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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was the worst children's party EVER?

999 replies

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 24/08/2013 16:15

This may be very long as I have a habit of rambling.

DD came home from school with an invitation last week for her classmate's (let's call her Annie) 6th birthday party. So off we trotted to the soft play today at 1pm.

The lady at the desk said it would be £4.50 to get in. I was a bit embarrassed and said I hadn't realised I would need to pay. The lady explained that Annie's mum had invited 20 children but only paid for 10. And had instructed staff to let the first ten in for free (first come first served) and then charge the rest.

I asked if dd would be included in the party games/food, and the lady said that I could pay for dd to have a meal and she could eat it with the paid children and wouldn't know the difference. And that there was no charge to join in the party games.

DD was getting a bit anxious/upset, so i paid her entry fee, prepaid her dinner and took her in.

Annie's mum never mentioned a thing. She just greeted us, told me where the cafe was and sent dd off to play. And I was too embarrassed to ask about the cost.

I didn't want to leave dd, so I just sat myself down on a wee bench next to the play area. After an hour, the children were called down from the soft play to go next door into the party room for games and food.

Again, Annie's mum didn't say anything re the people who hadn't paid. She just disappeared into the room with Annie before everyone had finished gathering at the door.

The 'paid' children all went inside, showing the lady at the door their little wrist bands. My dd's band was yellow (all the paid children's were red). I asked if it was okay for me to take dd in. The woman said that dd wasn't paid for. I explained that i'd spoken to a woman at the front desk and had paid for her dinner etc. The lady at the door told me to wait a minute, went away (presumably to the front desk), came back 5 minutes later and said me and dd could go in.

The other 'paying' parents (I could only count around 4 of them) said they weren't paying anything else and were just going to stay in the soft play.

So me and dd went into the party room. The children were already half way through a game of pass the parcel. Me and dd waited at the side for it to finish.

There was one more game (musical chairs) which dd got up to join in with. But the staff member (another different lady) said that she wasn't expecting another child and that she'd have to go next door for another chair. She left the room and i felt mortified. I felt like everyone was thinking I'd just sneaked into the room or something. The lady came back, along with the staff member from outside the door. Both gave me a big smile and then invited dd to sit down.

After that game, it was party food time.

Members of staff started bringing in buffet style food for the long table at the back of the room. I had paid for dd to have some chicken nugget meal bag, as I had assumed that was what the other children were having (because the lady at the desk had said that dd wouldn't notice the difference). I felt like a right numpty. All the other children went off to line up for the buffet. I told dd to stay beside me. She started whining so I went and asked the staff member when dd's meal would be brought in. She didn't know what I was on about so I explained. She said she wasn't sure if dd's meal would be allowed to be brought into the party room and she'd go and check.

Anyway, me and dd were sat there in a wee corner for about 15 minutes. No one said anything to us. A few people looked over and smiled. Again, I felt totally mortified. I tried to catch Annie's mum's eye, but she was forever talking to people. So i just said very loudly to a whining dd that her dinner will be brought in soon, hoping someone might say something to me (or perhaps invite dd to come and get a sandwich or something) but no one did.

By the time they were all getting jelly and ice cream, dd's chicken nuggets and chips arrived. So that preoccupied her from the fact she wasn't getting ice cream.

After eating, they all went out to the soft play again for ten minutes. Then it was time to go. The other children were all leaving with party bags. I tried to distract dd but she said very loudly (Annie's mum was standing next to us), "Can i have one too?"

Annie's mum was clearly ignoring her seemed not to hear her, so dd tapped her on the arm and said, "Excuse me, can I have one, too?"

I apologised and asked dd not to be rude, and to say thank you for the invitation etc. DD was getting upset and asked me "But whyyyyyy can't I have one?"

So Annie's Mum knelt down to her and said with a big smile, "See your lovely little bangle? It's yellow. Only the boys and girls with red ones get a party bag. Buuut, do you know what children with yellow bangles get? Something even better. They get a piece of cake. Isn't that wonderful?"

I was pretty much like Shock but dd thought that it was indeed wonderful. Annie's mum promised her a bit of cake 'in a wee minute'. So again, me and dd were standing there like numpties while Annie's mum continued dishing out bags to the other children and chatting to their parents. I kept saying to dd "Let's just go and I'll buy you a treat from the cake shop', but she was adamant she wanted a piece of Annie's birthday cake.

So we found a wee table and sat there. Once everyone had gone, Annie's mum disappeared into the party room again. Ten minutes later, she came out with all of Annie's presents etc, coat on clearly ready to go home. I smiled at her in a 'did you forget about us?' kind of way. She seemed surprised to see us. Apologised and said that the cake was all boxed up now but that she'd make sure Annie brought some in on Monday to school for dd.

DD was not pleased.

So... AIBU to think this was the worst party ever? I realise I should have left much earlier than I did, but dd had spent the whole morning getting ready, making Annie's card, wrapping her gift, drawing Annie a picture, talking about the party, that she would have been heartbroken if i brought her home early.

I just feel so embarrassed.

OP posts:
nobeer · 26/08/2013 11:01

I'm raging on your behalf Angry .

Patronising cuntpuffin. Definitely speak to a yellow band mum to see if you misunderstood anything, but think the woman at soft play centre made things quite clear so I'm pretty sure you haven't.

claudedebussy · 26/08/2013 11:01

i would steer well clear of that one. she's got no clue.

Seaweedy · 26/08/2013 11:01

What TheImpossible said. Don't let this woman make you feel as if you somehow imagined the whole thing. Talk casually to the yellow band mother you recognised if you can manage it over the next day or two.

As someone else said, it doesn't need to be strident or complaining in tone (though of course you'd be perfectly justified in being either), you can phrase it as 'Look, I'm a bit confused. Did I get the wrong end of the stick?'

PrincessFlirtyPants · 26/08/2013 11:02

It really doesn't seem as if she knew she offended you, OP. Hmm

The birthday party sounded awful and I'm surprised she could be so bare faced about it!

loopyluna · 26/08/2013 11:02

Aw, Ewe, I would have either laid into the daft cow, or burst into tears.

Please let us organise a mass mumsnet retaliation on your and DD's behalf Shock Angry Angry

WhatchaMaCalllit · 26/08/2013 11:04

So no cake & no clue either. Better to keep your distance at this stage.
If Annie's mum does come up to you again, I would just say to her that you were very surprised to have to pay into a party that your DD had been invited to as you didn't realise that was the done thing and that you wouldn't recommend that soft play place to any of the other parents based on how slowly they served the food. See if she has any cop-on

ImATotJeSuisUneTot · 26/08/2013 11:04

Ok ok, guilty, I didn't read the thread! Grin

I started but it was full of people agree wholeheartedly with the OP, quite rightly so, so I flipped to the end.

Is Awk a Scottish thing, like a Liverpool oo-er?

FrigginRexManningDay · 26/08/2013 11:06

Brought dd to a party years ago when I was a single mum. It was the type where the parents stayed and drank wine. I was 21 but looked 16 and had four year old dd. I was immediately shunned and only offered soft drinks. I tried to join in with the other parents but they just ignored me. It was awful and lonely. The host asked on the Monday if dd had enjoyed the party and I said she did but I didn't. She asked why and I told her that I was ignored. She walked off. It felt good.

DropYourSword · 26/08/2013 11:08

I wish I could have been there for you Ewe to wave some Pom Poms around and cheer you on and then stepped in to take this utter fuckbadger on myself because she friggin deserves it and you are far too nice and I wouldn't back down from her and I would bloody well make her listen to what an unreasonable cuntwitch she actually is? especially with her ridiculous bloody dismissive comments

KatoPotato · 26/08/2013 11:09

Awk is a very annoying tut-like 'Och' sound.

Bareerah · 26/08/2013 11:09

The woman needs to be told things as try are. Please tell her to her face what a heartless and awkward prat she was about the whole thing. Because if you don't, I'm coming up to Scotland to tell her myself!

Seriously, if it was me, and I'm quite a shy person too, I would have told her to her face. The first etiquette of inviting someone to a party is to make them feel welcome and expecting guests to pay is, is not even preposterous, it's just plain weird. She needs to learn social etiquette and if you can't tell her to her face, write a damning letter. Just don't come across apologetic in it. I'm saying that because from your conversation today morning, I fear you might.

TheSecondComing · 26/08/2013 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bareerah · 26/08/2013 11:10

And how absolutely rude of her to be so dismissive of your present. What a waste of your money.

MrsHoratioNelson · 26/08/2013 11:10

I have been following this and my gob is absolutely smacked. Where does Annie's mum get off?! Shock

Don't engage any further and don't start thinking that its all in your head. The woman just has no clue. I am completely flabbergasted by the whole thing.

edam · 26/08/2013 11:10

Wow. Good grief. Shock etc. I have NEVER heard the like. That woman has more front than anyone I have ever met.

You don't need to feel embarrassed at all. She should be ashamed. Reassure yourself that all the other mothers will be talking about her and her astonishing behaviour.

Lweji · 26/08/2013 11:13

Now I definitely would like to send you some cake.

miemohrs · 26/08/2013 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bareerah · 26/08/2013 11:17

I tell you what you should do. You should email her a link to this thread and say ever so casually, 'oh, I discussed your dd's party with a few people online just to try and understand a few things better. Maybe you'd be interested in the response.'

If you can't pluck up the courage, let someone else email her instead, just saying 'I think this might interest you'.

ImATotJeSuisUneTot · 26/08/2013 11:17

Thanks kato, much appreciated. I read it as Awk like awkward. Smile

DropYourSword · 26/08/2013 11:18

Is anyone else writing a script in their head of how they wished this conversation went.

I know I am!

pudcat · 26/08/2013 11:18

Your poor daughter. So no cake. What a mean, nasty self centred woman. Do you have the courage to ask the other Mums with yellow bands how they feel? Don't cry - she will get her come uppance.

GlaikitFizzog · 26/08/2013 11:19

I'm I Scotland, and free, I can turn up at home time with free cake for all, (except cuntpuffin) and point out how parties should be run.

And she is doing nothing for the notion that Scottish people are tightfisted! We aren't by the way! I am sometimes overly generous!

pudcat · 26/08/2013 11:19

Pity this thread cannot go viral like you-tube videos.

thecatfromjapan · 26/08/2013 11:19

She's really, really rude.

And deluded.

You are not.

This is a huge warning to just avoid, avoid, avoid Annie's Mum. How lucky to get that warning early on?

Go bond with the other mums.

You are just a fairly normal, slightly unconfident, but basically nice person. The Annie's Mums of this world are not plentiful but pretty horrendous. At least she's laid her cards on the table.

And your poor dd.

melika · 26/08/2013 11:22

I'm sorry but I would have explained to my DC that the party was cancelled and took her somewhere nice for a treat yourself.