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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was the worst children's party EVER?

999 replies

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 24/08/2013 16:15

This may be very long as I have a habit of rambling.

DD came home from school with an invitation last week for her classmate's (let's call her Annie) 6th birthday party. So off we trotted to the soft play today at 1pm.

The lady at the desk said it would be £4.50 to get in. I was a bit embarrassed and said I hadn't realised I would need to pay. The lady explained that Annie's mum had invited 20 children but only paid for 10. And had instructed staff to let the first ten in for free (first come first served) and then charge the rest.

I asked if dd would be included in the party games/food, and the lady said that I could pay for dd to have a meal and she could eat it with the paid children and wouldn't know the difference. And that there was no charge to join in the party games.

DD was getting a bit anxious/upset, so i paid her entry fee, prepaid her dinner and took her in.

Annie's mum never mentioned a thing. She just greeted us, told me where the cafe was and sent dd off to play. And I was too embarrassed to ask about the cost.

I didn't want to leave dd, so I just sat myself down on a wee bench next to the play area. After an hour, the children were called down from the soft play to go next door into the party room for games and food.

Again, Annie's mum didn't say anything re the people who hadn't paid. She just disappeared into the room with Annie before everyone had finished gathering at the door.

The 'paid' children all went inside, showing the lady at the door their little wrist bands. My dd's band was yellow (all the paid children's were red). I asked if it was okay for me to take dd in. The woman said that dd wasn't paid for. I explained that i'd spoken to a woman at the front desk and had paid for her dinner etc. The lady at the door told me to wait a minute, went away (presumably to the front desk), came back 5 minutes later and said me and dd could go in.

The other 'paying' parents (I could only count around 4 of them) said they weren't paying anything else and were just going to stay in the soft play.

So me and dd went into the party room. The children were already half way through a game of pass the parcel. Me and dd waited at the side for it to finish.

There was one more game (musical chairs) which dd got up to join in with. But the staff member (another different lady) said that she wasn't expecting another child and that she'd have to go next door for another chair. She left the room and i felt mortified. I felt like everyone was thinking I'd just sneaked into the room or something. The lady came back, along with the staff member from outside the door. Both gave me a big smile and then invited dd to sit down.

After that game, it was party food time.

Members of staff started bringing in buffet style food for the long table at the back of the room. I had paid for dd to have some chicken nugget meal bag, as I had assumed that was what the other children were having (because the lady at the desk had said that dd wouldn't notice the difference). I felt like a right numpty. All the other children went off to line up for the buffet. I told dd to stay beside me. She started whining so I went and asked the staff member when dd's meal would be brought in. She didn't know what I was on about so I explained. She said she wasn't sure if dd's meal would be allowed to be brought into the party room and she'd go and check.

Anyway, me and dd were sat there in a wee corner for about 15 minutes. No one said anything to us. A few people looked over and smiled. Again, I felt totally mortified. I tried to catch Annie's mum's eye, but she was forever talking to people. So i just said very loudly to a whining dd that her dinner will be brought in soon, hoping someone might say something to me (or perhaps invite dd to come and get a sandwich or something) but no one did.

By the time they were all getting jelly and ice cream, dd's chicken nuggets and chips arrived. So that preoccupied her from the fact she wasn't getting ice cream.

After eating, they all went out to the soft play again for ten minutes. Then it was time to go. The other children were all leaving with party bags. I tried to distract dd but she said very loudly (Annie's mum was standing next to us), "Can i have one too?"

Annie's mum was clearly ignoring her seemed not to hear her, so dd tapped her on the arm and said, "Excuse me, can I have one, too?"

I apologised and asked dd not to be rude, and to say thank you for the invitation etc. DD was getting upset and asked me "But whyyyyyy can't I have one?"

So Annie's Mum knelt down to her and said with a big smile, "See your lovely little bangle? It's yellow. Only the boys and girls with red ones get a party bag. Buuut, do you know what children with yellow bangles get? Something even better. They get a piece of cake. Isn't that wonderful?"

I was pretty much like Shock but dd thought that it was indeed wonderful. Annie's mum promised her a bit of cake 'in a wee minute'. So again, me and dd were standing there like numpties while Annie's mum continued dishing out bags to the other children and chatting to their parents. I kept saying to dd "Let's just go and I'll buy you a treat from the cake shop', but she was adamant she wanted a piece of Annie's birthday cake.

So we found a wee table and sat there. Once everyone had gone, Annie's mum disappeared into the party room again. Ten minutes later, she came out with all of Annie's presents etc, coat on clearly ready to go home. I smiled at her in a 'did you forget about us?' kind of way. She seemed surprised to see us. Apologised and said that the cake was all boxed up now but that she'd make sure Annie brought some in on Monday to school for dd.

DD was not pleased.

So... AIBU to think this was the worst party ever? I realise I should have left much earlier than I did, but dd had spent the whole morning getting ready, making Annie's card, wrapping her gift, drawing Annie a picture, talking about the party, that she would have been heartbroken if i brought her home early.

I just feel so embarrassed.

OP posts:
IwishIwasmoreorganised · 25/08/2013 21:44

Wow! Just wow that a small child's mother can be so insensitive to the feelings of their dd's friends and their parents.

OP - please try to have a chat to the parents of other yellow banders ASAP and suss out the general feeling.

If no cake is forthcoming from CuntPuffin, go with whichever PA text you feel most comfortable (least uncomfortable) with.

And please keep us updated!

lljkk · 25/08/2013 21:54

You are way too gracious, OP. I'd be well up for a bitchfest with the other mums about this one.

Marking place for updates.

ShakeAndVac · 25/08/2013 21:54

There surely must be more to it, though? Been thinking about it some more, and NO-ONE could be that awful on purpose, surely?!
I know you said you had RSVP'd the same day, OP, but is it possible that Dickface (sorry, using Quacksters name for ease and simplicity!" Grin ) isn't really a Dickface at all, and it's all a huge misunderstanding?
I would want to know what on earth had happened. I don't mean have a full on confrontation, as I'm not that kind of person myself, and sound a bit like you in the sense I don't like any confrontation or questioning. especially with people I don't know very well.
I'd have to say something along the lines of "

knickernicker · 25/08/2013 22:03

OP-you must do what vivipru suggests. Ring soft play and detail your concerns. That's much less scary than confronting the mum. If it was me I'd raise hell.I wouldn't forgive her if she brings in cake (no that she was will). She needs to feel your wrath.

knickernicker · 25/08/2013 22:05

No one need worry about Annie. None of this will cone close to affecting the children.

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 25/08/2013 22:19

Thanks again everyone.

And Quackstar - i feel worried/responsible for your blood pressure! But your rant did make me Smile

I agree with a few of the earlier posts. And i feel even more embarrassed now. What if those other mums thought me and dd were gatecrashing? That we were just some randoms from the soft play tying to nab a bit of cake and sneak into the party room? I didn't recognise many of them from school, so there's a very good chance they didn't know me from school either.

As for the other yellow band parents. I didn't get chatting to them as such, as they were at a table themselves. I could only see 4 of them, so I don't know if the other 5 children were even there.

The most i interacted with them was when the lady at the party room door went to check my 'But I've already paid' claim with Front Desk Lady.

I heard them muttering that they weren't paying for anything else so were just keeping their kids in the soft play, and they didn't seem to mind anyway.

I just smiled and ummed and ahhhed, as I still wasn't sure of what was going on. For all I knew, they could have been friends with Annie's mum and i didn't want to offend anyone at the party.

But when i came out of the party room, i didn't see them again. So I assume they left.

Yes, just to confirm, dd did give Annie a gift. And she put a lot of thought into it, too. It wasn't anything special (a little glitter art kit around £8) but dd refused the other things I picked up at the shop and her face lit up when she saw the art set, 'How perfect!' Then she made Annie a little card and picture.

Do you think there's a chance that Annie's mum didn't even know us? Confused She did seem really distracted and stressed. I don't even think we exchanged names or I mentioned dd's name at first.

I think I'll feel braver writing an email to the soft play rather than phoning. I like the idea of saying I was thinking of hiring them for a future party, but just wanted to clear a few things up beforehand as I wasn't pleased with my experience on Saturday.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 25/08/2013 22:26

Didn't you recognise any of the children / parents? Confused

morethanpotatoprints · 25/08/2013 22:36

words fail me as to the party, but was your dd really in school last week?

nickelbabe · 25/08/2013 22:38

yes morethan
read the thread.
op is in scotland

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 25/08/2013 22:39

morethan

Op is in Scotland I think, their term dates are different. Some people are back already.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/08/2013 22:44

Yep - ds3's school broke up at the end of Ju e and went back over a week ago.

Tabby1963 · 25/08/2013 22:44

Yes, in Scotland schools started back either last week or the week before. We finish at the end of June though.

Ewe, this is a horrible party experience. I sincerely hope that you can get some clarification and you both can put it behind you.

MollyHooper · 25/08/2013 22:52

Don't make me take my earrings out IThinkOfHappy.

I'm lying you can have him. Just pay me in cake

AlpacaPicnic · 25/08/2013 23:01

I think I want to make Quackster a cake.... A really big cake. All of his own that he doesn't have to share!

Incidentally, I also told DH and our dear lodger/bestie mate about this thread.... Normally when i talk about MN their eyes... Glaze... Over... But this time they were ranting as well!

toomanyfionas · 25/08/2013 23:01

It would be funny if you had gone to the wrong party.

However, I don't believe you did. I think Annie's mum is rude rude rude. We all agree with you!

Pixel · 25/08/2013 23:24

My dd is obsessed with likes to play a computer game called Portal 2. I can't go into all the ins and outs as I don't understand it but honestly OP, you need to get one of these t shirts

Floggingmolly · 25/08/2013 23:30

Brilliant, Pixel Grin

MichaelBubleBath · 25/08/2013 23:38

Shock Angry Sad Confused

Just so so bizarre. I did 3 ballpool parties when in the UK in 3 different ballpool places...all three had what others have said in this thread, namely you pay the set minimum, give an idea of numbers, pay for the total number that come, they tick off/add names and sort the food and party bags for you.

I have always paid for all invitees and made sure I had extra goody bags for siblings. It is just common sense. She welcomed you, told you where the cafe was and took your present? So odd.

I am sorry you got royally screwed. Also sorry the food/games became a farce. Sorry you did not get the chance to sit with the other yellowbanders and gossip.

Above all I am really sorry you felt so awkward and embarrassed when none of it was your fault or your making.

I once went to a ballpool with my child and a clutch of magazines I was desperate to read Wink It was a themed day and I thought, great! dc can play, I can read a bit and DP can chill out having dropped us off.

I walked in...to find 4 mums who were acquaintances - not very close to be fair but we were in a group together - celebrating the birthday of one of their kids. I could have died. Wanted the ground to swallow me up. Had no idea obviously of either the party or even the date and was clearly not crashing - hence the clutch of magazines and no present.

The birthday mum was also mortified - she had asked half the group so mine wasn't the only one left out but she was still embarrassed.

I assured her it was fine, I was intending to read and relax etc I then was forced invited to sit with them all afternoon and make small talk. My dc was already paid in and could do all the games etc with the others as the birthday mum had seen the themed day and thought ooh I could build a party around that. So my child who was very young and naive just saw an opportunity to play with her 'friends' and did not realise there was a party going on to which she hadn't been asked.

but the birthday mum despite my protestations insisted on giving my child a doughnut the others had (no buffet thank god just a tray of donuts) and also came up with a party bag.

I was mortified, grateful but hugely Blush even though it was not my fault we happened to be there. I really wanted a t-shirt saying we aren't crashers honest guv! we just like family fun days!

My point? This mum thought on her feet and saved my child's feelings even though she did not have to. She went out of her way to do that and although I was a bit Sad and Blush for finding myself in that situation we got through it both with grace (i hope).

You had been invited

What happened was utterly shite. The only upside? your DD probably hasn't absorbed it fully/felt as shite or an outsider as you had to.

The downside? if only six years old surely something as exciting as a cake stealing seagull will stick in her mind that she will be full of questions to Annie in class tomorrow...??

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou · 25/08/2013 23:42

MollyHooper I'll do you a swap

Mine cooks, enjoys shopping and always leaves lots of petrol in the car. He is only lacking in comedic anger, that's all I'm not even going to mention the fact that he goes for a poo every time we are about to leave the house, can't walk past a mirror and killed my honeysuckle

MollyHooper · 26/08/2013 00:22

Sounds like a deal IThinkOfHappy.

Quackster has had all his shots and is house trained. There is a no return policy though.

:o

Thumbwitch · 26/08/2013 01:17

I'm pretty sure the OP's DD would have said to her mum "That's not Annie" if it had been the case. So no, not the wrong party.

Quackster - you could hire yourself out for "Rentarant" purposes - any time someone needs to vent at some bastard, they could give you the details and contact and away you go! You'd make a fortune... Grin

ChubbyKitty · 26/08/2013 02:22

I am speechlessShock

Except for my appreciation of CuntPuffin. Smile

FixItUpChappie · 26/08/2013 02:55

I think your right OP...that is the most rude party set up I've ever heard of.

Utterly shocking behaviour by Annie's self absorbed mum.

thatisall · 26/08/2013 03:18

That's actually really cruel!! What a wee tosspot Annie's Mum is.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 26/08/2013 04:00

I started to wonder the same thing about going to the wrong party! But it can't be. OP would have given her name at the door; hi, we're here for Annie's party. Bit of a coincidence otherwise.

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