seemed not to hear her, so dd tapped her on the arm and said, "Excuse me, can I have one, too?"

I apologised and asked dd not to be rude, and to say thank you for the invitation etc. DD was getting upset and asked me "But whyyyyyy can't I have one?"

So Annie's Mum knelt down to her and said with a big smile, "See your lovely little bangle? It's yellow. Only the boys and girls with red ones get a party bag. Buuut, do you know what children with yellow bangles get? Something even better. They get a piece of cake. Isn't that wonderful?"

I was pretty much like Shock but dd thought that it was indeed wonderful. Annie's mum promised her a bit of cake 'in a wee minute'. So again, me and dd were standing there like numpties while Annie's mum continued dishing out bags to the other children and chatting to their parents. I kept saying to dd "Let's just go and I'll buy you a treat from the cake shop', but she was adamant she wanted a piece of Annie's birthday cake.

So we found a wee table and sat there. Once everyone had gone, Annie's mum disappeared into the party room again. Ten minutes later, she came out with all of Annie's presents etc, coat on clearly ready to go home. I smiled at her in a 'did you forget about us?' kind of way. She seemed surprised to see us. Apologised and said that the cake was all boxed up now but that she'd make sure Annie brought some in on Monday to school for dd.

DD was not pleased.

So... AIBU to think this was the worst party ever? I realise I should have left much earlier than I did, but dd had spent the whole morning getting ready, making Annie's card, wrapping her gift, drawing Annie a picture, talking about the party, that she would have been heartbroken if i brought her home early.

I just feel so embarrassed.

OP posts:
Lweji · 26/08/2013 12:08

Nerfmother

Are you Annie's mum?

Even if she was fed up of people not confirming, she should have said sorry but you did not confirm and I wasn't expecting you.

And how would a mix up explain her behaviour?

And the other yellow band children there?

chocoluvva · 26/08/2013 12:09

OP's DD would probably know if there was someone else with the same name as her.

No, too many ill-mannered comments from Annie's mum to excuse her behaviour.

FrigginRexManningDay · 26/08/2013 12:12

THE OP RSVP'D!!!

Justforlaughs · 26/08/2013 12:12

Now OP has reminded Annie's mum do you think theres any chance that a piece of cake will appear at home time?

gaggiagirl · 26/08/2013 12:14

OP I'm up near the borders today and I will walk to Scotland fuelled by rage and do something cakey at the school gates where there will be more mners also getting their cakes on!
Cuntpuffin will rue the day,yeah get ruing cuntpuffin.

Theimpossiblegirl · 26/08/2013 12:16

She may not be a cow, but she is thoughtless and has treated children badly. If she was nice she would bring cake and party bags in with a side order of humble pie.

AlpacaPicnic · 26/08/2013 12:23

No... She won't bring cake.
She hadn't forgotten. She never intended it in the first place. People who have forgotten and are reminded are normally apologetic.

I would bet my last slice of cake on it.

funnymummy2931 · 26/08/2013 12:24

What the actual fuck!

Your Dd was invited to a party that you paid entrance and her food. No party bag or cake for your dd! Poor you and poor dd. Annie's mum has the balls to talk to you today.

Seriously, I feel so sorry for the poor bloke Annie ends up marrying! MIL from hell comes to mind.Confused

I agree with the others about trying to talk with other 'yellow bands' mums.

LittleBearPad · 26/08/2013 12:27

No you're right Nerfmother. You take out your frustration about a lack of RSVPs on a 5 year old whose mother did RSVP

Oh no - because that makes no sense at all and still makes Annie'smum a cow.

DollyTwat · 26/08/2013 12:27

Op do you still have the invite?

I think you may as well show it to Annie's mum at pick up time and just ask if you'd misunderstood something

Did Annie give out invitations she shouldn't have?
There has to be some explanation to this, I can't believe anyoe could be this rude otherwise

Lweji · 26/08/2013 12:28

There is an off chance that although the OP confirmed, Annie's mum might have not received the text (do you get text receipts, OP?).

But if that had been the case, and if whatever happened had been to punish anyone who didn't confirm, she should have mentioned something.

And it wouldn't explain what the soft play people said.

funnymummy2931 · 26/08/2013 12:31

I just think Annie's mum doesn't give a shit tbh, who really does that. She is definitely one to watch (run a mile from).

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 26/08/2013 12:31

It's not rocket science either. The people who are no shows aren't going to be there anyway. The oy ones who suffer are the CHILDREN of those who do show. Yes I know it's annoying but I would still much rather have double what I need than have a situation like op had.

Many people round here car share so for some that would mean forking out best part if 20 quid. I don't always have money on me at home do the idea that I couldn't repay the person who took my dd would make me feel awful . If I knew in advance fine no problem in chipping in. But it was a ill thought out idea if that's the reason.

DollyTwat · 26/08/2013 12:32

Maybe the soft play place said she had to pay for the first 10 then pay for any over that and Annie's mum misunderstood?

RaspberrySchnapps · 26/08/2013 12:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sameoldIggi · 26/08/2013 12:40

Is there a thread on mumsnet by Anniesmum, entitled "want to throw a party for dd and gets lots of pressies but don't want to spend any money - AIBU? or am I just a bitch"

NoSnowJustSand · 26/08/2013 12:42

Just read the whole thread so won't be asking any questions about bank holidays. But this definitely wins most bizarre children's party ever, I shall refer to weird school gate mums as Annie's Mum from now on.

OP don't feel bad, you and your DD made the best of a terrible situation. Avoid Annie's mum at all costs from now on.

monkeymax58 · 26/08/2013 12:43

Dropyoursword.....I am rewriting the convo now.....

Weird mum.....did she settle?get tired blah blah

Me...Actually, she was quite bemused at the party really. She couldn't understand why I had to pay for her and her food when it was a PARTY and she had an invitation.

WM...looking uncomfortable

Me....and why she had different food to the others, didn't get a party bag or cake......for future reference only invite those you can afford to invite as it makes things very awkward. And could we have our present back, please?

SmileSmileSmileSmileSmile

MissStrawberry · 26/08/2013 12:50

"Annie's mum really didn't want to include your DD, did she? I wonder why?"

I really hope it wasn't because the OP's DD has HFA.

HorryIsUpduffed · 26/08/2013 12:55

Ewe I've read your update and am in awe. To have the presence of mind to mention all those things when you aren't particularly confident and were already upset is absolutely brilliant. You obviously have more dignity/presence/confidence than you think you have.

Hope DD has a nice day at school and that Annie loves her present and goes on and on about it to CuntPuffin.

DropYourSword · 26/08/2013 12:57

No I don't think that's the case miss strawberry. I don't think we need to make this an HFA discussion. Annies mum is just an utter twatpigeon.

RiffyWammal · 26/08/2013 12:59

I have never despised a human being who I don't know as much as I do CuntPuffinCakeNaziMom.

The only suitable conclusion to this is if OP confronts her with the other YellowBanders and someone films it and puts it on YouTube - like a Rogue Traders/Cook Report sting.

Quackster · 26/08/2013 12:59

OP, you had every right to despise the earth this DickFace has walked on since LATD.

I think we have all come to the conclusion that AM is a pathological liar.

"Did she settle down any better when you got home?"

She was hardly acting up anonymously you twit. Here would have been the great place for an apology.

"She just looked a wee bit tired the other day. Parties take a lot out of them, don't they?"

They would when the guest is treated like dirt. Apologise!

?Awk, you should have just let her take a wee plate of something. I'm sure they wouldn't have minded.?

How on earth would anyone get the impression that they would be able to do that? They had made it quite clear, that the OP and her DD where not canon to the main party. Fair enough you can be very busy running a party. But the one time of where you can actually relax and have a look around, is food time. All the kids are in one place, content. Surely she would have noticed one of her guests isolated. Its common fucking human nature and the absolute fabric of being a parent, to go over and ask whats up. Lying tosspot. APOLOGISE.

?Awk, I'm sure the other children would have preferred what 'DD' had to be honest.?

What the hell did they have? Buffet, Ice Cream, Cake and party bag. If all the kids just wanted nuggets would have been a hell lot cheaper for you. Accio Apology!

"Awk, we've not even opened half of them yet. It's been mad this weekend. Is it a wee art set then?"

Yer balls. Wrapping paper dissolves within a 5m radius of children. Why are you being a cunt? You could have just apologized right here!

"Aw, what are they like? Annie's the same. Cake, cake, cake. All she thinks about."

Did you lie to Annie about cake as well? Bet you ate it all yerself when you got home. ?I?m soosososososo sorreh!?

"Oh, I'll remember that for next time. (Laughs) I'll see you later, okay."

For next time? DD has to wait a year for a peice of your shitty cake? Like fuck she is going to any of your parties again. You?ll be seeing my boot later.

Dear OP,

Do not freak out about AM seeing this thread. If anything she should see it. Maybe everything is a big misunderstanding ( doubt it ), but it would give AM some idea of how horrible that day was. Hardly classified as a successful party. It is not as if you ruined it for Annie.

She was not looking at you as if you were daft, she was looking at you standing up to her. Attempting to dictate the flow of the conversation. I bet that has never happened in her cheap life.

Listen, do us all a favour and chuck some water over her at hometime. Let the witch melt.

Justforlaughs · 26/08/2013 13:00

I think Annie's Mum is totally thick but I bet that the booking conversation with the soft play place went something along the lines of "You pay for the first 10 children now, and the rest get paid for on the day" and she totally got the wrong end of the stick.
Chalk it up to experience OP and tell the story at every "awful party story" competition that comes up! Grin

Theimpossiblegirl · 26/08/2013 13:06

It also wasn't just Ewe's DD who was left out of the main party. there were other yellow-banders who didn't even make it into the room.

OP, I really would chat to them. Say hi, and that you saw them at soft play but they had left before you had chance to come and chat. Ask them if they were at the party or just there by coincidence,that will be enough. It's a good opportunity to make some friends at the school gates.