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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was the worst children's party EVER?

999 replies

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 24/08/2013 16:15

This may be very long as I have a habit of rambling.

DD came home from school with an invitation last week for her classmate's (let's call her Annie) 6th birthday party. So off we trotted to the soft play today at 1pm.

The lady at the desk said it would be £4.50 to get in. I was a bit embarrassed and said I hadn't realised I would need to pay. The lady explained that Annie's mum had invited 20 children but only paid for 10. And had instructed staff to let the first ten in for free (first come first served) and then charge the rest.

I asked if dd would be included in the party games/food, and the lady said that I could pay for dd to have a meal and she could eat it with the paid children and wouldn't know the difference. And that there was no charge to join in the party games.

DD was getting a bit anxious/upset, so i paid her entry fee, prepaid her dinner and took her in.

Annie's mum never mentioned a thing. She just greeted us, told me where the cafe was and sent dd off to play. And I was too embarrassed to ask about the cost.

I didn't want to leave dd, so I just sat myself down on a wee bench next to the play area. After an hour, the children were called down from the soft play to go next door into the party room for games and food.

Again, Annie's mum didn't say anything re the people who hadn't paid. She just disappeared into the room with Annie before everyone had finished gathering at the door.

The 'paid' children all went inside, showing the lady at the door their little wrist bands. My dd's band was yellow (all the paid children's were red). I asked if it was okay for me to take dd in. The woman said that dd wasn't paid for. I explained that i'd spoken to a woman at the front desk and had paid for her dinner etc. The lady at the door told me to wait a minute, went away (presumably to the front desk), came back 5 minutes later and said me and dd could go in.

The other 'paying' parents (I could only count around 4 of them) said they weren't paying anything else and were just going to stay in the soft play.

So me and dd went into the party room. The children were already half way through a game of pass the parcel. Me and dd waited at the side for it to finish.

There was one more game (musical chairs) which dd got up to join in with. But the staff member (another different lady) said that she wasn't expecting another child and that she'd have to go next door for another chair. She left the room and i felt mortified. I felt like everyone was thinking I'd just sneaked into the room or something. The lady came back, along with the staff member from outside the door. Both gave me a big smile and then invited dd to sit down.

After that game, it was party food time.

Members of staff started bringing in buffet style food for the long table at the back of the room. I had paid for dd to have some chicken nugget meal bag, as I had assumed that was what the other children were having (because the lady at the desk had said that dd wouldn't notice the difference). I felt like a right numpty. All the other children went off to line up for the buffet. I told dd to stay beside me. She started whining so I went and asked the staff member when dd's meal would be brought in. She didn't know what I was on about so I explained. She said she wasn't sure if dd's meal would be allowed to be brought into the party room and she'd go and check.

Anyway, me and dd were sat there in a wee corner for about 15 minutes. No one said anything to us. A few people looked over and smiled. Again, I felt totally mortified. I tried to catch Annie's mum's eye, but she was forever talking to people. So i just said very loudly to a whining dd that her dinner will be brought in soon, hoping someone might say something to me (or perhaps invite dd to come and get a sandwich or something) but no one did.

By the time they were all getting jelly and ice cream, dd's chicken nuggets and chips arrived. So that preoccupied her from the fact she wasn't getting ice cream.

After eating, they all went out to the soft play again for ten minutes. Then it was time to go. The other children were all leaving with party bags. I tried to distract dd but she said very loudly (Annie's mum was standing next to us), "Can i have one too?"

Annie's mum was clearly ignoring her seemed not to hear her, so dd tapped her on the arm and said, "Excuse me, can I have one, too?"

I apologised and asked dd not to be rude, and to say thank you for the invitation etc. DD was getting upset and asked me "But whyyyyyy can't I have one?"

So Annie's Mum knelt down to her and said with a big smile, "See your lovely little bangle? It's yellow. Only the boys and girls with red ones get a party bag. Buuut, do you know what children with yellow bangles get? Something even better. They get a piece of cake. Isn't that wonderful?"

I was pretty much like Shock but dd thought that it was indeed wonderful. Annie's mum promised her a bit of cake 'in a wee minute'. So again, me and dd were standing there like numpties while Annie's mum continued dishing out bags to the other children and chatting to their parents. I kept saying to dd "Let's just go and I'll buy you a treat from the cake shop', but she was adamant she wanted a piece of Annie's birthday cake.

So we found a wee table and sat there. Once everyone had gone, Annie's mum disappeared into the party room again. Ten minutes later, she came out with all of Annie's presents etc, coat on clearly ready to go home. I smiled at her in a 'did you forget about us?' kind of way. She seemed surprised to see us. Apologised and said that the cake was all boxed up now but that she'd make sure Annie brought some in on Monday to school for dd.

DD was not pleased.

So... AIBU to think this was the worst party ever? I realise I should have left much earlier than I did, but dd had spent the whole morning getting ready, making Annie's card, wrapping her gift, drawing Annie a picture, talking about the party, that she would have been heartbroken if i brought her home early.

I just feel so embarrassed.

OP posts:
MissPiggiesLeftTrotter · 25/08/2013 01:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gullygirl · 25/08/2013 02:24

The rudest thing I have ever heard!
I would call the mother out on this one.Guests do not pay,in my world.
Presumably Annie had 20 presents to open too?
The mother sounds grabby and ignorant.

CakesAreNotTheAnswer · 25/08/2013 06:37

Sparkling I missed the memo re:Wendys. Where did that come from?

Wannabestepfordwife · 25/08/2013 07:55

Op your poor dd! I'm speechless at the cuntpuffin!

I think I would have reacted like you, I would have been so shocked by the gall of the woman I would have been speechless.

Really hope your dd gets an invite to a nice inclusive party soon so she doesn't think there all like this

PivotPIVOT · 25/08/2013 08:09

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RooRooTaToot · 25/08/2013 08:10

I've been thinking more about this thread.

What would have happened if guests 10 and 11 had arrived together, or if one mum had brought two of the invitees as a car-share?

I'm inclined to think that the red-bands had been told to arrive at 12.30 and everyone else at 1pm.

rumbelina · 25/08/2013 08:11

Stunned, absolutely stunned.

SunnyIntervals · 25/08/2013 08:32

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everlong · 25/08/2013 08:45

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IceNoSlice · 25/08/2013 08:54

This was a horrible party, and a despicable way for anyone to treat a child. However, I am surprised that, considering the thread title, there have been no accounts of other dreadful parties (apart from one pp who reported false toenails in the ball pit, ewwww). Come on MNers, any more?

pigletmania · 25/08/2013 08:57

Definitely bring it up with snnies mum its an utter disgrace! She should have stated that you neefed to pay in the invites. Yes i am sure annie got 20 presentd. She may as well have grabbed the presents from you and told you to piss off!

Lweji · 25/08/2013 08:59

No, I think it's pretty unanimous this was the worst ever.
Even badly planned and accident prone parties don't usually have two tiers of guests.

I haven't been to 100s of parties, but so far DS has always enjoyed them.

RandallPinkFloyd · 25/08/2013 09:05

Blimey, I've just read this in a one-er. Your poor DD.

I wouldn't have any issue whatsoever with an invite that said something along the lines of "it's not a party as such but we will be going to the local soft play at 1pm on Saturday for Annie's birthday, please feel free to join us" or words to that effect. Parties are expensive and I can imagine it would be very difficult if your child really wanted one and you couldn't afford it. Only paying for half the kids though! That's just weird. Why not just invite the 10 you can afford to pay for?

I'd love to say I'd be sending the PA text and giving her the stink-eye on Monday but I wouldn't. I'm all talk. I'd be avoiding eye contact and fighting hot tears of rage in the corner.

I do think you should try and strike up a casual chat with the other yellow-band mums though. I reckon if you start with a breezy "Hi, I don't know anyone very well but did I see you at Annie's birthday?" you'll know pretty quickly if they feel the same as you do!

unlucky83 · 25/08/2013 09:06

Thinking about this more - I bet the minimum for a party was 10 and Annie's mum had chatted with some other mothers she knew better about it and thought it wouldn't be too different so 1) she thought everybody knew the arrangement and didn't mind and 2) the ones 'in the know' then turned up early...
And the soft play were really annoyed with Annie's mum - didn't want other parents thinking they could do that ...
Here parties like that are normally between £8-12 per child - so if OP paid £4.50 entry and for nuggets - that wouldn't be too different to paying the 'party price' - maybe that should have been given to the OP as an option - and places like that usually have lots of spare party bags etc...

Not that I think OP should have had to pay anything - but at least she would have known and OP's DD won't have been treated differently

The one I had where parents and siblings would have to pay (discounted) entry to the animal park bit - I told everyone I spoke to in advance - in fact I asked some before I even booked if they thought that would be ok - cos I thought it was a bit Hmm - so the majority of the other parents knew - but if one or two didn't and expected to go to the animal bit I would have just paid for them and not said anything...
If party bags are provided by the venue I won't have spares but make sure I have plenty of cake to give to siblings (even if they aren't there - difficult enough for v. small children if sibling goes to a party without them - worse if they come home with a party bag too!)

An aside - Scottish Bank Holidays -a bit mad Confused
Fife isn't the 1st Monday in October - just looked it up - it is the 3rd (during the half term hols). Can be a bit confusing - here sometimes the schools are open on local bank holidays but other council buildings (like libraries) aren't ...and more confusing places like banks follow the rest of the UK bank hols - so closed on what to us is a normal Monday!

ThistleVille · 25/08/2013 09:09

Blimey Ewe. I really feel for you and your daughter, how awful to be ignored and left hanging round like a spare part. Hope it doesn't put DD off accepting invites in the future.
Hope you enjoyed the chocolate cake - I loved your 'seagull' explanation!

MarshaBrady · 25/08/2013 09:10

That is terrible, your poor dd.

Fakebook · 25/08/2013 09:13

Shock. What a cow! I went to a soft play party once and my dd wasn't given a party bag or balloon, when everyone else was. I thought that was rude, but this is ajust unbelievably rude! I'd hold a proper party and show Aankie's mum how its done.

raisah · 25/08/2013 09:20

That's the worst party ever I have heard of. Just so rude, mad mannered and grabby. The woman is training up her daughter to be a grabby bitch like herself. I would be tempted to print off this thread & show her the collect horror of 500 people about her behaviour.

If Annie ever gets married, her wedding will end up as one of these on the terrible wedding behaviour thread.

EduCated · 25/08/2013 09:24

Just sat here reading this like Shock and swearing under my breath. DP walks in and asks what on earth I'm reading.

Read him the OP. He's gave a g

EduCated · 25/08/2013 09:26

*good 5 minute rant on how terrible the mother had behaved an every few minutes comes back in with another 'I just can't believe they'd do that' or 'how do you do that to a child' and just now 'I can't believe the soft ply would let her do that'.

So I you need anyone to fight your corner, I can pop
Him on a train for you Grin

In all seriousness, I've never seen him so annoyed Confused

Jollyb · 25/08/2013 09:36

At a slight tangent to the thread is it the accepted rule that the birthday parents always pay for entry when a party is held at a venue?

Just asking because nearly three year old DD is starting on the party circuit. We went to a party at a children's farm/soft play place and met outside. The birthday family strolled in ahead, bought their own tickets and so I went along and bought DDs.

Before I left my partner had asked whether I had enough cash on me for the ticket, and I had said I thought they'd pay and he said he didn't think they would.

What is the etiquette in these situations? (BTW wasn't expensive entry fee)

Jollyb · 25/08/2013 09:36

I'd like to add no coloured wristbands were involved

BlackAffronted · 25/08/2013 09:38

Jollyb, it is usual for the party people to pay for your tickets unless stated otherwise!

SPBisResisting · 25/08/2013 09:38

If it's a birthday party then the hosts should pay.
If it's a "It's X's birthday, fancy all going to the farm" then you pay for yourself.
But one is a party for the birthday child and one isn't iyswim.
Just my opinion

differentnameforthis · 25/08/2013 09:39

Jollyb

I would have expected it t be paid for by the person doing the inviting. I held a party at a farm & the cost was all inclusive (entry, food, pony rides etc). Even if it wasn't, I would have paid entry. I thought that would be a given.