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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was the worst children's party EVER?

999 replies

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 24/08/2013 16:15

This may be very long as I have a habit of rambling.

DD came home from school with an invitation last week for her classmate's (let's call her Annie) 6th birthday party. So off we trotted to the soft play today at 1pm.

The lady at the desk said it would be £4.50 to get in. I was a bit embarrassed and said I hadn't realised I would need to pay. The lady explained that Annie's mum had invited 20 children but only paid for 10. And had instructed staff to let the first ten in for free (first come first served) and then charge the rest.

I asked if dd would be included in the party games/food, and the lady said that I could pay for dd to have a meal and she could eat it with the paid children and wouldn't know the difference. And that there was no charge to join in the party games.

DD was getting a bit anxious/upset, so i paid her entry fee, prepaid her dinner and took her in.

Annie's mum never mentioned a thing. She just greeted us, told me where the cafe was and sent dd off to play. And I was too embarrassed to ask about the cost.

I didn't want to leave dd, so I just sat myself down on a wee bench next to the play area. After an hour, the children were called down from the soft play to go next door into the party room for games and food.

Again, Annie's mum didn't say anything re the people who hadn't paid. She just disappeared into the room with Annie before everyone had finished gathering at the door.

The 'paid' children all went inside, showing the lady at the door their little wrist bands. My dd's band was yellow (all the paid children's were red). I asked if it was okay for me to take dd in. The woman said that dd wasn't paid for. I explained that i'd spoken to a woman at the front desk and had paid for her dinner etc. The lady at the door told me to wait a minute, went away (presumably to the front desk), came back 5 minutes later and said me and dd could go in.

The other 'paying' parents (I could only count around 4 of them) said they weren't paying anything else and were just going to stay in the soft play.

So me and dd went into the party room. The children were already half way through a game of pass the parcel. Me and dd waited at the side for it to finish.

There was one more game (musical chairs) which dd got up to join in with. But the staff member (another different lady) said that she wasn't expecting another child and that she'd have to go next door for another chair. She left the room and i felt mortified. I felt like everyone was thinking I'd just sneaked into the room or something. The lady came back, along with the staff member from outside the door. Both gave me a big smile and then invited dd to sit down.

After that game, it was party food time.

Members of staff started bringing in buffet style food for the long table at the back of the room. I had paid for dd to have some chicken nugget meal bag, as I had assumed that was what the other children were having (because the lady at the desk had said that dd wouldn't notice the difference). I felt like a right numpty. All the other children went off to line up for the buffet. I told dd to stay beside me. She started whining so I went and asked the staff member when dd's meal would be brought in. She didn't know what I was on about so I explained. She said she wasn't sure if dd's meal would be allowed to be brought into the party room and she'd go and check.

Anyway, me and dd were sat there in a wee corner for about 15 minutes. No one said anything to us. A few people looked over and smiled. Again, I felt totally mortified. I tried to catch Annie's mum's eye, but she was forever talking to people. So i just said very loudly to a whining dd that her dinner will be brought in soon, hoping someone might say something to me (or perhaps invite dd to come and get a sandwich or something) but no one did.

By the time they were all getting jelly and ice cream, dd's chicken nuggets and chips arrived. So that preoccupied her from the fact she wasn't getting ice cream.

After eating, they all went out to the soft play again for ten minutes. Then it was time to go. The other children were all leaving with party bags. I tried to distract dd but she said very loudly (Annie's mum was standing next to us), "Can i have one too?"

Annie's mum was clearly ignoring her seemed not to hear her, so dd tapped her on the arm and said, "Excuse me, can I have one, too?"

I apologised and asked dd not to be rude, and to say thank you for the invitation etc. DD was getting upset and asked me "But whyyyyyy can't I have one?"

So Annie's Mum knelt down to her and said with a big smile, "See your lovely little bangle? It's yellow. Only the boys and girls with red ones get a party bag. Buuut, do you know what children with yellow bangles get? Something even better. They get a piece of cake. Isn't that wonderful?"

I was pretty much like Shock but dd thought that it was indeed wonderful. Annie's mum promised her a bit of cake 'in a wee minute'. So again, me and dd were standing there like numpties while Annie's mum continued dishing out bags to the other children and chatting to their parents. I kept saying to dd "Let's just go and I'll buy you a treat from the cake shop', but she was adamant she wanted a piece of Annie's birthday cake.

So we found a wee table and sat there. Once everyone had gone, Annie's mum disappeared into the party room again. Ten minutes later, she came out with all of Annie's presents etc, coat on clearly ready to go home. I smiled at her in a 'did you forget about us?' kind of way. She seemed surprised to see us. Apologised and said that the cake was all boxed up now but that she'd make sure Annie brought some in on Monday to school for dd.

DD was not pleased.

So... AIBU to think this was the worst party ever? I realise I should have left much earlier than I did, but dd had spent the whole morning getting ready, making Annie's card, wrapping her gift, drawing Annie a picture, talking about the party, that she would have been heartbroken if i brought her home early.

I just feel so embarrassed.

OP posts:
Bareerah · 26/08/2013 11:22

pudcat, I sincerely do hope someone finds a way to make it go viral. Wink

She deserves it.

miemohrs · 26/08/2013 11:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SauvignonBlanche · 26/08/2013 11:27

What an awful bloody woman! Angry

sarahtigh · 26/08/2013 11:30

the bank holiday in Scotland is officially the first monday in august not the last hence today is not a holiday anywhere in scotland

scottish school summer holiday is approx all of july and first 2 weeks in august schools normally return between 14th-20th august

there is a local holiday which in the greater glasgow west coast area is last weekend in september it may be different in Edinburgh etc

I also really feel sorry for wee Annie can't be pleasant having a rude selfish mum unfortunately she may get some stick from other kids

ZombiesAteMyBigToe · 26/08/2013 11:31

Well done, it took me much longer to identify the unhinged playground mothers in DD's first year. You found yours in the first few weeks!

I don't think these women ever change, they have the skin of a rhino, the ones at DD's school have not changed in four years. Now I can laugh at them but they really upset me when DD was younger.

But in the spirit of sharing worst parties, the worst one I attended with DD was in her first year. The mother invited us all straight from school and only two of us accepted. We went into her tiny living room where there was a stereo playing children's music, some chopped vegetables, five small packets of crisps and a small plate of sausage rolls. Then she said 'just have to pop out for a second' and left. She was gone for TWO HOURS, leaving me and the other mum and five children alone in her house, no idea where anything was and worried about her and the birthday boy who was waiting for his party. The kids ate all the food and then started to get grouchy, hungry and bored, but she had left the back door locked so we couldn't even get out into the garden. I didn't know the other mum very well but we got to know each other quite well after two hours. There were lots of WTF is going on conversations and at one point we were considering phoning the police in case something had happened.

After two hours I had to leave to feed baby DS and I met the birthday mum coming home. 'So sorry' she trilled, 'I decided to do some shopping and completely forgot about you all.'

Bizarre.

LaundryFairy · 26/08/2013 11:33

Melaka, I think that might work under usual circumstances, but the OP's daughter has HFA, (as does my DS) and these children really struggle with quick, unexpected changes to plan. In the circumstances, the OP did what I would have done - tried to go along with the rather strange arrangements and help her daughter through as best as she can. She couldn't have known just how dreadful the whole thing was going to turn out.

Floggingmolly · 26/08/2013 11:35

you should have let her take a plate of of something, I'm sure they wouldn't have minded??? Why, oh why did you not make her explain who "they" were, and why there was a difference between the guests in the first place???

DropYourSword · 26/08/2013 11:36

and then pelted her with rotten pickles!

Thepursuitofhappiness · 26/08/2013 11:39

OP you were brill to speak to the Mum, she sounds very mean and odd.

Your posts show your lack of self confidence but you h

LittleBearPad · 26/08/2013 11:40

What an utter bitch.

OP you and your daughter have done nothing wrong. Do not let the stupid cow make you feel awkward in any way. Do not worry about home time.

If you an speak to another of the yellow banders I would do - hearing their take on it might help you confirm your own viewpoint.

What an utter bitch!!!

NotintheMiddle · 26/08/2013 11:40

Just a thought (I have read the whole thread and don't think this has been mentioned) what if there was another part to the invitation stating that she couldn't afford to pay for everyone and warning you to expect to pay?

thecatfromjapan · 26/08/2013 11:42

I think Zombies has met another "Annie'sMum". I honestly think there is no point at all questioning them on their behaviour - it just leaves you open to more of the rude craziness.

Avoidance is the only possible strategy.

Ewe don't let this incident a. make you feel bad or b. make you think most other parents are like this. This thread should tell you that we're not. Smile

Thepursuitofhappiness · 26/08/2013 11:42

OP you were brill to speak to the Mum, she sounds very mean and odd.

Your posts show your lack of self confidence but you should hold your head high, you behaved great, your daughter will grow up feeling loved and cared for. Take heart in being able to speak to Annie's mum in the brill way you did, and try again to chat to the other School Mums. You can guarantee that none of them will be as horrible as Annie's mum.

KatoPotato · 26/08/2013 11:43

I used to do Theatre-in-Education tours in Scottish primaries. More than happy to come to DD's school and put on a performance about parties.

FrigginRexManningDay · 26/08/2013 11:44

My aunt lives in Scotland and she is a Dublin Liberties woman through and through,the only Awk cuntpuffin will do is a awking for breath.

Floggingmolly · 26/08/2013 11:45

Sorry op, but you really do need to work on your confidence.
She made it sound as if it was completely out of her hands, and you didn't question it.

I'm raging for you; but please try to work on your assertiveness or you can expect more of the same throughout your dd's time at school; there are some utter loons out there.

chocoluvva · 26/08/2013 11:48

You did well Ewe - you managed to hold your ground. This woman will never admit to being in the wrong from the sounds of it. Avoid at all costs.

Other mums will experience her extreme lack of manners and thoughtlessness sooner or later too - don't take it personally.

If your DD asks about the cake I'd just be vague. Acknowledge lightly that it's a shame and say you think there was a mix-up/Annie's mum must be a bit forgetful and move on.

"Did she settle down ..." - how cheeky of her - as if your DD was being difficult! Even if she had been being difficult - still would have been cheeky. "Thank you for coming to the party," would have been the correct opener.

(It's doubly unfortunate that the soft-play staff were such jobsworths.)

I am appalled on your behalf.

Peacocklady · 26/08/2013 11:49

Criminals always revisit the scene of the crime to inspect the damage. Sounds like she was desperately trying to reframe and downplay the whole thing, but just made it worse the silly cow!

IceNoSlice · 26/08/2013 11:52

Well done for speaking to Cuntpuffin, but I would avoid her from now on. She is not going to change. I think it might be better to let this all be water under the bridge now. Less stressful for you.

However, it would probably be good to widen your circle a wee bit with the school mums, perhaps you could smile at a yellow bander this afternoon and say 'hi, I think I saw you at Annie's party', but don't go into the whole thing, just use it as an opening. Good luck OP.

chocoluvva · 26/08/2013 11:53

Even if there had been another part to the invitation it's still rubbish behaviour though. Either pay for everyone or don't invite them at all. And to be so discriminating and thoughtless in the way she didn't look after all the party-goers properly and clearly didn't care about leaving some of the children out. How hard-hearted!

toomanyfionas · 26/08/2013 11:57

You need to interview another yellow bander. Please. We really need to know.

littlemisswise · 26/08/2013 11:59

Bloody hell! She's got more front than Blackpool!

SirChenjin · 26/08/2013 12:01

She sounds utterly and completely thick, with skin that you could make shoes and a handbag from, and lacking any sort of manners at all. You just don't behave like that, do you, unless you've got absolutely No Clue.

I'm so sorry you've come up against this, but try and look at it as a big red flag and stay well away from the Weirdy Mum (every school has got its 'characters' sadly). Once you've got your wind back and it's not so raw you will be able to dine out on this for years Grin

Hope your DD is OK Smile

Nerfmother · 26/08/2013 12:03

Do u think there's any chance that Annie's mum is not a cow? That she was so pissed off with lack of rsvps from invitees that she just did something drastic?
Is there another dc with your dds name? Could there be a mix up?

SauvignonBlanche · 26/08/2013 12:04

I hope you see a 'yellow band Mum' at pick up time. I very much doubt you'll see any Cake though!