Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was the worst children's party EVER?

999 replies

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 24/08/2013 16:15

This may be very long as I have a habit of rambling.

DD came home from school with an invitation last week for her classmate's (let's call her Annie) 6th birthday party. So off we trotted to the soft play today at 1pm.

The lady at the desk said it would be £4.50 to get in. I was a bit embarrassed and said I hadn't realised I would need to pay. The lady explained that Annie's mum had invited 20 children but only paid for 10. And had instructed staff to let the first ten in for free (first come first served) and then charge the rest.

I asked if dd would be included in the party games/food, and the lady said that I could pay for dd to have a meal and she could eat it with the paid children and wouldn't know the difference. And that there was no charge to join in the party games.

DD was getting a bit anxious/upset, so i paid her entry fee, prepaid her dinner and took her in.

Annie's mum never mentioned a thing. She just greeted us, told me where the cafe was and sent dd off to play. And I was too embarrassed to ask about the cost.

I didn't want to leave dd, so I just sat myself down on a wee bench next to the play area. After an hour, the children were called down from the soft play to go next door into the party room for games and food.

Again, Annie's mum didn't say anything re the people who hadn't paid. She just disappeared into the room with Annie before everyone had finished gathering at the door.

The 'paid' children all went inside, showing the lady at the door their little wrist bands. My dd's band was yellow (all the paid children's were red). I asked if it was okay for me to take dd in. The woman said that dd wasn't paid for. I explained that i'd spoken to a woman at the front desk and had paid for her dinner etc. The lady at the door told me to wait a minute, went away (presumably to the front desk), came back 5 minutes later and said me and dd could go in.

The other 'paying' parents (I could only count around 4 of them) said they weren't paying anything else and were just going to stay in the soft play.

So me and dd went into the party room. The children were already half way through a game of pass the parcel. Me and dd waited at the side for it to finish.

There was one more game (musical chairs) which dd got up to join in with. But the staff member (another different lady) said that she wasn't expecting another child and that she'd have to go next door for another chair. She left the room and i felt mortified. I felt like everyone was thinking I'd just sneaked into the room or something. The lady came back, along with the staff member from outside the door. Both gave me a big smile and then invited dd to sit down.

After that game, it was party food time.

Members of staff started bringing in buffet style food for the long table at the back of the room. I had paid for dd to have some chicken nugget meal bag, as I had assumed that was what the other children were having (because the lady at the desk had said that dd wouldn't notice the difference). I felt like a right numpty. All the other children went off to line up for the buffet. I told dd to stay beside me. She started whining so I went and asked the staff member when dd's meal would be brought in. She didn't know what I was on about so I explained. She said she wasn't sure if dd's meal would be allowed to be brought into the party room and she'd go and check.

Anyway, me and dd were sat there in a wee corner for about 15 minutes. No one said anything to us. A few people looked over and smiled. Again, I felt totally mortified. I tried to catch Annie's mum's eye, but she was forever talking to people. So i just said very loudly to a whining dd that her dinner will be brought in soon, hoping someone might say something to me (or perhaps invite dd to come and get a sandwich or something) but no one did.

By the time they were all getting jelly and ice cream, dd's chicken nuggets and chips arrived. So that preoccupied her from the fact she wasn't getting ice cream.

After eating, they all went out to the soft play again for ten minutes. Then it was time to go. The other children were all leaving with party bags. I tried to distract dd but she said very loudly (Annie's mum was standing next to us), "Can i have one too?"

Annie's mum was clearly ignoring her seemed not to hear her, so dd tapped her on the arm and said, "Excuse me, can I have one, too?"

I apologised and asked dd not to be rude, and to say thank you for the invitation etc. DD was getting upset and asked me "But whyyyyyy can't I have one?"

So Annie's Mum knelt down to her and said with a big smile, "See your lovely little bangle? It's yellow. Only the boys and girls with red ones get a party bag. Buuut, do you know what children with yellow bangles get? Something even better. They get a piece of cake. Isn't that wonderful?"

I was pretty much like Shock but dd thought that it was indeed wonderful. Annie's mum promised her a bit of cake 'in a wee minute'. So again, me and dd were standing there like numpties while Annie's mum continued dishing out bags to the other children and chatting to their parents. I kept saying to dd "Let's just go and I'll buy you a treat from the cake shop', but she was adamant she wanted a piece of Annie's birthday cake.

So we found a wee table and sat there. Once everyone had gone, Annie's mum disappeared into the party room again. Ten minutes later, she came out with all of Annie's presents etc, coat on clearly ready to go home. I smiled at her in a 'did you forget about us?' kind of way. She seemed surprised to see us. Apologised and said that the cake was all boxed up now but that she'd make sure Annie brought some in on Monday to school for dd.

DD was not pleased.

So... AIBU to think this was the worst party ever? I realise I should have left much earlier than I did, but dd had spent the whole morning getting ready, making Annie's card, wrapping her gift, drawing Annie a picture, talking about the party, that she would have been heartbroken if i brought her home early.

I just feel so embarrassed.

OP posts:
knickernicker · 24/08/2013 23:21

Did mini wetwood get a red wristband?

Wetwood656 · 24/08/2013 23:25

No wristband, not even a measly yellow

Wetwood656 · 24/08/2013 23:27

That is the soft play cost 4.50 not the party Grin

pigletmania · 24/08/2013 23:36

Bloody cut and past this link to her if you have her mobile, disgusting behaviour, your poor dd

knickernicker · 24/08/2013 23:47

Lots of parents drop and run. What would have happened to did if you'd gone?

AlpacaPicnic · 24/08/2013 23:51

Ewe, do you know what I would do to break the ice with the other yellow band mums? Take them in a piece of cake 'from mini ewe' as 'she was disappointed to have missed out on cake at Annie's party and didn't want the other children to feel left out as well'

You could ice the cake with yellow icing to make a point!

Then watch the conversation flow...

And in my experience cake = new friends except for me this weekend but that's a whole different AIBU

tootssweet · 24/08/2013 23:51

It makes me feel really sad that this woman thought it was acceptable to treat 5/6 year old children in this manner. If you can't afford it, just invite those you can or ask parents for a contribution towards half if Annie so desperately wants all 20 friends there. She sounds the type that would have the brass neck to do that!

Also the soft play place ought to be ashamed (or named & shamed!) for allowing this situation to happen. I would hate to think a venue I had booked for my dc's would treat their guests in such an unprofessional & appalling manner. It's seriously awful customer service by them. I wouldn't want to book a party there!

GrandstandingBlueTit · 24/08/2013 23:51

To reiterate, definitely don't text the Mum. Am loving 'tighter than two coats of paint'. Grin That is her to a tee. Is she not embarrassed? Clearly not.

What I would do though, is call up the soft play place and find out why they do/allow this?

I mean, it's partly their fault for telling you to pay for your DD's meal, saying she'd get the same as everyone else, and then that clearly not being the case. Perhaps they're unwittingly colluding in Tight Mum's bizarreness without actually being aware, but either way, they really should be enlightened as to how badly they're managing what is supposed to be a fun and enjoyable experience.

The fault lies with them as well.

And at least calling them up will allow you a bit of a vent and some recompense.

GrandstandingBlueTit · 24/08/2013 23:53

X-post with tootssweet. Wink

BiscuitDunker · 24/08/2013 23:55

Just finished reading this whole thread,I even read the OP to DH and we both feel horrendous on your behalf and really wants to send you and your dd a massive cake! Our dd has ASD and the thought of something like this happening to her really upsets us so god only knows how you must be feeling as it has actually happened to you!

You managed to put a smile on our faces though when we saw that you had made a chocolate cake with your dd to make up for the one she didn't (and more than likely won't) get from Annies mum :)

The fact this mum only intended on paying for the first 10kids and not any others despite inviting 20 kids is bad enough but the fact she then told your dd she would get a bit of cake but didn't actually bother to give her a slice is just despicable behaviour! Especially given your dds hfa,not to mention the fact she's only 5/6 years old!! Who the hell does that to such a young little child,let alone one who you know has HFA!?!

So upset and angry for your dd and you OP...I personally would of said something to annies mum at the time but I understand your shyness and it probably wouldn't of been wise to do it infront of your dd anyway. But I do think you need to say something to this mother on monday morning-regardless of whether she turns up with cake or not,or at the very least talk about it to the other yellow band mums in the hope it becomes public knowledge at the school gates!

Annies mum should be ashamed of herself and if she isn't right now then she soon would be when its all the school run mums are talking about and they're all giving her dirty looks!

internationallove985 · 24/08/2013 23:55

I'm also thinking along the lines as well of imagine if you'd have gone there without a penny. Jesus Annie's mum is beyond insensitive. xxx

saulaboutme · 25/08/2013 00:01

You really should have said something at the beginning but that's passed now.

It's appalling the mum arranged the party like that, it's excruciating to read your post.

Please update and let us know that you have expressed to how crap her party, treatment of your dd and her behavior was.

musicismylife · 25/08/2013 00:04

Imagine if you hadn't have brought your purse Shock

I have a feeling that 'Annie's' mum had already chosen who the red wrist band wearers would be WAY before the party

How awful to segregate kids like that.

It sounds like 'Annie's' mum was a candle short of a birthday cake.

Yonihadtoask · 25/08/2013 00:05

Wow.
Definitely the worst children's party ever.

GrandstandingBlueTit · 25/08/2013 00:09

At the end of the day, Annie's Mum is unbelievably tight AND socially inept to an embarrassing degree.

And yet she has somehow managed to spin this in such a way that she comes off in the right and the yellow-band lot are out in the cold.

She should be in politics.

Strip it down though, and you're left with a socially clueless, tight-arse. Which, in anyone normal's book, are two of the worst things to be.

You've got to feel a bit sorry for the poor old thing, really. And for Annie, who's going to be tarnished by association before too long. Her lack of self-awareness is astonishing.

WednesdayNext · 25/08/2013 00:15

Bloody hell :( I've not heard of a worse kid's party.

I'd have had to set fire to her face. I think you're very restrained.

I love the iced yellow cake idea though!!

TinyDiamond · 25/08/2013 00:18

flabbergasted. I think Annie's Mum was conducting a social experiment

Misspixietrix · 25/08/2013 00:22

Shock poor you and dd! :( I had a soft play party for the DCs this year (Joint as both birthdays in the same week). Sounds to me like said Mum was being a tight arse to be honest and the reason I say that is I Only hadto pay the deposit to prebook. Then you pay for the first 10children and after that you are Invoiced the remainder of the Bill. Saves having paid for another 10kids if Only 8 turn up. Cant believe how embarrassing she was towards your Dd!

knickernicker · 25/08/2013 00:37

As I said, at a his age many/most parents leave. Does this mean red wrist band parents got to leave but yellows had to stay because kids weren't officially at the party? If you'd buzzed off would your dd been in the party or classed as abandoned by you? If you had gone and returned to find a distressed child you would have been within your rights to tear the women to shreds and soft play would have some questions to answer. I think you must let this awful Oman know what a terrible position you were put in.

Redlocks30 · 25/08/2013 00:39

Bloody hell-what a bitch!

Do you have her mobile number? I really would have to text and say something.

Did the other mums (who didn't get a dinner!) not say anything to you though? Something along the lines of, 'can you believe this cowbag has invited our DC but only paid for 10 of them!??' ?

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 25/08/2013 00:41

I have never heard anything so dreadful! If you can only afford 1o kids, then only invite 10!!

jessieagain · 25/08/2013 00:41

:(

What a horrible party.

I feel sad for the other excluded children as well.

I think you did the right thing to pay and to try and have your dd included, so sad that she still felt excluded though. :( Also good idea to stop your dd thinking about getting the cake on Monday, as I doubt there would be any cake anyway :( Cake

I personally wouldn't text Annie's mum as she sounds like she has no shame to do this and wouldn't care. Also it sounds like you are quite sensitive and you wouldn't want any fallout to come from this.

Perhaps say something to her in person about how upset your dd was.

In the future just make up a reason/event that means your dd can't attend any of Annie's parties. I would also discourage your dd from inviting Annie to her own parties. Sad for Annie but I think it would be in the best interests of your dd.

Misspixietrix · 25/08/2013 01:02

JessieAgain or OP Could get her own back next year with her own yellow bands! Grin I think some people get off on making people fucking miserable. Like a PP said if you Could Only afford 10 then Only invite 10. Iffelt guilty at DCs as health and safety rules only allowed a maximum capacity of 20. I paid for any siblings that made the guests number up and Although I did offer there was Only 1 or 2 siblings that had to pay. They werent originally invited but I didnt want DCs to go through school life hated. They actually made a mistake in Only cutting the other cake up so the one they didnt got reboxed and distributed out to classmates that Monday. She does sound very Cliquey OP I'd stay well away after you had slapped her one for royally embarassing dd after you have had a quite Word ~

DanicaJones · 25/08/2013 01:12

I think Annie's mum must be the most unreasonable person I have ever read about in AIBU. Was Annie's dad there? (Daddy Warbucks?)

DanicaJones · 25/08/2013 01:20

I like your user name OP. Smile Do you know the mum from school at all? She sounds so awful that I wondered if you had been aware of her before?