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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was the worst children's party EVER?

999 replies

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 24/08/2013 16:15

This may be very long as I have a habit of rambling.

DD came home from school with an invitation last week for her classmate's (let's call her Annie) 6th birthday party. So off we trotted to the soft play today at 1pm.

The lady at the desk said it would be £4.50 to get in. I was a bit embarrassed and said I hadn't realised I would need to pay. The lady explained that Annie's mum had invited 20 children but only paid for 10. And had instructed staff to let the first ten in for free (first come first served) and then charge the rest.

I asked if dd would be included in the party games/food, and the lady said that I could pay for dd to have a meal and she could eat it with the paid children and wouldn't know the difference. And that there was no charge to join in the party games.

DD was getting a bit anxious/upset, so i paid her entry fee, prepaid her dinner and took her in.

Annie's mum never mentioned a thing. She just greeted us, told me where the cafe was and sent dd off to play. And I was too embarrassed to ask about the cost.

I didn't want to leave dd, so I just sat myself down on a wee bench next to the play area. After an hour, the children were called down from the soft play to go next door into the party room for games and food.

Again, Annie's mum didn't say anything re the people who hadn't paid. She just disappeared into the room with Annie before everyone had finished gathering at the door.

The 'paid' children all went inside, showing the lady at the door their little wrist bands. My dd's band was yellow (all the paid children's were red). I asked if it was okay for me to take dd in. The woman said that dd wasn't paid for. I explained that i'd spoken to a woman at the front desk and had paid for her dinner etc. The lady at the door told me to wait a minute, went away (presumably to the front desk), came back 5 minutes later and said me and dd could go in.

The other 'paying' parents (I could only count around 4 of them) said they weren't paying anything else and were just going to stay in the soft play.

So me and dd went into the party room. The children were already half way through a game of pass the parcel. Me and dd waited at the side for it to finish.

There was one more game (musical chairs) which dd got up to join in with. But the staff member (another different lady) said that she wasn't expecting another child and that she'd have to go next door for another chair. She left the room and i felt mortified. I felt like everyone was thinking I'd just sneaked into the room or something. The lady came back, along with the staff member from outside the door. Both gave me a big smile and then invited dd to sit down.

After that game, it was party food time.

Members of staff started bringing in buffet style food for the long table at the back of the room. I had paid for dd to have some chicken nugget meal bag, as I had assumed that was what the other children were having (because the lady at the desk had said that dd wouldn't notice the difference). I felt like a right numpty. All the other children went off to line up for the buffet. I told dd to stay beside me. She started whining so I went and asked the staff member when dd's meal would be brought in. She didn't know what I was on about so I explained. She said she wasn't sure if dd's meal would be allowed to be brought into the party room and she'd go and check.

Anyway, me and dd were sat there in a wee corner for about 15 minutes. No one said anything to us. A few people looked over and smiled. Again, I felt totally mortified. I tried to catch Annie's mum's eye, but she was forever talking to people. So i just said very loudly to a whining dd that her dinner will be brought in soon, hoping someone might say something to me (or perhaps invite dd to come and get a sandwich or something) but no one did.

By the time they were all getting jelly and ice cream, dd's chicken nuggets and chips arrived. So that preoccupied her from the fact she wasn't getting ice cream.

After eating, they all went out to the soft play again for ten minutes. Then it was time to go. The other children were all leaving with party bags. I tried to distract dd but she said very loudly (Annie's mum was standing next to us), "Can i have one too?"

Annie's mum was clearly ignoring her seemed not to hear her, so dd tapped her on the arm and said, "Excuse me, can I have one, too?"

I apologised and asked dd not to be rude, and to say thank you for the invitation etc. DD was getting upset and asked me "But whyyyyyy can't I have one?"

So Annie's Mum knelt down to her and said with a big smile, "See your lovely little bangle? It's yellow. Only the boys and girls with red ones get a party bag. Buuut, do you know what children with yellow bangles get? Something even better. They get a piece of cake. Isn't that wonderful?"

I was pretty much like Shock but dd thought that it was indeed wonderful. Annie's mum promised her a bit of cake 'in a wee minute'. So again, me and dd were standing there like numpties while Annie's mum continued dishing out bags to the other children and chatting to their parents. I kept saying to dd "Let's just go and I'll buy you a treat from the cake shop', but she was adamant she wanted a piece of Annie's birthday cake.

So we found a wee table and sat there. Once everyone had gone, Annie's mum disappeared into the party room again. Ten minutes later, she came out with all of Annie's presents etc, coat on clearly ready to go home. I smiled at her in a 'did you forget about us?' kind of way. She seemed surprised to see us. Apologised and said that the cake was all boxed up now but that she'd make sure Annie brought some in on Monday to school for dd.

DD was not pleased.

So... AIBU to think this was the worst party ever? I realise I should have left much earlier than I did, but dd had spent the whole morning getting ready, making Annie's card, wrapping her gift, drawing Annie a picture, talking about the party, that she would have been heartbroken if i brought her home early.

I just feel so embarrassed.

OP posts:
MissStrawberry · 25/08/2013 09:40

Jullyb - if you are invited to a party you shouldn't have to pay imo. Unless of course you are told in advance you are wanted there but the parents can't afford everything.

SPBisResisting · 25/08/2013 09:40

IceNoSlice I don't think anyone feels they can compete with this!

Jollyb · 25/08/2013 09:42

Good - glad I'm not completely off the mark. In their defence they did lay on a good spread and gave great party bags!

BlehPukeVomit · 25/08/2013 09:44

JollyB. I don't think there is a set etiquette as long as everyone is upfront about it. It's the 'having to guess' that pisses everyone off.

I have always been really clear as I lived in a country where I didn't know the rules :-). There were also a lot of other kids from overseas who came from cultures where they had even less of a clue than me. I was especially clear about siblings and have even written on invites that I won't have party bags for siblings but will have cake and coffee.

Misspixietrix · 25/08/2013 09:44

Jollyb it's generally accepted that the parents pay for the venue. I felt bad for the siblings of Dcs friends but that was due to the venues policy and I let Parents know before hand. I.e when I said I had offered to pay for the Odd one or two. Its just rude I have never took DCs to a Party such as this and been made to pay at the door. Also OP even if you dont say anything on Monday if your Dd is anything like mine she will be telling Annie exactly what she thought of the Party! Grin

BlehPukeVomit · 25/08/2013 09:45

Sorry....I meant 'will have cakes for siblings and coffee for the parents'. Blush

HotCrossPun · 25/08/2013 09:57

I feel sorry for wee Annie in all of this. She got a lot of extra presents this time, but the chances are the 'yellow band' invitees won't ask her along to parties in the future.

I'm a bit like you OP, I would have went along with it for fear of upsetting the apple cart. This could be a golden opportunity to be assertive and be an example to us yellow banders everywhere Grin

TheFowlAndThePussycat · 25/08/2013 10:04

When I organised DDs 4th birthday party at a soft play it hadn't occurred to me that some people would have to bring siblings along because it was in school hours [dimwit emoticon]. When they came I paid everyone in because I didn't think it was fair that anyone should be out of pocket through coming to DDs party. Obvs I didn't have party bags for them but they got cake and the parents didn't seem to mind. Fortunately it was only 2 or 3.

I am astonished that anyone could be so utterly inhospitable, to someone they had INVITED! It is incredible that even if some bizarre mistake had occurred this woman didn't even manage to give your dd some cake. Speechless...

Lweji · 25/08/2013 10:11

If Annie is a good friend (it doesn't seem to, as your daughter was a yellow band) I would invite her to your daughter's party, then comment that in this party nobody had to pay, that all guests were equal, had party bags and cake.
"It's nice isn't it?"
and "I'd hate if some guests felt bad or left out."

I'd probably keep by her side the whole time pointing out how a proper party should be.

HotCrossPun · 25/08/2013 10:24

Lweji Annie is too young to realise the inequality at her party. To single her out and keep her by your side the whole time, pointing out how a proper party should be is a bit shitty.

It's not the little girls fault her mum is a dick.

Lweji · 25/08/2013 10:25

Sorry, not Annie, the mother. I should have been more clear.

chocoluvva · 25/08/2013 10:40
Shock
AnnieLobeseder · 25/08/2013 10:58

Sad that everyone is fighting over my party. Sorry that my mum is such a knobend.

Grin
BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 25/08/2013 11:03

I'm still shocked by this!
OP - you HAVE to say something, that behaviour is completely unacceptable! I'm glad your DD enjoyed the day anyway. I also agree that this could be a way to make friends with the other yellow band parents?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/08/2013 11:17

"...If Annie ever gets married, her wedding will end up as one of these on the terrible wedding behaviour thread..."

Raisah - I was just thinking this could be a new model for bridezillas who want a bigger wedding than they can afford! Great minds!

pigletmania · 25/08/2013 11:24

Partyzilla mum should have made 10 extra partybags at home for the other children, to treat young children like thst is rude and disgusting, karma i hope to her nit Annie

swampytiggaa · 25/08/2013 11:33

I have five children so have been to a lot of parties. I have never heard of anything like this! I have been to a couple where we all paid in to a soft play but that was usually because the proper party had been rained off and postponed and no one wanted to disappoint the children.

If i was asked to pay i would have asked to speak ti the parent at that point. Mind you i am not even slightly sensitive lol.

Good luck for Monday and please go and speak to the other yellow band mums x

Bellini28 · 25/08/2013 11:33

I read this last night and if I am honest found it a bit hard to believe.... Re read this morning and I have to wonder about the state of some people's thinking/rationale! How absolutely awful for you both...

I live in a country where the whole flipping family will turn up & have become accustomed to making the necessary provisions... If I couldn't afford it I wouldn't do it!

OP whilst I understand your shyness and embarrassment I feel you owe it to your dd and all the other yellow banded little ones in the world, to confront this cow! There are some super suggestions on here. In the end it is about what is right and wrong. She was 100% wrong and deserves to be made aware of how awful she behaved.

I would give anything to swap places with you tomorrow and happily reward her fuckery with a tasty little monologue on kids party etiquette!

But that's me.... Do think about saying something though, this was about the mistreatment of a child not a social faux pas!!!

oldgrandmama · 25/08/2013 11:35

Dear OP, the way that mother behaved was disgusting. I think you and your little daughter were remarkably restrained in your reactions, actually - well done. I don't know where you live, but if you're anywhere near me (North London), I'd love to invite you to the next party I throw for my little grandkids (will be Halloween). Great food, super games, magnificent party bags! FREE!

That mother should be ashamed of herself. Dreadful way to treat you and daughter.

SarahAndFuck · 25/08/2013 11:42

OP that is shocking.

I'm hoping probably in vain that Annie's mum turns up at school tomorrow with ten party bags and ten bits of cake for the children she has been so shockingly rude to and an apology to the parents who were forced to pay to go in.

I hate parties at soft play at the best of times. All the guests split up and do their own thing for most of the time anyway, you may as well just take the birthday child alone and throw some cake at random passing children at the end. Save yourself a fortune.

Charlottehere · 25/08/2013 11:47

I take it, dd won't be going to Annie's party again?

cardamomginger · 25/08/2013 11:52

Dreadful and awful Sad.

SauvignonBlanche · 25/08/2013 11:54

Perhaps the invites got mixed up? Hmm

AndHarry · 25/08/2013 11:59

The way Annie's mother spoke to your DD was absolutely disgusting. That would have upset me more than all the rest. What a nasty piece of work.

I wouldn't bother texting or attempting a show-down at the school gate. Unless you're confident and won't get emotional doing that sort of thing it is always going to end in a no-win situation because people like Annie's mum will always spin it around. I would, however, tell the world and his wife the full story and do the cake for the other yellow band children. Then carry on as normal.

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou · 25/08/2013 12:01

Yellow band children could have a party next year on Annie's birthday. They will have to do something to explain why they aren't allowed to go to a party they have been 'invited' to.