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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was the worst children's party EVER?

999 replies

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 24/08/2013 16:15

This may be very long as I have a habit of rambling.

DD came home from school with an invitation last week for her classmate's (let's call her Annie) 6th birthday party. So off we trotted to the soft play today at 1pm.

The lady at the desk said it would be £4.50 to get in. I was a bit embarrassed and said I hadn't realised I would need to pay. The lady explained that Annie's mum had invited 20 children but only paid for 10. And had instructed staff to let the first ten in for free (first come first served) and then charge the rest.

I asked if dd would be included in the party games/food, and the lady said that I could pay for dd to have a meal and she could eat it with the paid children and wouldn't know the difference. And that there was no charge to join in the party games.

DD was getting a bit anxious/upset, so i paid her entry fee, prepaid her dinner and took her in.

Annie's mum never mentioned a thing. She just greeted us, told me where the cafe was and sent dd off to play. And I was too embarrassed to ask about the cost.

I didn't want to leave dd, so I just sat myself down on a wee bench next to the play area. After an hour, the children were called down from the soft play to go next door into the party room for games and food.

Again, Annie's mum didn't say anything re the people who hadn't paid. She just disappeared into the room with Annie before everyone had finished gathering at the door.

The 'paid' children all went inside, showing the lady at the door their little wrist bands. My dd's band was yellow (all the paid children's were red). I asked if it was okay for me to take dd in. The woman said that dd wasn't paid for. I explained that i'd spoken to a woman at the front desk and had paid for her dinner etc. The lady at the door told me to wait a minute, went away (presumably to the front desk), came back 5 minutes later and said me and dd could go in.

The other 'paying' parents (I could only count around 4 of them) said they weren't paying anything else and were just going to stay in the soft play.

So me and dd went into the party room. The children were already half way through a game of pass the parcel. Me and dd waited at the side for it to finish.

There was one more game (musical chairs) which dd got up to join in with. But the staff member (another different lady) said that she wasn't expecting another child and that she'd have to go next door for another chair. She left the room and i felt mortified. I felt like everyone was thinking I'd just sneaked into the room or something. The lady came back, along with the staff member from outside the door. Both gave me a big smile and then invited dd to sit down.

After that game, it was party food time.

Members of staff started bringing in buffet style food for the long table at the back of the room. I had paid for dd to have some chicken nugget meal bag, as I had assumed that was what the other children were having (because the lady at the desk had said that dd wouldn't notice the difference). I felt like a right numpty. All the other children went off to line up for the buffet. I told dd to stay beside me. She started whining so I went and asked the staff member when dd's meal would be brought in. She didn't know what I was on about so I explained. She said she wasn't sure if dd's meal would be allowed to be brought into the party room and she'd go and check.

Anyway, me and dd were sat there in a wee corner for about 15 minutes. No one said anything to us. A few people looked over and smiled. Again, I felt totally mortified. I tried to catch Annie's mum's eye, but she was forever talking to people. So i just said very loudly to a whining dd that her dinner will be brought in soon, hoping someone might say something to me (or perhaps invite dd to come and get a sandwich or something) but no one did.

By the time they were all getting jelly and ice cream, dd's chicken nuggets and chips arrived. So that preoccupied her from the fact she wasn't getting ice cream.

After eating, they all went out to the soft play again for ten minutes. Then it was time to go. The other children were all leaving with party bags. I tried to distract dd but she said very loudly (Annie's mum was standing next to us), "Can i have one too?"

Annie's mum was clearly ignoring her seemed not to hear her, so dd tapped her on the arm and said, "Excuse me, can I have one, too?"

I apologised and asked dd not to be rude, and to say thank you for the invitation etc. DD was getting upset and asked me "But whyyyyyy can't I have one?"

So Annie's Mum knelt down to her and said with a big smile, "See your lovely little bangle? It's yellow. Only the boys and girls with red ones get a party bag. Buuut, do you know what children with yellow bangles get? Something even better. They get a piece of cake. Isn't that wonderful?"

I was pretty much like Shock but dd thought that it was indeed wonderful. Annie's mum promised her a bit of cake 'in a wee minute'. So again, me and dd were standing there like numpties while Annie's mum continued dishing out bags to the other children and chatting to their parents. I kept saying to dd "Let's just go and I'll buy you a treat from the cake shop', but she was adamant she wanted a piece of Annie's birthday cake.

So we found a wee table and sat there. Once everyone had gone, Annie's mum disappeared into the party room again. Ten minutes later, she came out with all of Annie's presents etc, coat on clearly ready to go home. I smiled at her in a 'did you forget about us?' kind of way. She seemed surprised to see us. Apologised and said that the cake was all boxed up now but that she'd make sure Annie brought some in on Monday to school for dd.

DD was not pleased.

So... AIBU to think this was the worst party ever? I realise I should have left much earlier than I did, but dd had spent the whole morning getting ready, making Annie's card, wrapping her gift, drawing Annie a picture, talking about the party, that she would have been heartbroken if i brought her home early.

I just feel so embarrassed.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 25/08/2013 12:09

I am aghast!

On Monday, can you take cake in for the 4 other yellow-band children?

CheerfulYank · 25/08/2013 12:11

Have just weed a bit at "Greetings Front Bottom". :o

Cannot believe this, though, OP. Pleaaassee talk to another yellow band mother and let us know wtaf was going on!

oldgrandmama · 25/08/2013 12:15

Earlier poster asked for other examples of rotten parties. Compared to the OP's experience, this is pretty mild: few years back, little granddaughter's fifth birthday. My daughter booked the local leisure centre for their party package. She paid a small fortune for the hire of a splendid bouncy castle, a special tea, organised games, a face painter. The couple of staff who ran things were gobsmackingly awful - dour, resentful and totally unsuited to dealing with kids. Apparently the kids' party job was by was of being a 'punishment posting' and boy, did it show, especially when it cames to kids' games! The birthday tea was horrible - especially the gristly sausages, stale sandwiches and lurid dry cakes. The face painter the leisure centre booked turned up, but the reception denied any knowledge of the booking, so she went away again. As for the bouncy castle, it was lovely, and set in a cordoned off section of a hall. The kids did enjoy it but when I tried to take a few photos of my granddaughter playing on it, some jobsworth came over and told me I was BANNED from photographing my own granddaughter, because of 'child protection' issues!

My daughter complained fiercely, both then and afterwards, and got a decent refund. By the way, with three kids, she's thrown many kids' parties and she ALWAYS ALWAYS makes up extra party bags, in case of spare kids turning up. I showed her OP's post and she was, for a change, speechless!

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 25/08/2013 12:15

Hello again. Thanks for all the lovely replies. Really needed them after yesterday's embarrassment.

I've just said to dd about sending cake in for the other children who missed out because of the cake-snatching seagull, and she said that wouldn't be fair. She wants to take cake in for the whole class - even Mrs Teacher. Smile She's a wee angel. So I now have an afternoon of baking ahead of me. I'm thinking little fairy cakes with some yellow icing will be nice. Great idea. I hope the other mums 'get it'. And i agree, this might be a good ice breaker with other mums. I'm a bit tired of just standing there in the yard with no one to talk to.

OP posts:
onedev · 25/08/2013 12:19

Your DD sounds lovely - that party was horrendous!

Hope they all enjoy the cakes tomorrow & that you do speak to the other 'yellow' mums!!

IceNoSlice · 25/08/2013 12:26

You and your daughter both sound lovely, OP.

Lweji · 25/08/2013 12:36

And if anyone asks if it's your DD's party, say no, it's for Annie's birthday.

I'd have a great time explaining in detail.

clam · 25/08/2013 12:46

sauvignon there was no mix-up with the invitations. 20 were "invited," but only the first ten to arrive got in free; the rest had to pay, and didn't get food, cake or a party bag. Or, in the OP's dd's case, to play the games.

This is quite astoundingly an appalling way to behave.

Floggingmolly · 25/08/2013 12:57

There was no mix up. Annies's mum was well aware of the significance of the red and yellow bands; she explained it in horrifying detail to op's dd. "You've got a yellow band, only the chosen few boys and girls with red bands get party bags". To a five year old Hmm

SauvignonBlanche · 25/08/2013 12:58

I don't think so hence the 'Hmm' but the OP could ask Annie's mum if there had been.

cushtie335 · 25/08/2013 12:59

I really wish people would read the whole thread. It's 23 pages in and we've still got people saying "Did you RSVP OP"/"maybe there was a mix up"/perhaps you misunderstood" blah blah blah.

The OP has had enough discourtesy from Annie's Mum, at least do her the honour of reading the thread properly before you post these questions.

DuchessFanny · 25/08/2013 13:00

Well I've heard it all now ! Your poor DD ! you dealt with it well and it sounds like the other mums really felt for you with all the sympathetic smiles, so you could find yourself surrounded by new friends come Monday. The cakes sound fab, With yellow icing !! Great idea ! And yes it will probably be the perfect ice breaker for you and the other 'yellow band' mums. Wonder if any if them has said anything to Annie's mum yet ?

SauvignonBlanche · 25/08/2013 13:01

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Fillyjonk75 · 25/08/2013 13:02

I wouldn't immediately go in confrontationally with the mum, just say "I was thinking about using that venue for DD's party - while DD has a lovely time at the soft play there seemed to be a real mix up about party guests having to pay to get in, no food for half of them and then that problem with party bags and cake. They seem a bit useless, what did you think?"

loopyluna · 25/08/2013 13:03

What a lovely idea to bake cakes for everyone! You should be proud of your DD's generosity in stark contrast to Annie's mum.

(I just hope that if teacher asks DD why she's brought cakes, she explains about missing out on Annie's b'day cake, so the whole class go home and tell their mum's!)

SauvignonBlanche · 25/08/2013 13:05

I agree Filly, implying that there had been a mix up when it is patently obvious to anyone that has RTFT that there wasn't is an approach I suggested earlier.

DropYourSword · 25/08/2013 13:07

Please please come back tomorrow and tell us how the yellow cakes went down (start a new thread if required!!)

everlong · 25/08/2013 13:08

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Charotte31 · 25/08/2013 13:09

Wow what a silly cow! Your poor DD. :(

josiejay · 25/08/2013 13:11

Umm I hope Annie isn't made to be embarrassed by the cake thing though - after all she's just a kid and it's not her fault her mum has behaved so appallingly. I'd be inclined to leave it alone myself.

FrigginRexManningDay · 25/08/2013 13:13

Omg!!
Annie's mum deserves to be shot with balls of her own shite. What a fucking cunt to do that to children,including her own child who will be known as that Annie.

Ewe tomorrow go up to the yellow band mums and say I was a bit shocked at having to pay to attend a birthday party,is that how it works?

I bet the yellow handers will last longer than the red band brigade.

Lweji · 25/08/2013 13:17

Umm I hope Annie isn't made to be embarrassed by the cake thing though

This would be a great opener for a conversation with Annie's mum.
To make her aware of the impact of such behaviour may well have in Annie's relationships with children at school.

She's already teaching her how to bully others by making them feel cast offs. Ok to go to the party, but not quite ok to deserve it all.

LittleBearPad · 25/08/2013 13:18

Your DD sounds lovely Smile.

Would love to see Annie's mum's face when Annie brings home her cake from Ewe.

josiejay · 25/08/2013 13:20

Yes by all means have a word with the mum but making a big public gesture by bringing in cake just seems like it might cause extra embarrassment for Annie. Who obviously has enough to deal with having a twat for a mother.

Fillyjonk75 · 25/08/2013 13:21

Yes I think we're all pretty clear there wasn't a mix up, but would take that approach to see what the other mum says. I would have to say something!