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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was the worst children's party EVER?

999 replies

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 24/08/2013 16:15

This may be very long as I have a habit of rambling.

DD came home from school with an invitation last week for her classmate's (let's call her Annie) 6th birthday party. So off we trotted to the soft play today at 1pm.

The lady at the desk said it would be £4.50 to get in. I was a bit embarrassed and said I hadn't realised I would need to pay. The lady explained that Annie's mum had invited 20 children but only paid for 10. And had instructed staff to let the first ten in for free (first come first served) and then charge the rest.

I asked if dd would be included in the party games/food, and the lady said that I could pay for dd to have a meal and she could eat it with the paid children and wouldn't know the difference. And that there was no charge to join in the party games.

DD was getting a bit anxious/upset, so i paid her entry fee, prepaid her dinner and took her in.

Annie's mum never mentioned a thing. She just greeted us, told me where the cafe was and sent dd off to play. And I was too embarrassed to ask about the cost.

I didn't want to leave dd, so I just sat myself down on a wee bench next to the play area. After an hour, the children were called down from the soft play to go next door into the party room for games and food.

Again, Annie's mum didn't say anything re the people who hadn't paid. She just disappeared into the room with Annie before everyone had finished gathering at the door.

The 'paid' children all went inside, showing the lady at the door their little wrist bands. My dd's band was yellow (all the paid children's were red). I asked if it was okay for me to take dd in. The woman said that dd wasn't paid for. I explained that i'd spoken to a woman at the front desk and had paid for her dinner etc. The lady at the door told me to wait a minute, went away (presumably to the front desk), came back 5 minutes later and said me and dd could go in.

The other 'paying' parents (I could only count around 4 of them) said they weren't paying anything else and were just going to stay in the soft play.

So me and dd went into the party room. The children were already half way through a game of pass the parcel. Me and dd waited at the side for it to finish.

There was one more game (musical chairs) which dd got up to join in with. But the staff member (another different lady) said that she wasn't expecting another child and that she'd have to go next door for another chair. She left the room and i felt mortified. I felt like everyone was thinking I'd just sneaked into the room or something. The lady came back, along with the staff member from outside the door. Both gave me a big smile and then invited dd to sit down.

After that game, it was party food time.

Members of staff started bringing in buffet style food for the long table at the back of the room. I had paid for dd to have some chicken nugget meal bag, as I had assumed that was what the other children were having (because the lady at the desk had said that dd wouldn't notice the difference). I felt like a right numpty. All the other children went off to line up for the buffet. I told dd to stay beside me. She started whining so I went and asked the staff member when dd's meal would be brought in. She didn't know what I was on about so I explained. She said she wasn't sure if dd's meal would be allowed to be brought into the party room and she'd go and check.

Anyway, me and dd were sat there in a wee corner for about 15 minutes. No one said anything to us. A few people looked over and smiled. Again, I felt totally mortified. I tried to catch Annie's mum's eye, but she was forever talking to people. So i just said very loudly to a whining dd that her dinner will be brought in soon, hoping someone might say something to me (or perhaps invite dd to come and get a sandwich or something) but no one did.

By the time they were all getting jelly and ice cream, dd's chicken nuggets and chips arrived. So that preoccupied her from the fact she wasn't getting ice cream.

After eating, they all went out to the soft play again for ten minutes. Then it was time to go. The other children were all leaving with party bags. I tried to distract dd but she said very loudly (Annie's mum was standing next to us), "Can i have one too?"

Annie's mum was clearly ignoring her seemed not to hear her, so dd tapped her on the arm and said, "Excuse me, can I have one, too?"

I apologised and asked dd not to be rude, and to say thank you for the invitation etc. DD was getting upset and asked me "But whyyyyyy can't I have one?"

So Annie's Mum knelt down to her and said with a big smile, "See your lovely little bangle? It's yellow. Only the boys and girls with red ones get a party bag. Buuut, do you know what children with yellow bangles get? Something even better. They get a piece of cake. Isn't that wonderful?"

I was pretty much like Shock but dd thought that it was indeed wonderful. Annie's mum promised her a bit of cake 'in a wee minute'. So again, me and dd were standing there like numpties while Annie's mum continued dishing out bags to the other children and chatting to their parents. I kept saying to dd "Let's just go and I'll buy you a treat from the cake shop', but she was adamant she wanted a piece of Annie's birthday cake.

So we found a wee table and sat there. Once everyone had gone, Annie's mum disappeared into the party room again. Ten minutes later, she came out with all of Annie's presents etc, coat on clearly ready to go home. I smiled at her in a 'did you forget about us?' kind of way. She seemed surprised to see us. Apologised and said that the cake was all boxed up now but that she'd make sure Annie brought some in on Monday to school for dd.

DD was not pleased.

So... AIBU to think this was the worst party ever? I realise I should have left much earlier than I did, but dd had spent the whole morning getting ready, making Annie's card, wrapping her gift, drawing Annie a picture, talking about the party, that she would have been heartbroken if i brought her home early.

I just feel so embarrassed.

OP posts:
MummyBeerest · 26/08/2013 04:44

Cripes! What a terrible kid's party and awful woman. Your poor DD and other children.

I'd be demanding financial compensation from Annie's cow of a mum. And the present back.

PeriodMath · 26/08/2013 05:18

Going off at a tangent a bit... DS is only 3 so my experience of parties is limited but so far we've hosted three and I've always known exactly how many are invited and how many are coming based on rsvps. If anyone didn't rsvp I checked with them nearer the time - so I wouldn't get any surprises on the day. Obviously one or two will always be no-shows on the day.

The thing I have never done is make up spare party bags for uninvited siblings or randoms - why would you? If someone chooses to bring someone to a party who wasn't invited that's hardly my problem is it?

Anyway, extraordinary thread. OP I really would avoid any passive aggressive stuff. There's no need and if often goes over the heads of these people. Just ask her outright - were you not expecting us at the party? Why we were excluded from things? If she says she could only afford to pay for 10 - you say, in that case why did you invite 20?

You surely can't let it go?

SoupDragon · 26/08/2013 07:13

Even if, by some strange quirk, the OP went to the "wrong" party, the fact remains that the staff member at the front desk was told that only the first 10 to arrive would be paid for - no.s 11 onwards would have to pay themselves

ModernToss · 26/08/2013 07:37

The thing I have never done is make up spare party bags for uninvited siblings or randoms - why would you?

Kindness? If someone does bring along a sibling to pick up the party-goer, it's nice to be able to give them a party bag too. It's "hardly your problem", but it's also very easy to make extra, and siblings always do arrive.

Eeeeeowwwfftz · 26/08/2013 07:42

OP - you seem to be bending over backwards to find a reasonable explanation for this mother's behaviour. Please don't. If it was an honest mistake she had several opportunities to make a goodwill gesture. It also sounds to me like you don't know the other mums and dads that well - having a chat with the other yellow-banders might help you make a few acquaintances which will no doubt make your life more pleasant as your daughter goes through school. If it was a deliberate snub this may be sufficient to annoy Annie's mum but obviously this isn't the reason for doing this in the first place.

I think the only thing that might have gone better on the day would have been if the yellow banders had been able to agree a course of action as a group making you and your daughter feel a little less singled out. But of course this situation should never have arisen in the first place.

The one thing I don't get is how the particular group of 20 invitees were chosen - was it an invitation to a whole class of kids or something? If not then some selection of who to invite must have gone in in which case selecting ten would have been just as easy and avoided all the heartache.

Good luck at the school gate today. You never know you may get a fulsome apology.

Eeeeeowwwfftz · 26/08/2013 07:46

PS I was also leaning towards the "two start times" theory but then realised that the kids would have realised when they looked at each other's invitations. Must have taken some scheming if this was what did happen...

SunnyIntervals · 26/08/2013 07:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lougle · 26/08/2013 07:59

I hope today isn't too awkward for you. Be brave.

diddl · 26/08/2013 07:59

Thank goodness I live in Germany!

People RSVP, no no shows or unexpected turn ups on the day, no need for extra party bags "just in case"!

Or maybe I'm just lucky enough never to have invited the children of, or had my children invited by rude parents!

WhatchaMaCalllit · 26/08/2013 08:30

Wondering whether Annie's mum sent cake in today....hopefully the OP will be back with an update at some point...(fingers crossed).

Debs75 · 26/08/2013 08:33

Waiting for an update, what time does school start OP?

WingDefence · 26/08/2013 08:39

I really do hope that Annie's mum turns up with cake. I dread to think that she really wouldn't remember her promise to your DD, OP.

Peacocklady · 26/08/2013 08:47

That's awful!
Sounds like Annie's mum was hoping 10 kids would come (yes I know op RSVPd but maybe others didn't) and just buried her head in the sand about the rest, hoping if she didn't look at you or speak to you, she wouldn't have to see the impact of what she'd done.

Your dd sounds pretty unfased by the events- you covered up well- stop seeking normality from a bizarre situation, for your dd and your sake- baking cakes to make up for it? Just gloss over it and don't make dd a victim. the other mums of excluded kids were blatantly pissed off too, it's the adults' awareness here that's the main issue. I think you should def have a bitchfest with them and leave dd out of if. It's bizarre and ridiculous, you've got to laugh really. Annie's mum will feel like an absolute plonker if she ever admits what she's done to herself, just be glad you're not her.

Justforlaughs · 26/08/2013 09:22

I'd like an update on todays events, did DD ask about the seagull? Did the promised cake show up? Did Annie's mum expain? Did any other yellow band mums have anything to say etc...
Oooh, come on OP, we NEED to know!

Blueandwhitelover · 26/08/2013 09:27

Am looking forward to an update too.

Fakebook · 26/08/2013 09:34

There is no way Annie's mum will bring in cake today! Who has cake left over on a Monday after a weekend birthday? It gets chowed down by family within a day!

Rooners · 26/08/2013 09:36

It's a bank holiday anyway isn't it? Or is Scotland different?

LittleBearPad · 26/08/2013 09:51

Scotland is different.

FrigginRexManningDay · 26/08/2013 10:06

I'm dying to see what Annie's mum does cause I clearly have no life .

kiwimumof2boys · 26/08/2013 10:06

update OP!

Sparklymommy · 26/08/2013 10:10

Another eagerly awaiting an update!

Bunnygirlie · 26/08/2013 10:12

Any update?

Theimpossiblegirl · 26/08/2013 10:12

Ooh it's Monday! Waiting for an update to partygate.
:)

Tanith · 26/08/2013 10:15

So 20 were invited, 15 turned up.
Only 10 of those 15 were paid for.
One child (yours) paid extra for dinner and attempted to join in the party itself while the remaining 4 refused to pay the extra.

(Sorry - I like to get these things straight in my head Smile)

Annie's mum really didn't want to include your DD, did she? I wonder why?
It wouldn't have made any difference for one extra 5 year old child to share the buffet, or to have a party bag, or even to have a piece of cake at the end.

I wonder if, having only paid for 10 for whatever her reasons, the rest of it was forced on her by the soft play organisers. Tbh, I think they, too, handled things badly and should take some of the blame for your DD's experience.

Coconutty · 26/08/2013 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.